A Different Kind of Infidelity: Cyber Cheating (Part 1 of 2)

Sometimes I find myself wondering about this prolonged status as a single woman, wondering if the level of scrutiny and skepticism placed upon men I have encountered has been a little too much.

While chatting with a long-time friend about this, I was reminded of all of the ridiculous experiences from my past, particularly the level of patience exhibited when dealing with one of my ex-boyfriends.

In what seemed like the longest relationship of my life (lasted just 8 months), I had endured everything from bipolar mood swings, emotional boxing matches, compulsive lying and manipulation, struggling with a smaller than average penis, and cyber cheating. It was that last one that sealed his fate.

To this day that ex never understood why I was so upset and disgusted with him.  He felt like his online shenanigans were harmless, but to me it was still cheating.

Have you ever dealt with someone who was using the Internet and social media to “step out” on your relationship?

Head on over to Digital Romance to check out my guest post on this emerging trend of infidelity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

The Death of Dating

He didn’t have any standards,  so she kept lowering hers.

She stopped caring about making a good first impression, so he stopped taking a last look in the mirror before walking out the door.

She stopped requiring a phone call, and agreed to dares through a string of text messages .

We’re all guilty of ruining the dating scene- both men and women.

Interested in reading more about how we’ve gone from searching for the “right one” to someone “cool to hang with”, click here  to check out my guest post for Digital Romance.

Digital Romance is one of the best online resources for dating news and advice.

Carmen Jones

The Ghost of F@ck Boys Past

They say when you close one door, another one opens.

But isn’t that new door supposed to come with something new, different or better than the last?

Any leftover energy is released and I’m increasing my chances of meeting and dating a really great man. This is how it should work.

So if I absolutely decimated the relationship with one man because it was no longer healthy for me, the next man that makes contact with me should be the REAL thing, right?

In what I thought was the most pristine way possible,  I told Papi to disappear.

Forever.

I’m still processing everything and the scathing response that followed,  but I did.  Which leads me to my question above,  because in my mind, letting go of that confusing situation would make me 100% available.

No lose ends, no chance of a comeback.

So today,  just a week later I’m getting a message by the only other man I had allowed the back and forth shenanigans from.

Good on Paper.

We have lots and lots of history starting here and here.

This isn’t my idea of “better” after closing that first door.

I don’t need a replacement fuck buddy for Papi, so why must the sex gods be so cruel to me??

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Respond, Ignore or Block?

You’re single and ready to mingle and haven’t had much luck meeting people the “regular” way, so off you go to the online dating site recommended by several friends.

The account is opened, you post your best photos and have a cleverly crafted “About Me” and now you wait for the messages.

What these well meaning friends failed to tell you is that not ALL messages warrant a response.

You can read my full post by heading over to Digital Romance.

Oh and in case you didn’t know, I’m a regular contributor to Digital Romance- one of the hottest digital sources for everything about dating and relationships.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Who Wants to Date a Jerk?

​I tried it, but Felonious Monk isn’t going to make the cut because he’s a jerk.

After our initial conversation, Felonious was really excited to meet me so he planned on us getting together for a jazz
brunch at one of my favorite local spots.  I liked the excitement he was showing but after several phone calls, I was convinced there wasn’t open mindedness in the world for me to deal with this dude.

In spite of him being able to appeal to my funny bone and carrying on a decent conversation, he still seemed a little too rough around the edges, too materialistic, too full of himself.  This was in addition to his past, so initially I’d given him the old “it’s me, not you” shutdown but he wasn’t accepting that.

Felonious put on the full court press telling me that in spite of his background, he was a solid guy with a vision and had a plan.  In fact, he went so far as to say how I may even regret not meeting him basically offering a guarantee that I would definitely like him once we met in person.  I can’t explain why I even entertained this notion, so don’t
even ask.

The meet up was set for Starbucks, 10am so I arrive at 9:30am to have the advantage of seeing who’s coming my way before they see me.  I’m sitting in the car dabbing on a little lipstick and suddenly here comes a convertible mustang with the music blaring flying through the parking lot and I just laughed thinking someone needs attention.

