Bad First Dates, The Non Committal Man or Woman, THIS is Why I'm Single!

You Wear Your Heels, I’ll Wear Mine!

This has been a BUSY week, but heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeere’s Carmen!

Right now I’m riding high off of one of the best dates I’ve had in the last couple of months.  After ignoring all contacts, hiding my profile, canceling my account, restarting my account, hiding my profile again then reappearing again, I came across a gentleman I’ll call Until Something Better Comes Along or USBC.  He has given me a glimmer of hope since I seem to have piqued the interest of the nastiest, ugliest, illiterate, horniest men of all time on ______.

 A spot called Nirvana in Beverly Hills was the rendezvous point.  This restaurant and lounge had it all – exquisite East Indian artwork and tapestry, a DJ spinning the turntables (okay, well pressing his IPod buttons) and yummy cuisine.  Oh, and I should mention this was our first actual meeting after exchanging a few messages, several texts and a few phone calls. 

The chemistry?  GREAT.  Creole seemed to have it all – he is very knowledgeable about damn near everything, but also has street savvy and as his profile indicated, has made money in different industries.  In fact, one of the first things that stood out in his dating profile is how he laid it all out on the line about what he’d done to make money, having worked since he was a youth.  USBC had done it all from dabbling in real estate to taxes and even said he worked scooping up bird poop for an underground exotic pet shop.   Really, who admits to this type of stuff?  Okay, so obviously this dude’s work ethic is off the chart.  He can hold a conversation and is well versed on just about every subject imaginable, is well traveled and best of it all, is funny as hell.  Sounds good, right?

Now before I go any further, let me back up a little bit to the pre-date jitters.   Well, they’re not really jitters but they’re really my realistic pessimism talks that I often have when meeting someone for the very first time or going out with them following an initial meeting.  So many questions go through me head as I hope and pray the date goes off without a hitch and I don’t being mortified and embarrassed from a guy’s behavior or actions or worse, storming out because the date was just unbearable.    Maybe it’s just me, but I think of these things to try to keep one foot out of the door, literally.

So back to the meet up with USBC.  I arrive promptly at 9pm, park my car and before I can pick up the phone to ask “where are you”, my phone rings and he says he’s walking towards me.  Out the car I go to greet him and as he starts walking near, my heart sinks a little.  Is…that…. him?  I ask myself as this small figure dressed in black approaches and as soon as he opens his mouth and says “Hey Carmen!” I had my answer.    As I say “Hello” and lean in for the friendly hug, my mind starts racing back to the profile.  How tall did he say he was?  Why did he look about 5’8 (at least) in the pictures?  Is this the right person?  Did I somehow confuse his profile with another?  We are eye to eye.

Stilettos, platforms, wedges, heels.  Nothing under 4 inches.  I am a staggering 5’2 inches tall and wear nothing but shoes putting me several inches higher in the air but sometimes, I think I am disillusioned with my own stature to the point that I have an issue with a man who is shorter than me.  I told that internal voice inside my head to shut the hell up, get over it and just prepare to have a great time.

And a GREAT time it was!  I can’t emphasize enough how nice the ambiance of Nirvana was, so I was able to enjoy his presence, my food, drinks and conversation.  We talked about any and everything, nothing was off limits.  Family backgrounds, past relationships, workplace drama, you name it.  USBC then complimented me on my leather stilts and says “I’m wearing my heels tonight as well”.

Say what? 

As I tried to swallow down that last piece of crab cake before choking, he laughed and said “Hey, I’m confident with my 5’6 and it’s crazy because nearly all of the women I’ve been with who are attracted to me are always taller”.  I replied “Oh?  I would have thought they would have been short like me”.   USBC then adds “And believe it or not, I do not have a short man’s complex.  Hell, I’m comfortable with who I am, its women who have the issue with it”.  He says “the last woman I dated who was about 5’9 would never wear heels.  She only wore these ugly little flats and I would ask her to please wear some heels”.  I kind of chuckled when he told me he had a fetish for women in really high heels so he tells me when this woman explained she was trying to make him feel better by not towering over him, he told her “wear your heels, I’ll wear mine”.   So ever since then, if he’s going out at night and is trying to dress it up a bit, he’ll wear his shoes that have a small lift on the bottom of the sole that is barely noticeable.

He’s comfortable with who he is? I stopped to let what he was saying marinate and I kind of believe him.  I mean this man walked up in this restaurant like he was Shaq or someone 6 feet tall, and the confidence and authority he’d shown when ordering the drinks and food?  USBC acted like he had balls the size of an elephant, just reaping of confidence.  

