My Dating Hangovers

A Visit to The Birthday Boy

Some of my girlfriends ask about some of the hangovers who affected me the most, especially in between any current dating fiascos.

“Have you heard from that pervert Jekyll” or “Did Rescue ever get that divorce” are just a few inquiries received in the last two weeks. Just a few days ago someone else asked whatever happened to Special Agent and if he was still on my delete list? Actually, he is not.

He is definitely on the wall of shame for hangovers, but I were to use an extreme analogy to compare him to some of the others, I would say SA was guilty of committing several infractions versus any felonies.

Yes, he has been reinstated as a friend.

I know you may be wondering when I will discontinue any recycling some of these me, but it depends. To be honest, their actions may not be all that bad but I just have an extremely short fuse when it comes to senseless actions. It’s quite simple – I like this one, I mean really.

Many (more like nearly all) of the others have been programmed as NOPE in my phone, been blocked from Facebook and have email addresses stored as Spam. A few are so disgusting to me that I wouldn’t spit on if they were engulfed in a ball of fire, and then there are those such as SA, who have a little something that makes me agreeable to maintaining contact.

If you recall, SA tore his ass once again because he and I were supposed to have spent a weekend together a few months ago. Without rehashing how often he reminds me why HE is single, how he only has a few priorities in life and how I was not one of them, you can read about what happened in previous posts.

He felt the wrath of Carmen one good time with my “Why the hell do you think actions like that are acceptable” speech and readily admitted that I had good reason for being upset, disappointed that he didn’t think to just pick up the phone and call.

I’m thinking he’s either messed up friendships like ours before or figured out the best way to handle me afterwards, because he made just the right amount of contact with following that day. Gradually, my annoyance with him eased up and we agreed that if anything, being friends is something we could manage.

There are no expectations for SA and none from me; if our schedules allow a visit or an outing, so be it but gone are the “let’s try” this dating thing and see what happens. He is on a dating web site, so am I.

We shoot the shit via text message and might have an occasional conversation, even being comfy enough to swap horror pictures and stories from people online. It’s an interesting situation because in the depths of my mind (buried under all of the shit he has NOT done right) are some thoughts like “Maybe” but that’s about as far as I’m willing to think about him.

During one of our conversations a few weeks ago, SA mentioned that he was planning a “ManCation” with his boys in LA for his birthday. I hadn’t seen him since October of last year and even though the weekend of his visit would be a busy one, I agreed to make every effort to meet up with him, even if only for a short time.

Surprise, surprise! SA actually made the drive and arrived as scheduled to his destination.

Isn’t it amazing how plans fall into place when you REALLY want to do something or see something?

Hmm…

After his Daddy and Me bonding day at the amusement park had come to an end, I told SA that I was on my way to meet up with him and even on this froends only kick, I was nervous.

For any one who has ever been involved with someone and actually given a shit, meeting their children is nerve racking! Those little buggers can be judgmental, you have to worry about any possible reports back to the other parent and even more, the person is likely checking out how you interact with their children.

I know I said the whole “no expectations” and “just friends” spill, but still – meeting kids is a big deal no matter how you dress it up.

One thing is for sure, there wouldn’t be any hanky panky with the kids around, so as I was walking through Universal City Walk on my way to the restaurant, I was relaxed and really looking forward to seeing SA.
I chuckled to myself thinking of his text earlier that day saying “Don’t try to cancel on me either”. I’m not the flaky one in this situation, so it’s comical to know this is what he was wondering.

So now it’s showtime and I see him walking towards me as I’m going inside. He’s looking pretty cute even in his casual shorts (showing off some great legs), baseball cap and glasses and greets me with a warm hug.

Yep, I was mildly aroused.

As we’re walking towards the table he casually mentions “My father is here as well to celebrate my birthday and…”.

Everything else that came out of SA’s mouth was a blur. Damn, my mind was suddenly on overload, like def con level ten as I arrive at the table to sit across from his children and a parent!

To say that I was nervous would be an understatement, and once the formalities of introductions were over I jokingly whispered in SA’s ear how much I wanted to ram the steak knife into his thigh for not having warned me of this additional family member. Talk about being under pressure!!

