Break Ups,  Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Relationship 101,  When you're dating your ex

Before the trip

I just got my house key back from Rescue.

The last message I’d sent was pretty stern as I said a little something like “I don’t want to talk to you” and “leave the car running, I’ll meet you at the door”.

So there he was, looking as handsome as ever with a puppy dog look on his face to match mine, waiting with key in hand.

Here’s how I envisioned things would go:

Carmen stands with hands on hips in the door way, one eyebrow cocked in the air with a disgusted look. Rescue walks up and she says “my key”, quickly extends her right hand, gets the key then smugly says “about time” then turns on her heel. Just as she’s about to close the door, Carmen yells “we are DONE!”

Yeah, sounds like a nice dramatic ending from the girlfriend who had been neglected for two and a half weeks. But uh, it didn’t quite go down like that.

Instead, Rescue walks up to the door steps, extends the key and when I go to reach for it, quickly grabs me and we hug.

I mean really, embrace is more fitting of a description.

As my chest is pressed into his and Rescue’s arms are wrapped tightly like a young baby being swaddled, it hits me. It’s almost like he is reading my mind, sensing the signals of my body language from that hug that seemed to last forever and he says “Baby, we are not over, we are not. I told you, I will not lose you a second time, I can’t. I won’t”.

It is almost 4 o’clock in the morning and it would take me a while to share all that transpired between us as I stood at my door, half asleep with pajamas and scarf to boot.

I’ll just say this – I lied. I told Rescue I didn’t want to talk but I did. I simply asked why? Why couldn’t he just TELL me that he was going through it. Why couldn’t he trust me, the woman he’s so in love with and wants to be with; trust me enough to explain his 3 week plan in advance so I wouldn’t think something else.

Why?

Because he is a man.

Men do foolish – not stupid things because of their pride, ego whatever.

Men, especially when in relationships, fail to realize that communicating with your partner is NOT the same as being monitored or bossed around. It’s simply communicating which alleviates a tremendous amount of bullshit.

We’re all big boys and girls, we realize that when your actions deviate from the norm and you fail to simply explain why, that leaves things open to interpretation and most times, we then assume. Assume the worst.

Long of the short? I’ll be high in the friendly skies for part one of my vacation and although things are not how they should be, I’m going to be leaving with love in my heart.

I can’t say for sure what will happen with Rescue when I return, and I did chuckle at the last thing he said to me as he jokingly told me “have fun and don’t be over there acting like Stella”.

Seeing him made all of the ill feelings I had towards him subside.

Only time will tell.

For now… Atlanta and Jamaica, you better get ready for me!

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen

Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

9 Comments

  • Just Saying

    I hate, HATE when an embrace can make you stupid and forget what you were angry about in the first place.
    Sigh, I need one of those hugs right now. lol

    Have a great time on vacation! And you are single, get that groove back! πŸ˜‰

    • Carmen

      Just Saying – this is new for me. I’m normally so level headed and when I make up my mind about being done, it’s a wrap!!

      Picture Homer Simpson with that stupid “doh” expression- that’s how I felt.

      Oh yes.. Looking forward to a great time!

      Thanks girl!

  • 1 Silver_Fox

    Now Carmen, you should now better by now. We do handle things in our own way- isn’t that what Papa Bear was just trying to explain.

    The way this dude went about trying to have his “me time” was all wrong and even though you’re no longer saying you’re done, its still a fragile deal.

    Interested in seeing how this plays out.

  • Dana

    Carmen,

    I simply love your blogposts and I can only hope that this is how my love affair at the moment will pan out. Except mine is back on the dating website. I’ve secretly found out the women that have been messaging him, and I’ve got to say I was the bomb-diggity compared with these women. But, I don’t like to toot my own horn. I have been in contact with him since he’s said he’s needed space. Hell my kids and I actually spend two nights there this week. I am weak, and I sometimes hate how I do that, but he is going hunting this weekend… leaving today actually. So, I likely won’t see him until after Sunday. Funny thing is that we are on a “break,” but he said he’d still like to see me/us 1-2 times a week. And, he still hugs me when he sees me. It’s frustrating and confusing. So, I’m trying to rediscover myself during this time and remember who I was without him. It’s helping. I even have a date tonight with someone else. After all, and we discussed this, if he’s going to date, so am I. But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I am hoping that it works out with US… because I feel like we’re meant to be… call it intuition, or call it stupidity… but it’s a GUT feeling… even through all this turmoil with us, I still feel like we were made for each other. Like he’s my soulmate. *sigh*

    • Carmen

      Dana, I really wish relationships weren’s so damn complicated and it’s true- it is the people involved who cause the problems.

      I’m sorry to hear about you and your guy in this confusing/in between status. I thought you two were doing okay a few weeks ago?

      *sigh*

      Dating web site? Hey, I truly have a love/hate relationship with those sites but honestly believe, there are just as many good men looking for love as there are bad men looking to jerk a woman around.

      I’m very interested in hearing how you “secretly” found out about women messaging him. On one hand, its a great feeling to know that in comparison to them, you are the cat’s meow. Yet at the same time, are you okay with actually seeing that this man you feel is your soul mate is getting this type of attention from other women?

      Your situation sounds just as interesting as mine, but what’s with the break and who suggested it?

      I don’t really like breaks.

      While they can give you and the person you’d really like to be with or are figuring out if you want to be with TIME, they can also create PROBLEMS.

      Rescue was unofficially giving himself a break and you see how I was reacting to that shit – raising hell every moment.

      But like you said – that gut feeling is why you, me and countless others continue dealing with a particular person.

      All we can do is know when to fold.

  • Jessie

    Wow, enough twists and turns for you? I don’t think you’re ready to break it off completely otherwise you would have done it already.

    But what the hell, vacation time. Forget about this mess an enjoy yourself.

  • Esme

    Only time will tell, indeed. As the saying goes-if it’s meant to be it will happen.
    Personally, I hate that fucking saying. With such a burning passion it could ignite ice on fire. I’m not patient enough to let time run its course!!
    I would go on gut feelings. And if your gut says you aren’t done, then so be it. Just make sure you aren’t wasting your life while he figures out his πŸ™‚
    Enjoy Jamaica girlfriend!!!!

    • Carmen

      I hate that saying as well Esme! Almost as much as I hate hearing “oh don’t worry, the right one is out there for you”.

      I hope he doesn’t mistake love for foolishness because I assure you, waiting for months for HIM to get his groove back isn’t happening.

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