I believe I am now a single woman. Again.
After all of the drama, the divorce arguments, trying to convey communication vs incorrect assumptions, and learning to juggle things in life, I decided I can take no more.
When I woke up yesterday (for like the 3rd time), I decided there is no hope for Rescue and me. Maybe there’s no hope for him, period.
After all of enlightening feedback I received from Papa Bear, I thought we would be okay, being able to be strong enough to weather any storm.
I apologized my part in having caused and strife and it was well received by Rescue but then he creates yet another problem.
While our relationship is on a respiratory machine, he takes our condition from serious to critical. Yes, I’m exaggerating with the analogies, but this is the best way I can describe the situation.
You see, I wanted to see him after all of the fussing and the tension created over the last week or so. Not argue, dredge up any argument, but just to see Rescue. To be with him. I wanted to work on mending whatever tears had been made.
Rescue, however had something else in mind. When we would normally see each other 4 or 5 nights out of the week. Even if it was only for an hour in the morning as I dressed for week, with his schedule, it’s what I had to work with. Instead, days began to go by and soon, I stopped training my ear to listen for that key in the door at 4am.
Rescue felt the best way for ME to feel better about our situation was to give ME space.
Okay, I guess that would have been a perfect if one of the following applied:
1. I was the type of woman who thought space after an argument was a good idea and more importantly
2. I KNEW this was the plan!
What the hell?
Yes, this was something that was decided by Rescue all by himself but he failed to let the girlfriend (me) know about it.
So….. When I don’t see him when he gets off work, and I don’t see him and barely talk to him during his off day, what else am I to think but everything bad?
Failure to communicate.
A few conversations later, I COMMUNICATE to him that what he did backfired. Grossly.
What that time away fro$ each other did was allowed me to think. A lot. This is dangerous for a woman on the edge of ending a relationship. It gave me time to get used to not being around him. Sure, I cried a lot these last couple of days but it’s been in preparation for the inevitable. The space he mistakenly think I needed gave me time to realize that the failure of his past relationships, marriage from years ago and this latest one that didn’t even last a year were probably due to his actions.
Let your work and personal goals take over when in a relationship and you neglect the one you love? Guess which won’t be around any longer?
These last three days have been a blur and to add to all of the stress? I’ve come down with a terrible cold and sinus ailment which has knocked me off my feet!
I’m tired. Tired of his excuses, shortcomings and disappointments.
After all of that, I’ve given up.
Exiting stage left.
Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.