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Dr. Dre is in a situation

Ooooh how I love the ability to post from my Crackberry, so here I am, live and direct coming to you from Lynwood, California.
For you local boys and girls- hell NO, I do not frequent this area at all. Just so happens this car wash was en route to the freeway.

Enter my encounter with the Dr. Dre. No, not THE rapper himself, but with the exception of that yellowed front tooth, he’s the best look alike ever.

As I’m exiting the cashier, Dre says “Hello, how are you” as I’m walking past him and I reply with a quick “Fine, thanks” and keep it moving to the seating area outside.

Several benches and tons of seating spaces but of course, Dre makes his way over to me.

Before I go further, I’ll ask this- are there any other signs of don’t-bother-me-or-talk to me other than doing the following on a public place:

– reading
– listening to your music player
– texting
– talking on the phone

Just wondering cause NONE of them really seem to work.

Anyway, Dre starts up by complimenting me on my fragrance, telling me I not only look nice but smell great. “It’s Perry Ellis”, I tell him and thank him. The end. Back to texting.

“So what do you do?”. “Mediation”, I reply, “you?”. He says he’s a music producer. I say “oh, okay”. The end. Back to texting.

“I know you’ve got a man or someone special at home waiting for you”. I nod and smile and say “yes, I do”.

“You married or engaged?? It sucks, all the good women are taken it seems”. I tell him neither and he says “Oh no, you’ve got one of those cowardly punks who won’t commit to you.”

Hmm, commitment issues?

I tell him I do have a special someone but until his situation gets ironed out, I can’t commit. Bigggggggg mistake. I fucked around and gave this dude a ray of hope and he then swoons in for the kill, macking skills moved to def con level 7.

Here’s his chance to tell me about HIS situation.

Dre is divorced, has 8 children with the ex-wife (married or not, NEXT!!!) and is in a situation but he’s trying to get out of it. But can’t. Yeah, how many times have we heard THIS one?

Tells me how unhappy he is with this older woman and mentions he’d recently bought her a new car just to stop her from bickering. Says he’s a man of God and loves attending church regularly, but that his woman doesn’t set foot inside ANY church but he can’t understand why they’re values are so different. Really? You’re sleeping with Lucifer’s Mistress every night and are confused?

He then adds his “I’m really a good man” spill but telling me he’s not too bad and doesn’t bring women home nor does he stay out all night.

But it’s this situation he just can’t get away from.

Please understand, NONE of this information was solicited. Instead my ears were being molested with bullshit as I prayed the little carwash worker would hurry the hell up.

After he’s pedaled his number to me, asked for a lunch date and told me what a remarkable woman I was (all this from a few Q&A’s on the carwash bench??), he let it slip that his situation was a little more. He’s been with the woman for FIFTEEN years. Engaged for TEN years.

And the kicker? He’s just still not sure if she’s the one he should marry.

Needless to say, I am not impressed and obviously he is talking so much, he’s not noticing I’m over here acting like a courtroom transcriber, typing away.

It does not matter where I meet men, they are simply retarded!!! So go to hell, you naysayers who say it’s online only where you meet gems like Dre.

Hooray!!!! That little red towel just went up in the air. And I’m out!

Carmen

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

6 Comments

  • Esme

    I’m so glad I’m not the only one with an eight-kids story!! Yay!!
    And I know from experience these asshats are everywhere…not just online dating! Awesome job sharing him with us πŸ˜‰

  • Jessie

    You gotta give the dude credit- he’s either incredibly open or ridiculously stupid.

    15 years??? But he dare mention the words commitment issues? That’s funny.

    Shameon you Carmen, as soon as you heard “producer”, you should have jumped his bones!

    Hahahahah

  • Kimmie

    If I didn’t know any better, I would swear you were making this stuff up! Uh…. He does NOT have a frickin’ situation, he’s in a RElATIONSHIP!!!!!

    Ugh!

    • Carmen

      Oh Kimmie!! How I wish this was all make believe, some extraordinary stretch of the imagoination instead of the crap known as my single life.

      There’s so much, it seems like a few times a week.

      Whether it’s a random encounter, an old comeback I wish had dissipated into thin air or the comeback who I still have some longing for.

      Sigh.

  • Caleb

    Whatta Dewsh.

    That’s why “good” guys rarely approach chicks. They know that a woman would (often rightly) think “oh god, here comes another one…” and we don’t want to be *that* guy.

    If you could choose between the commitment coward or the philandering, engaged, yellow-toothed dude with 8 kids?

    I know, right?

    • Carmen

      If I could choose? I would go with my battery operated boyfriend or deal with the Black Russian shredding my reproductive system and have no drama.

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