Bad First Dates,  Uncategorized,  When you're dating your ex

Suffering From Dating Burnout

If only I had the energy to share the plethora of events that took place this past weekend, and normally there is never a dull moment.  I accepted a double dog dare and ended up riding a mechanical bull for the first time, successfully managing to keep all body parts inside  of my clothing.  Next, I had the pleasure of taking in the sights of Marina del Rey while talking about real estate dreams in between several snack runs to a few 7 Eleven stores which led up to the closing ceremonies of the weekend where my fears of becoming the latest nightclub shooting casualty because someone had a crazy temper and hood mentality.
Oh- the last two are just teasers from my dates on Friday and Saturday so when waking up Sunday morning realizing that it would take two separate posts just to talk about that last crazy ass control freak I went out with, I also admitted that I am suffering from a bad  case of dating burnout.I need a break, a new vision and a different way of handling my dealings with the future hangovers.  But here’s the funny part – it isn’t just me.  I’m not the only one who decided to give the online dating scene another crack, so several of my friends and their friends are going through the same trials and tribulations.  Interesting contacts, great couple of conversations, those need-to-stop-obsessing-before-I-jinx things talk, leading up to the eventual meet ups, but sadly for nearly all of us,  things seems to fall apart from there.In fact, I decided to get together with a fellow blogger, MeSoSingleyesterday for a nice lunch as we chatted about everything from our ex-boyfriends, the disappointing pickings online, small penises and finally – settling.
Once I started telling the details from my two dates, I felt the urge to lean over and dab the tears that continued to well up in the corners of her eyes as MeSo continued to squeal “Shut up!!”, “No fuc_king way” and “Wow”.  Don’t worry, there was nothing tragically sad being shared; instead belly and cheek aching laughter which finally was topped off with musings about why I didn’t just walk off and leave both of these men.So after exchanging war stories, I decided I would change things up and take yet another approach to dating although I’m really ready to just give up.  Visions of me happily  powering up the computer, deleting every trace of my profile and then going  but a power up button away from deleting my profile and going out for that fancy tattoo on my arm that says “Bitter Spinster”.  Instead, the following 3 changes will help me to avoid experiencing any to avoid further burnout:
1.   Accept the truth, I DO have a type.

I don’t like short men (nothing under 5’8), thin or skinny (I weighed more than Saturday night’s date), overweight (Friday night’s date straight up lied saying he had “a couple of extra pounds”, or men with long hair (braids, locks or ponytails).

Appearance DOES matter, so I will no longer try to “work with” someone whose photo does absolutely nothing for me. Long gone are the assumptions, hopes, or fantasies that a man has just taken a few bad pictures (sorry, if you can’t get at least 5 out of 30, its hopeless) and he’ll look better in person.  I simply will not entertain any communication and save both he and I precious time and energy.

My type of man is nicely groomed,  formally educated or self-educated from reading and life experiences.  He is driven, has a career with aspirations for more out of life, has class, tact, and is  cultured.  Converses (NOT conversates) well and is job function friendly,  meaning I wouldn’t have to worry about how he would dress or act if taken out of his element. He does exist and my likes and expectations are not unreasonable, so the more I stop trying to short change myself by working under some mystic time line of finding the right one for me, the easier this process will be.

Gone are the pity replies and communications.  If the man has one too many children, is still “trying to get that hustle going” with no other income, lives at home or splits the rent, has shirt less mirror shots or poses with a wife beater and gold chain, is holding his rottweiler up, still won’t write the word “cool” instead of “kool” because of his old gang banging days, has a profile name that has daddy, boo, money, ray ray, day day, or simply spells like a dyslexic gypsy, and has “must be physically fit” listed but is looking three cheeseburgers from needing bypass, next!!!!!!!!!!  No passes, absolutely no more.

You see, I’ve been listening to that inner bitch who has been talking with “those” people.  You know the ones who are in relationships or married and settled for a hell of a lot less than what I’m seeking.  Yet because they may have that steady and comfortable situation for weekend, holidays and events, those of us like me are being given that sorry “Good luck with your search” spill.  Pssh, whatever.

2.  The intent of my search will change.

This one really sounds like a point of defeat, since I’m basically preparing to take the “serious” out and go for “casual dating”.  I really feel as if I’m spinning my wheels because my profile is written to attract a certain type of man.  Not the one who is looking for the pen pal, jump off or random fling, but for the man who is serious about his desire to settle down and find his partner – not a girlfriend or even a wife.  Take the time to think about this, because you know there’s a difference between pursuing all three.  Still, I have to admit I may be selling me self short trying this out but what have I got to lose?  When putting my long-term desires out there I attract those who aren’t interested in the same and want to “let things flow naturally” or as I prefer to call it, winging it and try getting some ass on the side. Or I attract the ones who are way too eager who obsess over the idea of being with me and turn me off like smelly socks rubbed on my pillow.

