Break Ups, Married Men, My Dating Hangovers, Relationship 101, Settling or Compromising?, When you're dating your ex

After all of that…

I believe I am now a single woman. Again.

After all of the drama, the divorce arguments, trying to convey communication vs incorrect assumptions, and learning to juggle things in life, I decided I can take no more.

When I woke up yesterday (for like the 3rd time), I decided there is no hope for Rescue and me. Maybe there’s no hope for him, period.

After all of enlightening feedback I received from Papa Bear, I thought we would be okay, being able to be strong enough to weather any storm.

I apologized my part in having caused and strife and it was well received by Rescue but then he creates yet another problem.

While our relationship is on a respiratory machine, he takes our condition from serious to critical. Yes, I’m exaggerating with the analogies, but this is the best way I can describe the situation.

You see, I wanted to see him after all of the fussing and the tension created over the last week or so. Not argue, dredge up any argument, but just to see Rescue. To be with him. I wanted to work on mending whatever tears had been made.

Rescue, however had something else in mind. When we would normally see each other 4 or 5 nights out of the week. Even if it was only for an hour in the morning as I dressed for week, with his schedule, it’s what I had to work with. Instead, days began to go by and soon, I stopped training my ear to listen for that key in the door at 4am.

Rescue felt the best way for ME to feel better about our situation was to give ME space.

Okay, I guess that would have been a perfect if one of the following applied:

1. I was the type of woman who thought space after an argument was a good idea and more importantly

IF

2. I KNEW this was the plan!

What the hell?

Yes, this was something that was decided by Rescue all by himself but he failed to let the girlfriend (me) know about it.

So….. When I don’t see him when he gets off work, and I don’t see him and barely talk to him during his off day, what else am I to think but everything bad?

Failure to communicate.

A few conversations later, I COMMUNICATE to him that what he did backfired. Grossly.

What that time away fro$ each other did was allowed me to think. A lot. This is dangerous for a woman on the edge of ending a relationship. It gave me time to get used to not being around him. Sure, I cried a lot these last couple of days but it’s been in preparation for the inevitable. The space he mistakenly think I needed gave me time to realize that the failure of his past relationships, marriage from years ago and this latest one that didn’t even last a year were probably due to his actions.

Let your work and personal goals take over when in a relationship and you neglect the one you love? Guess which won’t be around any longer?

These last three days have been a blur and to add to all of the stress? I’ve come down with a terrible cold and sinus ailment which has knocked me off my feet!

I’m tired. Tired of his excuses, shortcomings and disappointments.

After all of that, I’ve given up.

Exiting stage left.

Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.

9 thoughts on “After all of that…

  1. I want to jump into my computer and give you a big hug right now. I absolutely love following your blog, and for some odd unknown reason, I seem to be following you in real life, too. I am in, as you dub it, “dating limbo,” at present. For us it’s only been 3 months, and I am the one with the baggage, though it is really not baggage unless you choose to think it is. My marriage of seven years will be officially over on October 3. It’s been 11 months of divorce proceedings but the marriage was over at least two years prior to that. Now, I have what I feel like is a wonderful man – dare I say “perfect?” But, he’s just not sure he wants to get involved in all the baggage I bring. WTF? Either you want to be with me or you don’t. Problem is he’s amazing with my children – my son has made a complete 180 because of this guy. I feel like we could have a future together, but he’s just not on the same page. When I get one foot out the door, though, he BEGS for me to stay. I don’t get it… I just shake my head and end up staying. Ugh… *headbang*

    1. Thanks for the love Dana, I really appreciate it and even more, thank you for being able to relate to my situation. Talk about the shoe being on the other foot!

      This hits home: “Either you want to be with me or you don’t.”

      Simple statement and I assure you, as badly as I want(ed) to be with Rescue, your guy wants to be with you.

      The “baggage” is a loose term we might throw around without fully thinking of what that means. Your situation is 75% better than mine because you were able to (I assume) initiate the proceedings before you and your 3 Month Love got together, right?

      Me? Not so much. I’ve been forced to wait a year which right now, wouldn’t seem that bad since there would only have been 4 months to go BUT then I would have to WAIT for the proceedings to begin.

      What if Rescue or the wife start dragging their feet?

      That’s a big leap of faith to wait and trust that someone will follow through on what they say, you know?

      Okay, so let’s say he DID start the divorce when he’s supposed to. What then? More drama in case she changes her mind about something and it gets ugly? Then I’m stuck dealing with the fall out from that as well?

      Sounds like excuses and a woman who isn’t too trusting doesn’t it?

      It’s just different Dana. Being involved with someone who is single and you are in a relationship that has issues is already tough.

      Being involved with someone who isn’t totally done with another relationship AND then dealing with the trials of making it work as a couple?

      That’s like trying to get gum out of carpet. Somehow, it can probably be done but a lot of effort to get it right.

      Good luck to you with your guy and what a blessing to see that your child is reaping the benefits as well!

  2. Damn. That really sucks but I’m going to give it a couple of days, maybe even weeks.

    He sounds like he’s dropped the ball BUT this doesn’t sound like a hopeless situation.

    Give it some time and don’t do anything extreme.

    1. Oh Silver… It sucks big time. I just hope I’m doing the right thing because it sure doesn’t feel right.

      Yesterday I found myself trying to make a list of what I’m losing vs what was being gained by staying with him.

      Thinking I probably should have made this list BEFORE.

  3. 72 Hour Gag order??? I’m hoping so because I feel your pain.

    It’s hard to let go but like Silver said, call me loony but I don’t think the relationship is a total loss.

    What he SHOULD have done is not come on so strong with the whole commitment issue knowing he needed to get his shit together.

    I think he’s not the best when it comes to managing relationships because you don’t sound high maintenance at all, but he loves you and just isn’t thinking straight.

    1. Right Jessie, shut my mouth for a couple of days! Lol

      Even though I’m the one who’s been an emotional wreck (and I could choke him because he has no idea), I feel sorry for him. Yes, he’s under a lot of stress and I know he’s trying.

      BUT at the same time, I don’t care.

  4. Hey suga! This really sucks and he could’ve been forthcoming with the hiatus, but I have to be honest with you….you’ll never be satisfied until he takes the action to get the divorce in motion. He may think he can handle all of the demands (and I say this lightly) placed on him from both ends, but most men/people can’t. If he hasn’t settled within his mind that he is ready to make the next move…excuse-free, there will always be a conflict. Maybe this time will give you a little room to think about what serves you best. He can’t expect to dangle a carrot here and there and for you to continue to be around. {{hugs}}

    1. Hugs graciously accepted Mel. I completely agree, he was trying to balance too much. Selfishness.

      Yes, he can love me as much as he says BUT its still selfish to get involved and want someone when you’re not really ready.

      See, that was my first mistake. Knowing that he wasn’t ready but I let my heart do the thinking trying to rationalize with my mind.

      I THINK I was beginning to come to terms with waiting the year but at the same time, preparing myself to drop him like a bad habit if I didn’t see things getting started come the end of January.

      So I guess I did us both a favor right? :/

      Thanks again for the kind words of support. They’re truthful without kicking me in the stomach while I’m down. Lol.

  5. Guess I need to go back further…

    Space can be a good thing if it is an idea shared by both in the relationship.

    I know I’m prob the only one trying to offer an explanation for what this sap is doing, but he probably meant well.

    Not the best thing to try the one size fits all approach by staying away. Your guy doesn’t like conflict so this is the only way he knows how to handle things when its going bad.

    Maybe a moot point now but that’s the way I see it.

    Let me go back and read some more.

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