Cost for an after hours locksmith- $84
Feeling okay the day after a break up-PRICELESS.
Saturday was quite interesting. As I woke up and started preparing food for a potluck, I wondered about my plan of action.
I was so over the “how come you won’t just talk to me” or the “your actions make no sense” and especially the “you say you need and love me but I don’t see it” type of conversations. These were pretty much common place for about a month with Rescue.
I called our mutual friend as I was pulling out of the driveway and asked “is your buddy there?”, and once I heard “no, he’s already gone”, I felt that familiar twinge. That feeling that reminded me why I was ready to be done.
Rescue finds time to go to the moon, Mars and circle back to Neptune before returning to earth and simply refuses to deal with me. He doesn’t like confrontation or arguments, I get that but how he’s avoided a “come to Jesus” moment about the relationship was just… Unacceptable. Asinine. Stupid.
As I started my drive towards the 405 on what was an absolutely beautiful day, I pondered how to go about getting my house key back again. Yes, I said again. Don’t judge me but after that amazing tune-up session (known as mind-blowing missed you sex), I gave it back to him with a warning not to fuc# up again.
Low and behold a few days later, he was fuc#king up. Again.
So I wondered if going to his job and waiting, then jumping out of my car like a scene out of a movie titled “This Bitch Is Crazy” would be a good move. Nah, not my style.
Instead, at the end of the day I made up my mind that I was ready to the relationship that should have NEVER been.
It shouldn’t have existed because Rescue has enough baggage to be charged a premium rate by an airline at check-in.
It shouldn’t have existed because I made it to easy. History or not, he had to do no courting, no romancing and no dating to get me back in his arms.
And for goodness sake, it sure as hell should not have existed because separated still means married!!!!!
At 8:35pm, there was a knock on the door and ten minutes later and $84 dollars broker, I had completed step one.
By 8:42pm, the last part of my text message (yeah, shitty to do it that way but oh well!) was sent to Rescue.
What the hell – here it is:
“Hey, guess what?
I’m finally doing it!
I realized that you either think I’m a damn fool or YOU are just crazy.
I figure any man who would string a woman along, making her absolutely miserable and even a little crazy, is not the man for me.
AND you probably are the type who doesn’t end things but wait for the woman to do it.
I’ve given you more than enough time to take at LEAST and hour and have a face-to-face with me but you have failed for a month.
So since you want to carry on like you’re a single man, let me help you.
I do NOT want YOU in my life anymore.
Good luck to you Rescue.”
As my Florida Diva said, that was empowering and let me just say this – while my feelings were true and I loved that man with all I had, I woke up with a clear head and felt not a twinge of sadness. Not one iota.
You see, I realized that it’s okay to hope for someone wonderful. A person who makes you feel good, gives you hope that though you may have encountered plenty of losers in your dating journeys, not all men/women are bad. It’s okay to be hopeful that you can fall head over heels in love and hope for a future with someone.
Nothing wrong with hoping at all.
But out of everything I’ve experienced dealing with Rescue these last 8 months is that ignoring your gut is a recipe for failure. Accepting a person’s situation that is completely foreign and normally unacceptable to you IS settling.
Oh- and about that giving someone a key because you feel the relationship has progressed to that point? Never again.
House keys will only be exchanged when me and the man I’m in a relationship with are cohabitation on a place we have together as future or current husband and wife.
I’ve learned several lessons the hard way and while I didn’t act like Stella and get my groove back while in Jamaica, I sure as hell am ready to make a smooth transition back to the single life in LA!
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…
Carmen’s posting with WordPress for BlackBerry.