Plenty of Fail,  THIS is Why I'm Single!,  Uncategorized

1-800-A-Weird-O

 

As promised, I’m sharing my experience with yet another hangover from this weekend, this post being sponsored by the makers of Zoloft and Seroquel.  I introduce you to Sybil’s Brother, the icing on a prune cake made with nails and sawdust, the worst of the worst who showed his colors on Sunday like a few others and yes, another POF contender.  In a matter of 12 hours, he’d managed to talk then text himself into the hall of shame with his needy and controlling behavior.  To shed some light on how extreme this situation was, I’ll share the story by giving you a timeline of events so here we go.

Friday (1:26pm) – While I normally only respond to those who take the time to write at LEAST two lines, I made an exception and replied to SB’s simple introductory message which said “You shouldn’t settle, go back to plan 1 and pick me”.  Okay, a little cheesy but at least I can tell he actually read my profile.

Friday (5:30pm) – I reply back with my normal spill, compliment him on his photo and mention that I have a few chuckles reading his profile and disclaimer which was very similar to mine.  Straight and to the point with a dash of sarcasm.  Being me, I decided to mix it up a bit and act as if I was writing a story about how we met which said “Let’s fast forward time to the year 3011 and you’re telling someone the story of how you met an exceptional woman named…”  That was all, now pay attention to what HE wrote.

Saturday (10:55am) – SB replies “I met this incredible as well as exceptional LADY by the name of Carmen in cyber space… it was almost surreal, maybe even dream like.  When I first seen her smile with her head turned to the left, I was captured.  Upon her reaching back across cyber space, I realized how precious of a treasure she was so I placed all my heart before her hoping that she wouldn’t trample, crush or any of the other things that my heart had encountered before. I was determined to take baby steps in determining if she could real be the one (rash decision making isn’t wise). I must add that she was all that- a bag of chips, and a wealth of sunshine that surpassed all my expectations, so to all 21 of my children, this is the story of how you were brought into this lovely place of love between us… Hehehe”

Even though we’re in story mode, I thought the part about the trampling of hearts was a bit much but it’s pretend, right?  I respond back and lighten things up a bit by asking some general questions about things in his profile and his online experiences.

Saturday (5:20pm) – I receive a reply back that said “Text me b/c I’m dying to talk to you.  I have to go to Starbucks to use their Wi-Fi, don’t have the Internet at home so I came back to see if you hit me back.  Wished you would have left your number” and he leaves his number.

Okay, aside from him seeming a little eager there doesn’t appear to be any real red flags going up so after I’m done partying for the evening; I send him a text around 10:30pm asking if it was too late to call him.  He replied that it would be fine and that there was something about me that he really liked though he couldn’t put his finger on it just yet.

Something about me?  How the hell does he figure this?  I’ve shown you the message exchanges we had, nothing deep and thought provoking.  No philosophical discussions or anything like that, just stuff so you tell me, what’s he so intrigued by?

Saturday (11:30pm) – I call SB and for the most part, the conversation is flowing pretty smoothly.  We’re talking about his cooking skills, where we live and confirm our relationship statuses are “single” and he mentions he’s in for the night since he had an early day for church the next day.   Although we were in the getting to know you stage, I thought him having mentioned again how his heart had been crushed, women had done him wrong so many times etc… was way too much information.  Why not just mention you’re single because things didn’t work out with previous women and leave it at that?  So as I’m driving home, we’re still chatting and he starts saying how blessed he is for all that he has and how he knows God will bless him with the woman meant for him, blah blah blah.

Red flags.  Alert. Beep beep beep.

I interjected that perhaps all of that was a little too much for a first conversation, and SB disagreed saying it was best to get things like that out in the open.  I’d shared that yes, I too was interested in settling down and getting married – finding my life partner but made it clear that I was not as strong a follower of religion than he put himself out there to be, but he was okay with that. 

