Same old stuff in my world and apparently, a few others as well. Oh, the woes of dating.
I just got off the phone with one of my good friends named Kim*, and although we JUST had this conversation earlier this week, there we were again talking about stupid men.
I reminded her about the do’s and don’ts on how to handle a friend with benefits (FWB), and quickly realized that too many of us are dealing with the ups and downs that can drain the hell out of you.
We (myself included) are caught up in a vicious cycle where we try to delete a person out of our life.
It’s funny but sad at the same time, but when Kim told me she’d had enough of the emotional rollercoaster with her FWB and started deleting phone numbers and e-mail addresses, and even (gasp) Facebook friends, I cracked up.
Yep, been there done that.
How often do you do this? You’re ticked off, frustrated, feeling hurt, ignored and decide to erase any trace of the person responsible.
The delete buttons become your best friend as you start going through old text messages. You know the ones you’d saved from that textversation where some real feelings came out or there was a really sweet message that could be read over and over. Away with the e-mails of some moment you really connected or of some nice or tantalizing photos. Finally, that sense of imaginary closure when you say yes to the “are you sure” prompt when deleting their number.
Sounds good, right? This is your own way of being done with this person(for real this time because we KNOW this wasn’t the first).
Just as I told Kim, this is one of those retarded games that we play with ourselves.
For one, you can delete to your hearts content. Their number is imbedded in your brain, you’re not doing anything but making a few gigabytes available in your phone.
Secondly, if you saved any texts and e-mails, you’ve undoubtedly memorized what they say because when you have those moments (good and bad), you’ve looked at them. Several times.
Thirdly, I guarantee that within a couple of days, they will have called or texted. A few times and once you get tired of responding to a number and not a name, you’ll have reprogrammed them in your phone.
Lastly, it’s stupid. We’re doing it out of frustration and deep down probably can’t WAIT for them to contact you anyway.
Here’s the deal- this cycle is nothing but a farce.
If I was really serious about ending communications with someone I’m involved with, I will tell them. Period.
The times when I’ve engaged in the fake deletions are the same as with Kim. I’m pissed and tell myself this is a good way to just move on.
Here’s the cycle:
Contact is made, I’m a bitch towards the guy for the first couple of exchanges. We talk about how someone overreacted or was misunderstood. Someone reminds the other that this is not a relationship. We both agree. The next couple of contacts are a little more relaxed and within a couple of days, we’re somewhere having great sex. Things are good until the next time.
The cycle continues.
Sorry Kim; You know you’ll be giving me an update about your guy before the end of the week.
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