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A year later…

Random Texter: “Hey stranger, how are you?”

Me: “You either have a new number OR have been deleted, who is this?”

Random Texter: “My number is still the same, this is _____”.

Me: “Well… I know quite a few _____, so what city do you live in?”.

Random Texter: “Baldwin Hills”.

Me: “Oh hey there, I’m doing good. Hope all is well”.

As you can see, I wasn’t interested in entertaining last night’s reunion by text any longer, especially with a man where our contact a year ago when he:

– argued with me over why I allowed my child to go trick or treating because it was the devil’s holiday

– was appalled when I described how much I enjoyed looking for that perfect Christmas tree

– couldn’t understand that I was not into him to want to see him 4 days a week

– drove like a bad Indy car racer each time we went out so he could “show me how a V8 felt in a Benz”

– explained his line of work which I’m sure was along the lines of some type of obscure fraud

– made me want to vomit when he forced his pencil thin, rod hard tongue in my mouth (read Kissing a Wet Pencil, this IS him!)

– acted like a 2 year old when I finally explained “I’m just not that into you

Enough reasons to prove that this guy is not worthy of a second look, right?

So here we go, silly me, thinking my close-ended reply was enough to send him scrolling in the other direction through his phone, I receive the following this afternoon:

“Let’s go to the movies tonight, then afterwards, let’s go out for some drinks”.

Really?

After a year, just like that?

What’s sad about this is for a nanosecond, I actually thought about it.

A date? Post Rescue? Already?

This is what I should be hearing from someone I’m actually interested in, or at least attracted to.

I don’t know, maybe that’s my problem and I need to listen to mother dear who is always saying “You shouldn’t just deal with a person based on physical attraction”.

Hell, if this is the case, I would have had 500 boyfriends and at least 10 husbands.

Not sure if I’m ready for dating the inner beauty of a man just yet.

Wet Pencil wasn’t a bad looking man at all but I just didn’t feel any attraction towards him.

Still, for now I think I’ll go with my gut on this one and keep it pushing.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

20 Comments

    • Carmen

      Oh yes Major Gia, red and orange flags for that special one and no- I wasn’t desperate enough to take him up on the offer.

      Washing my hair was much more appealing.

      By the way, interesting name.

  • Jessie

    A year? So what, wet pencil went through his address book thinking “we’re still cool” and went for it? Funny.

    I know this isn’t a plus for him but at least he didn’t beat around the bush and was decent enough to ask you out instead of trying a home date.

    Next year, I’m ready for it and I know you are too!

    • Carmen

      Ah Jessie, you’re so kind. Trying to give me that light @ the end of the tunnel.

      Of all people, Wet Pencil?

      The kicker is remembering how he acted like an ass the last time we spoke.

      He complained that he was investing more time and energy in pursuing me and that I wasn’t giving enough. I told him I just wasn’t interested in anything serious (instead of just saying it was HIM), and he replied with “Fine, just return my mp3 player”. Really?

      I mailed it to him and when he received it, he sent a text saying “I got it” and when I said “Glad to hear, take care” I received a snarky “Yeah, whatever”.

      Jerk must have forgotten that part before pressing send to invite me on a date.

  • Sociallyte

    A lot has changed for you within the last few weeks.

    Hope your progressing and not back tracking.

    A year later…I was always told that a man that comes back after months apart whom you were not in a relationship with normally doesn’t come back because you were ‘fabulous’ and ‘great’-although, that’s what we women tell ourselves. It is because in most cases he is ‘lonely’ or ‘bored’ or ‘in between a breakup or the woman he really wants’. Something you gave off in your interest level that tells him he can try and comeback so he does. And when you respond to his texts you prove him right. Remember ‘Any response is still a response’. Delete, ignore, and block all.

    I also read your post about your ‘girlfriends’, the men they are dealing sound like some of your recent hangovers whom you sill talk to and your attitude towards their situations was quite interesting to say the least.

    I hope when you are truly ready to date, it is a man that is consistently interested.

    Enjoy the holidays!

    • Carmen

      ‘Tis the season to you Social, I appreciate your insight and observations.

      The “year later” bug-a-boo is history. After I posted all of the reasons why he was deleted, I reprogrammed him as a “nope” (meaning instead of deleting and trying to remember a number, any call or text from one of these losers is a no brainer to avoid) and refrained from any additional contact.

      I’m not sure why, but I think those of us who sometimes respond to these types of losers just may like being thought of?

      Lame, I know.

      Changes? Yes. Slowly but surely, I’m moving on.

      Ready to date again?

      Not so much.

  • Kendall

    I’m guilty, been there and done that – digging through the archives that is.

    But if me and the woman didn’t end on a good note, I’m not exactly going for a date without at least calling her.

    This cat sounds desperate or just downplayed things big time.

    Next!

    • Carmen

      I can respect that Kendall because depending on how your last encounter went/reason for the disconnect, determines if you’re just bored or have renewed interest.