How is my hair? Are my breasts peeking through this blouse? Do the kids think I’m pretty? Is the father judging my choice of beverage? Are they all judging me drinking alcohol? Is the one son thinking how he’s going to tell his mother about daddy’s friend? Will they like me? Should I stop having any side bar discussions?

These were just a few things running through my mind as I tried not to knock anything over. Why the hell was I so nervous? I guess I somehow felt like this dinner table scene was more like an audition.

Crazy.

Whether we are friends or not, sitting there was like a high stakes poker game. But fortunately, everything was going well as we enjoyed each other’s company. Sitting next to him and engaging in a little touchy feely play underneath the table while watching how he interacted with his boys was nice.

Observing the two different personalities of his children, while noting the calm and peaceful demeanor of his father; Giggling and racing for the camera as SA was being put on the spot by the restaurant staff as they belted out the annoyingly loud birthday song.

Watching the expressions of sheer joy, seeing him happy.

This was a side of this man that I always wondered about and appreciated the fact that he had asked me to be a part of his special day.

While I would be a fool to get my hopes up that this meeting was anything more, I can’t help but wonder. Realizing that some people tend to be very loose and liberal when it comes to introducing their children to possible love interests, this encounter may not seem like anything major. SA and I aren’t like that at all, and both agreed a long time ago that “randoms” or “casuals” are not suitable for any meet and greet sessions. So to me, this must mean I’m thought of as a good friend of nothing more.

I’m happy to say that the night ended very well. SA walked me to valet to retrieve my car, thanked me for coming out to where he was and sealed his words with a hug and a kiss. A plan was put in place to see each other again soon.

I’m packing an overnight back as I write.

No expectations, but I’ll certainly enjoy the moments.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

21 Comments

    • Carmen

      Double Dutch… I’m guessing you are the reason why he suddenly asked if I could change his name on the blog because it was “too obvious”.

      Whichever the case, life goes on…

  • 1_Silver Fox

    No matter what pretty lady, consider it all a part of the journey. No expectations is what you wrote but is that really what you meant? A little something to think about.

  • Immacarmen2

    I’m glad you posted this as I think I may be dating this person. Yes, SA from San Diego. It saddens me to hear these things because I believed every line he had given me which sounds much like your story. And to think…I trusted him. This completely hurts to know I have been duped. Pls call me so I can confirm his name before I pull the rug under him.

  • Ginger Ann

    Wow Carmen, Its been awhile. My husband, Dwight, who would come to your blog as well had told me he was still reading from time to time. We just got home from early dinner and he said check this out. I just have 5 points for you:

    1. You and him are both responsible for what is happening. Your blogging friends warned you. But you were caught up and I understand that.

    2. There may be a girlfriend(s) but there is no soon to be fiancé. How old is this man? Either he is engaged or not.

    3. Double Dutch/Immacarmen2 told you all that you needed to know and whatever other answers you are looking for should come from him. I mean really 2 other women that you know of…that’s laughable. Besides, his main girl/wifey will be the one that doesn’t post on your site, but will read and still stay with him, he is a dishonest man. Hell this man asked you to change his name. Who was he expecting to read this blog and why would he think they would assume it was him?

    4. I think you will still deal with him. There is no outrage or hurt in your postings, just curiosity and answer seeking from a man who has playing and keeping you at distant from the beginning. just a lot of smoke and mirrors. All he has to do is come back and say she broke up with him and you continue to deal with him but tell know one. You want him to bad. I don’t even know you but could tell from your posts.

    • Carmen

      Hey Ginger and I always welcome comments like this.

      Allow me to address this point first – “… There is no outrage.”

      You’re absolutely right, in fact what happened today was comical and I shook my head on amazement wondering if I was being punked. Not that some woman or two for that matter, coming out of the woodworks is astounding, but it was HOW this one found the blog. I’m just thankful I was NOT caught up. Last night was something to do.

      Responsible? Most certainly. When I figured he was full of shit and tried deleting all traces of his existence, I knew. Regardless of what a blog reader may say, its ultimately up to me how to proceed in these situations. I knew better than to consider anything in terms of dating, but my mistake was in thinking he was worthy of being a friend. HE is responsible for trying to play the field; I’m single and dating which is how he presented himself.

