Break Ups, Married Men, My Dating Hangovers, Red Flags, THIS is Why I'm Single!, When you're dating your ex

A new day

Cost for an after hours locksmith- $84
Feeling okay the day after a break up-PRICELESS.

Saturday was quite interesting. As I woke up and started preparing food for a potluck, I wondered about my plan of action.

I was so over the “how come you won’t just talk to me” or the “your actions make no sense” and especially the “you say you need and love me but I don’t see it” type of conversations. These were pretty much common place for about a month with Rescue.

I called our mutual friend as I was pulling out of the driveway and asked “is your buddy there?”, and once I heard “no, he’s already gone”, I felt that familiar twinge. That feeling that reminded me why I was ready to be done.

Rescue finds time to go to the moon, Mars and circle back to Neptune before returning to earth and simply refuses to deal with me. He doesn’t like confrontation or arguments, I get that but how he’s avoided a “come to Jesus” moment about the relationship was just… Unacceptable. Asinine. Stupid.

As I started my drive towards the 405 on what was an absolutely beautiful day, I pondered how to go about getting my house key back again. Yes, I said again. Don’t judge me but after that amazing tune-up session (known as mind-blowing missed you sex), I gave it back to him with a warning not to fuc# up again.

Low and behold a few days later, he was fuc#king up. Again.

So I wondered if going to his job and waiting, then jumping out of my car like a scene out of a movie titled “This Bitch Is Crazy” would be a good move. Nah, not my style.

Instead, at the end of the day I made up my mind that I was ready to the relationship that should have NEVER been.

It shouldn’t have existed because Rescue has enough baggage to be charged a premium rate by an airline at check-in.

It shouldn’t have existed because I made it to easy. History or not, he had to do no courting, no romancing and no dating to get me back in his arms.

And for goodness sake, it sure as hell should not have existed because separated still means married!!!!!

At 8:35pm, there was a knock on the door and ten minutes later and $84 dollars broker, I had completed step one.

By 8:42pm, the last part of my text message (yeah, shitty to do it that way but oh well!) was sent to Rescue.

What the hell – here it is:

“Hey, guess what?

I’m finally doing it!

I realized that you either think I’m a damn fool or YOU are just crazy.

I figure any man who would string a woman along, making her absolutely miserable and even a little crazy, is not the man for me.

AND you probably are the type who doesn’t end things but wait for the woman to do it.

I’ve given you more than enough time to take at LEAST and hour and have a face-to-face with me but you have failed for a month.

So since you want to carry on like you’re a single man, let me help you.

I do NOT want YOU in my life anymore.

Good luck to you Rescue.”

As my Florida Diva said, that was empowering and let me just say this – while my feelings were true and I loved that man with all I had, I woke up with a clear head and felt not a twinge of sadness. Not one iota.

You see, I realized that it’s okay to hope for someone wonderful. A person who makes you feel good, gives you hope that though you may have encountered plenty of losers in your dating journeys, not all men/women are bad. It’s okay to be hopeful that you can fall head over heels in love and hope for a future with someone.

Nothing wrong with hoping at all.

But out of everything I’ve experienced dealing with Rescue these last 8 months is that ignoring your gut is a recipe for failure. Accepting a person’s situation that is completely foreign and normally unacceptable to you IS settling.

Oh- and about that giving someone a key because you feel the relationship has progressed to that point? Never again.

House keys will only be exchanged when me and the man I’m in a relationship with are cohabitation on a place we have together as future or current husband and wife.

I’ve learned several lessons the hard way and while I didn’t act like Stella and get my groove back while in Jamaica, I sure as hell am ready to make a smooth transition back to the single life in LA!

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen~

Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.

15 thoughts on “A new day

  1. So I’m glad you didn’t go bitch crazy at his work, but it would have made one hell of a story!!

    I agree…it is time to stop settling for these ducheros. What happened to make us think we needed to settle for these dicks? I just can’t figure it out. I don’t get why we are attracted to guys like M and Rescue. The bad guy syndrome? The need to ground them? It takes too much energy. And I just don’t like the way he made me feel. And I’m guessing that feeling is finally what sent you over the edge.

    I give props to you because you reached the ‘I’m so much better without him’ stage way before I did! You need to tell me your secret…it took me much longer 🙂

    To recap…yay for single, yay for making a decision that makes you feel better, yay for owning your decision and having the follow through (although I still would have likes you to go bitch crazy!).

    Hooray!!!

    Did Rescue respond??

    1. This is a true ra-ra-ra message Esme, I LOVE it!

      First, no – he has NOT responded and after receiving a message like that, would you?

      I didn’t just say I didn’t want to be with him anymore, I said I didn’t want him to be on my LIFE.

      The initial sting of seeing something like that may still be there. Then again, look at who we’re talking about. A man who basically fuc#ed off a good woman based on his inability TO respond, so I’m thinking it’ll be a while before he contacts me. If not at all, even better.

      Funny, several friends have asked me how I’ve been able to make the tough decisions so quickly and surely? Simple answer?

      I’m a bitch?

      Lol!

      Seriously, someone told ME the answer I’d always wondered myself and said because I’m ambidextrous, I use my mind more than my heart.

      Sometimes I wish I could just be in love and ignore the business aspect of a relationship but I’m just wired differently.

      Oh and the timing of it all – one week before his 37th birthday?

      I didn’t plan it this way and I’ll be damn. When I had to end things 4 years ago, it was near his birthday as well.

      Go figure.

      Thanks again for the words of encouragement and support through this hangover journey!

      And remember – Year of Esme and Year of Carmen is now in full effect!

  2. Always been behind the scenes reading so I had to say something on this one.

    Bam!

    Classy way of handling a break up and from what I can tell, your Rescue guy just didn’t get it or refused to.

    Glad to hear that you’re not all bitter and jaded about how things went down. Liked the lessons learned.

    1. Welcome Keith and no- bitterness is not my style but I will be overly cautious with any future contenders, so they better have their act together.

      No more dog pound rescues for me!

  3. You actually did it??? I feel sorry and happy for you at the same time. I think most of us have been following this saga like a mini series or something.

    Question is, are you really done?

    1. Good question – are you done or have we missed any happenings afterwards?

      You already know those first few days after a breakup are emotionally fueled.

      Then once you have time to cool off, you start cleaning up stuff you broke, putting clothes back on hangers. Reprogramming them in your phone like you ever forgot the number.

      Crazy. Really, I think I’d rather be alone.

      1. Hey Keith – a few exchanges here and there, but nothing specific and thank you for recognizing- those first couple of days area doozy. Nothing broken, no bleaching of clothes or anything like that, just the changing of locks. Oh, and I did the # 3 most ridiculous thing when breaking up with someone – deleted all of his information, pictures etc… Go ahead… Laugh! =)

  4. Woot! Congrats to you for standing up and trusting your gut. Doing what makes YOU happy and not trying to change so he’ll make you happy.

    Well done lady! Well done.

    1. @ Just Saying- yes, finally put my big girl panties on and handled business.

      I hate to have regrets about anything but this guy has some serious communication issues.

      I’m thankful for the experience and the good times and amazing booty, but happy to see the emotional roller coaster go bye bye!

  5. I know this is a serious issue because you’re talking about ending things with someone you love, but man, I enjoyed laughing over my morning coffee.

    “Had time to go to the moon…”? That was funny but you hit home with the point that he made time for everything except what was important to saving your relationship.

    It’s okay to remember this situation, especially the good times.

    Hope you get more invites to concerts and other fun stuff to make up for the bad times!

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