It’s 9:40 and while strolling through the lot noticed convertible dude was no longer in his car, but when I looked ahead saw the same guy sitting at one of the tables out front.  As soon as I made the connection I mumbled “oh shit” and here’s how the meeting went using a Q&A style transcript:

Question: Where is the best meeting place if you don’t drink coffee or tea?

Answer:  Starbucks coffee shop.  It’s a nice ice-breaker to tell someone you have no idea what to order because you don’t drink that shit and don’t look at menus ahead of time.

Question:  A man sitting at a table should do what when a woman approaches?

Answer:  Stay seated, look over your sunglasses while licking your lips and say “Damn you fine” then wait for her to finally sit down.

Question:  If you want to let a woman know how interested you are in her, what should you talk about?

Answer: Yourself.

Talk about how women say you look better in person, then talk about your expensive designer cologne and ask if she likes, then talk about how you put on a brand new pair of socks every day.  Then talk about yourself some more, throw out the name of your glasses and point out your name brand watch and don’t forget to remind her you’re the best thing since sliced bread.

Question: What’s a good example of budgeting you can share with your date?

Answer:  Tell her about that convertible Mustang explaining you have Nevada plates because that isn’t your car.  In fact, you tell her you don’t even own a car because it’s a total waste of money especially when you’re off running your carrier business.  It’s California, who needs a car.

Question:  If a man wants to sound impressive, what should he do?

Answer:  Embellish or flat out lie.  When she asks you to explain what kind of transportation business you own, respond by asking her if she’s heard of Uber then tell her your business is similar to that.  When she looks at you like she’s confused tell her you’re a carrier and your business is similar to Uber with how jobs are dispatched.

Then when she attempts to clarify the bullshit you’re trying to sell her, act like you’re offended when she asks if you meant to say you’re a courier and justify why operating off of an app to make deliveries really makes you a business owner.

Question:  What things do you tell her to show how generous of a person you are?

Answer: Tell her you don’t believe in discrimination.  Let her know your last baby mama was a Latina, the second to the last was Dominican and please– don’t forget to tell her how you took one for the team since your first child’s mom was black.

Question: What’s the best way to really seal the deal of a first time meeting?

Answer:  Insult her. Repeatedly.  Tell her she’s sexy as fuck but remind her she doesn’t have any ass and you’re an ass man.

Then tell her the side of her right foot is a little ashy, but brush it off as a joke while telling her you would love to suck each toe to smooth things out.  Don’t forget to add she’s talking like a white girl and needs to stop acting so bougie but then add, you really like classy women and ask her again if she wants to attend the jazz brunch with you.

This is real life.  No dramatizations, but real life.

After about 15 minutes, I abruptly stood up saying I was late for my appointment and commented it had been an
enlightening experience and do you know this egotistical clown murmured something about us having a great connection?

Ummm that’s a no and I thought to myself everything about you is a no and it isn’t because of your felonious past, but it’s because you’re an asshole.

Why God, why???

Is this because I cheated on my then-boyfriend in ’96?  Is this karma from having dumped my kid’s father during college because I wanted to turn up a bit?  Is this punishment because I lost my virginity in my parent’s bathroom to Derrick Miller?

This can’t be my life.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Reappearing Act Gone Wrong

It’s amazing how men think they can just disappear and pop back into your life like it’s nothing.  But this hangover thought wrong and caught me on the sober end of taco Tuesday.

Grab your headphones and get ready to LISTEN to a raw and UNEDITED explanation of why I sent that venomous text in my last post.

This is my first time trying a podcast style post, so don’t judge me.

I was pissed.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9Z8h58LxeVOWXFfSmRHWTNkazg/view?usp=drivesdk

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Dating Someone Who’s Been to Prison

Where do you draw a line in the sand that separates judgment from an inability to relate? It seems as if a lot of the men trying to date are in situations that make it hard for a woman to want to deal with them.

Before I explain further,  you can obviously  tell that not much is cooking in terms of prospects.  I may chat with the men I’m meeting online and even the ones I’ve encountered in person, but nothing sticks.  So my dating experiences haven’t gone beyond a few meet ups that have gone nowhere or I’ve just been dealing with the old faithful bench players holding it down in the friend zone.

