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Nearing That Cliff

I’m getting dangerously close to the edge of the tallest cliff, taking a deep breath, closing my eyes and then jumping off the dating cliff saying fuck it all.

Seriously.  I’m tired and frustrated and the feelings I have had for so many years while in between relationships have come full circle- dating is hard and it sucks.

Is this rant about The Date of The Week from last night, Detroit, who couldn’t umderstand why a woman would be mildly annoyed because she waited in a restaurant while his “almost there” turned into 30 minutes late.  He was a nice enough gentleman, but his teeth were horribly stained and he looked much older (wayyyy older) than his photos.

Or is this about Rescue’s random text yesterday to just “Hang out, chill and just talk I guess” request.  Negro please- I know your game, I call YOU when I want it, and I’m over the backpedaling so cut it out.  He has been going through my turn downs for months, so I’m not sure what he’s missing.  I finally told him “You and I will never have that kind of just friends” relationship, so stop pretending with these masked attempts to have sex”.

Perhaps this rant is about the text I received last night from one I have yet to meet, apologizing again.  Go ahead, ask why someone you haven’t seen yet is saying sorry already and again.  Well, let’s just say when you receive a text from one man to another man and the subject is a woman, you become enlightened to how a man may think.  The misguided message wasn’t about me but it was derogatory enough to make Mr. Potty Mouth an instant candidate for deletion.

Ah… this rant of hopelessness for meeting a decent man with a decent level of genuine attraction is about Hope- I mean Hopeless, Radio Silent, and as of today, Wreck It Ralph.  Why the latter?  Clearly, he’s into playing games and here’s why I say this.

Rewind back to approximately one week ago.  He’s calling, he’s texting, he’s wanting to see me.  Five days, five out of seven.  That last outing was a Saturday night and sex was ixnay’d.  Next day I call, he has that hurried tone in his voice and that my friends, is the last time we speak.  Until yesterday.

I probably shouldn’t have done it, but I did. I am a woman of substance and purpose and do not like wasting people’s time, and certainly not my own so I called Hopeless /Wreck It Ralph and left my message – if you’re not interested let me know and I’ll leave it alone.

A few hour later he calls, down plays everything saying “Babe, it’s only been a couple of days…it’s been crazy at work and I’ve been sick…”  Really sucker?  How about a simple text and I would have left you alone ALL week.  So what does he do next?  Ask to see me, of course.

What happens today?  Nothing.  He has tk work, but as a consolation, offered me a ccouple of hours before he goes. See, now you’re playing games.

Why?

The name of this blog is so very fitting and I made sure to think long and hard of a name before writing that first draft.  A hangover is that feeling … that let down and thoughts of “never again”.  But just as you get it in your head that the fun isn’t worth the side-effects from drinking, it’s only natural to get tbose same thoughts when the dating let downs seem like too much.

Is there a cure?  I’m thinking not.

Carmen Jones

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

17 Comments

  • Matt79

    Sorry to hear that Hope may be fading. I guess there’s still a chance that he might turn things around but he certainly needs to put in more effort if he wants to avoid seeming like he’s dropping away. He must realise that having so much contact in that first week means he needs to maintain at least some of it or else he’ll seem like he has one of the dreaded traits of many online daters: inconsistency.

      • Matt79

        I’m not sure whether this is more common in one country than another. I think the dating world just seems very competitive in general. Online dating may have added to this. Guys who are attractive and successful and charismatic are heavily in demand, and maybe a lot of them don’t feel the need to be consistent or polite because of this. I guess if he’s not going to be a thoughtful guy then at least you found that out early on, but I know that’s probably not much consolation.

  • Melzie

    Dang, sis…I was hoping you’d been having a better experience this time. Why, oh why?!? I’ m tired too, but I haven’t put in nearly enough time or effort. I totally feel you on the frustration. Wish I had some words of encouragement 🙁

  • Cougars4Cubs

    No – there is no cure.

    We (men & women) will still forever play these games because we still talk different languages. And the gap has widened.

    While women have evolved – want more from time, effort, love, relationships – like – ‘can we all just be adults here!?!’; sadly, men have not.

    They still think they have the upper hand, that it’s still their dad’s world of women, & that we cannot see straight through their games.

    Sorry you have to go through all this Carmen. & i know what you’re going through. I recently lost a guy because of french toast. FRENCH TOAST! What’s this world coming to I ask ya!  🙂

    You deserve better & I say – continue to  move forward – the right one is out there – where u least expect him! Good on paper – good in person – good 4 u. Start lookin for the good – u may just find it! 😉

  • Renee

    Hi Carmen,

    It’s a shame these are the types if jokers you have to deal wwith when dating and just as I was about to ask hiw old this main guy was, I stopped myslef. It does NOT matter. From 19 to 56 (yep, i’ve tried them all), age doesn’t matter. Maturity is like a shooting star, it may or may not come

    • Carmen

      Thanks for the inbox chat and you’re right – age doesn’t necessarily equate to maturity. Upbringing and character are just a few of the traits that define how men and women act towards each other when dating or in relationships.

    • Carmen

      Ah.. llve the support Marie… I’m cool, instances such as this serve as reminders. Keep one eye open at all times and fortunately, there was a minimal amount of time invested.

    • Carmen

      Hey Danielle, dating is like being on the battlefield with a butter knife – it’s tough to slice your way through.

      Thanks for providing the link, I’ll definitely check out the site!

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