Online Dating,  THIS is Why I'm Single!

Signs of a Desperate Man

I haven’t even had a chance to post the second part of the Broke Boo experience, nor have I been able to give a snippet of the datemare with Anger Management dude. Still, I must share this example in sheer stupidity and/or desperation.

Coming across as the desperately seeking single acting as if you found the last slice of bread on earth is not a good look. Yet sadly, I’m witnessing the types of behaviors that scream lonely, pesky, and creepy all at once.

Get a clue already!

The absence of online etiquette – no, how about plain old common sense is amazing. Be it a subliminal message or direct indication that someone is NOT interested in you, take it and move on.

If I have not responded OR
the trail of communication went cold like an unsolved mystery, that wasn’t by accident. It means there was something about our exchange that turned me off, or perhaps I just wasn’t interested. But to continue to message me, trying to force your reasons why I NEED to be in contact with you isn’t cool, not even a little bit. The time is now to realize when to be persistent and when to let go.

Do I have any real examples before I tell you about Big Daddy? Absolutely!

– I’ve told the handsome 30 year-old real estate broker from Chicago, that while I’m sure he would treat me better than any “Impostor of a man could”, I wasn’t interested in carrying on a long distance anything. He continued to message his appeals three other times.

– I asked the 48 year-old if my eyes were deceiving me when I read he was in Lawrenceville, Georgia. He replied that my eyes were fine, but that my options should be kept open and that I better realize how difficult it is to find a good man. This guy then sent FOUR other messages, listing the reasons I would want to communicate with him and work towards something

These are just a few of the more recent examples, but sometimes I am completely inundated with messages.
On a good day, I will politely respond to these men and let them know if I don’t feel we are a good match, wish them luck and keep it pushing. About 85% of them get it, the other 5% either come back with another reply immediately asking if we could be friends, message or send some silly flirt or photo rating a few weeks later (changing their profile picture to try throwing me off), or just act stupid.

That leaves 10% who are just stupid and here’s where Big Daddy (actual screen name)comes in.

He is a 50 year old male (my search range is 29-45), divorced with 4 children, has a boring profile (I like movies, eating and working out- that’s it!), and does NOT have a profile picture posted (a definite no-no). There was absolutely no reason for me to respond to any of the following messages he has sent:

6/8/12 – “I like a woman who is self-confident and knows what she wants. If you like a man who knows who he is and what he wants, call me at 555-1212.”

NO REPLY from me.

7/5/12 – “Hey gorgeous, your photos are fantastic. I would like to get to know you.”

NO REPLY from me.

8/3/12 – “Third Attempt; please call me.”

8/22/12 – “NO WAY”. I AM SORRY BUT BASED ON THE FACT THAT I HAVE NOT BEEN ABLE TO CONTACT YOU NO MATTER HOW HARD I TRY, I SAY “NO WAY” DOES SHE EXIST. WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF! TALK TO ME!!”

Seriously? All caps?

I can be a bit sharp with the tongue and was trying to ignore yet another message from Big Daddy, but that inner bitch kept telling me what I had to do. Here’s my reply to him and I’ll end my rant about stupid shit that men do here:

Re: NO WAY

Good afternoon to you,

It was no accident that I have not responded to your attempts to communication, and to be quite honest, it was intentional for several reasons.

For one, you have no photos of yourself so not only am I at a disadvantage not knowing if Big Daddy means Big Daddy or BIIIIIIGGGGGGG Daddy. Also, the absence of a photo raises suspicion. Why would you take 20 minutes to set up a profile, and not spare 2 minutes to snap a picture?

Secondly, I’m afraid my comfort zone for dating ages stops at about 45, that’s five years younger than you.

Lastly, at what point would you realize that a woman was not interested after not replying by the SECOND message??

I appreciate you taking time to view my profile, good luck with your search.

See, that wasn’t so bad and perhaps I’ve done the single dating world some justice, letting this desperate know how his actions are a turn OFF.

Cupid -stop playing with me.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

7 Comments

  • Matt79

    I don’t really understand why some guys (and presumably a few women) push harder and harder for a response and, in doing so, make it even less likely to be a positive one. If he’s trying to imagine a scenario where you were just really busy but might one day give him a try, he’s not helping his case by shouting “WHAT ARE YOU AFRAID OF!” I would imagine that’s rarely a helpful thing for a guy to say online to a woman he’s never met – it’s a good opportunity for her to remind herself of all the things she might be afraid of in meeting up with a pushy aggressive stranger!

    I think he might have had a slightly better chance if he’d gone with something ironic and witty, like “Carmen, I am truly touched by the hundreds of messages you’ve been sending me every day – verily you flatter me with your kind words. However, my computer is now struggling to download them all, so if you could keep it down to no more than two per hour I would be most grateful.”

    • Carmen

      Absolutely Matt! Big Daddy’s “what are you afraid of” question is odd at best, and creepy. Yes, women do this as well but likely not as much in the beginning.

      If a man doesn’t reply to an initial message, it’s on to the next. But let there have been some dialogue between the two and he suddenly goes radio silent on her? Oh, a woman will text, email, call and otherwise stalk until she receives a reply.

      Desperate actions are not cool.

  • Jessie

    You’ve got to be kidding me!!! That nagging contact screams crazy, beware and run all at the same time.

    Can you imagine if he had your number??

    • Carmen

      Jessie, if he had my number he would have been programmed in as a “Don’t Answer” immediately.

      I can just imagine him banging in the keyboard as he typed “NO WAY” while thinking, “This bitch better reply”.

      Ugh.

  • 1_Silver Fox

    That’s ridiculous and I feel really bad getting this body wracking aches from laughing at this stories, especially because its at your expense.

    You have to admit it Carmen, some of this ish is pure comedy. He killed it with the all caps though. Lol

    • Carmen

      Silver, it’s okay to get your thrills off of this.

      Sometimes I laugh at these antics as well and find my self amazed at the things men and women do.

      Dating isn’t rocket science, but the idiots like this make it difficult and unwelcoming.

  • Vic Corts

    More girls should be like you. I’ve had some friends who actually give in feeling guilty for not answering. C’mon, its not like the man is suffering from his messages not being answered.

    I’ll show this post to my friends.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.