      As for the fiance’ part; this one may be the main girl or one of several, who knows. I try not to get caught up on the specifics, but the planning and information she shared was pretty detailed.

      As for the other comments, there is nothing vested in Special Agent so again, there is no hostility or anger. It’s quite disgusting to know that even a man who writes about dating and relationships and has even developed an Ipod app, could be the very opposite of what his writings profess him to be.

      I feel sorry for him, and the woman? She is the one who “needed closure”, so that will between the two of them to work things out.

      Things like this happen all of the time, and those who are lucky (or unlucky) somehow stumble on the truth about a person.

      I could be a little confused as to why you take me as the type who would still deal with someone like this, but whatever, your perception is respected.

      There’s a difference between suspecting a reason for a person’s behavior and knowing.

      Only a fool would entertain the likes of Special Agent.

      The irony of this is this girlfriend/fiance’ found the blog by accident. The others knew about is because he shared it since again, he dabbles in dating and relationship blogging as well.

      Thank again for commenting.

  • Ginger Ann

    My husband says I get one last comment, so I need to make it good….

    I feel you, but I still say “You, Him and Her Need More People”. There is no way she found it on “her” own and figured out this was her man unless she works for “Ms. Cleo”….. 2. If I knew my man was meeting up with another woman, I would be blowing up his phone or at his door…None of this happened…Again, need more people…

    3. As for you, don’t down play it….If it wasnt for these women you would be on here gushing about the night before and how the “Maybe” could be a “Possibly”….Again need more people….Deleted his number/email? Still Friends on Facebook?

    You dont have to stop blogging but please try to be careful with what you put out there…lesson learned I hope…I guess blogging along with facebook and flat out cheating can end a relationship.

    You can get a man that will want to marryyou….his package may be different but he will love you all the same.

    Still say “Something in the milk not clean”. My and husband an I will have a nice discussion with our other friends about this.

    All the Best…..

    • Carmen

      Okay Ginger, you got in one good comment BUT a few things top clarify before you’re off to din w/the hubby:

      A woman doesn’t have to be Ms. Cleo; sometimes things really do fall into your lap.

      Case in point, how I found out that my ex (Jekyll) was a cyber cheater. Did I go through his phone? Peek over his shoulder for a password to his email or Facebook account?

      Nope. Divine intervention led me to more than I ever wanted to know. One day I just “had to” get into an old hotmail account I hadn’t used in 5+ years. I needed to redirect my alumni messages to my new email address and what do you know? I click to open the hotmail browser and instead HIS account he’d mistakenly left logged on opened. The rest is history.

      This woman? Loves this man and was trying to figure out how to understand his ways, how to deal with him.

      She Googled “how to date a special agent” and my blog popped up. San Diego is a small area, his line of work is specialized, she pieced it together. I don’t have time right now to elaborate, but there’s more to the story.

      Gushing? Mercy no. Sweetie, you’ve got it all wrong and again, if only I had the time to post the DRAFT I was working on after leaving breakfast with him, you would see. The post I received was just the icing, as I certainly heard enough last night to post nothing that was gushing.

      Finally, you mention blogging, telling etc. There are certainly some details that may not make the internet because as easy as it is to Google for most things, figuring out my true identity is not foolproof. I blog about my dating life because it is an online journal of sorts so if you’re reading, you must respect that. Asking me not to share this or tell that defeats the purpose of what I enjoy doing and what the hundreds of thousands of bloggers like me enjoy doing. 🙂

  • Ginger Ann

    Carmen – My sincerest apologies if I offended you in anyway with my words concerning your blogging and assumptions about the situation….It’s just that as we can tell from your post, “words can impact alot of people” and that is evident by this situation.

    It is still crazy, that you spent the evening with him just to find out about another woman he was involved with and then he lose that same woman within 24 hours…I guess the cosmos are uncanny…..

    This is one of the reasons my husband and I decided not to create a datng blog….”Words Can Be Dangerous.”

    Thanks for using bold instead of all caps 🙂

    • Carmen

      No apologies needed! I can handle is and the bold was a slip of the finger (tiny buttons). 🙂

      I just wanted to clarify how things came to light.

      1. She supposedly found the blog a day or so ago.

      2. I planned on seeing him a week ago. Showed up last night, she replied to the blog post from yesterday and that’s all she wrote.

