My Dating Hangovers,  THIS is Why I'm Single!,  Uncategorized

Never date a….Religious Hypocrite

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I know I’m probably going to catch some flack for this one, but I’ve decided I may need to exclude any men who claim they are men of God (affectionately known as MOG).  You know the type who can quote the bible from Genesis to Revelation and every chapter in between.  A man who is initially attractive because of his beliefs in a higher power, who is pretty well versed on explaining in laments terms how each of the writings in the bible apply to our daily lives, and how the good word provides the best examples of how we should live our lives.  

This so-called man of God probably has a long standing history of attending church, more than likely the same place of worship as his parents.  The most appealing part of this man is when he expresses his desires for marriage and raising a family.  So why would I make such a statement?  The problem with this type of man is that he is only a follower of all of the above when it is convenient.  A convenient follower, a hypocrite.

To set the record straight, I am by no means a religious person and would probably fall into the category of “other”.  I grew up dreading the thought of waking up early on Sunday mornings, using money I thought was best suited for the ice cream truck instead of some copper dish, trying to stay awake while the pastor preached the word and watching adults act like possessed puppies because they were “happy”.  

As I became older and wiser (or so I think), I was able to determine what course in life I wanted and have a clear idea of what traits I wanted in a man.  Saying all of this, I knew that the type of person I would be interested in (1) had to at least be a believer, (2) not be too eccentric or the worshiper of some radical faith and (3) would need to accept me how I am.  Okay, enough about that, now, on to the fake MOG.

Recently, I’d encountered one of these perpetrators and within the first couple of conversations had my “ahhhhh, he’s one of those” moments when I noticed him saying “he thanked God for this or that”, or how he “prayed that be meet the type of woman who…”, and of course there were a couple of “the bible says….” phrases in there as well.   After my experience with the ex-boyfriend known as Jekyll, my first reaction hearing these things was RUN!!!  RUN!!!  RUN!!!!!  I didn’t.  I mean come on; surely I can’t use my bad experiences with one person and apply them to someone else even though they have some eerie similarities, right?  Besides, I had just met this man and needed to see if his words and actions matched what his faith supposedly prescribed.

I gave him a chance, and soon found out that this was indeed a great man of God, whose actions were noble and he always had nothing but the best interest of others in mind.  I finally got it right, and could relax and look forward to growing the relationship.

Yeah right!  This blog IS called my dating hangovers for a reason, and believe me, this man was the closest thing to the DEVIL I’ve yet to encounter.  He was religious alright, but only when it was convenient as he tried to manipulate me or guilt trip me into doing something because we were together and in love.   I soon learned that he was just like the rest who made it a point to constantly mention their honor and dedication to the lord; in fact, men like him are WORSE than those who are straightforward about the foul things they’re doing with their lives.

The realization of what a convenient man of God came to light (another “ahhhhh” moment).  I figure these types of men are the ones I should never date because they share a common trait that is just straight up shitty.  As long as they can pick and choose HOW they want to be viewed as religious believers, then it’s all good.  For instance, I found there are several specific areas where this type of hypocrisy is noted most often:

Church – I can count on one hand how many times ANY of these MOG’s had actually attended church services while we were together.   More often than not, the excuse was “I’m looking for a new church home” or “I only attended because it was my parent’s church, but it wasn’t really my style” and “let’s find one together”.  Although I tell each and every one of these men at the onset that I am not a regular church attendee, I will expressed the desire to try something different in hopes that I might find one that I truly enjoyed.  Still, nothing.   So we normally treated Sundays like we would any other day, relax in our separate abodes or out and about somewhere.

Gluttony – A common misconception about this word is that many people believe it only pertains to the consumption of food or alcohol which isn’t the case.  A glutton can be a person who overindulges in anything, and while there a few of these men who could down a few shots of Patron or Tequila like it was water, there were others who simply demanded too much of my time.  They were selfish, controlling and jealous of anything or anyone else in my life that didn’t have anything to do with them most common negative trait of gluttony was their demands of my time.  Nothing was never enough, I could spend an entire weekend and when it was time for the fun to end, would be asked “are you leaving me now?”.   Whoever said you can never have enough of a good thing is a liar.

Accountability – This is an interesting one, but again something these men all had in common.  They could never take responsibility for their actions (more than half the time, was admitting when they were caught in a lie), and if by some small change they did admit something, the bible toting was in full effect.  Because these men use the bible as a shield of armor for their fucks ups, I was expected to consider the biblical texts on forgiveness.  I can’t tell you how many times I’ve had a Matthew verse or a ______________ thrown at me because I should have been more understanding that man is not perfect and that he makes mistakes.  Seriously?  How about taking it back to the old days with “thou shall not lie”.

And yes, I saved the best for last…out of all of the commonalities I have noticed that each of the fake men of God, convenient Christians and Preacher’s Kids have it is….