      • Sociallyte

        I like Kendall’s point.

        We’ve all been there a man that is ‘bored’ or ‘lonely’ or ‘renewed interested’ will contact you after awhile to see how are you doing and open up the lines of communication slowly. However, I would think what separates a man with ‘renewed interest’ is constant contact there should constant and consistent communication initiated mostly by him and plans to see you regularly. If you drop off his radar for more than a week or are initiating the contact and he comes back With an excuse of work or family, that means he did not feel the need to contact or care enough to share with you even in a 10 second text of hi. The reason being the interest is not fully there again bored, lonely, may enjoy your conversation or time together periodically but makes no plans is not renewed interest.

        Do you really want an ego boost from someone you didn’t want or vice versa? Not very flattering to me. It would be much better to get an ego boost from mutual interest that you know without a doubt. He is digging me whole heartedly. Men go after what they want and will make the time for her too, come hell or high water, especially if he screwed up before…if he is waiting or contemplating then…his time and energy is with someone else.

        Example: My friend just recently started dating a man that travels alot due to his job. That was the reason they stop dating the first time. Now he had ‘renewed interest’ and although he travels guess what she cant shake him for ish! Lol. He calls and/or texts her everyday if not every other day and has invited her on a few of his trips. He asks to see her on a regular basis when in town. They’ve been reconnecting for 3 months. Both out of relationships. Very rarely does she initiate or have to question him.

        Start dating when you are ready and be smart. πŸ™‚

        Still happy and in love.

        • Carmen

          I really needed to just copy and paste this entire section because this is EXACTLY what I have been telling my girlfriends:

          “If you drop off his radar for more than a week or are initiating the contact and he comes back With an excuse of work or family, that means he did not feel the need to contact…”

          To me, the falling off is a complete turn off. As I find myself saying far too often “it only takes a second to make contact”. I found myself saying this to Rescue towards the end only to receive a “Sorry baby, I’ve been so busy” which received my “You’re full of ish, no one is that busy”.

          Someone who randomly checks in, and there isn’t any interest for something more? I guess you deal with the sporadic contact. Maybe.

          Pleased to hear you are still happy and on love.

          There’s hope, this I know. πŸ™‚

          • Sociallyte

            Thanks Kendall for agreeing . I saw your below comment.

            Sporadic contact when there isn’t any interest for more is worse! One person always has a interest, so which one are you? If a man reaches out sporadically and you accept this behavior that’s not good. It still means he has no interest but uses you for an ego boost to know on some level the other person has interest. Why else would you respond to such contact? Again, this type of man or woman is wasting time and will never truly invest in a relationship with you no matter how cutesy or clever that sporadic call/text is. You become the go to when there’s nothing else. and trust while people are accepting the sporadic behavior, that same person is giving someone else more consistent behavior.

            It’s morning, smell the coffee.

            I will stop now.

            • Kendall

              *Removing my foot from my mouth now*

              Here’s the deal Social- I know it isn’t right to partake in the sporadic contact game and I do it mainly because of my own issues.

              If I don’t have time for anything (serious dating or a relationship), I may stay in contact with women who can fill a need, suit a purpose.

              I’m not necessarily saying just for “hook ups” under the sheets, but in general.

              So when I reach out to someone I went out with a few times or maybe only once and it wasn’t a horrible time, I’ll randomly reach out.

              I agree with Carmen – dealing with someone who says they’re too busy to stay in touch is lame, yet we (guys like me) do it becasue you (some women) allow it.

              I smell burnt coffee, guess I’ll stop as well.

        • Kendall

          Speak on it Social! Sadly (again, guilty), neither men or women will just come right out and say “I was bored” or “I’m just scrolling through my phone” or better yet “Wondering if I can hit”.

          Instead we hear the “Been busy” or “Lost my phone and contacts line.

          • Esme

            I’ve had the ‘wondering if I can hit’ text message. After I got done ralphing up my lunch, I took the time to appreciate the honesty. Problem is, the ones you want to be honest never are…

            • Carmen

              Damn, I nearly spit out my coffee- ‘can I hit’ text? No one is that stupid!!

              Pretty bold.

              My first reaction to something like that would be to laugh.

              Yes, the wrong ones are consistent, the wrong ones are honest.

              The majority of the men who pull the disappearing acts are those you THOUGHT you’d established some pretty good rapport with.

        • Jessie

          You’re dead on Social Lyte! People will do what they want, how they want.

          Kendall, you prove the point I make all the time, how women allowing certain things is what keeps it going.

          I’ll never understand why.

          We probably all agree that as long as you didn’t blow up the spot with any crazy antics or behavior the last time you spoke with or saw someone, the “year later” might be okay.

          So many issues we create for ourselves. It’s no wonder there are so many dating sites and blogs.

          • Carmen

            Yep, we create our own madness.

            Those of us who reply to the random text or call whether it is out of boredom, to get a free date or random hook up, we keep the mess alive!!

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