If you know anyone who’s tried online dating and is still single, they surely have told you about the cycle.  We go away, but we come back and a couple of weeks ago, I reactivated my profile for like the fourth time this year.

Sadly, the same old song is playing.

The men I’m interested in are either cocky as hell, unavailable to date, far away (Nova Scotia is a stretch), or just not into me.

So by design, the men I am not interested in are sticking to me like flies on shit.  They are either unattractive, perverted, too thuggish or for a lack of better words- are true struggle bunnies.

Let’s take the gentleman I exchanged numbers with a few days ago who I’ll call Felonious Monk.

He’s decent looking guy (says his photos), owns a transportation business, is literate, has a great sense of humor, and the biggest score is his intellect.  He mentioned a few times how he had grown weary of the types of women he was involved with former the past, and was now looking for that “sexy, smart, corporate chick with a bit of an edge”.

That’s me, that’s me, that IS me!!!

Now while he isn’t college educated, he’s obviously spent a lot of time reading and taking in knowledge to converse about a lot of things.  I could tell he had a few rough edges, but nothing too bad was revealed from our first conversation so this one sounds decent, right?

Um, yeah.  Let’s get to that follow up call which starts out talking about living situations, kids and our backgrounds.

I’m not judging BUT 46 years old and roommate just doesn’t sound right.  He explained he was helping out a friend and not even charging him rent, so it was more of a “staying with” vs a true roommate.  Okay, whatever.  

These living situations have pretty much become the norm in California so my nose twitched a bit, but that little nagging bitch in the back of my head meowing forced me to allow what is normally a turn off and deal breaker.

The “who lives with you” talk naturally went to children and again, not judging because once again, a man with multiple children is the norm after 30, so I barely batted an eye when he said he had three.

But how many mothers?  Three.  And so it begins but gets worse.

This revelation would have had the average woman wrapping up the conversation, but I allowed the conversation to continue and then he makes a comment about people getting second chances at life.

Lord help me, I wasn’t ready.

Listening to him talk about himself and his upbringing was like turning the pages in a book on urban history;  like some “Losing Isiah” meets “Boyz N The Hood” type shit which involved a single parent household with a father nowhere to be found.  A mother strung out on crack cocaine not paying attention to what her kids were doing which led to him dropping out of school, joining a Los Angeles street gang where he hustled and sold the same drugs his mother was fiending for, and eventually – he became a career criminal.

The longest stint in prison? 7 years hence the name.

What’s so crazy is hearing how easy it was for him to get women;  the types who were attracted to that thug life which offered nothing but drama and for him – resulting in his three baby mamas.  So it’s no wonder he’s talking about wanting a different type of person who’s pretty much a square but how does that work?

I tried not to be judgmental and in spite of his checkered past, I could tell from his conversation he wasn’t a dumb man.  In fact, Felonious Monk came across as a highly intelligent, fairly articulate and driven man who claims he learned his life lessons and just wanted to live a normal life with a woman by his side.  But still…. that past is something that can’t be ignored.  Or can it?

You’ll often hear (black) women complain that there aren’t enough available men, however this isn’t entirely accurate.  They ARE out there.  It’s just a matter of how much you’re willing and able to deal with and sometimes I ask myself if I should have stayed with the bipolar, manic depressive, porn addicted, serial masturbator, emotionally manipulating, microscopic penis having ex-boyfriend instead of dealing with the dating scene.

I think it’s an inability to relate or accept those things were in the past, so I pretty much shut him down last night.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Could this be the LONGEST one EVER?

There are always two extremes online: the master of minimalism type dude who is lazy or unimaginative and writes “Just ask”.  Then there’s this type that treats his dating profile like an autobiographical novel.

He lost me as soon as I saw all of THE CAPS and my scroll bar disappear.  Can someone read all of this shit and let me know if he’s a solid catch or something ? 