Sex – Each and EVERY one of these clowns were lovers of the word, the Lord and the sword until it came to smacking it up, flipping, rubbing it down, sucking, humping, tossing and slurping.  Each and EVERY one had some kinky fetish or some type of sexual dysfunction (or malfunction for some) and didn’t give second thought to the fact that they were – gasp – fornicating!!

I’m sure I’ve left out a few traits but these were certainly the most common and my experiences with all of them has done nothing but prove what I thought about certain people all along.  Whether man or woman, I feel you shouldn’t have to say it or try so hard to prove that you are adherent of a particular faith.  You should not, however, be hypocritical, where you are constantly practicing the very sins your word is teaching you to avoid.   A person’s actions speak louder than words.

So the next time I encounter another man who wants to flaunt his faith but isn’t trying to date women from a singles ministry, church retreat, Christian Singles.com, pulls out the Philly blunt and glass of Hennessey after reading his daily word, or wants to make a trip to the sex toy store, I’ll just keep it moving.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

21 Comments

  • Matt79

    I don’t have much dating experience with people who are strongly into religion, but I agree that hyprocrisy and lies are bad news in any relationship. I’m one of those who thinks it’s not really a good idea to lie at all to a partner – if I find that someone’s lying to me, even if it’s something quite minor, it can leave me wondering what else they’ve deemed to be minor enough not to be honest about, and with slightly bigger things it’s a bit concerning to think that they may have had an internal debate over whether to lie to me about it before they speak.

    • Carmen

      Well Matt, the kicker is that the perp’s referenced in this post probably don’t even REALIZE it, or maybe are in denial. You know, I really think they had strong convictions for God as they talked, but just figured an apology and a prayer did away with everything like an eraser to paper.

      I won’t judge the next one, but let’s just say I’ll be somewhat leery.

  • Just Saying

    Organized religion confuses me. However I never judge anyone who believes in something that gives them hope, motitivation, and something that drives them to do better in the world or just to be a better person. To each their own.

    What I do have a problem with are the men and girlfriends who you perfectly described above. There are people who confuse knowing the Bible inside-out and think they are theologist. There is a difference. A huge one at that.

    I do not like people of conveninance. They are indeed closer to being the offspring of the Devil than those who are upfront. Those who dislike everyone who isn’t just like them. 🙁

    I hate those types, and I hate people who hate. 😉

    Great post!
    Not sure why you thought you’d get some flack for this entry?

    • Carmen

      Just Saying – I figured I might get some “you shouldn’t say that” type of reply. You know how it is, religion, politics, short men and small wee wee’s – touchy subjects. =)

      But seriously, offspring of the devil is right. Let me not even get started on the PK’s, known as the Preacher’s Kids. Believe what you may have heard about most of them, as they are a seriously dysfunctional (and sexually promiscuous) group of people.

      Funny thing is that for many years, all that comes to mind is hearing (especially the elders) “go to church and meet you a fine young man there”. Yeah right! Often times the same “fine young men” there are the same one’s doing patron shots at the same club I’d partied at the night before.

  • Jessie

    Interesting post and I can appreciate you being so honest about the types of men you’ve encountered. As some of the others commented, I’ve never really been big on religion but my family has always encouraged my involvement with someone who worshiped regularly. FRAUDS. Seriously, it’s a touchy subject, but I can count on my fingers and toes how many preacher’s kids I’ve dated alone who were like the one’s you described. When convenient! Actually kind of funny to see someone bring light to the issue. Thanks for the great read.

    • Carmen

      Ah Jessie…the Preacher’s Kid. That is worthy of a post all it’s own, but I won’t generalize because as with anyone, they’re probably a small percentage of those who walk the walk who are GENUINE. I just haven’t met them yet. LOL

  • Esme

    Whole-heartedly agree, Carmen! My ex-husband was a ‘Man Of God’, and he was an abuser. Tell me how that works…and he twisted the bible by making it right. I know it is an extreme end of the spectrum, but still. Anyone who quotes the bible to me I have issues with. Because you are right…these are the guys who have no problem preaching when it is convienent for them ONLY. Live it all of the time, and then we will talk.

  • Kimmie

    Interesting stuff and while it may not apply to all, the majority are hypocrites. Like you, my family heralded the man of God like he was the closing thing to perfect and like you, the clowns I’ve met were anything but. I’d go so far as to say they were worse than the admitted wrong-doer. Good luck with your dating ventures because after being in an on again/off again relationship, i’m finding it’s pretty damn scary out here in the dating world.

  • Carmen

    Wow Esme! Isn’t that ironic! My thing going forward is this… If you’re really about it, you shouldn’t have to say it all day, every day. What you are made of should be shown – through your actions more than anything.

  • Anitra King

    So true! There’s usually something wrong when a person flaunts his/her faith that often. I too had this hangover in the past, and he tried to use his “Religion” as a from of manipulation to get the cookie. Claiming Christianity doesn’t automatically make a person a follower of God. Maybe, a “Fan” but not a true “Follower.” I’m sure there are always exceptions but like they say, “Actions speak louder than words.”

