Bad First Dates,  My Dating Hangovers

5 Elements of a Great Date

Before I share the recovery story, I should tell you that Friday night’s ebonically efficient guy, Marcus, is probably thinking our date went pretty well and his actions afterwards have been forgotten.  This morning he graced my phone with a total of three text messages beginning with the “Good morning mama, how are you” then progressing to  “I’m sorry again, I wasn’t trying to act all thirsty (I’m sure there’s a definition for this in the Urban Dictionary as well) but I didn’t want our time together to end followed by the last text of “What, you wont (yeah, he spelled it that way) u a sexy weird mutha fuc$a?”  I spoke to the friend whose birthday party led me to meeting the Not So Fantastic Three and she said “I wish you would have told me you met him, I would have told you immediately he is in a completely different league than you”. 

Sigh.  I’ve not replied to any of his messages.

But hey, I’m not here to harp on that crappy first date but instead am happy to report that my first post-meeting with Tall Glass of Wine was absolutely FANTASTIC!  I’ll try to keep it short in giving you the details on our date, so let me break it down by describing our night like this:

5 Elements of a Great Date

1.  The invite – I can’t remember which blogger had mentioned this, but to hear a man actually ask you out on a date is classic and appreciated.  Normally men will say something like “Hey, let’s hang out and get something to eat” or “Let’s hook up”, but Tall Glass?  He actually said “Would you like to have dinner with me and a movie?”  I ate that right up and of course, replied that I’d LOVE to.

2.  Taking control – Some women may feel differently, but I prefer a man who takes control on the first date already having a place and activity in mind.  Subsequent meetings, I’m all for offering up suggestions and making the plans but something seems to strike the nerve of annoyance when I hear “What do you feel like doing?”

3.  Having a back up plan – This is so important, because sometimes your initial time or destination may not pan out, so it helps if the guy is flexible and has a few ideas outside of the original plan.  Tall Glass and I were initially going to meet up at the Grove in Los Angeles, but since we both had gotten home later than expected, he suggested an alternate location that was closer for the both of us and asked me if the second spot was okay. 

4.  Complimenting – I understand that depending on what your date looks like and how well they put themselves together, this may not be an easy feat but you can at least try.  I think I’d put myself together pretty well for the evening and as soon as I walked into the restaurant, Tall Glass noticed and acknowledged this with a genuine statement and a smile to back it up.  It helps to try to be specific, like mentioning what a woman is wearing or their hair but just saying “you look nice” works just the same.

5.  Conversation – Easier said than done, I know because sometimes a person is either extremely nervous and can’t help it or they’re as exciting as watching paint dry.  He was very relaxed, smiled a lot, cracked jokes and even better, laughed at mine.  It helps that he is a very well rounded man and is so diverse, having learned about, read about or heard about nearly everything so the conversation flowed very well.  Dialect and grammar, on point.

An element I probably should have added is knowing when the date should go on to part two or when it should end, and folks when I say I didn’t want it to end at all, trust me, it was all good.  As we looked at the clock and realized the movie probably wasn’t going to happen since we’d gotten carried away over good eats and a nice bottle of Pinot Noir, there was agreement that we should get out somewhere.

Santa Monica was the destination, dancing the night away at Zanzibar getting sweaty backs, achy joints and laughing at a drunken fool who slurred that I was the most beautiful girl in the room is how we continued our date into the early morning.

We ended the night talking and yes, we kissed.  His lips?  Warm, succulent and soft.

I really think dating, especially going out two nights in the same weekend after having a crappy time, is like spinning the roulette wheel of dating.  I’m looking forward to sharing more and am hoping this new friend doesn’t end up as one of those….those….well, you know.

Until there’s a cure for my hangovers,

Carmen ~

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

9 Comments

    • Carmen

      Yes, what a relief and I’m hoping we can get together for date # 2 really soon. By the way, the “ignore someone if you’re not feeling them” isn’t quite working as Marcus has now resorted to calling from private numbers and last night, willed up the nerve to leave a message in lieu of his ignored texts. Seriously, some people just don’t get it.

    • Carmen

      Just Saying, that was the best part. But even though the night was a success, it made me realize how sorry the state of dating really is because we are actually WOWED at such simple things because we’re so used to those who don’t have a clue!

  • Caleb

    Sweet! Sounds like you went on a date with me 😉

    And, for the record, Marcus will not be leaving you alone. Some guys are just like that (naive? Persistent? Retarded?)

    I, for one, will ninja-vanish at the slightest SNIFF that a girl isn’t interested. I have my pride! (But if you need to be satisfied I’m shameless… sorry, Garth Brooks ADD moment…)

    • Carmen

      Ah Caleb…just send me one of you to Southern California then! =) And I think out of the three, retarded is just it but what’s funny is he SAID when we first met that he is NOT that guy who will keep talking or texting a female. Either he was a liar or I’m the $hit?? LOL

  • Simmarah

    Oh I absolutely agree with #1 and #2. I just went on a “date” with that bouncer (idiot) and he insisted that he come over my place or go to a club. Nothing concrete was ever in place. Anyway, thank goodness for sexy man who showed you an awesome night. Can’t wait to hear more!

    • Carmen

      Oh Simmarah, we MUST stay away from the “home dates” when we are in the early getting to know you stages with these men. In fact, I hate telling them I live alone because they automatically assume that’s a pass for a “can I come see you” request which leads to… well you know.

      As I stated earlier, it’s actually pretty sad that I would get geeked up over the 5 elements because there isn’t anything that is really an oooh or an ahhhh moment, just basic stuff but when you look at the crap we deal with, my date was cartwheel worthy!

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