By the time he starts telling me about what he’s looking for in a woman, and continuing to make statements about the lord, being blessed, and what the bible says, I’m getting ready for bed partially listening to him ramble on and on.  My religious freak radar immediately went up as I started having flashbacks of the last two ex-boyfriends I’d been with who felt the need to CONSTANTLY convince me of their convictions by referring to God.  I’m sorry, but I’m a little jaded when I hear this and for those who need a refresher or for my newer readers, check out Never Date A Hypocrite http://mydatinghangovers.com/?p=283.

Alright, so I’m thinking I must have dozed off listening to his banter about failed relationships and his battered heart when he said “Oh no, I put you to sleep?”  I thought he was a little too open but left it at that, so now fast forwarding to Sunday morning.

 Sunday (9:00am) – SB calls me too damn early to be a new guy and the call is immediately sent to voicemail.

Sunday (9:30am) – He follows up with a text that says “Let’s meet up at about 12:30, you pick the spot”.  Again, I’m all for spontaneity but did I mention at ANY time during the previous night’s conversation that I was free and available?  Any hint, inkling, anything???  Um… no.

Sunday (11:00am) – Another text “Hey you, just got out of church super early, so I called you but  you DIDN’T accept, so that’s that”.  I send a courtesy reply right away saying I was having breakfast and didn’t want to be rude,  declining his forced meeting but offering to call him later that afternoon.

Sunday (12:50pm) – Yet another text as he says “I really, really wanted to see you”.

Sunday (12:50pm) – And another….”Guess I’m the plan C now”

Sunday (4:38pm) – And another… “It’s tough being the plan C, so good luck with the plan A or B guy”.

Sunday (9:08pm) – And another… “Magic really exists.  It’s in the air when you find someone new.  Someone who connects with you in that moment in time where faces shine, where the color of wine sparkles.  But why is its final trick a disappearing act.  How dark is black?  Is magic that?  Is magic the one in control or is it that you stopped.  Stopped trying, stopped believing, stopped receiving the love that really exists.  Magic is just a spark…”  It goes on and on.   I’m thinking WHAT-THE-FU@$ but reply with “Wow, you write poetry” and he replies yes.

Sunday (9:21) – And another…”Really wanted to see you, can’t help it.  I was looking great and had lots of compliments in the last few days”.  I ask if he was seriously gloating and bragging on himself and said I felt that was a little too much pressure on me to be full of greatness, asking if he REALLY felt all of that from ONE CONVERSATION.  He responds that he can’t help it if he’d been receiving compliments and then gives some story about being out with a woman when another woman approached the two of them saying how good looking he was. 

I can’t make this shit up.

Sunday (10:00pm) – And another (and no, I’m not encouraging any of this, I guess God was moving him to text me so much!!) “Call me AFTER your date”.

Sunday (10:39pm) – And another…”Sorry to bother you again, but earlier you did something that has me thinking I should keep it moving.  Peace and GOD bless.

It just so happens that I had a little cautioning me about this character.  Los Angeles is so big yet so small, so when a friend told me earlier that afternoon that he was a bit of a space cadet, looked quite different in person that he did in his pictures AND had tried to date several other women unsuccessfully, I wasn’t the least bit surprised by his behavior later that day.

Please, more like peace and good ridden.  I will dissect this lunacy at  a later date.  Weirdo.

Carmen ~

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

16 Comments

  • Caleb

    You’re all like “no major red flags yet” and I’m all like “Um, yeah, tons of ’em.” Have I taught you nothing? Sigh. You seriously need to start sending me some convos before you go meeting people. This was a no-brainer ‘ignore’.

    Case in points: Opening line. Long, rambling message. Then ridiculous passive, needy, and whiny text. He showed no intelligence, creativity, humor, originality, or spark. He displayed an irrational closeness and attachment that was in no way grounded in facts or experience. His “wished you would have left your number…” both made me puke in my mouth and destroyed my morning boner. Why wouldn’t he be so disappointed that you didn’t leave your number, since you two had such an illustrious history built up. He also couldn’t write or use the English language, and in addition actually typed out “hehehe.”