As soon as I’m able, my profile will be revised drastically to reveal only the basics.  I think it was the date from last week who told me that women share too much and said we need to stick to the less is more approach.  No longer will it say “interested in marriage or serious relationship” because I’m just feeling like that is a quest for a purple unicorn with pink toenails.  But don’t get it twisted because this is not a sign of permanent defeat, yet a temporary measure only.  Maybe setting a goal of having a date at least every two weeks was a bit much (my Tally Diva set a goal for once a week!), because I have no problem with quantity but as the saying goes, its about quality.  For time being, if its a matter of just wanting to get out and see the latest movie, trying out those Culver City stairs or going wine tasting, I’ll connect with those who are appealing and interesting to me.

3.  Keep the kitty satisfied.

What, because I’m not in a relationship with someone, vagina vacation should be in place?  Absolutely not and while I love my battery operated companions like Cici, Carmen (yes, actual name), and Stubby G, nothing compares to the smell, taste and feel of a real man.

Sex is a must, a necessity and I have realized the older I get, the bigger my appetite is and the options?  There has NEVER been a shortage of willing suitors.  Papi is always on stand by, waiting like a fireman for me to pull on that lever and make the call for him to break out his hose.   He’s harmless and is the one who I credit for waking up the handcuff requesting, gentle choking, multi-orgasmic and voyeuristic tendencies alive in me to this day.  Papi has been keeping things exciting for over 14 years.

Of course there’s Rescue and hey- sometimes I might have missed a posting or two, but he and I have been locking limbs off and on since our November break-up.  We make love, passionately and fiery BUT he can no longer be used, not even for that purpose.  Being in love with someone and trying to use them as a booty call is just dangerous and I will miss our moments something terrible.

So that leaves me with one option to soothe me at the end of a long week, or tame the angry tigress after another failure of a date.  The one who has sealed his place in the top 5 lovers of all time – Good on Paper.  Oh yes, him.  He can be quite the obedient one and works well as a f%#k buddy as long as no one tries to add any extras.

In fact, just as MeSoSingle and I were wrapping things up and she decided she would deal with the cute, immature young surfer dude since he had a nice package! I was sending the bat signal to GOP- “I need you at my house in 45 minutes.  Make it happen, understand?”  His reply came within a few minutes and simply stated “Sure”.  A short while later he’s at my door and I’m greeting him in a t shirt and panties but saying I wanted to shower first.  His reply?  I just came from the gym, so let’s shower together.   Since this Sunday evening tryst would take this post in a completely different direction, let me just refer you to one of the last times we “showered” together and leave you with this – boot camp training is making me a lot more limber nowadays.  Mmm… Just the thought of our session makes my mind wander to places it shouldn’t while at the gym, but my song play list is picking up where my mind has left off.

There it is – my recipe for dealing with the burnout from over dating, dealing with the disappointments from the hangovers.  My type is my type, my preferences will not be wavered, my vagina will not be subjected to more mileage by any random dates I may have the hots for.  No batteries will be needed except for supplemental fun to my occasions of intimacy.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones
myhangovers@gmail.com

 

 

 

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

5 Comments

  • Matt79

    Good for you Carmen – I admire your spirited new mission statement! In the end, the most important person to have on our team in the dating world, or indeed in any endeavour, is ourselves, and I think it’s great that you have the drive and energy to turn dating burnout into “here’s what I want, and I’m damn well gonna get it!” Go for it!

    • Carmen

      Thanks Matt!

      You know how hard it is to find that place or satisfaction with someone. I’m just trying to get to that zone where you and many others are.

      I’ll be interested in seeing what types of hits I receive from my revised profile.

      Stay tuned, take care. 🙂

  • Kendall

    So youre not quite at the point of giving up but realized – its time for a change. That’s a good way of handling it but I think you may be selling yourself short. When you meet these casuals, will you really be able to focus on not expecting anything more? If you are, so be it but I don’t think you can.

  • Melzie

    Nothing wrong with declaring our needs and wants and demanding only the best. You’re right, those who compromise are the greatest examples of why placing yourself first in all things is imperative. Taking notes 😉

  • Marie

    You’re better than me! I resolved that it just isn’t meant for me, not right now. I’m so sick of meeting these crazy and insecure and unstable men.

    I guess I’ll live vicariously off of your stories and be the sideline cheerleader.

    It seems as if there’s no hope in site.

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published.