      Dating blogs can be nice and easy, providing tips and what not and only use vague examples of personal stories. It is certainly doable to have one and withhold sensitive details. It all depends on what the author wants to share.

      Okay. Now enjoy dinner! 🙂

  • Tania

    Hold on – I’m not sure why any of this is Carmen’s fault. Really???

    I just read the latest post on my reader and am glad I doubled back to see these comments and I don’t know what to say but fuck me, how is this the other woman’s fault.

    I think if we’re reading these types of blogs, its a given the person is sharing some intimate details. So what if she did stay in contact with this loser even after knowing he wasn’t anything close to being “the one”. Hell, I can read and understood this part:

    “There are no expectations for SA and none from me; if our schedules allow a visit or an outing, so be it but gone are the “let’s try this dating thing and see what happens”. It says just what it says, so if she wants to talk, flirt whatever, that’s on her but its wrong to say its her fault because some other chick found the blog. Don’t get that.

    I can’t understand how these situations end up being the woman’s fault when its the man playing two hands causing the drama.

    Men doing shit like this is how people get hurt- physically. So there Ginger, am I hostile enough for Carmen!?

    • Ginger Ann

      Slow down Tania, I’m not blaming Carmen…..I stated they were both responsible…..this man from the start showed her what he was about…her on words was she “liked him”. Us women have a way of justifying friendships. I stand by my words, if Camen could be with him she would have been…he just didnt want her like that….I guess. Still say something in the milk ain’t clean with the whole situation. There is a whole lot of missing pieces, but I’m not working for NYPD Detective Unit, so I’ll let it rest.

      As Maya Angelou says when a person shows you who the first time believe them

      ..Drops Mic!

      • Tania

        Oh wow, I can keep replying to this?? Okay, Ginger it seemed as if you were going pretty hard with your 1 through 4. I can’t fault anybody for dealing with a man because there wasnt any hard fact keeping them from doing so. This right here? I just messed up but Carmen is a big girl- she’s bold enough to post her relationship issues, she can take the feedback and just roll with it. I bet the people reading this have gone through it too and stayed with the cheaters too.

        • Carmen

          Lol Tania, yes- you can keep replying/commenting and interesting spelling of the name.

          That’s real talk about the cheaters. I know plenty of women who would look at this situation like “So what, he’s a good guy right”? That’s because they have and will put up with so much more, up to and including staying with a man after finding some panties in his bed.

          I’ve been fortunate not to have been cheated on (physically) by any man I’ve been in a relationship with BUT I did have a cyber cheater to deal with. As much as I tried to give him a second chance, I could not.

          So if the man I was in love with was found out and didn’t get a second chance, why in the hell would some man who didn’t even scratch the surface of my emotions be given the chance? It isn’t happening. Next!

      • Carmen

        I like that- “drops the mic”

        I’ve never used the milk analogy but I use this one often – water under the bridge.

        However anyone wants to chop this up, this man can continue being someone else’s hangover. I’ve never been that woman to pine over someone who isn’t loving my the sweat in the crack so everyone is free to think what they want.

        Your readership is always appreciated!

          • Tania

            Okay, hold on a moment because I went back and read this again and Carmen says: ” Without re hashing how he reminds me why he’s single, that he only has a few priorities in life and I was not one of them…”

            Alright, she knew she was not made a priority so what’s so wrong about using the dude for something else like a random fling?? I don’t see a damn thing wrong with a little bumping and grinding and as long as the guy wasn’t a complete asshole, why not? But she’s thinking he is single and what silly little girls don’t get is that he was obviously not up front about his situation. It ain’t rocket science. Guy tells girl he’s single but dating others- she knows she isn’t the only one and either deals with whatever he sends or way or doesn’t period. OR guy tells girl “I’m involved with someone, let’s just be friends” and the girl either says no way, not interested or willingly becomes the other woman. I’m not sure what is so difficult to comprehend here that no matter what a man tells a woman, if he’s acting a different way, there’s going to be some cinfusion.

            Carmen, I don’t know anything about you but you seem pretty sharp and hopefully realize that some people don’t need to be in your life. Friend or booty call buddy.

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