Break Ups, My Dating Hangovers, Relationship 101

I’m Back!!!!!!

 

“Come back to Jamaica…. our home is your home…”

I know I’m totally dating myself, but does anyone else remember that little jingle from back in the 80’s?  Let me just say that Montego Bay was everything I had hoped it could be and then some.

I’ve been back in town now for almost a week and have been trying to catch up on life which really is a buzz kill after partying, drinking and relaxing as if I didn’t have a care in the world.

Another song comes to mind – “Back to life, back to reality, back to the hear and now….”

Oh well.

How about some updates, right?

Let me just say this – for a minute there, I was fearful that My Dating Hangovers would go away sooner than I wanted.  I’d (past tense) settled down with (what I thought was – another past tense) a wonderful man and was only worried about surviving the little “hiccups” relationships experience and plan my future with Rescue. 

I was total drama queen before I left for vacation and with good reason – Rescue had shown to me that he, unequivocally was a MAN, one who was unable to handle certain life events and balance with OTHER life events.  He had shown me that his biggest weakness as a person, a boyfriend, and with the second marriage, a husband – an inability to communicate.   Hurt, anger, disappointment, frustration – one of many descriptors for my feelings in the days before leaving but that ONE night, the night before I left was interesting.

In a brief 10 minute, front door exchange of more hugs and feelings through non-verbal communication, I realized how MUCH I was in love with Rescue.    By no means does love conquer all and erase the stupid manner in which he was carrying on, but it meant a lot to me to see him.  It meant something to hear him tell me “we’re not over” and “I’m not letting you go a second time”, all before I embarked on a journey to the land where Stella was known to have gotten her groove back.

Not familiar with that phrase?  Take a listen look (if you’re reading this from a reader, you’ll need to enable images and links):  \”How Stella Got Her Groove Back\”

The entire time while I was in Jamaica, on a trip meant for relaxation and thoughts of leaving behind stupid men (those with husband’s were feeling the same), I was thinking of him.  I would text him, sometimes twice a day little updates or simple messages of how I missed him and couldn’t wait until I returned home.

And then I returned home….

I have a tune-up, complete with spark plugs, fluid drain and adjustment of my gears.  Rescue did well by showing up, as a good man who missed his woman should and picked up the habit of consistency with communication for several days afterwards.

The problem?

It has now been a week since we’ve seen each other, although he stays (or so he says he still stays) only 10 minutes away.

I guess it is time to get the termination papers back out.

19 thoughts on “I’m Back!!!!!!

  1. I have to admit, I thought he would have been GOLDEN for a few weeks at least. He disappointed me by only behaving for two hours. *SIGH*. See? I sigh for you…

    1. You and me both Esme! He should have been exhibiting stellar behavior and greeted me with a bow on his ____ and all.

      I told a friend there are three possible reasons for his actions:

      1. He really doesn’t see that he’s doing anything wrong and just feels I should be patient and “hang in there” because once his stuff is together, we’ll live happily ever after. Delusional.

      Or

      2. He doesn’t want to give me up because I’m all that and a bag of chips. Seriously, he probably figures not much good has come out of his past relationships and refuses to fail again, thus is holding on even though he isn’t doing anything that makes me want to stay in it.

      And lastly…

      3. Maybe he’s just crazy.

      1. Crazy works.

        Men always realize what they lost after it’s gone. For some reason, Rescue is in some state of freaking denial. I don’t even know what to tell you. Walk away? Sit and have a serious convo? Not sure…

        1. Denial is exactly what I think it is.

          Many times women are accused of assuming what is to be in a situation instead of just asking.

          Welll trust me, I’ve asked a million different ways and still – no explanation for his sideways behavior.

          I even told him the other night that I WISHED it was another woman causing all of it because at least THAT I could make some sense of.

  2. Welcome back!

    Honestly, I don’t know what to think about Rescue. He obviously isn’t and can NOT make you happy right now so I can’t understand why he doesn’t just admit it and walk away.

    I can understand you having strong feelings for him but you need to asl youself – is it/he really worth the aggravation??

    1. Thanks for the welcome back Jessie and hell no – he isn’t worth all of the aggravation.

      I’m confused.

      I told him, texted and left messages over 2 weeks ago explaining this wasn’t working and that we should just accept that but he refuses to do either.

      In his twisted little mind, he’s thinking of things as if it’s just a little more time, and this rough patch will be over.

      Really?

