Online Dating,  Uncategorized

The Men Who Try Harder

One hell no, several possibles, and one definite.  I certainly don’t want to say that I shut down the two men who were from San Diego because of uh…the latest events but let’s just say it was a factor.   My mailbox was pretty busy this weekend, so I don’t know if cupid decided to have a change of heart after this past weekend or a few more men decided to renew their online dating memberships, but I had plenty of new options to consider these last couple of days.  I can’t emphasize enough how refreshing it is to have the types of men who are looking (or at least say they are) for the same thing as I am as opposed to the “looking for friends, then see what happens” kind who try changing their strategy to keep me once they find out that I’m serious about finding the match that is perfect for me.

“Its amazing how sometimes we get so caught up in day to day that we forget about the simple things such as sharing an ice cream cone or skipping over the cracks in the sidewalk while walking.
If you let me, I’d like to take you for that walk, romance you and show you that chivalry is not dead.
We seem to want the same things, but just like you said, I only want someone who wants me.
Do you?”

It isn’t often that you receive a message from a complete stranger that has you grinning from ear to ear, pausing to think about the contents only to go back and read it once again.  The type of message that makes you think that there is hope after all.  Without sharing exactly what my dating profile is telling men about me, you can best believe it is direct but has just the right amount of smoothing touches.  There is nothing there that depicts a woman who is in any way shape or form confufsed about what she wants, and while it may be too much for the men who are simply looking for the casual fling or the next jump off, those are the types I want to avoid completely.  I’m a firm believer that if you put it out there what you’re looking for, at some point (though it seems like this will happen in the first month of never) the person who really identifies with that will come around.

Of course, after receiving this type of message I can’t wait to review his profile and see if what he has put out there for the world to see matches up with what he’s expressing in his contact with me.  I was pleasantly surprised and smiled after just having read the first couple of lines:

“When I was a child, I spoke like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child.
When I became a man, I gave up childish ways…
Success is nothing without someone to share it with.”

Brooklyn’s Finest seems like he’s just that type of man and has shown me that those who encounter a woman like me, recognize a woman’s worth and will do what it takes to please her.  Real men who long for that type of connection that goes from friendship to serious dating, transitioning into a relationship and ultimately looking at being with their partner for the long run try harder.  It took me just a matter of minutes after having our first conversation a few days ago to come up with this nickname for him because well – he seems to be the pick of the crop and yes, he’s from New York.   As the saying goes, BF had me at hello – you know how easy it is to get hopefully hooked when you have that type of initial conversation where you’re left wanting more?  I had to cut the talk a little short to head into a meeting and as soon as it was over (and I do mean as soon as I walked out of the door), I couldn’t wait to call him right back and finish our talk.

The man’s vernacular is off the chain!  Talk about a turn on and I can see how artistic people, especially writers get the girls.

When BF shared that he was currently working on his doctorate in psychology, I already knew that he would be the type of man who could easily converse and he has definitely proven this.  The words that come out of his mouth roll off of his tongue with ease, and his personality is amazing and kind with just enough of that Brooklyn sass and coupled with an amazing sense of humor, he and I are getting along just fine.  Our first meeting and second have already been planned and for the love of God, BF is saying and doing the types of things to show his interest in me that I’ve always felt a man should do if he knows anything about courting.  In fact, I was just telling a friend this morning that we are meshing so well if I didn’t know any better, I would think that a friend of mine had told him all about me and secretly steered him my way.  Wow.  I’m really feeling this one but…..