IM ______, AN INVENTOR FROM _______ NOW LIVING IN _______/_, CA. I’M A VERY ARTISTIC, OLD FASHIONED TYPE GUY WHO’S ALSO THE INVENTOR OF THE… (insert a whole paragraph HERE)

I LIVE BY STRICT RULES AND MORALS. I’M A VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD, COMPASSIONATE, LOVING AND MOODY GUY. CATCH ME ON A GOOD DAY YOU’LL GET AN ANGEL, ON BAD DAYS…YOU’LL GET A HELL RAISER. I’M JUST BEING REAL..LOL

I DON’T BELIEVE IN TRYING TO SELL MYSELF TO A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS ON A DATING SITE. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT EVERYBODY, THERE,S A SELECT FEW ON HERE WHO KNOWS WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT…ANYWAY, BACK TO MY LIKES AND DISLIKES. I LOVE MUSIC, SPORTS AND ART. THE OLD SCHOOL MUSIC IS MY FAVORITE.

LADIES STOP ASSUMING THAT THE ATTRACTIVE GUYS ARE ALL PLAYAS. AND THE GUYS HAVE TO STOP ASSUMING THE HOT CHIX ARE LOOSE BOOTIES WITH A TON OF MEN. I JUDGE A PERSON BY THE WAY THEY DRESS. IF A WOMAN DRESSES LIKE A SLUT, SHOWING TOO MUCH SKIN IN HER PROFILE, SHE’S EITHER INSECURE (WANTING ATTENTION) OR SHE’S FAST. ALL OF MY PIX ARE DECENT, I’M NOT TRYING TO SELL SEX.

IN TRUTH THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE ARE THE LONELIEST. THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE CAN GET LAID A LITTLE EASIER THAN THE REST BUT THEY ARE USUALLY ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS..LOL IN THE HEIGHT OF MY PLAYA DAYS WHILE IN MY 20’S I ONLY SPENT CHRISTMAS WITH A FEMALE ONCE! BUT ALL YEAR ROUND I HAD A BLAST….GO FIGURE. PLAYAS ARE NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY, THEY’RE CONSIDERED “PRETENDERS NOT CONTENDERS” THAT’S WHY THEY’RE ALWAYS ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS WONDERING WHY NOBODY WANTS THEM. LADIES, IF YOU WANT MORE SUCCESS MEETING SERIOUS GUYS, CHANGE THAT “LONG TERM” TO “DATING, OR HANGING OUT” ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS STARTS FROM TRUE FRIENDSHIP FIRST.

I KNOW SOME OF THE THINGS I WROTE IN THIS PROFILE MAY TURN SOME FEMALES OFF. BUT I’M NOT A MR. ROGERS TYPE GUY. I’M A TOTALLY HONEST REAL GUY. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER WHAT A PERSON WRITE IN THEIR PROFILE, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO CHEMISTRY IN PERSON. EVERYBODY ON HERE BASE THEIR INTEREST ON LOOKS FIRST, PROFILE SECOND, IF THEY HAVE CHEMISTRY IN PERSON IT’S ON! THAT’S WHY I PUT MORE EMPHASIS ON DISPLAYING ATTRACTIVE PIX. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FEMALES RESPONDED BACK TO ME WITH “I’M SORRY I’M NOT FEELING A CONNECTION” HOW DO YOU FEEL A CONNECTION BY READING A PROFILE? LOL WHAT THEY’RE REALLY SAYING IS “I DON’T DATE BLACKS OR I JUST DON’T LIKE YOUR LOOK”(BLACK) I CONSIDER MYSELF AN INTELLIGENT GUY WITH A GREAT PERSONALITY AND SENSE OF HUMOR. MY POINT IS…LOOKS, MATTER TO EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE INITIALLY. I ASKED EVERY FEMALE WHO I’VE MET OR CONVERSATED WITH WHY THEY RESPONDED TO ME, THEY ALL SAID “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD LOOKING AND FUNNY” NOT ONE SAID “OH, I WANTED TO MEET YOU BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU TYPE OR BECAUSE OF YOUR BRAIN OR PERSONALITY…LOL

ONE THING I CAN’T STAND ARE THE FEMALES WHO ASK “ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ONLY SEX?” MY RESPONSE TO THAT IS “IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BRAIN WITH ZERO CONVERSATION, WHAT ELSE IS THEIR TO DO OTHER THAN HAVE SEX?” EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE WANTS TO GET LAID, EVEN ANIMALS WANNA GET LAID…LOL IF YOU DON’T WANT SEX PLEASE RAISE YOUR HANDS.

