THIS is Why I'm Single!

Do I really want to go there?

I’m still alive.

It’s been pretty quiet and low key for me while I took some time to regroup from the remnants of the Rescue debacle.

For the past week, I have actually been getting reacquainted with an old friend. A friend dedicated to my well-being and health. A friend me with my new mantra of “best way to move on from a break up is to work on creating a slamming ass body”.

Yep, I’ve dusted off that gym membership card.

Me dating again? I’ve been keeping myself busy and haven’t given more that a chicken fart’s thought about dating. Yet.

I mean really, for what?

After hearing the crappy experiences from my group of girlfriends currently doing it, I’m not impressed with the results.

Funny though because each of them sound like a broken record as they share the same words of encouragement follow by “Carmen don’t wait, get right back out there and find your REAL Mr. Wonderful”.

These women aren’t exactly striking gold themselves, so to be honest, I’m not looking forward to the shark tank known as the dating scene and meeting any of the following types of men they’ve dealt with as of late such as:

-Mr. Text Only-

I warned my friend the same night she met this young man that one she said “Just text me sometime tomorrow” instead of “Call me around 2pm and let’s chat”, that she would set a precedent. Now they’ve gone on three dates and guess how many times she’s heard a laugh, giggle or just his VOICE? Three times.

That’s it.

The first date wasn’t even a conversation, but was just a series of compose-type-send sessions. Guess it’s no wonder when they met up for dinner she was dressed in a sexy dress and he opted for a t-shirt, jeans and white tennis shoes.

Oooh, so classy.

Of course, she didn’t think the texting would be the only way they communicated and mentioned nothing about it to him until Friday night and his reply? “Sorry, thought I told you I’m really busy and can’t really talk. I’ll text you later”.

Mmm, okay.

Like I said, she set herself up for this one and I just listened to her, trying not to say “Dummy, I told you so”.

I saw what I thought was a glimmer of hope with another friend, coming fresh out of divorce court, when she gushed about her exciting date. Kim is a great woman but is still a bit naïve to the types of infantile behavior some men demonstrate, leading me to the next one I hope to avoid:

-Mr. Personal Issues Came Up –

So she and her guy talk for days, I mean really great conversations. They’ve shared plenty of relevant information, both can agree on the seemingly great chemistry and can’t wait for the meet up. I’m going to assume the communication up to the meeting had been fairly decent, otherwise I might have heard Kim mention that, so the day after this wonderful date, nothing from him.

Not a call, text, nothing. It’s nothing to panic about, so she reaches out to him with a basic “how’s it going” text and doesn’t get a reply.

The next day comes and still nothing from this hot guy with the “amazing connection”, so she calls him and leaves another generic message to put her feelers out. Finally, he replies. Something is going on with a family member, and while he assures Kim that his suddenly distance, lack of contact and straight up radio silent behavior has nothing to do with her, she’s undoubtedly disappointed.

Okay, family issues. I get that. Not even taking a moment to send a reply until someone has to reach out twice, and you have this “amazing connection”? (And yes, I’m being cynical now)

I suggested she simply text him well wishes and IF she was up to it, offer to lend an ear if and when he needs to talk.

Come on, people need to grow the hell up. If you have issues you’re dealing with, get your ass off the dating web site and work on you. Period.

Speaking of issues- I mentioned above that my friend and the new potential shared relevant information, right?

We all know this isn’t always the case which brings me to the next type I hope to avoid when I get back into the dating game:

-Mr. No Need to Know Now –

As my mother so lovingly pointed out over the weekend, I may not keep them long, but at least I can get them to commit. This last this-is-why-I’m-not-looking-forward-to-dating little highlight is about one of my friends who hasn’t been in a relationship in a while.

Like over 3 years.

That’s quite a stretch and while I’ve told her jokingly that her mouth runs men away, I’m not really joking. So naturally, when she meets a man who seems like a fairly decent prospect, she’s all in BUT her conversations (more like interrogations) sometimes uncover crucial facts a little too late.

