Bad First Dates, My Dating Hangovers, Online Dating

How I’m Handling Being Uninterested

As frustrated as I may be with the dating scene and the failure of past relationships, I still have some compassion buried inside. I feel a little bad for how things have ended with Brooklyn’s Finest, but a part of me feels that the situation was handled in a fairly decent manner. My infamous “Take Care” text finalized things with this one who, based on us noting having met, probably isn’t a certifiable hangover.

Being respectful of a person’s time, energy and effort is one of my good traits. Why waste BF’s time?

This man was saying and doing all that a man should if he’s interested in a woman and importantly, wants her to know. The problem is that he was doing too much, too soon.

I’ve tried to wrap my mind around the possibility of someone being so enamoured by me after 3 or 4 conversations (none lasting more than 30 minutes), several text messages, and some online photos. Having decided to delete his profile by day 3 of contact, telling me I was “the one” and sending too many messages saying he was thinking of me was just too much. Hell, I can’t tell if BF’s strong approach was more of a turn off than my reservations about his appearance was. Now you certainly can’t fault the man for recognizing he had come across an attractive, intelligent, and exciting woman (shoulder patting myself), but come on son- why in the world wasn’t HE taking notice that my words and sentiments weren’t being reciprocated?

When BF said “You are beautiful”, I replied “Aw, thank you”.

If he said “Your skin is flawless in your photos”, I replied “You have a great smile”.

After he said “I have faith in you, in us and I can’t wait to make you mine”, I replied “Easy tiger, let’s meet each other first.”

By the fourth day he tells me “I just told my brother and a co-worker about you again, and I’m already planning our next dates, I thought “My friend is trying to convince me that you’ll look completely different in person and I will feel attracted to you”. See, I wasn’t leading him on at all.

So again, did he seem too eager or was I simply unable or unwilling to set aside the feeling I had when looking at his photos over and over and over again.

Whichever the case, by Saturday afternoon I had stopped responding to his text messages. When BF said he opted for teaching during the summer ALL day on a Saturday meant he had nothing else to do, I realized he would be the type of man who wanted to consume ALL of my time as a filler. After he said teaching classes all day was because he had nothing else to do. BF replied soon after that “Pitiful, I know” and ended with another “Thinking of you” text. Nothing more; I stopped replying and did not return any phone calls.

Sunday rolls around and I’m feeling an amazing sense of relief because…. He hadn’t text or called. Monday comes, still nothing. I am fucking e-l-a-t-e-d. He gets it and I don’t feel as bad knowing that this man was really ready to make plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas, along with making room for my car in his garage. Since I knew his special date was planned for today, I just wanted to make sure there was no misunderstanding, so I crafted a carefully worded text message and sent it yesterday afternoon. Yes, yes – texting is being used nowadays for sending information that is best for an actual telephone call, but no thanks, I’ll avoid the awkwardness of that kind of discussion.

What is the best way of handling this type of situation and cancelling a first meeting and date? Lie, lie and lie.

A part of me wanted to tell him that he came on too strong, far too soon. At least that way he would know why he has had such a difficult time with online dating. Instead I sent a chicken shit message that said:

“Hi there BF, I’m sure you’ve noticed I have stopped communicating with you. I’ve realized these last couple of days that my life is too hectic right now. I’m sorry, I just don’t have time for anything else. I hope you are able to find a partner for tomorrow’s cruise”. Take care, Carmen.”

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

12 thoughts on “How I’m Handling Being Uninterested

  1. Hey chica! I shared the last post with a few friends and they agreed that he was moving way too fast. Interestingly enough, I have a male friend who’s going through this same thing. I’m glad you went ahead and sent the last text, maybe he’ll finally get the message. His actions were a little alarming so I think it’s best to cut it short now.

    1. Hey diva Mel! Thank you for doing that because for the life of me, it helps to hear that I wasn’t losing my mind.

      Someone might get the wrong idea and think that I’m against meeting a real man, one who is genuine and chivalrous but this dude right here? I felt a little strange about him.

      If your male friend is feeling the same way, he’s not crazy. You can feel it when you have a real connection with someone that doesnt seem exaggerated or overbearing.

      The two of you will be saying how into each other you are. How happy you are to have found each other. Words of how you can’t wait to see each other, and plans for your future time. Together.

      On the flip side, it is quite annoying to have so many lazy men out there and too few men who do try harder.

      Have a fabulous week. 🙂

    1. I try Silver… That’s the difference between some people- while some may not give a hoot about hurting someone’s feelings or embarassing them, I do.

      It just didn’t feel right and after looking at about 25 photos every which way, trying to find something I could be attracted to. For me, I’m a visual person, so I enjoy looking at pleasant things. BK wasn’t a monster, but he certainly wasn’t a looker in my eyes.

  2. I’ll give you this, at least you didn’t let things drag on because another person would have met up with this guy anyway- a free date and meal is a free date and meal. The fact that you decided not to overlook the feeling that he wasn’t visually appealing to you and had reservations about his strong approach says a lot about you.

    I always say go with your gut instinct and listen to it since it is rarely wrong.

  3. This guy already saw you as a long term couple and you hadn’t even met. You already gave him the hint that it would be smart to slow down, and he went the opposite direction. Nothing left to do but say something, anything to put an end to it.

    Oh, and about the phone call vs. text thing. You didn’t know each other. You hadn’t even met each other. There’s no need for a phone call. I actually don’t think people owe each other a phone call if a things don’t work out after one or two dates.

    Whatever it is that didn’t feel right about the situation, you really don’t have a lot to say to someone you barely know. “I just don’t feel we’re a good match. ” It’s a text message sized message. Or an e-mail. Making things simple and clean is most compassionate in my opinion. So the fact that you didn’t go along with this guy for a few weeks or a month is a plus in my book.

    1. Goodness yes, Nathan!! He was either so confident that there was nothing that would stand in the way of “US”, that he nearly obsessed about me.

      Creepy.

      I’m not sure why it is so difficult for me to have a balanced situation with a man. My last relationship (with Rescue), he was a little too lax and the one before him (Full Metal Jacket) was too possessive, needy and extreme.

      To hear someone explain that once they meet someone and become involved, with their life revolving around him or her is a big red flag.

      I’m ready for the next.

  4. Damn, you have been busy since I last stopped by. Listen, you hadn’t even met Brooklyn so you don’t owe him anything more than a quick text.

    Just as with anyone who needs to observe actions to see how interested another may be in you, you gotta observe actions to see if someone is also uninterested. This one had tunnel vision and only saw and heard what he wanted. Classy move not just using him for a night out on the town.

    1. I know Kendall, I haven’t given up!

      Thanks for recognizing that because I surely could have gone on the date knowing damn well I would be thinking “I can deal if he wears a hat and sunglasses”.

  5. OMG!!! I just got around to reading about BF.

    It sounds like he’s not someone that can at least grow on you?? I take it he’s not at least a bit easy on the eyes? Yes, he was definitely moving way too fast! I’m curious as to what he looks like. I’m still trying to understand the invite on the cruise…..it would definitely make me very leery.

    At least you kept an open mind an didn’t eliminate him right away. I think he had a chance, if he had not started showing signs of being mentally insane. LOL

    I say hang in there….I’m sure you’ll meet some more possible contenders soon.

    1. No Kaia- he wasn’t workable, at least not for me. I know the saying goes that a person’s looks will only last for so long, but you can’t blame a girl for wanting just a teeny weeny bit of physical attraction.

      So the journey continues…

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