In this week’s episode of My Dating Hangovers, we feature stories from Comeback Charlie, Impromptu Text Date, Sybil’s Brother, Smoldering Incense and Simply Lame.
Really, my encounters with men whether I meet them in person or online are worthy of an episode on your favorite soap opera. So how about a recap of this past weekend starting from the lesser of the evils to the worst starting with…….
# 5 – Smoldering Incense
Just as the name indicates, Incense is one of those harmless guys because he is about as exciting as watching paint dry. About every 6 months or so, he’ll resurface with a “Are you married yet” text to see if he still has a chance at something with me. We’ll exchange a few catching up messages and then not much else after that except for my usual “I’ll call you to see when we can hook up” reply followed by my action of doing NOTHING. Nice enough guy and when we’d gone out a few times years ago, we had an okay time but there just wasn’t any real chemistry. Besides, I hate receiving those random camera phone in mirror chest shots. FAILURE.
# 4 – Impromptu Text Date
I’ve mentioned this before, but I really wished we could get back to the basics of dating. You know, when you would exchange numbers with someone, CALL and TALK then arrange to go out? Instead everything is done by text, which is exactly what nearly all of the men I’ve been meeting (whether in person or online) seem to do. This POF contender decided a 1am text wishing me sweet dreams and telling me “I just song you a lalaby” (figure this one out) was a great opening for communication. Alright, if I’m being forced into text contact I have to say this – if your spelling isn’t the greatest, a telephone call would be in your best interest. I COULD blame the common misspellings that often spew out of the Iphone, but I’m really thinking “lalaby” was a manual entry. I didn’t reply so the next day I received a text to hook up for lunchner (combination of lunch and dinner) and while spontaneity is nice, it would be nicer to have heard your voice a time or two before agreeing to a date. Maybe it was the way he asked me out without initiating a phone call OR the grade 2 hurricane that was brewing, but I just wasn’t feeling it yesterday. FAILURE.
# 3 – Comeback Charlie
“Don’t want to lose contact with you, but don’t want to chase you either”. I guess the bad weather put the fellas in a text-some-bullshit mood, because this is what I received from Come Back Charlie (“CBC”) last evening. You send one text message and you think you’re chasing me? Um okay. So here’s the deal with CBC – we were going to try for a date on Saturday but when I told him early afternoon he proposed probably wouldn’t work with me, I countered with getting together later that evening and when he replied with a “We’ll see” followed by no additional contact, I figured that was the end of that. CBC’s true colors are showing because he initially said he was okay with being forced into friend only status, but I’m noticing more and more that he’s sneaking in a few sexual innuendos here and there. Sigh. I already know where this is going. FAILURE.
# 2 – Simply Lame
This gem lost the race before he could get his hooves out of the starting gate. I wish I had time to share all of the wonderful encounters from POF, because trust me, there are many but occasionally I’ll encounter one who appears to have some sense. Key word, appears. Here’s a quick timeline for how he went from “Hmm, seems interesting” to “Loser” in a matter of days. Last Sunday and Monday we’d messaged each other back and forth before finally agreeing to exchange numbers with the intent of eventually meeting up. Tuesday, I called him (caller ID unblocked) and left my introductory message for a return call. Nothing happens. Sunday (yesterday) he sends me a message on POF apologizing for having been really busy, acknowledging he’d received my message but didn’t have a chance to call back or respond. Then Mr. Lame asks if I can send him my number AGAIN or call him AGAIN and leave a message AGAIN. Seriously? I quickly pointed my mouse and clicked on another ridiculous message and deleted AGAIN. FAILURE.
And drums can I get a drum roll for the one who tops the list of the weekend hangovers…
# 1 – Sybil’s Brother
It never ceases to amaze me that the one’s who initially seem to be the most promising end up being the worst basket cases known to women. Allow me to introduce you the man whose many personalities surfaced within a 72 hour period, Sybil’s Brother. Just as Come Back Charlie, SB introduced himself the right way and made sure I knew he’d paid attention to my ramblings in my profile and description. He got my attention by using humor – I love to laugh. So when replied and made up this fabulously fairytale of “this is how we met” to our imaginary 21 children, he’d successfully avoided entrance into the deleted message bin. By the end of Friday, we’d exchanged a several messages and ending with him leaving his number. I should mention something that turned me off a bit was when he messaged me that he had to keep running back to Starbucks to check his messages in anticipation of my replies because he didn’t have Internet service at home. A man who is eager desperate or just really intrigued?
Oh yes, in true soap opera fashion, I’ll be right back after a commercial break.