Married Men,  My Dating Hangovers,  Settling or Compromising?,  When you're dating your ex

The “Ah hah” Moment

I’m realizing that I just am not cut out for relationships.

I try.

When I say I’m interested in meeting my life partner, I’m just not talking out of the side of my neck. I’m serious.

Yet of the ones I’ve tried to make work, the end result?

Epic failure.

I’m sick of hearing people tell me that relationships take work, and that of you really care for someone, you’ll make concessions and learn compromise.

While those helpful words of wisdom may sound good, they can be a bit overrated. We sometimes get committed relationships confused with marriage.

As someone reminded me yesterday that I’d never been married before (Yes, thank you for reminding me of that Rescue because you’re certainly the fu*king expert with your second failure), the key word I focused on was married.

Not serious with my boyfriend and being in love and making plans fore a future. But married, having taken vows to work things out no matter what.
THAT is the person your tears, compromise and thoughts of how to really make it work should be for.

Yet at the same time, my sister reminds me that any experience should be looked at as preparation for something better.

I guess.

I just don’t have the energy or patience for it all and realize that I’m drawn to certain types of men. Right now, at the age of 3_, I don’t want to go through any emotional roller coasters so I think going forward, casual dating is all I really need and want.

Oh well.

I certainly am not going to spend me holiday weekend moping about it.

I’m off to do a little retail therapy and afterwards, a little lunch.

But surely, you can’t expect a girl to eat alone!

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen

Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

20 Comments

  • Esme

    Ugh. Not cool on the relationship front. Just…not cool.
    I have to agree with your sister, it is all preparation for something bigger. BUT…I want my man, boyfriend, fiance, or husband…to fight his ass off for me. If my boyfriend can’t do it, then sure as shit he won’t do it as my fiance or husband. And I think that’s the problem. Rescue wasn’t really ready and/or willing to fight for you. And you deserve someone who will.

    • Carmen

      I’m so twisted over this situation and within the last 48 hours, an emotional shutdown has taken over.

      He is trying. With each phone call, each text. I guess I just don’t give a shit anymore.

      By the way – pure coincidence or the powers that be busy at work? Two previous hangovers have resurfaced in the last two days.

      One of them actually told me to hold out on getting married. He wants me.

      The other? Once I told him I was only interested in friends at this point, an invite to lunch quickly followed.

      Need to refocus, let fate or whatever deal the cards.

  • Esme

    All you can do is let fate take over. She always wins anyways, so why fight her?
    And I don’t doubt Rescue will fight some for you. What I should have said was fight 100%. If he was, he’d be divorced to make you happy. If he wad set on making you happy.

    • Carmen

      That’s our problem most times, always trying to intervene in life’s events thinking we can change the winds to go in the direction we want.

      As stupid as this ma sound, I’m not doing much fighting either. Just hung my gloves on the ropes in defeat.

      Like I said, casual dating is easier. Or is it?

      • Hani

        lol casual dating is worse! πŸ˜› I’m starting to realize it’s better to find someone normal and just get married.. I use to worry what if I find someone hotter, but usually something more is wrong with them! lol

        • Carmen

          Hani, I think you’re right and when I foolishly say “casual dating” is better, it was more out of a state of hallucination.

          Dating sucks. Especially when having to deal with the “he stopped calling”, “he was nowhere to be found for 2 days”, the “he’s not ready to settle down” and the other crap I can remember so vividly.

          Find someone normal?

          That’s like saying “find the perfect bra”.

          If you’ve found him, let me know if he has a brother, uncle, father or son. Lol!

  • Jessie

    I don’t know what to say other than I’m sorry.

    He obviously is going about things the wrong way, because all of your concerns may have seen settled a few months ago.

    Hang in there, think it’ll all work out.

  • Melzie

    Hey chica! I thought things were going well with the new guy, but I know…sometimes it’s just when [relative] smooth sailing appears to be kicking in that things go awry. Continue to hang in there and don’t get too discouraged, in the end it will all be worth it (at least that’s what I tell myself….delusional? maybe… :-))

    • Carmen

      Hugging you from afar Melzie. I know these things take time and work but damn.

      The end of the road, the silver lining, the pot of gold.

      Whatever rewards awaiting for me at the conclusion of all of this?

      I can’t wait!I

  • D

    What?? Okay C, what the hell happened between the time we met up and talked about this and I told you to leave it ALONE??

    My guess is nothing.

    I’ll be the first to say it but relax, it will happen. Two years after the fact is unacceptable, hell yes.

    But like you told me – you agreed to play this game for a year and here you go switching it up midway. Your words, right?

    Besides that, let’s keep it real – what else do you have instead of Rescue at the moment? Any good, solid prospects who don’t cause a different type of drama?

    I’ll wait for your answer.

    • Carmen

      D, you got me for a minute because I had to figure out who you were.

      Yes yes – you suggested I leave it alone.

      I failed, miserably.

      You got me there – I have absolutely nothing. No back up, no “break in case of emergency”, no one. When I went into it I was tempted only because of my own doubts about Rescue BUT I would be fit for tied if HE had a back up so I cut them all loose.

      The mid-year switch up? Well, it was more of a gentle nudge to get things moving faster is possible. All he had to do was explain what was so different with his situation to where the 6 months didn’t apply and the year does.

      HE failed. Miserably.

      • Esme

        Why do you have to have a back-up, or something else waiting in the wings to switch things up? What is so wrong with wanting to be by yourself, to get clarity, to do whatever??

        C, you have to do what is the best for you. At our age, we have played all the games. We have heard all the excuses. Follow your gut. If you want out, if you want a mid-year switch-up, it’s your choice!

    • Carmen

      Yes, Dirty – dumb. Those are the same ones who will tell someone they don’t understand stress because they don’t have kids or that someone doesn’t understand cleaning woes because they don’t own a house.

      THAT my dear, is what really pissed me off the most. Discounting my opinion or knowledge about something simply because I haven’t been there.

      Well I’ll tell you what I do know – you shouldn’t get involved with anyone beyond a casual date if you haven’t even FILED for divorce yet!!

      Ugh!

      Oh and thank you – retail therapy, followed by a little alcohol therapy last night was just what the love doctor ordered!

      πŸ™‚

  • 1 Silver_Fox

    Well…I think you knew it would come to this C. I don’t think anything is a wrap, give it some time and don’t let the emotions make your decision.

    D said it, changing the rules of the game midway? Not cool. But he’s an idiot for causing this type of strife when a simple answer of clarification could resolve this.

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