My Dating Hangovers,  Red Flags,  THIS is Why I'm Single!

Thanks, but no thanks!

Being forced to be civil with your ex, especially the other half who helped in the creation of your child is tough. For the most part, I have as minimal contact with the father which helps in living a drama free life.

As the two of us stood in the cold, watching the kids displaying their best effort at scoring a touchdown, the polite small talk got a bit personal.

Allow me to share a few excerpts from my discussion with “The Bullet” (meaning the one I dodged. Sort of):

TB: “So Carmen, are you still with that one dude, the firefighter?”

Me: “No”.

TB: “Man, you go through boyfriends like you do your cars”.

Me: “Really? I wouldn’t necessarily put it that way. Let’s just say I’ve got a zero tolerance policy for the bullshit. Some women just accept the way things are and deal with it.”

TB: “Yeah, but if you keep being so hard nosed you’re going to end up alone.”

Me: “Well, enough about me. How’s everything with you and your wife?”

TB: “Oh.. We’re separated, but getting back to you, I think if you…”

As I’m trying to decide whether to laugh at him or scream “Shut the fuc* up”, instead I just stare at the field.

It’s about damn time! Did she finally figure out she would be better off without you? Or perhaps that having you finally agree to get married after so many years was a lost cause?

Did she find out you had one or more chicks on the side? Maybe she figured out that on those trips to Big Bear, you took your boys PLUS date with you?

Oh wait wait – I know- she finally come to her senses and realized that she really was NOT okay with having an 13 year old, 11 year old and a 3 year old with you while getting to know your 10 year old with me?

Lucky for him, there were several parents within ear shot so I smiled like a cheshire cat as these thoughts went through my mind. He’s giving me tips?? He is actually trying to give me advice on handling men and staying in relationships.

Oh, and yes – if you read correctly, there’s a whole lot wrong with the ages of those children for a man who’d been in a relationship with this woman for over 13 years.

Two words sum it up easily – he cheated on her. Then he cheated again, then as a consolation finally married her. Then he cheated again and may have pro-created yet another child.

How do I know all of this, you know, being cordial and all?

My child.

Gotta love how innocent children are when they say things like “I had fun with Dad, but got in trouble for giggling in the movies when he and his girlfriend were kissing”. Say what?

Imagine how interesting my conversation was afterwards as I attempted to explain that having a wife AND a girlfriend was wrong.

I dodged that bullet.

Not to say that there could be something horribly wrong with her, that would cause this man to have such a wondering eye but… He is the epitome of a man who has no business being in relationships.

Oh but yes – he can offer critique, feedback and suggestions for me to have relationships that last?

The nerve. No thanks, I’ll pass.

Until there’s a cure for stupidity and hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

6 Comments

  • Esme

    Your ex sounds very classy, C. Extremely. I bet convos like that reaffirm why you two aren’t dating. You have a amazing child from the sounds of it, so something wonderful came out of that hangover. But holy fuck…what is it with guys that can’t keep their dicks in their pants? Douche. Ero.

    Guys like that make me want to turn around and say: let me tell you what’s wrong WITH YOU!!

    • Carmen

      Oh yes, classy and you know this is oozing with sarcasm.

      Fortunately, he wasn’t a hangover when we were together initially.

      The Bullet was my sweetheart while in college and it wasn’t until after I’d ended the relationship, did we create the wonderful child. See, this is what happens when you dabble with your ex – high likelihood of getting knocked up.

      He became the hangover while I was pregnant THEN learned that he wasn’t single. THEN learned he “forgot” to tell me about a second child. THEN learned about his significant other who he had been shacked up with.

      Douchero to infinity and beyond!

      I will never understand a cheater, especially a serial one.

      This guy is the type who ends up in a story of Snapped!

  • Kimmie

    Uh…. What??? I’m not trying to judge here, but it sounds like he went to the Kobe school of apologizing – mess up badly, give her a ring.

    Don’t you hate people trying to tell you what not to do when they’re the worst possible example?

    • Carmen

      No Kimmie, you’re not judging, simply stating a fact.

      It’s always the miserable spinster who has “tips” for you or the notorious cheater who finally saw the light after being caught.

  • 1 Silver_Fox

    Oh come on C, he sounds like he may have a little experience in dealing with women. Multiple at a time too.

    Glad you’re able to maintain some civility especially knowing his personal affairs.

    You AND the wife lucked out.

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