As frustrated as I may be with the dating scene and the failure of past relationships, I still have some compassion buried inside. I feel a little bad for how things have ended with Brooklyn’s Finest, but a part of me feels that the situation was handled in a fairly decent manner. My infamous “Take Care” text finalized things with this one who, based on us noting having met, probably isn’t a certifiable hangover.
Being respectful of a person’s time, energy and effort is one of my good traits. Why waste BF’s time?
This man was saying and doing all that a man should if he’s interested in a woman and importantly, wants her to know. The problem is that he was doing too much, too soon.
I’ve tried to wrap my mind around the possibility of someone being so enamoured by me after 3 or 4 conversations (none lasting more than 30 minutes), several text messages, and some online photos. Having decided to delete his profile by day 3 of contact, telling me I was “the one” and sending too many messages saying he was thinking of me was just too much. Hell, I can’t tell if BF’s strong approach was more of a turn off than my reservations about his appearance was. Now you certainly can’t fault the man for recognizing he had come across an attractive, intelligent, and exciting woman (shoulder patting myself), but come on son- why in the world wasn’t HE taking notice that my words and sentiments weren’t being reciprocated?
When BF said “You are beautiful”, I replied “Aw, thank you”.
If he said “Your skin is flawless in your photos”, I replied “You have a great smile”.
After he said “I have faith in you, in us and I can’t wait to make you mine”, I replied “Easy tiger, let’s meet each other first.”
By the fourth day he tells me “I just told my brother and a co-worker about you again, and I’m already planning our next dates, I thought “My friend is trying to convince me that you’ll look completely different in person and I will feel attracted to you”. See, I wasn’t leading him on at all.
So again, did he seem too eager or was I simply unable or unwilling to set aside the feeling I had when looking at his photos over and over and over again.
Whichever the case, by Saturday afternoon I had stopped responding to his text messages. When BF said he opted for teaching during the summer ALL day on a Saturday meant he had nothing else to do, I realized he would be the type of man who wanted to consume ALL of my time as a filler. After he said teaching classes all day was because he had nothing else to do. BF replied soon after that “Pitiful, I know” and ended with another “Thinking of you” text. Nothing more; I stopped replying and did not return any phone calls.
Sunday rolls around and I’m feeling an amazing sense of relief because…. He hadn’t text or called. Monday comes, still nothing. I am fucking e-l-a-t-e-d. He gets it and I don’t feel as bad knowing that this man was really ready to make plans for Thanksgiving and Christmas, along with making room for my car in his garage. Since I knew his special date was planned for today, I just wanted to make sure there was no misunderstanding, so I crafted a carefully worded text message and sent it yesterday afternoon. Yes, yes – texting is being used nowadays for sending information that is best for an actual telephone call, but no thanks, I’ll avoid the awkwardness of that kind of discussion.
What is the best way of handling this type of situation and cancelling a first meeting and date? Lie, lie and lie.
A part of me wanted to tell him that he came on too strong, far too soon. At least that way he would know why he has had such a difficult time with online dating. Instead I sent a chicken shit message that said:
“Hi there BF, I’m sure you’ve noticed I have stopped communicating with you. I’ve realized these last couple of days that my life is too hectic right now. I’m sorry, I just don’t have time for anything else. I hope you are able to find a partner for tomorrow’s cruise”. Take care, Carmen.”
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