Come on, you know there is always some snag in the picture whenever this type of feeling comes around.  Remember how I was awoken from my wet dream (literally and figuratively) with The Critter?  Things started off the same way, with me being contacted with that go getter type of message, an okay looking profile picture and countless conversations that stimulated my mind and spirit, talks that made me look forward to the next and the next and the next.  If you recall, I was so disappointed from the beginning and middle which I wrote about here and finally, the end of my fairytale which came crashing down here.   BF is indeed one of those good on paper types of men;  not only is he well educated, he works in education as the dean of a local school and can easily talk on nearly every subject that exists.  He professes his love for living a meaningful life and is interested in everything from scuba diving to skydiving, and of course enjoys doing the simpler things such as an occasional movie or enjoying dinner at one of his favorite restaurants.  For his age, this contender has an acceptable amount of baggage for a 40-something divorcee and has shared custody of his two children.  BF is very open about his feelings, wants, needs and desires and is sharing all of this in the most selfless way – describing how making the special lady that comes into his life happy and feeling fulfilled, expressing how knowing he is succeeding at doing this makes him happy.  Rare find for sure.

My one and only concern at this point is the physical attraction when we meet.  He’s a decent looking man, but there has been that one or two photos where my big smile takes a bit of a dive wondering if they were just bad shots.  Damn it.  Why can’t I be one of those people who can simply be swept off my feet without considering the looks?

So for now, I’m cautiously optimistic about our meeting which is taking place next week.  BF is surprising me with what we’re doing, simply telling me it involves water and to dress comfortably with some flat shoes.  A man who takes  charge?  I love it.

Alright BF – in the words of Jay Z, show me what you got!

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

8 Comments

  • Matt79

    Wow, that does sound like a really promising start! I hope the meeting lives up to the promise with this one. As I read through the latter half of that post I kept thinking for half a second that BF stood for BoyFriend 😉

    • Carmen

      Ah… My cutie patootie from up north. Welcome back Matt!

      Yes, yes – Brooklyn’s Finest sounds quite promising. I just don’t want to get all geeked up because even though I don’t per se have a “type”, I do have a “he’s not attractive at all to me”. I’ve got this feeling, but am hoping he just takes bad photographs.

      We shall see in a few days.

      Hope all is well and you are still happily with woman. 🙂

  • 1_Silver Fox

    A real intellect huh? This one sounds interesting and thus far, is doing what some of those other clowns did not- showing you.

    Keep us posted.

  • Mesosingle

    I hate to be Ms. Kill-Joy here but this one has me worried. I’ve been doing the online dating thing for a while and the clips from his profile and message to you seem very contrived, as if he asked himself: what do women want to read? His words read like an excerpt out of Steve Harvey’s – Act Like A Lady Think Like A Man, or something similar. While that may be a point of view he agrees with it sounds a little…phony. Sounds to me like he is targeting scourned women that are bitter and looking for the man that “gets it”. Some sort of Emotional Captain Save-a-ho….not to say you are a ho or emotionally exhausted Carmen, but you get my point. He is immediately touching on some of the key issues women have with men instead of creating a profile about his true self. I don’t know about this one Carmen. Best of luck!

    • Carmen

      Hmmm… Good perspective MeSo, very good.

      See, I know when my mouth twists up at reading or hearing certain things and I’m like “Yeah, okay….”, I’ve got cause for suspicion. In fact, BF even said after one of his “You’re so wonderful” rants that he wasn’t trying to gas me up.

      My concerns are legit and its all because one conversation later can’t possible evoke all of those feelings. Now if I was stroking his ego, talking with an Eartha Kit purr and telling him I wasn’t wearing panties all in one breath, I could understand.

      Lol @ the Steve Harvey mention. As long as he doesn’t ask me if I’m a chirp chirp girl, we’re good.

  • Jessie

    Brooklyn fella does sound like a nice catch, so is he trying too hard because he isn’t all that or did he realize the found his match?

    The fact that he is doing all of this planning and talking about dying so much with you is a good feeling but I would be a little guarded too. Like you say, how do you give so much and not get the same in return. Is he trying to prove himself? No one wants to feel like they want somebody more than they are wanted but he sure isn’t a Special Agent -he is being real with you. Try it and see if you guys connect and maybe you can learn to like him like that.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.