THIS is Why I'm Single!

Ignore friend request

As quickly as he made a re-entry into my life, Come Back Charlie will likely make an even quicker exit all over an ignored Facebook request.  Well, maybe not all because of this because while I haven’t exactly been trying too hard to build up any lines of communication, he isn’t really impressing me either.  Last night as I stirred out of my sleep for a moment, I saw a new Facebook notification – Friend Request from Come Back Charlie.  I looked at it and the first thing that came to mind was what the hell for and the second was should I say no now or leave it pending eternally so he can’t request me again.

What’s with people, especially members of the opposite sex who you’ve dated or had a date-like encounter with feeling like they have to be a part of your inner circle?

In addition to the request, CBC had also sent a text message wishing me a good morning and mentioning that he’d sent the request.  I started to dodge the subject but then politely replied with a “Good morning, yes I got the request but I only use Facebook for family and close friends, sorry”.  Simple and not rude, right?  Regardless, he replies with “Simply amazing….Well, take care”.

Is it THAT serious?  I asked him if that was a farewell message and if so, I was cool with it and he starts this dialogue about how I’m putting a road block into establishing a friendship and that my refusing to add him meant I was hiding something. 

Again, is it THAT SERIOUS? 

CBC isn’t the first and surely won’t be the last but I just don’t think it’s good to mix randoms with your friends and any former significant others you may have on your Facebook page.  I know there are plenty of couples who don’t think anything of it and like posting on each other’s pages the I love you, be home soon and other random comments that scream out to the effing world he or she is MINE and taken.  Who cares?  In fact, sometimes I’m more annoyed by this type of stuff but the overdone public displays of ownership affection isn’t my sole reason for wishing to keep certain areas of my life private, but past experience.

I was actually introduced to Facebook by my ex-boyfriend, Mr. Jekyll who suggested I sign-up and sold me on how fun it could be staying in contact with friends and reconnecting with old friends.  Sounded good to me and I didn’t think anything of “friending” him a few days after.  For the most part I didn’t really have any issues but soon began noticing that being friends with someone you’re dating opens up a world that I really wanted no part of.

First, I started noticing he had waaaaaaaay too many female friends on his page and it seemed as if almost daily, there were new ones being added.  Jekyll was an INTROVERT, wasn’t a really popular kid in school, worked all the time, and was not a modeling agent or photographer so really had no explanation for having 95% of his 800+ friends being female. Second thing noticed was how some of the women would make little comments that were borderline “I’m flirting with someone’s man and know his girlfriend is probably reading” type of stabs.  And third, Mr. Jekyll had turned into a voyeur and would recount to me the day’s activities from my wall posts and comments and then question and read into things male friends probably because he was guilty of something.  Way too much for me. 

I told CBC I had nothing to hide, further explaining everyone doesn’t need to have total access.  You have my telephone number and e-mail address and should respect that in my eyes, those methods of contact are more than enough.

 Carmen ~

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

15 Comments

  • Esme

    Ah, the Facebook question. I also don’t add people all that easily. Facebook causes soooo much drama. I have enough issues with men, I am not adding electronic douchebaggery to the mix. If he believes you are hiding something, fuck him. Who the hell is he to say that when he is trying to come back into your life?? Ugh, I could go on and on…

    • Carmen

      Yep, this issue surfaces again and believe it or not, this dude is really pushing the envelope on this issue.

      Not only did he tell me my not wanting to add him seemed suspect and gave the appearance of me hiding something, he goes into this diatribe about trust when establishing friendships.

      What the hell??? Who does this?? This is all happening this morning and as I told my friend at work, I already started the day off shitty, so CBC’s attempts at psycho-analyzing me wasn’t helping.

      He actually went so far as to try breaking down the real reasons for my privacy request. Come on son, it is not that serious.

      The answer is a resounding NO and he is a text message away from being programmed as a NOPE in my phone.

      What gives with these pushy people??

      • Just Saying

        I had this problem recently with a co worker at the museum I volunteer at. Crazy C.
        She would do all those things (except we’re not dating) but would try and dictate the friendship.
        If she couldn’t reach me, she would start to panic then turn crazy and come up with a whole other saga in her head of what was really going on…

        When I told her she needed to back off a little, she went off the deep end. Ending our brief acquaintanceship, which turned out to be the best thing ever!!! See my blog for those conversations.