    • Carmen

      Thanks for sharing Anitra! I like that you differentiated the “fan” versus the “follower”. I wonder if this hypocrisy is just slanted towards the men and their weaknesses and attempts to manipulate and control?

      I’m sure there are women who fall into this category, but I’d bet a very small percentage.

      What I despised the most when dealing with my ex boyfriends were the bible quotes after they @ucked up.

      Those of you who know me, KNOW I have about as much tolerance for dishonesty as a gay sergeant in the Army!

      Once I laid down the gauntlet (dumped them), each time, without fail, I was directed to a chapter about forgiveness. I was also told “God forgave us” to which I replied “Well, I’m not God” and kept it moving.

      Be who you are and be up front with the person you’re involved with.

      Mainly, be accountable for your actions because it is just lame to hide behind something else instead.

      • Anitra King

        LOL! That’s so true. We have to be accountable. My Pastor says that we can’t just keep saying, “God is still working on me.” At some point we have to get it together.

  • Caleb

    First of all, I expect a post detailing these fetishes you speak of and which ones you actually participated in.

    Second, yeah. Good point. I’m not a religious person, but I am a person who tries to know God as best as I can. But I think that a person’s relationship with God should mostly be a private affair, and certainly not emblazoned on the tip of spear (as it were…).

    Sadly, I find myself reluctant to use the term “God” sometimes simply because the word has been co-opted by hypocritical fanatics who use warped and distorted instances of religious texts to support whatever egotistical viewpoint they’re trying to cling to.

    Simple solution? It doesn’t matter what you call it, so instead of “God” just choose another name. I like “Ralph.”

    So in this new year, may Ralph be with you!

    PS JS and Matt have it right.

    • Carmen

      Lol Caleb! I’m invoking my 5th amendment on the fetish participation!

      And yes, yes, yes (in my Herbal Essence commercial voice), all that you say is the honest to God truth! Okay, let me stop.

      But seriously, these men I’m talking about do just that-talk, talk talk.

      Ironically, I remember when I first started dating Jekyll and noticed how much he referenced the bible, I actually told him “I may not be well suited for him because my faith isn’t that strong… “. He, just like the nutty hypocrite after him, said that would be no problem and that I could always learn how to be a better Christian woman.

      Of course, there was no mention of the bible and Christian ways when it came down to fellatio.

      I guess depending on how you were raised, you may be more drawn to a person who is in tune with their spirituality.

      Sadly, the representatives of people instead of the real them, whether religious, spiritual or otherwise, is who we meet.

      Good thing is that I know the warning signs and am more in tune with a man’s actions and not just their words.

      Thanks again for your feedback Caleb!

  • Charles

    I think the realest line that can sum up everything “I mean come on; surely I can’t use my bad experiences with one person and apply them to someone else even though they have some eerie similarities, right?”. Thats the gospel right there. If red flags go up…I’m going the opposite direction.

    And weird fetishes? Don’t get it twisted, some of them church folk are freaks.

    Great post!

  • Carmen

    Oh Charles….the proverbial red flags. Here’s the thing – do you always stop when they go up? With the fake MOG’s I found myself seeing flaming flags but soon second guessed it with the “each person is different, though similar”. I think it’s called… um… WRONG. Still, I keep at it.

    So yes, I’ll try not to lump all of the freaky church-goers into one pew but WILL ask again and again for those in the future why they’re looking within their own congregation.

    Thanks to all of you for sharing your perspective.

    • Carmen

      Oh gosh, my mind is tainted. I just received an email from someone on this dating sight with the profile name God Has Blessed You and immediately wanted to press delete!

  • martha

    thank you so much for writing this! I have just broken up with one such guy as you describe….
    he took me to a Church which I had high hopes from, only to discover he goes there for hours on end, preferably 5 hours every Sunday. I find it over the top. Constantly trying to convert me to HIS style of believing in God, and was an absolute pervert behind closed doors and with an ED :/

    • Carmen

      Martha,

      Religious fanatic and pervert with ED? Were we dating the same person??

      It’s been a while since your comment (which suddenly appeared), so I’m wondering if he tried to rekindle the flame? Hopefully, you stood your ground because here’s my thing- I could never respect a hypocrite of anything.

      I also don’t believe that people with two differing positions on something where one is extreme, will ever be compatible.

      He’s a churchgoer sometimes, you would be okay going or not and he’s cool with it? Yep, you can make it work.

      He’s in the church 5 hours a day doing God’s work and proclaiming who won’t be in heaven, while you haven’t seen a pew since 5 years old? Chances are pretty murky.

      I always wondered why they even tried and whenever I have men reaching out whose profiles are heavy on biblical references and prose, I ask.

      What about your singles ministry? Or Christian Mingle? Is it because you’re not likely to find a woman interested in tickling your scrotum after bible study?

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