Enter the man who thought it wasn’t important for her to know about something.

Just like many of the other women above, the first date went off without a hitch. Good vibes, the men were charming etc… Yet when it’s time for the follow up dates? Well…

As she is trying to coordinate their next outing (he lives about an hour plus away), she notices that he has excuse after excuse about getting together again. Finally, she comes right out and asks “What’s the deal, do you not want to see me again?”

When he tells her about his driving restriction due to his D.U.I. and time limitations for the classes he also needs to take, I can understand why she was irked about him not sharing this during their many conversations.

As a side note, I’m pretty sure this was not his first offense to have received all of that.

I could go on, there are many more.

I’m turned off at the thought of meeting any of these men.

Hell, I’m not the only one looking for a cure!

Carmen

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

11 Comments

  • Just Saying

    Excellent! You’ve described all the things of lacking common sense that drive women bonkers! Well done!

    Seriously, when did having basic common sense and manners become optional?

    • Carmen

      Just Saying, I don’t know exactly when common sense went out with the trash, but I initially was going to guess somewhere in the mid 90’s.

      Then I think back to my early dating career and realized that wasn’t necessarily it.

      There are simply too many clueless men AND women in the dating world and their ignorance and bad habits just keep rubbing off on each other.

  • 1_Silver Fox

    That’s a damn shame, not one glimmer of hope? I had to read this again to make sure I wasn’t falling into any of those categories.

    Hey, at least you’re being reminding of what types to avoid so you can run when you see the signs.

    • Carmen

      Silver, I hope you don’t fall into any of those categories.

      If anything, by you actually reading a blog BY a woman, you’re learning/relearning what we don’t like.

  • Jessie

    You forgot to mention my guy who thought there was something magic about the third date.

    I guess I did NOT get the memo, but my last date was expecting a little more than just my charm, good looks and conversation- booty.

    Yep, he even asked me at what point he thought the regular routine “of dating and stuff” would lead us to doing what “we both really wanted”. For real dude?

    Ugh.

    Take your time girl, you aren’t missing a thing!

    • Carmen

      Three dates huh? Was the booty request before or after you’d gone on the 4th?

      Sadly, this isn’t even the least bit shocking.

      Of course the bigger question – did you give in?

      • Jessie

        Carmen, it came up while we were planning the 4th date.

        Don’t get me wrong – I am very much attracted to him but come on, show a little tact!

        So no, I didn’t do anything and when I reamed him for even saying something like that, there wasn’t too much to talk about afterwards.

  • GingerAnn

    Well, you did it.

    There seems to a lot of silliness, bad/poor behavior and no standards going on in with your girlfriends and dating. Blind leading the blind, I guess.

    What happened to your other “leftovers”, I mean “hangovers”?

    • Carmen

      Yes Ginger, I did it.

      Blind leading the blind? I don’t know about that but agree that some women and how they’ve been handling these men are helping to create these types of a-holes.

      The way I see it, men will only try what has been done before and accepted, right?

      Maybe I’m too extreme, too unforgiving, too many expectations- particularly when it comes to dealing with new ones. Just thinking of stories about those who have met men online AND in person gives me the heebie jeebies.

      The other leftovers?

      They’re around, more behind the scenes.

      The Agent is doing what he normally does (goes into hiding like a ground hog who’s seen his shadow), Tall Glass of Wine is being a friend (we’re still on for seeing what will be the second best concert of the year next week), Rescue checked for a pulse of the dead relationship (sent a “hope you’re okay feeler text last week that went ignored) and one other straggler is trying to meet up for lunch.

      Like I said – I’m just chilling at this point. Until I get the urge for some nookie. 🙂

    • Carmen

      Don’t we know this Esme – the question is to what degree their problems extend to?

      I just feel like I may need to change my strategy.

      All of the men I have been interested in (good looking), have the MOST issues, baggage or hang ups.

      Nearly all of the men I have shot down (not to good looking OR just plain corny and boring) “appear” to be the most well-rounded.

      I’ll get it right one day.

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