    All this, and I didn’t even need to read his profile. Do I need to arrange some tutoring sessions for you? Are these the types of guys you want to meet? If your answer is “yes, but only as blog fodder.” Then I’ll grudgingly go along- with some of them. But if you’re trying to meet an actual man to date? Raise the bar. Hire the Caleb.

    Cripes.

    Caleb

    • Carmen

      Yes daddy Caleb, spank my hand for not having ignored that one. Here I was listening to a friend over the weekend chiming that I was a bit too terse and unforgiving about certain things, and decided to give the wrong one a pass.

      Yes, the grammar was a little special so I did have to do a little editing. 70 out of 100 there.

      Wasn’t the most interesting of people message wise, but his profile WAS pretty decent. It had content, made sense and made me laugh. 75 out of 100.

      See, I am normally the female version of you I’m sure and I shit down the bullshit, illiterate and those who don’t move me immediately.

      Yes, mainly the experience on POF is for blog content. BUT I’m open to meeting someone for casual dating if he makes it past the first conversation.

      The type of man I want to meet probably doesn’t exist and if he does he either:

      1. Is already married
      2. Is gay
      3. Lives too far away

      I hear you, trust me, I hear you.

  • Jessie

    There are so many things wrong with this. You should have titled this “you know he’s a potential stalker when”.

    This dude has some serious issues and yeah girl, you dodged a bullet, freight train, missile all of it.

    I’m probably being very generous by saying he may be a little needy, but the text stalking??

    Hopefully he was true to his word and listened to one of his many voices and leaves you alone.

    Funny stuff but ridiculous.

    • Carmen

      I know Jessie, so much and like Caleb so eloquently pointed out, red flags were abundant.

      Like I said, his reply story from that second message had me going “Huh?” But we were playing make believe, right? Well at least I was!

      The other girls? Well according to my sources, he was a strange guy who tried way to hard, was too pushy and would have evolved into a stalker in 0 to 60.

      My consolation? I saw that he wasn’t wrapped too tight before having to meet up with that eager beaver.

      • Jessie

        Yeah, I hear you Carmen. It’s always nice to have references, I sure wished there was a service that stored dating profiles and gave you bio’s on each person. Be a problem figuring out what was actual vs some bitter ex but it sure would be a hoot to read.

  • Kendall

    This cat is nuts! The text stalking too? Sounds like he had a lot to say, one-sided discussion and all.

    I agree with my man Caleb, you need to shut fools like this down asap.

    Is he a pk??

    • Carmen

      Kendall I’m not sure if he’s a preacher’s kid. Maybe just a really religious person. My profiles always state that I am NOT so I don’t know why they choose to deviate from someone who wants to hear them all the time.

      God is great but I don’t need to keep hearing references to him and the bible all the time, you know??

  • Jessie

    He might exist somewhere in a far away land.. You just need ti hook up with the dude who complains about the same thing- the one who says his ideal woman isnt easy to find and you”ll live happily ever after. Now… Hook me up with his brother or son (I’ll take them young)!

  • Esme

    I actually snorted when I read this. What a tool! Sad thing is, I have had plenty of those one-sided convos myself.
    I find that the longer I date, the more jaded I get. I also tend to shut shit down once a dude says something I have heard before (probably like you!) or something that doesn’t feel quite right. Friends always tell me I shouldn’t judge too harshly. HOWEVER, I find when I am a little lenient, I wind up with half-crazed stalkers. I’m going back to being my bitchy self…

    • Carmen

      That’s my point, E… I’m normally so harsh and shut down a lot quickly and the one time I make exceptions,,, POW!

      Jaded is right, it extends across the board and like I told one of the soccer Moms, crappy dating situations affect all women. So why is it when, say a black women bitches and moans, she’s branded bitter woman? Humph.

      Adding to the highlights, just got a Facebook friend request from Come Back Charlie. Really??? Here we go again.

      Memo to men and women- just because you are talking to someone, dating etc doesn’t mean you need to connected to a person through every possible means. Nosy or what?

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