Online Dating,  Plenty of Fail,  Uncategorized

Where is that profile picture??

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“Hi Carmen, I’m Joseph and you are absolutely stunning!!!!  I couldn’t resist the urge to contact you after viewing your photos which show true beauty.  Your eyes are very expressive, your skin flawless.  I know your profile says you don’t respond if there isn’t a photo, but can I call you sometime anyway?  I don’t have any photos right now. “

This sounds like a decent introduction from a potential Mr. Wonderful, right? But can you see there’s a slight advantage he has over me?  Where the hell is HIS photo?  Why can’t I click on his profile and view HIS picture which will either bring joy and a smile or disdain and a grunt?  One of my biggest peeves is the online dater who doesn’t have a picture posted, so what are you hiding or who are you hiding FROM?

They say the profile picture is the first impression that you give, so you would think these men are taking the time to choose wisely and maybe even ask a few female friends before posting, but sadly, I’ve seen more bad than good. 

But still, I feel cheated when someone contacts me and I get the “photo not available”.

"33 year old, works out 2 days a week"

                         

 Sitting with the mutt on the sofa, a silhouette in the sunset, hugging a woman with her face PhotoShop’d out, showing off the prison tattoos, posing next to bottles of beer, or even next to the cars that are probably not his – anything, just make the effort to post your best shot. 

I’ll be honest – there’s a part of me that enjoys the online experience purely for the comic relief witnessed from the poorly written profiles, chop full of third-grade level grammar and the wide variety of unattractive men who have popped up on my screen. 

Sorry, but you can spare me the crap about looks not being everything (see my post on dating someone who is unattractive).  This is online dating, NOT guess whose face is behind these words.  Perhaps I might be missing out on meeting someone really great, so if I’m being hit on by a man without ANY photos of himself, I’m thinking one of two things:

He’s cheating.  Posting pictures of himself and the kids with a wife in the background probably isn’t going to net him many “winks” and may not be the smartest thing to do.  Remember, this is how a woman realized her loving husband and faithful husband was really a polygamist after seeing his picture on Facebook.  OR

 Lying.  His profile says he is tall and handsome, 30 years-old, athletic and toned but he REALLY looks like  an ancient gargoyle, stands as tall as your stomach and the only thing he does that is athletic is point and click with his mouse.

We’re either going to like each other or not, so stop playing games and show me what you’re working with.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

15 Comments

    • Carmen

      yeah, Esme, wifey is right… I think I heard that over 45% of the men doing online dating are actually married.

      No fellas, Im not bashing, just sayin’.

      But Esme, are you sure youre ready to dive back into the madness??? Lol! It does make for good blog material but seriously, enough of the games and bullshit, Im ready to settle down.

      The ones we want and think are good for us are bad, bad, bad and the ones we dont want cause theyre too short, ugly or needy would worship the ground we walk on but…. Ah, frustrating!

  • Matt79

    Over 45% are married?? Wow, that’s sad if true. Was there a percentage for women?

    My previous internet dating experiences were seven or eight years ago – back then there were a lot of people without photos. I found that the women I met without a photo were often at either end of the spectrum – some were not attractive by society’s current standards, but some were gorgeous. Maybe they didn’t want people to flock to them just for their looks – or I guess it’s possible that they were actually looking to cheat, like some people today. I guess I like to assume the best in people, so this didn’t cross my mind at the time!

  • Caleb

    I know, right?

    While photos are NECESSARY on a dating site, I still wish more bloggers would put up photos. I know that sometimes anonymity is part of the deal, but still. Lame. I say don’t hide from what you say and do, and let the world know who you is!

    Caleb “you can look me up” Shreves

  • Aaron_Speaks

    I don’t know…dating profiles without a picture is like the profile without the “about me”. Who has time to play guessing games about who or what a person looks like. Waste and annoying as all get out.

    I’d rather have the image of a woman from 10 years ago than to have nothing at all.

  • Carmen

    Alright Caleb, you’re calling me out with the blogger identity!! I don’t know. It’s bad enough that someone can Zaba search, People Find or Google me… I enjoy the annonymity of blogging for now. Oh wait – I haven’t posted “never date a stalker” yet to explain my reasons. =)

  • Carmen

    Matt, if only I could be so trusting! I figure no picture = you’re hiding something. It really could be as innocent as “I needed a haircut first”, but really? When it comes to dating profiles, i think it’s inexcusable. I mean seriously- the damn profile and “about me” section is like the SAT or something. So much time and though involved, I figure being able to post your picture is the bonus. Get with the times if you’re doing the online dating thing and as much as I hate, hate, hate camera phone pictures, I’d take one of those any day before “no image available”.

  • Carmen

    Esme – I’m holding out hope that this screening process is a winner this time. I was joking with a friend on Christmas saying we should have a “I used to date him, here’s his reference” for anyone you meet in the future. Nothing as jaded and slanted as “Don’t Date Him Girl”, but along those lines.

  • Carmen

    Mr. Speaks, first – thanks for stopping by. Second, yes-yes-YES! This isn’t the age of classified ads where you circle the description, place a call and hope for the best. Modern technology and all – come on, it’s just a picture so again, show ME!!

  • Josie

    I think I would rather be single than use a dating service whether online or otherwise. Surely it is better to get out there and get some hobbies, visit some social clubs, start a book reading club, take up swimming, go to gigs etc etc… where you are more likely to meet someone suited to you? It’s all very well someone ticking all the boxes, but at the end of the day, if there is no “spark” it won’t work! Another issue is that a lot of people use dating agencies as a last resort – a desperate man is never attractive, but a confident one is! For the first few months after splitting from my ex, I hated being single, but it was only once I learnt to enjoy it that people started showing interest in me.

    • Carmen

      I don’t know Josie, I used to say the same thing but I figure even a dating service is worth a shot. Granted, I’ve gone through several and can rate them all from decent (Match), to average (Black People Meet), on to annoying (eharmony) and just plain comical BUT with potentials buried (Plenty of Fish). Then I think about the man I’ve met randomly at a party, grocery store or out and about.

      Yes – definite perks meeting someone in person because BAM! You get what you see in terms of physical appearance and if you’re lucky, you may be able to pick up some traits you’ll love or hate yet still, I don’t think it makes that big a difference where you meet them.

      Besides – these samemen I could be meeting at a social club, wine tasting or hiking probably have had or HAVE dating profiles. Currently.

      My summation? Damned if you meet them on-line or in person because dating is a form of gambling; you’re taking a chance either way.

      Thanks for stopping by and sharing. =)

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