Relationship 101,  THIS is Why I'm Single!,  Uncategorized

Just Be Up Front!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

“Hey dear stranger.  🙂  Its ____, how are you?  Just putting the word out that I’m off the market.  Got engaged”.

This is the text message I received from the hangover named Mr. Hollywood hangover just after midnight, and while I adjusted my eyes in the dark to read this as I awoke this morning, I found myself adjusting them once again to correct them from being crossed, marveling at the thought of this guy sending this to me.  Sure, I shouldn’t care because I’ve got my Rescue and sure, I should be happy for anyone who has successfully weeded out the smut in the dating game to find that special someone, but still I’m annoyed.  Before you start thinking that I’m bitter-still-not-married female, allow me to explain why Hollywood’s vagueness and downplaying of how involved he REALLY was is a form of lying by omission. 

Why can’t people just be up front?

Wondering if I replied?  Well of course and I did what any respectable woman would do when hearing a man (she was once interested in) in is now engaged – I replied and congratulated him and here’s what I the dialogue that followed:

CJ:  “Engaged?  You went from being in a “situation” or “just chilling with a lady friend” to being engaged?  Wow.  Congratulations and good luck to you”.

MH: “LOL.  Go back to sleep.  Yeah, I’m tired of dating.”

CJ:  “I think you seriously understated how real your situation was.  I’m definitely adding you to the blog.”

MH:  “I’m a star!  I’m in my 30’s and she’s real.  I had to do right by her.”

Do right by her?  Who says that??  What happened to “We get along great, she’s kind and I love her…”?

I was going to give you the beginning and ending story of how this hangover came to be, but it would be too lengthy so again, my beef – he was a little too nonchalant and his actions in the last couple of months and weeks.  Unless I’m retarded, they certainly weren’t indicative of a man in a serious relationship with someone he’d considered marrying.

Let me take you back to April when Hollywood suddenly resurfaced and started calling again (I’m giving sketchy details here but will share how contact stopped in the follow up post).  You know how that initial comeback conversation goes – each person asking the other how they’ve been, what they’ve been up to and if anyone had gotten married yet.  When he’d asked me if I’d made it down the aisle yet I replied no, but did explain that I was seeing someone and at this point, Hollywood says he’d been “hanging” out with someone but that it wasn’t serious.  Okay, so it is clear that we’re both seeing people so any future conversations should be the basic “what else is new” type of fluff but instead, he seemed to be going in the opposite direction and on more than one occasion wanted to get together. 

We all know that “get together” could be as simple as meeting up for a cup of coffee or ending up on our backs at someone’s house, so while we both agreed a casual meet up sounded fine, I never allowed anything to materialize.  Not only was I occupied with my child, family and friends, Rescue and LIFE, I had the feeling that him telling me that while he’d spent a good amount of time with some woman, she was nothing more than a filler for some time and sex.  So after several of my declines, he let up a bit and I thought nothing else of him until he started calling a little more regularly.  In fact, my good friend (Hot Jersey Girl) met Hollywood one evening while she and I were catching up at happy hour.  He’d called me earlier during the day asking if we could make lunch happen and I declined, telling him he could join us before he headed to work.  I figure a neutral setting plus my support system was a good idea just in case I didn’t trust myself.  This was a reunion since we hadn’t seen each other since January and it’s safe to say that everyone was pleased with what we saw, because even my girlfriend was impressed.  His body is amazing, perfectly chiseled; his smile is radiant with a great set of teeth and his beautiful blue/grey eyes resembled the water you’d find on a tropical island.  Nice.  The gathering went well filled with plenty of laughs and when Jersey Girl asked him why he wasn’t with me and how he was still singled (got to love friends at times like this), he replied “I’m good, busy with work but do have a friend I’m seeing”.  Friend. 

Fast forward following that meeting and the telephone calls pick up a little more and soon it was to the point where almost every Sunday an invite was extended to me to get out and do something but again, our schedules never synched.  At one point, I started receiving home date invites.  You know when it may be early in the day and without committing to anything specific, I was asked to stop by on my way to one of my destinations.  Uh, no thanks.  Hollywood was reminded that while I thought he was a really great guy with all of his wit, professional drive, sense of humor and of course that megawatt smile, WE were still involved with other people and made it clear anything outside of casual/friends wasn’t an option.  Yet again, he downplayed the brevity of his relationship with some woman.

About a month or so ago I’ve received a late night text (more like early morning, it was about 3am) saying “I want some”.  I called him the next morning asking if that was meant for someone else and he told me it was meant for me because it was something he’d always been curious about.  This is the time when I realized his mission wasn’t just a gathering of two friends but something more.

Three weeks ago I received a call from him which was sent to voicemail, his message asking if I wanted to get together and do a movie or something.  The call was returned I declined and reminded him that every Sunday (as this was the second week in a row) that he’s called I’ve been relaxing with my family which is what I do.

Two weeks ago I received a call asking if I wanted to go sailing with him.  I can’t lie – I love the spontaneity and that “think out of the box” type of idea, who would pass up the chance to do that?  But I did.

A week ago, another phone call to mention that I always seemed too busy.

This morning, July 20, 2011 – a text message that he is now engaged.

I’ve probably left out a few details but based on what I’ve shared, you tell me – is this the behavior of a man who has given me clear indication that he’s seriously involved with ANOTHER woman to the point of getting married?

Someone replied to a previous post stating “dating life seems to be so overly complicated”.  It’s because people just can’t seem to be up front about things and I think it’s due to that “what if there’s something better” or “am I sure” concerns they’re dealing with within.

Whatever the reason, I’d rather take what a man has to tell me straight with no chaser.  Seriously folks, stop with the bulls$it and it will make all of our lives so much more peaceful.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

10 Comments

    • Carmen

      Jessie, not surprising completely but for some reason I thought this one had a little more substance to him. The kicker is that he probably (like most who do stupid things) thinks nothing of it.

  • Just Sayin

    MH: “I’m a star! I’m in my 30′s and she’s real. I had to do right by her.”

    What I hear when I read this is… He’s been cheating, the whole time. They were probably on/off again very frequently. Or she was “out of town” a lot.

    I don’t that that text was sent on his own accord. Had to do right by her…. I hear an omission of guilt and he got busted. Or she’s pregnant.

    Nice that he thinks you’d care. You know having just called/emailed you 3 weeks ago to “hang out”.

    Assface. Delete him.

    • Carmen

      Oh yes, Just Saying… After I re-read the text dialogue to make sure I captured the stupidity of it all, I deleted him.

      Interesting how people see things differently and i think you’re right, that message did seem forced. It just didn’t sound right.

      And yeah, do right by her, bullshit. In fact, he is a Southern boy and that “marry if you knock it up” mentality AND phrase seems to go together.

      Sad part is he was dipping in some other booty WHILE he was working on the reconciliation because he clarified this isn’t the same person he’d been seeing when he and I linked back up.

      Loser!

  • Kimmie

    well… Here I was thinking I wouldn’t have missed anything during my Internet hiatus and here we are.

    First of all, no surprises here. I’m with Just Saying, that damn text almost sounds like she was right under his testicles as he typed that out.

    Doesn’t even sound right, so don’t be too ticked, thank goodness you’re not getting married to someone because they’re tired of dating!!!

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