That type of personality without being cocky or arrogant is hard to come by, so I think I’ll try to set aside MY hang ups about short men and give it a try.  Heels and all!

Carmen

10 thoughts on “You Wear Your Heels, I’ll Wear Mine!

  1. Hi Carmen, I’ve just started reading your blog and really like it so far. I may soon be returning to the world of online dating so I’m reading up on what it’s like out there! The whole height issue does seem to come up a lot – I’m relieved that I’m tall but also aware that it’s just by pure luck (well, lucky genes I guess) and I’ve done nothing to earn it. Glad to hear you’re giving things a chance with this guy to see how important it really is for you.

    1. Hi Matt and thanks so much for contributing. Since you said you may be returning to the world of online dating “soon”, I’m wondering two things – how did it work for you the first time and what made you consider it a second?

      The experience for me? Thus far, meeting people online has had as many ups and downs, thrills and disappointments as a trip to an amusement park!

      I’ll be sure to check out your blog with hopes of learning from your experiences, online and all.

      As for the whole height thing – a few moments ago a friend commented that I seemed a little shallow for not giving more credence to Creole for who he was and the good time we have and not focus on his height. Says the person who also commented she was okay with her husband being short until he got older and started SHRINKING. That didn’t exactly help to sway my mind on the matter. LOL

      Guess I’ll see how it goes and what….wear my flats when going out with him instead? =)

      Carmen ~

      1. My previous experience with online dating was quite a few years ago – it was a real mixture, like yours, but seemed a worthwhile way to try meeting people, so now that I’m single again I think it’s worth another try (while trying to remember to remain open to the possibility of meeting people in other ways too!) and I’m older and possibly wiser (or maybe not!) and definitely more experienced than I was last time, which will hopefully help.

  2. Rock on, Carmen! Confidence, experience, and wit? You’ve got yourself some potential, there.

    And what kind of ‘heels’ is he wearing? I’m 5’11, but I started wearing cowboy boots a year ago after my dad convinced me that they help with back pain.

    He was right. For once.

    Keep us posted on more dates!

    Caleb

    1. Ha! That’s right Caleb, parents sometimes ARE right! I often tell people wearing heels help my back because the flats don’t offer enough support (and there’s no way to look sexy in them!)

      Creole. YES!!! The date with was a success but… He’s so… short. I don’t know how else to explain this without sounding too picky, but when we walked into the restaurant I felt a little uncomfortable. See, the height thing isn’t just a fickle statement by women who may say something cheesy such as “I like standing on my tippy toes to kiss a man”.

      It’s all about that feeling of being in the presence of a man who’s stature commands respect.

      Let’s just say Creole are out somewhere dancing and you (Caleb) bump me and knock over my drink and turn to walk away. Are you going to give as much credence to the 5″5 fella or the one who’s 5″11 standing toe to toe with you?

  3. Oh yeah…the heels he wore? They were slide on boots with a thick outer heel, and not the internal (invisible) type. Not the special shoe type, but nice dressy boots. =)

    1. I know it seems shallow to be like, “he’s too short!” However, maybe it’s not as shallow as it seems.

      My mom is fairly tall and married a really nice guy who was 5 inches shorter. Before she married him though, she was really, really torn about him being shorter. Actually, she was mostly concerned with the fact that SHE was so bothered by his height.

      In the end, she didn’t get past the height thing with this guy until she gave it serious and thoughtful attention rather than thinking of it as minor and trivial.

      The romantic ideal of loving someone just for who they are is nice, but misleading. Someone’s physical features ARE who they are- there is no separating them out.

      Just something to think about!

      C

  4. Don’t force it! Each of us have our preferences, so if it’s enough to write about, it isn’t a minor issue.

    I love tall women with long, black hair. If I met someone who was really great but rocked a short, Ellen do, I might be able to deal with her but know what I’m longing for.

    I’ve just been reading but finally decided to comment.

    Good luck to you with the hangovers

  5. hahaha oh you poor girl…that moment is my greatest fear…the moment I realize they’re not the height I thought. Except in this case…unfortunately (or fortunately really in the long run) it is you who took the miststep. LOL the FIRST THING I like at is height lol but then again I’m 5’7 and thus it matters more since it’s a smaller population rising above my…standards. Lucky you miss 5’2…5’6 AND CONFIDENT…no big thing…can’t wait to hear more 🙂

  6. I know Something… I realize my profile review for him fell a littl short of thorough, no pun intended!! Lol!

    But you know what got me? That ONE profile picture. He LOOKED like he had a nice height on him and in retrospect thinking he did some creative photography. He was standing, against a white background or something and looked pretty long and lean. My bad # 2… Should have asked for another picture!!

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