I’M SURE YOU LADIES MET PLENTY OF GUYS WHO WERE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY BUT WERE DUMB AS HELL. MALES AND FEMALES WANT THE SAME THING, A PERSON WHO’S INTERESTED IN YOU MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

ANOTHER THING I CAN’T STAND IS A WOMAN WHO SAYS “I NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND” REALLY? LET’S EXPLORE THIS SHALL WE… IF YOU NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND THAT MEANS ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WERE SUCCESSFUL..MEANING YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE. THE “ONE NIGHT STAND” GET SUCH A BAD RAP, THE “ONE NIGHT STAND” IS ACTUALLY GOOD IF YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE AND GOOD JUDGEMENT. IF YOU MET A NICE GUY, DECIDED TO HAVE SEX THE FIRST NIGHT, AND WHILE HAVING SEX YOU NOTICE HIS WEENIE WAS TERRIBLY SMALL, WOULD YOU CONTINUE DATING THIS GUY? MY GUESS IS “HELL NO!”

THE MEN OF COURSE HAD MANY BAD EXPERIENCES WITH FEMALES WHO WE THOUGHT WERE THE ONE, BUT LATER FOUND OUT SHE WAS TERRIBLE IN BED OR GOD FORBID, HAD A TERRIBLE FOUL ODOR, OF COURSE WE WOULDN’T CALL HER BACK FOR A SECOND DATE.

ALSO IT’S IRRITATING WHEN I TRY TO ASK A WOMAN CERTAIN QUESTIONS PERTAINING TO SEX AND ROMANCE IN OUR FIRST CONVERSATION AND SHE REPSONDS WITH “I DON’T TALK ABOUT SEX ON OUR FIRST DATE” REALLY? WHY WAIT DAYS AND WEEKS TO FIND OUT IF A PERSON YOU’RE ATRACTED TO LIKES TO KISS OR NOT? IT’S BEST TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS EARLY SO YOU’RE NOT SURPRISED BY SOME WEIRD ADMISSION LATER LIKE “I DON’T FRENCH KISS, I ONLY HAVE MISSIONARY SEX, I HATE ORAL SEX” ETC.

YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED, IF YOU REMEMBER A LOT OF WHAT YOUR DATE SAID WHILE OUT WITH THEM, YOU DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN THAT PERSON. I WAS OUT ON AN 8 HOUR DATE WITH THIS TALKATIVE HOTTIE, I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN’T REMEMBER MUCH OF WHAT SHE SAID. I THOUGHT I WAS INTO HER. 

BUT I HAD A HARD TIME RETAINING HER INFORMATION. BUT WITH OTHER FEMALES I COULD REMEMBER ALMOST EVERYTHING THEY SAID. JUST TODAY A WOMAN CALLED ME, WELL I THOUGHT SHE WAS CALLING ME, THE BIMBO HAD THE NERVE TO SAY “HEY, IS THIS JAMES?) I SAID “WHO IN THE HELL IS JAMES?) I IMMEDIATELY DELETED HER ASS. CALLING ME BY SOMEBODY ELSE’S NAME IS A DEFINITE NO! NO! BOTTOM LINE…RETAINING INFO=INTERESTED… NOT RETAINING INFO LIKE NAMES=NOT INTERESTED!

PEOPLE ARE SO FUNNY TO ME…I LIKE TO SIT OUT SOMEWHERE AND JUST WATCH PEOPLE IN ACTION, THAT’S THE FUNNIEST sh*tIN THE WORLD.

This dude wonders why women aren’t receptive to his profile or his messages, when he’s got 10,000 reasons right here.

I just can’t.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

The Lies Women Tell

A few weeks ago was my 5 year singleversary.  It’s been THAT long since my last relationship means one of two things: I’m just holding out for the right man OR there’s something really wrong with me.

I’d rather go with that first possibility.

Yet sometimes I wonder if my status is by design for a little while longer, because I sure as hell can’t see myself settling like so many others.

It’s just so hard dating nowadays  and when it comes to the competition and lack of available men, I think of ways to make myself stand out more from the crowd.

