A thought popped into my mind while watching one of those “try it for 30 days or your money back” infomercials.
Can this same concept be applied to the selection of my next relationship partner?
Think about how this trial works. What do most savvy consumers normally do before investing in something new?
1. We want to hear about it – Advertisements of what it’s for, what it can do, the return on investment etc…
2. We do our research – Before investing any time or spending our hard earned money, we want to learn more about it. What is the background, how did it get on the market, are there any cons or side affects?
3. Check references/look for testimonials – I don’t know about you, but before I try most things I want feedback from actual users. Sure, the folks in the infomercials sound really convincing but you can’t just trust the source, right? I’m asking around, checking web sites and forums for the good, bad and the ugly.
So again, why shouldn’t we do the same when it comes to the selection of people for dating?
I really wish there was an actual site for this, we can call it something like “The Ex Reference” or “Before You Fall” or how about “Here’s How They Really Are”.
Please understand that I’m not thinking of a bashing forum like “Don’t Date Him Girl” (not that I have anything against this site), but an actual place for men and women to list objective and subjective details about someone they’ve dated or were in a relationship with.
Probably a little tricky because I can just see the word SLANDER popping up after the first entry.
Now don’t judge me. I thought of this because I think women should be warned or notified (yeah, the latter sounds better) of the types of men my ex-boyfriends really are.
It’s just like doing a product review and should not be construed as any of the following:
– me being bitter
– not having moved on
– thinking spite fully or
– being a *itch
I feel it is my duty as a concerned member of the dating world to issue a public service announcement.
Unfortunately, I have plenty of hangovers who could be the examples. The types of men who I would like a woman to know about before investing too much time and energy in.
This 36 year-old father of two is definitely a hard working man. He’s been steadily employed since he was a teenager, has his own place, transportation, is good looking, a sharp dresser, enjoys travelling and sightseeing and knows a thing or two about chivalry.
Jekyll is very affectionate, will compliment you often and enjoys spoiling you with nice dinners, clothing and jewelry. He is Mr. Relationship, expresses his desires to settle down and plan a future together.
Jekyll has several addictions including Facebook browsing, friending and stalking, shopping, lying and masturbating. He is a serial texter and is poor at communicating and expressing his feelings.
You’ll likely never resolve any conflicts especially not over the phone because he will end a call quickly and begin texting you within 2 minutes of ending the conversation.
While he tells you he’s confident in himself and your relationship, you will receive no LESS than 100 texts, e-mails or calls per month asking “you really love me”, “do you want me” “Do you miss me”, “are you mad at me”, “do you hate me” or my personal favorite “are you dumping me now”.
Jekyll is great at communicating in some ways because he will stay in contact with ALL of his former girlfriends and try to woo one or more of them back. His mood swings are like summer weather in Miami and is likely an undiagnosed bi-polar case study.
This might be a small fact for some (pun intended), but he has a size-challenged penis, may take several hours, if at all, to climax (see porn+masturbating) and tells every woman how beautiful they are. Especially your Facebook friends he has contacted. Yes, YOUR friends.
This guy will spoil you even if you are the least materialistic person on earth, but you’ll soon realize that his gifts are hidden admissions of guilt for some wrong he’s done.
You get the picture?
How about one other candidate worthy of this reference site?
“Full Metal Jacket”
Full Metal is an agile 28 year-old and even though he has a small, almost petite-like frame, is in great physical shape and is well toned. He’s got a nice caramel macchiatto complexion (an amalgamation of Puerto Rican and Black heritage), a great smile, and has the type of deep sexy voice you wouldn’t mind listening to all night.
Although he has only taken a few courses beyond high school while in the military, he’s pretty knowledgeable and was able to converse with me on a level to where I didn’t really question the age difference.
Full Metal is the type of guy who starts off being consistent with contact (none of that disappearing act, no texts all day or absent phone calls for more than a day type stuff), is affectionate and definitely has goals for his future. Plus, he enjoys spending lots of time with his lady of interest.
While I can highlight that he harped about having been a dedicated Marine, I should mention that parts of his mind and emotional health and sense of humor were left scattered somewhere between Afghanistan, Bahrain and Iraq. Full Metal will woo you quickly with his talks on his desire to be married, start a family and live happily ever after.
He will show you plenty of attention, to the point of smothering you and your personal time will become a thing of the past. This man will stop in the middle of sex, become really silent and withdrawn then tell YOU he is not suffering from post-traumatic disorder.
Full Metal will convince you that God is all you need – ignoring the need for any therapy, counseling or thought process outside of what is written in the Bible. When I wrote the post “Never Date a Religious Hypocrite, this gem was one of those I had in mind. Surely there wasn’t a chapter in the Old Testament that said “thou shall give head”.
Identity crisis tend to follow people of mixed nationalities, but he also suffered from a personality crisis. His Blackberry messenger status would often change from his name, to some obscure symbol and on the days when he was really full of himself, he would refer to himself as “King —–“.
Full Metal is a pathological liar who will try to convince you that the most important thing you can gain from the bible is reading Matthew and scriptures on forgiveness for any of his lies or manic outbursts. Last but not least, the reference will tell you about his better halves – the two, three or four other personalities existing within him.
Now honestly, wouldn’t you like to know these types of things up front for yourself, friend, sister, aunt mother or depending on how they swing, brother?
These details are factual, not opinions or minor annoyances (well, maybe the penis comment).
Would you still date my ex after reading his reference check?
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…
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