Relationship 101,  Uncategorized

Can You Date Someone You’re Not Attracted To?

 

I arrived early so I could watch him walking up, checking out his height and stature.  Made polite small talk as we waited in line, checking him out from different angles and lighting since the frontal view didn’t quite do it.  I cocked my head to the side several times as he spoke like someone trying to find a hidden image in a painting, still trying to find it.  I couldn’t, not one thing.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder.  Looks aren’t everything.  It’s about what is inside that counts.  Personality is more important.  Don’t judge a book by its cover.  Sound familiar? 

These are a few of those most overused excuses on why outward appearances should not prevent you from getting involved with a person.  So as I recall the great time I had Friday evening with a really nice guy but make up my mind that we will never be more than friends, I ask myself – can I date someone who I’m not physically attracted to? 

No.

I know, I sound shallow but I can’t date someone who isn’t appealing to me, especially if I’m meeting them for the first time.  And these hideous online dating profile pictures I’ve come across?  Forget it!

Everyone has a particular style, preference and look that normally draws them in allowing for that instant attraction while others (and I admire you, I really do), could care less what a person’s physical attributes offer or take away.  I can’t do it.  Sometimes I see couples together (dating and married) and think to myself “they’re made for each other” and other times I might look at one half of the couple and wonder “what the hell did he see in her?” or “he must really good in bed”.  It brings to mind a few of the celebrity couples who seem to have set aside the physical:

 

                                                                           

Looking at people who are refreshing and appealing is what attracts me; a man’s face and any other physical attributes are the first things I’m focused on, especially during a first impression – not his winning personality or good heart.  A nice looking man is inviting and makes me want to engage in conversation, but obviously, I accept the fact that there are those who strongly feel that physical attraction is a set up for failure.  

For instance, I came across a forum asking people if they would date an unattractive person and noticed a comment from “Joe” who simply stated that people who wouldn’t were “shallow morons”.  He went on to say that “most men and women basing everything on looks are generally the ones who have the most problems in relationships”, also adding that many of the good looking women he’d encountered knew nothing about having a good relationship or life.   By the way, Joe also added that he wasn’t overly attractive.

The main point I took way from this bitter-laden comment, and the one I constantly think about?  It is important to get to know someone before making a decision based on looks because you might be losing out on something great and you’ll never know it.

Something to think about, but in the meantime I’ll have to break the news to Mr. Nice Guy and explain that he just doesn’t do it for me. 
Carmen

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

2 Comments

  • Jessie

    I don’t know, I feel like you’re setting yourself up for failure. Almost like forcing the issue knowing a person just doesn’t do it for you. If you do decide to go and date someone who isn’t worthy of holding hands in public, should you be up front with them. I’d have to think harder before I went through with it.

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