        CBC will not be missed. Who needs that much drama that early on in a relationship of any kind?
        It either fits naturally or it doesn’t.

        • Carmen

          Just Saying, oh yes, I’ve read about Crazy C and wonder if she has lesbian tendencies or is just well…. Crazy!

          I agree, he’s doing way too much but guess what the kicker was from this morning’s ridiculous “why won’t you add me” textversation? He had the gall to say “you can kiss me but can’t be friends on Facebook?”

          Um… Yes. I could polish your pole, toss your salad and lick your toes as well. And?

          By the way… Check your e-mail address. Looks transposed or did you mean to make it jsut vs just?? =)

          • Just Saying

            Thank you, yes it was transposed.

            Yes we can kiss, polish poles etc, that does not give anyone the right to demand to be facebook friends then pout later.

            Facebook has invented a whole new level of stupid. It makes a large percentage of people act like children. No man children!!!!

            He is clearly more invovled in your relationship with you than you are with him. lol
            Careful, he could end up turning into a nut. If he’s “done” with you as per his text “Simply amazing….Well, take care”. why does he insist on texting you more?

            And do not even get me started on texting. Sure its good for a quick conversation about meeting up etc, but to have fights on it? Pick up the damn friggin phone and use your voice damn it!!! (not you, him btw).

            Today I think all men are stupid. Just stupid.
            Read Elizabeth Singleton’s blog today… men are stupid at that end too.

            Still loving your blog. 🙂 You’ve been provoking angst in me lately. lol

            • Carmen

              Provoking angst, laughter or the urge to yell men are stupid- glad I can be of service. Lol

              Uh, relationship none. CBC’s story from before hasn’t truly been explained here. I mentioned that I’d left him alone twice before because of his woman drama, but he exhibited some special signs as well.

              Facebook is a mess! It has truly created a love/hate relationship because it puts you in contact with people you want to deal with but makes it easy for the ones you’d hope to never hear from find you.

              There should be a disclaimer before anyone can (1) create an account and (2) request a friend. Some rules and etiquette, you know???

              This shit keeps coming up again and again. Borderline stalker dude I blogged about a few weeks ago- you know, the dude who decided to get crafty and create a FAKE profile name to see if I would accept his flirts??

              Wtf is wrong with these people??

              • Just Saying

                Adding people on facebook is along the same lines of calling them after obtaining their phone number from someone else other than the person you want to contact.
                make sense? You have the right to not pick up your phone, answer your door or accept friends on facebook.

                Those boundaries are there for you! Not them.
                I’ve had a guy selling something knock onmy door once, and when I did not answer, he yelled thru the door. “I can hear you in there”…. I replied, “thats nice, it’s my door, it’s my decision whether or not I want to answer it. Just cos you knocked does not guarntee you a right to have the door opened.”

                He walked away muttering bitch or something under his breath. As he walked down the hallway, I opened my door stood in the hallway (all while having his supervisor on the phone) and advised him; “that if he’s going to be rude and call people a bitch for not answering their door, you might want to refrain from mentioning who you work for before hand… btw, your supervisor is on my phone, he’d like you to call him. 🙂 have a nice night.. jerk.”

              • Carmen

                Great analogy! And the story about the salesman? Priceless. Better yet, great for one of those “need to get away” commercials.

                That was great, thanks for sharing.

      • Esme

        If anything, at least you know NOW that he is an incredibly needy doucher that needs his ego stroked on a regular basis. Thank goodness they usually show themselves early on. Even sooner these days thanks to things like facebook, and texting. Good riddance!!

  • Jessie

    Wait, he got pissed because you wouldn’t add him??? I don’t get people either and agree with the others.

    It’s your choice to add and if someone doesn’t like it, oh well.

    If this is his way of reconnecting by bitching about a Facebook page, he doesn’t have a clue.

    Stupid.

    • Carmen

      Yes Jessie, he sure did. And for the record, I originally met him at work, not online so you know what this shows?

      That I’m right. It doesn”t matter where you meet a person- online, a friend, wherever. Same crap, different person.

    • Carmen

      @ Silver Fox… Nope, once his total access privileges were denied, I’ve not heard anything else from him. So now I’m free to start sharing the details on why he was nixed the first time!

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