Relationship 101,  Uncategorized

What am I worried about?

“I’m having a baby and am so excited, but how do I tell my fiance’ it isn’t his?”

“Having sex with him bores me to DEATH. He has no idea what foreplay is or what it takes to turn me on. The very thought of him touching me makes me nauseous.  Still, I love him so.”

“I don’t know what I’m going through right now, and while I still want the marriage, I have my needs. I know I should have stopped months ago, but playing out my fantasies with another man is what keeps me sane.”

One story I just saw on another blog, one is actual and the third I learned of second hand.

So I ask myself again, am I really experiencing hangovers all that bad, or perhaps just test drives in preparation for the real thing?

Could each of these have been avoided if these women were up front about what they wanted and liked? Should they have asked more questions, talked to their significant others more in the beginning?

I’m planning on having a little Q&A session with Rescue 911 tonight, and after stumbling on an article mentioning questions you should ask a potential mate.  Uh oh is right but I’m being fair, he’s been warned and I even told him he can choose which category.  Kind of like a Jeapordy-style type of session.   Surely, he’s probably dreading this but so what.

Rescue has already strategically placed himself in an “interesting” situation by pursuing me when he’s got unfinished business.   I figure this is for my benefit and if he’s as smart as I think he is, he’ll understand the benefits as well.

Why a bunch of questions?

I sure as hell want to avoid getting into some long-term situation of unhappiness out of ignorance, and even if he tells me what he thinks I want to hear, in my little twisted brain I’ll still feel a sense of satisfaction for having asked the types of questions that should come up before even beginning to date someone.

There are no guarantees even if I ask a million and one questions, but I’d rather err on the side of trying to guarantee great effort to learn as much as I can about a potential partner.

This will be interesting.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen~

Posted with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

14 Comments

  • Jessie

    Oh wow, I thought these were your situations. Messy!

    Even messier, can we get a follow up on the outcome of the woman who breaks the baby news? Lol

    Hope the talk went well though most men I know wouldn’t sit down for more than 5 minutes of catching wind of a question and answer probe.

    • Carmen

      Goodness no Jessie, my life isn’t that complicated.

      The talk? Well… The only talking I did last night was in my sleep. 🙂

      My energy levels have tanked this week, but I’ll get him…

  • 1_Silver Fox

    The first three stories- horrible messes and no, your dating trials pale in comparison. These women are what you should aspire NOT to be like so fist pump on asking any man exactly what you want to know.

  • Caleb

    Rock on. Hopefully you follow your own instincts and make decisions that keep you out of those situations, but if not you’ll always have this post to look back on and say “What? I knew what I was doing wrong and I did it anyway?”

    Then you’ll probably wish you’d always followed my advice. But you do that anyway now, right? 😉

    Holy shit- I just made a winky face.

    Sorry. I’ll make up for it in my next comment.

    Caleb

    • Carmen

      What the hell? Caleb? A smiley face? Wow. Next you’ll be telling me you’re getting married in 3 months. -) By the way, congrats on working things out with your lady friend. Yay!!!

      Oh and yes, my bsdar (bullshit radar) is on level 12. I DO listen to you man, like really. For instance, I no longer respond to anyone on POF who writes in all caps, is unable to use the correct where/wear/ware and mentions anything about ‘”sexy” in their intro message.

      Hee hee

      • Caleb

        That’s a great start. Also, thanks! It’s worked out for now, though I’m still moving in August and I guess we’ll see what happens.

        They just can’t get enough of me… you know?

  • Melzie

    You have nothing to worry about, chica. You’re well aware of what works for you, which is half the battle. I’ll add a little more to this “Could each of these have been avoided if these women were up front about what they wanted and liked? Should they have asked more questions, talked to their significant others more in the beginning?”

    ….and been willing to walk away if things were really that bad.

    Being dissatisfied is one thing, but when you add another person to the mix without giving them a heads up that ish simply ain’t working that’s when the lies and deceit comes in. Honestly, I wish people would just grow the freak up and stop living these sad soap opera episodes…reality bites.

    *sorry, in a mood at the moment :-)…*

    • Carmen

      Mood or not Melzie, I always welcome your words. Wiling to walk away is the key, definitely but I’m willing to bet my pinky toe that these women did NOT mention any of these things to their men before getting involved in a relationship OR before saying “I will” or “I do”.

      See here’s what I see as self-inflicting pain – we don’t ask enough, we don’t tell/share enough (about likes/dislikes/preferences/deal breakers) and we do not know the difference between compromise and settling.

      You’re absolutely right about one thing – those who learn the answers or hear what they really can’t accept do NOT walk away. They deal with it.

      Forget that. Not only am I too old to be playing the “well, let me try and work with him” game, especially on the really important issues and I’m too good for the bs.

      The one woman who did the ultimate (getting pregnant by another man) is in a world of poo. Not that I will or could ever condone cheating, but when you do the ultimate act and leave evidence, a la baby, you’re really asking for it.

      I’m waiting for someone to create the meeting place where men who are tired of retarded women and women who are tired of retarded men can meet up and live happily ever after.

    • Jessie

      @ Melzie – yes, yes and yes! Walk away if it isn’t working OR accept things as they are and work it out.

      Relationships really aren’t that complicated, it’s the people who are full of it or confused who create the problems.

  • Kendall

    Man, I know men are accused of cheating the most, but when you women do it, you all take it to a whole other level!

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