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Great Date And Then…

Not much afterwards.

I’m a little confused because I hear about men and women going on that first date and in their mind, having a really great time but then shit pretty much fizzles after that.  It has happened to me and after about 3,047 dates, this is probably only the second time.  A man doesn’t normally meet and spend time with me and not want to either call me moments after leaving each other, or asking when we’re getting together soon.

But it did.

Naturally, that inner voice is trying to replay the Sunday morning until afternoon date, looking for that place to press pause and dissect the scene.  Then there is the realist inside saying “So the fuck what, move on to the next”, because the fact of dating life is that some things you’ll never be able to figure out.  Still, in my mind this guy and I really clicked and aside from a few text messages here, election banter and a good morning, there hasn’t been any real communication since we became an engaged couple by the table of New Yorkers next to us.  Allow me to explain.

You see, Doppelganger and I exuded some type of crazy chemistry that was noticed by others around us.  How did I come up with this crazy pseudonym?  It is quite fitting for this man because he looks just like two of the hangovers from my past – USBC and Special Agent.  The skin complexion, height and stature, bald head, facial hair and even the build so the only thing that really differentiated this one from the other two was his greenish-grey eyes and he was a bit more muscular.  I know what this sounds like, but they all initiated contact with me.

Okay, back to our chemistry and all that other good stuff that makes me say things went well.  Doppelganger was the perfect gentleman; very accommodating and attentive, mindful of his manners and patient.  Even when the waitress brought us the most confusing assortment of drinks instead of the traditional mimosa, we both stared at the glasses for a long time, looked at each other and started cracking up laughing.  How a man or woman reacts in public towards others when things go a little off course is crucial.

Brunch is buffet style and since I had never been to this restaurant before, Doppelganger grabbed my hand while telling me how attractive I was, and led me through a delectable selection of food.  Again, that inner voice is wondering if maybe there was one too many jokes, was my laughter was over the top, or should I have stopped at mimosa number three.   So far, the recap in my head isn’t picking up on anything.  Remember how I mentioned earlier that other people seemed to notice our chemistry, so this is where the group from New York celebrating a 60th birthday comes in.  While Doppelganger and I were enjoying good food and conversation, this woman walks near our table and says “Aw…you guys are too cute – how long have you been together?”.  We both look at each other and laugh and I reply with an exaggerated whisper while motioning with that keep-it-on-the-down low expression telling her it was our first date.

If you have ever met or been around someone from New York and Staten Island at that, you know these people are up front and in your face and have voices that are quite voluminous.  Once she heard this she says “No way, no way -you guys are acting so comfortable with one another as if you’ve been together for years”, then she calls her boyfriend over to our table while yelling out to the others in her party that it was our first date.  As loud as she was, she may as well have got on the loud speaker and made this announcement.  I can’t recall the last time my entire body became flushed all over, and I’m sure those sexy little sweat rings started working away at my sheer top.  Still, Doppelganger and I were able to find the humor in it but Ms. New York didn’t stop there.  Instead, she went on to explain how she met her man on ______.com, the same site he and I met on, and then after looking at her crystal ball proclaimed that we had probably met our soul mates.

Yeah, slow down Ms. Cleo is what I was thinking as well.

A few moments later, I stepped away to visit the ladies room and when I returned, Doppelganger told me the table knew what we did for a living and had suggested a future wedding in San Pedro’s Ports O’Call.  Alright, so just to clarify I’m not bat shit crazy thinking that the drunken prophecies of some random lady has anything to do with anything.  The point is how can anyone be expected to just brush off the lack of follow up after meeting, turning what was meant to be a 1-2 hour date into a 4 hour gab fest, that would have led to a trip to Knott’s Berry Farm if I had the time and NOT be confused.  Besides, as he told it several times I was “very attractive”, “witty and down to earth, someone he could genuinely relate to” and a woman who seemed to really have it going on.

At the end of the day, this situation with Doppelganger comes down to one of several possibilities on why we haven’t spoken and planned our next outing.  He just wasn’t in to me, his compliments and affectionate gestures were fake, is one of those men who deals with a woman on his terms, or teleported back to Mars.  Whichever the case, I’m done with trying to figure it out and will chop the date up as what it was – a nice date.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…
Carmen Jones
Sent via BlackBerry

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

8 Comments

  • Melzie

    Grrrr! These are the worst. It’s happened to me and, like you, I’ve replayed each minute only to come up blank. I guess there could be one of a myriad of reasons. Hoping he reaches out to say something…

    • Carmen

      Confusing, because it’s like he sends a text here and there just to stay in remembrance or something.

      In his defense (I guess), I never got a chance to really gauge his communication style or preference. We only spoke on the phone once and that is when the date was arranged.

      Perhaps this just his style.

      I did send a reply to one of his texts Friday night saying something like “Was going to call instead but figured you were still in work mode with all this texting.”. He got it and said he would call the next day, which he did but I still haven’t returned it.

      Oh well.

      That magic of our outing has long since worn off.

  • 1_Silver Fox

    Hmm, I don’t know C- if the guy was sitting quietly fiddling his fingers, I would tell you he just wasn’t feeling you and I can’t see anyone putting on the extras with compliments just for the heck of it.

    I would listen. To that other voice, next!

    • Carmen

      Hey Silver – he wasn’t jumping over to rub my nipples, but he certainly was attentive and showing signs of interest.

      What it boils down to is a fly by night type of thing. I suppose I could always reach out to him and call to strike up a conversation and what not, but it’s not that serious.

      It isn’t the right time or he isn’t the right one to make the time with.

  • Bryan

    I can say for sure, if I’m not feeling a woman I sure as hell won”t pretend and act like she is the moon, sun and stars. Most men will downplay a meeting with a woman, so if we’re not feeling her no matter how beautifuk, all of the complimenting you talked about isn’t going to be given. Aside from this man being a straight player meaning this is just what he does, I don’t know what else to tell you. Enjoy the moments and start working on the next man.

  • Tamera Rowe

    This has happened to me a few times and if you’re about anything, you’ll want to know if there’s something you’re doing that is turning a man off. A few weeks ago I went out and had a pretty good time with a guy who never returned my calls and had reduced me to text messaging only. Eventually things kind of fizzed away and then the other day, he texts me out of the blue like nothing ever happened. I asked him what happened to him and he said he was just busy. Yeah busy alright! Men who act like this and then resurface are probably involved with someone and youare just the fluke. Likely it wasn’t you, he just has something else going on.

    • Carmen

      I hate those and call them the Come Back Charlie’s… Mysteriously, the resurface like they never went away. I can’t even begin to explain certain actions other than other motives or just way too much going on.

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