The Dating Resume

 

Since I’ve tried figuring out where I’ve been going wrong with the types of men who FIND ME, I’ve been asked from feedback from family and friends and scanned a couple of dating blogs and forums.  A few weeks ago I’d stumbled on someone’s dating resume.  Yes, resume.

What a novel idea and why not?

A relationship is such a major life changing decision, so similar to trying to find that dream job.  For instance, when I think of what my ideal place of employment would be I have to factor in the demographics, size, financial stability, opportunity for growth and of course, the perks. 

Let me breakdown what a resume really is:

A resume is a brief document which highlights an individual’s experience, qualifications, and skills, in the hopes of securing an interview and ultimately, a job.

Seriously people, when reading that line isn’t dating just like job hunting?  You go through a series of applicants and screening (the casual outings, dates etc.), and ultimately weed out the weaker in hopes of finding a suitable person for the “job”.

I guess depending on who you ask, some may only be interested “contract work” or a temporary job and their resume would show this.  This is the person who can go without any of the fringe benefits that come with the serious relationship.  Then there are others, such as myself, who are looking for what takes place after the first 90 days and are wondering what the long-term pension benefits and stock options will be.

You’ll hear me saying this time and time again; the real reason there are so many single people talking, blogging or writing about dating and relationship experiences is because of one simple fact – someone is NOT being up front about themselves or what they want. 

My dating hangovers are the result of one simple fact – that many (okay, ALL of them otherwise I wouldn’t be single) of the men I have been involved with either weren’t truthful or didn’t know what they wanted in a relationship.  

How helpful would it have been to have seen the dating resume of the ex, Full Metal Jacket?   Had I seen that his resume showed his past relationship history including 1 marriage lasting only 6 months, 1 engagement lasting 3 months and then empty spaces for everything else in between, I might not have got involved with him.  Had I seen his resume which showed his only interests were “my girlfriend”, I would have been given a clue that I was dating an obsessive, control freak who had no life.  Lastly, had I seen that his interests only included church and the bible, though I hadn’t seen him step foot in a church, I might have known he wasn’t being completely honest.

Yes, yes – of course, people embellish the truth or flat out lie, but just for the sake of you may be able to learn, why not give it a try? 

So… here it goes more for $hits and giggles,  my very own dating resume.  Don’t worry because I haven’t listed all of  “employers” or total number of contract workers OR applicants, because if I did my resume would end up looking like Bobby’s Browns rap sheet.

 Enjoy,

Carmen ~

Carmen Jones
Los Angeles, CA  90037
myhangovers@gmail.com

 

DATING RESUME

*  Seeking a serious, monogamous long-term relationship leading to potential life partner status.

*  Over 15 years of dating and relationship experience specializing in romance, open communication, negotiation and conflict resolution.

*  Demonstrated success in coordinating outings and excursions, budgeting and time management for any children.  Received the Mom and Girlfriend of the Year Awards in 2008 for outstanding commitment and dedication.

*  Proficient in overcoming the many disappointments in my tenure with men.

Vital Skills

Honest & SupportiveMid to Low MaintenanceSpecializes in MassagesVoracious Sexual AppetiteEnjoys Amusement Parks Gainfully EmployedKnow What I Want and Don’t WantGreat Sense of HumorProficient in Finances and PlanningInterested in Outdoors Activities Educated & IntelligentEmotionally & Mentally HealthyHandy Around the HousePunctualLoyal

Professional Experience

Full Metal Jacket Ex-marine — Paramount, CA (2010)
Key Memories:

*  First person met online after rebounding from Good on paper.

* Fastest meet-then-became-girlfriend situation EVER.

* My first introduction to suicide prevention in a relationship without formal training.

* Most patience with an irrational person ever.

Good On Paper — Lakewood, CA (2007, 2010)
Key Memories:

*  Good job, very handsome, family man, well educated & great to be around.  Good on Paper.

*  Eliminated from potentials, he did not present himself as “relationship guy”.

*  Excessive baggage (divorced, 3 kids and youngest is 3), is doing an extended “I’m at my Mom’s for now” stint after the ugly divorce.  Mooch, liar or unfortunate case?  F@ck buddy off and on since March 2008.

*  Tried transitioning from booty call status, but bullet point 3 made me realize this was impossible.

*  Known for the most amazing sex EVER with someone I was NEVER in love with.

JEKYLL — Los Angeles, CA (2007-2008)
Key Memories:

*  Earned the title of “Love of my Life”.

* Started off as a great guy;  very affectionate, enjoyed spending money and pampering, had many things in common, laughed a lot, shared dreams together, supported each other.  Everything a woman could want, versatile and could go from lounging on the sofa together, to window shopping at Expo or showing the moves on the dance floor.  Wanted a long-term future together.  Very handsome and dressed to the nines.

*  Emotionally f@cked up, scarred AND wounded by several women, therefore did stupid things out of insecurity thinking I would cheat. 

* Established daily and ongoing contacts with several women, including past ex-girlfriends with the eventual purpose of showing them he was a real man.  Never completed the actual act of cheating, but did engage in cyber cheating.

*  Stupid enough to click “remember my password” on MY laptop, hence the reason he was dumped.

* First man allowed to establish a relationship with my offspring

Other dating history — Throughout LA

CA (2001-2007)

Series of Dating Experiences, practice for the right one for me

Of Note

Likes and Loves:

*  Reading, writing and of course, Blogging, singing, laughing, LIFE

*  Movies & Music

*  Christmas & Spring

*  Moscatto wine

*  Prince

*  Photography

*  Spending time with family friends

*  Beading

*  Scrapbooking

*  PDA

* HGTV, Cheaters, CSI Miami, First 48, Dexter, Criminal Minds & Lifetime Movie Channel

*  Good grammar

*  Jewelry, shoes, scarves & purses

REFERENCES

Michael: “her back rubs are amazing!!  I always asked if she’d gone to school for physical therapy.”

Jared: “I never figured out how SHE would ever be single.  I felt a little insecure because I wasn’t sure I had my stuff together to keep her.”

Anthony: “She is so full of energy and has a great spirit.  She made me things of common things in so many different ways and is a good debater without being annoying.”

Regina: “I kept telling her I’ll be waiting when she’s ready to give up on men, a really great woman.”

Timothy: “I don’t think you’ll be able to find a more complete package with anyone else, fellas she has it all!  If I was straight, I would date her.”

Lamont: “I really f%$%& up.  She gave me nothing less than her best, but I was too stupid to realize that I had a good woman.  Maybe we can try again in another lifetime.”

So there it is, my dating resume.

One thought on “The Dating Resume

  1. A dating resume?? I can imagine a guy’s expression if I whipped one of these out. Have you actually printed and given one out and what about references?

    Interesting and light humored stuff, thanks.

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