So when it comes to the dating buffet known as online dating, some of us women try getting creative with our profiles. You know, dressing them up a bit and for some, lying our asses off just to attract the type of man we’re after.

Luckily, I’ve still got a few ounces of dignity and ethics left and have yet to be dishonest with my photos or anything on my dating profile.  But other women?

Not so much.

To read about some of the most common things women are lying about on their profiles, check out my guest post on Digital Romance– one of the best resources for some of the best advice for dating and relationships.

https://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/dating-profiles-4-lies-women-tell/

And just like that…

My swirly stint with Jon B is over!

It became too confusing trying to decipher his mixed signals when he’s doing one thing but continuously tells me that he wants to “take things slow”

What the hell does that mean?!?!

Not once did I press him with one of those “what’s next” or “what are you looking for” conversations, not once.  While he’s repeating his mantra of wanting to take it slow, he should have just said he’s not interested in the seriously dating (or dating me) because I was getting a little confused.

Wanting to see me more than one day in a week, especially taking up my weekends isn’t necessary if you want to take it slow so again, how does that work?

It’s too soon to be having these kinds of conversations more than once.

The first time I asked him what was up with his delayed respond to text messages, he offered up some talk about business being crazy or some remodeling stress and the second time I mentioned it he told me he didn’t have to talk every day.

Which part did you want to take slow?

So when I told him I wasn’t really sure what he was trying to do here and that I figured he was trying to be my replacement fuck buddy, he would tell me again how he wanted to “take things slow”.

Did he want to take it slow when he was whispering naughty words in my ear while kissing me up and down my neck? Or maybe he wanted to take it slow when he had that sudden urge to follow me to the ladies bathroom, doing a body search to see if I was wearing any panties?

Could he have wanted to slow things down after our little bedroom tryst before that movie date?  Oh wait, I got it – he really needed to take things slow after that missing condom scare.

I am not a toy he can play with when bored, lonely or horny.

Here’s the bottom line:  I made the mistake of thinking I was dating someone, when he was just “hanging out” when he needed something to do.  His actions made this all perfectly clear because nearly every time we would get together, it would be on his terms and timeframe.  

In addition to all of this, not once did he ask me any of those questions that a man would normally wonder about if they were interested; he never asked if I was dating or seeing anyone else and never asked if I was sexually active with anyone. 

He never asked because it never mattered.

So after our last conversation this past Thursday night, I realized he was really beginning to act like a fuck boy, and then I started playing games. 

His texts were being ignored, I took my sweet time returning his calls and once he left a message saying “Hey stranger, give me a call back”, I was satisfied that he’d been given a taste of his own medicine.  Finally, I responded to him by text with a “Have a great weekend” and he replies “You do the same Carmen”, (deliberate use
of my name means fuck you) so I realized this gig was up.

I’m after that mutual attraction and connection.

If I meet someone and the feeling is mutual that we’re interested and wanting to know each other beyond a few outings, we will WANT to communicate and as often as we’re able.

I know this kind of man exists because I’ve had them before and since I’m really not trying to recruit a replacement for Papi (though there’s likely no such thing), why settle for being the woman that is just a time filler?

I tried it.

It was fun while it lasted and now this is yet another item I can check off on my bucket list, even though he is a watered down version of the swirling experience.  At least I can say I was open to an interracial experience and maybe willing to try it again because at the end of the day, the actions and intentions of the man make the difference.  

Not the ethnicity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones 

Program Change 

While contemplating my next move with Jon B, I’m realizing that aside from him being cute and seemingly good on paper, we really don’t have that much in common or at least nothing else that I can tell because he doesn’t talk about much.  

Sure, we both enjoy eating and indulging in cocktails, but other than that I only know that he’s hustling to expand his business, takes a lot of naps and feels slighted that his daughter isn’t too interested in his Skyping calls. That’s it – just the surface and superficial stuff.

So as I’m telling a friend about his latest radio silent act like, she silence me the most perfect suggestion:

“You need to take him off the boyfriend program and put him on the fuck boy program.  Treat him like he’s here to pass the time.”

This dude will consume several days in a row if I allowed him to and as much as I’m enjoying his company, everything seems to be on his terms and timeline which isn’t cool and another friend says I need to stop making myself so available.  