      1. It’s a tough situation. Do you just say forget it and walk away or stick it out to see if he’s able to show you haven’t been wasting your time.

        Easy for someone to tell you what you should do from the outside, but you seem like a sharp cookie.

        You’ll get tired soon enough and it’ll be easier to walk away.

        1. Yep, every woman has their breaking point.

          I have moments where I don’t give a s#it. Other moments where I ask him if he realizes the demise of this situation will be because of him, showing that I do care.

          1. It’s too bad some of the hangovers couldn’t have access to your blog, otherwise Rescue would have seen this coming.

            Actually, from the sounds of it, you’ve been sounding the alarm. Guess he thought you were bluffing.

            1. I thought the same thing Jessie, wondered if he ever got curious when on my computer, noticed the bookmark and perused through the blog?

              Then realized that would never happen – unlike me, he doesn’t like to read. :/

  3. Instead of enjoying Jamaica for all its worth and enjoy the beach, you decided to message him twice a day.. and you think there is something wrong with him?! Geez lady, I didn’t think this was a girlfriend bag on men site & how they can’t be up our ass all the time, than talk shit why they are always up your ass! Maybe you enjoy the drama, I thought you really needed help.. maybe professional help you weirdo!

    1. Well Hani, what an interesting comment. Very.

      I’ll tell you this much, I’m far from needing professional help. This just happens to be a situation I’ve never dealt with before because normally – I am quite the brute when it comes to handling men who have issues.

      Fault me for having strong feelings, but you’re way off with the weirdo comment.

      Texting twice a day is what, excessive? A “miss you” and a “good night” doesn’t seem too off the wall to me. Perhaps you’re thinking I was sending some type of diatribe?

      In any event, my vacation was a blast. The beach, my resort, the company I was in. All that good stuff.

      Perhaps there was something in this that struck a nerve so let me help you out:

      1. You can keep reading and understand that a hangover is not consistent nor is it logical, therefore what I write isn’t meant to be either

      OR

      2. Stop reading and save yourself some key strokes.

      Thanks again for sharing your thoughts. 🙂

    2. Well damn, Hani! Tell us how you really feel. I respect your opinion but don’t see the crime in having a heart.

      If this was some random dude or someone she didn’t have history with, I would agree with you 1000% that she shouldn’t have wasted a moment contacting him on vacation at ALL but that isn’t the case.

      So I guess you’ve never been in love and confused?

    3. What the fuck, Hani?

      Let me lay it out here…Just because you are experiencing a major rough spot with your partner, doesn’t mean you cut off all ties. If that were the case, A LOT more break-ups and divorces would be happening. Relationships take work, and they take two. Carmen was simply letting Rescue know she was thinking about him. Those moments can go along way. She was letting him know that she still cares, and willing (even if just a little) to work on their problems when she got home. If Rescue decided to not to take her up on that, his fucking loss.

      THE FACT THAT YOU are unable to appreciate this woman working on her relationship speaks volumes about your character. Save your petty name calling for someone who *may* deserve it. Have fun being alone.

      1. Exactly the point of staying in contact while I was away.

        You obviously get that Esme. You understand that he wasn’t a fly by night loser who wasn’t worth the time.

        That off the wall reply threw me back a little and I started ti just delete it but hey – if you’re putting your business out there, you gotta put on your big girl panties and deal with the bullshit.

  4. Glad the vacation was nice but sorry to hear about what sounds like an unhappy ending.

    If you tried your best, then accepting that things are over really is easier. At least that applies to me.

    That comment above? Way out of left field. Sounds like a jaded woman. Who wriites shit lilke that?

    1. I know Silver, sad to say it but it’s a wrap but no one can say I didn’t try to make it work.

      Rescue’s level of maturity and/or communication skills shone brightly this last month.

      I’m just elated I found out now what type of man he was NOT sooner instead of later.

      Everything happens for a reason.

  5. I feel like this is my life from a year ago.

    Screw anyone who tries to give a person advice on how to handle a complex situation; many people tried the same with me and my ex-husband and all their words and “if I were you” pieces of advice did was cause greater inner turmoil.

    This deal with your guy is a typical scenario of a person who is lost. You’ll never hear from him why things changed, why he figures working and working and working did NOT benefit you and sorry, he will never accept that his actions were so detrimental.

    Time.

    Time is what it will take to either let whatever he’s not telling you he’s going through to some about OR time for you to start getting over him.

    The best thing any stranger reading about your ailing relationship could provide? Good luck and hope the pain eases soon.

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