But isn’t that kind of like playing games?  If you are available and have nothing else to do, you should say no every once in a while so the other person thinks you’ve got other things going on?

Here’s what I don’t like: he responds to text messages and phone calls when he’s good and damn ready and if I’m trying to plan something in advance, he doesn’t get back until the last minute with a counteroffer. 

I don’t like being ignored because actions like this remind me of one or two hangovers from my past.  Seeing as how the average person is staring at their phone countless hours a day, it’s inconceivable that ten seconds can’t be taken to tap out a reply.  

I know this for a fact because I just did the same thing to another guy.  

He texted me at 10:29am and I saw my phone light up within a few minutes and could have replied with a simple “Hey, good
morning…Already working but we’ll chat later”, but I didn’t want to.  He’s nice and but I’m not feeling him at and figured responding too quickly would give him false hopes, so I would just respond later.  I didn’t respond until this afternoon.

See how this shit works?

Dealing with another one of those super busy and forgetful guys isn’t an appealing option, and neither is the possibility that he’s curving me so I asked him again if he wanted to become a fuck buddy and he’s saying no.  

His actions are telling me otherwise so I’ll give him a week or so, if that.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

 

Down with the Swirl- Part 2

So it’s been a few weeks of this swirling dating adventure with Jon B and I have a few observations to report.

No, not THE actual  R&B crooner hottie himself but as much as the new guy hates being told, that’s exactly who he favors.

😍😍😍😍😍

The Look a Like and I met on a Wednesday, went out that Friday, Saturday AND again that Sunday.  Repeat the following week and again.  What does this mean? Hell, I don’t know. We’re either mildly interested in each other OR we’re just looking for time fillers.

I haven’t been able to get a solid reading on the Look a Like, but I’m guessing he may be nothing more than another fuck boy.  He doesn’t ask any questions about my dating habits, so I’m not going there either.

Okay, now my observations in no particular order, and absence of any real logic:

1.  I’m happy to be stepping outside of my norm and comfort zone.

2.  Guys with an eclectic and artsy flair are so damn hot, especially if they are musicians.

3.  I’m elated and surprised to have met a non-black man who can make my panties moist just by kissing me on my neck.

4.  Most men are the same, regardless of race.

5.  Music is everything and sharing a common interest and passion is amazing.

6.  Most men are the same, regardless of race and do the same stupid shit.

7.  I’ve felt awkward on more than one  occasion when receiving the “look” from black men and women while out with my new friend.

8.  He is very comfortable dating black women, I’m the one feeling like a traitor.

9.  All men have a certain amount of communication blockage, regardless of race.

10.  Not every non-black man has a pink tip.

11.  I still feel strongly about pets in or near beds.

12. A man with his life together is everything!!!!!!!!

This story is still developing and can have a different update next week, or you’ll see me posting this:

20160927_211210

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Types of Men to Avoid When Dating 

Years ago when people actually read email forwards, I remember one that had been circulated quite a few times.  It was called the 12 types of men and while it was really targeted a more”urban” audience with its references to thugs and baby daddies, but still had a few on there that everyone could relate to.

Having become a seasoned dater, I can honestly say that I’ve probably dated every type of man there is – both  good and bad.  

While it’s true there’s no such thing as perfection with anyone,  there are definitely certain types that can drive you bat shit crazy or close to it.

You’ve read about many of them here from Special Agent, to Good on Paper and if course there are the nondescript types like Papi. 

For more on the types of men women should avoid, head on over to Digital Romance and check out the full article!

https://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/5-types-of-men-avoid-like-plague/

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones 

Down with the Swirl

Everything about this latest situation is different. 

I woke up this morning to both dogs at the foot of the bed; Thelma on his side and Louise on my side.  Every now and then, feeling each one turning around head as if to make sure we’re in our spot.

After snapping the photo of our guardians, I turned over to study the intricate design of his tatted back.  I love the way his olive skin tone allows each detail to pop.

Oh yes, I said olive.

I said this was different; it’s my first time swirling while dating and I like it.

We all know I’ve had plenty of success stories and this blog tells you how those all ended.

No expectations here, but can I at least hope for no more disappointments?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones