Someone has captured my attention.
To the point where I look forward to receiving his quirky text messages with random “mannish moments” and the entertaining, no holds barred telephone conversations that we share. Just thinking about our talks brings a smile to my face and even as I’m writing this, am finding myself blushing like a little girl with her first crush or something; it’s crazy.
Nothing is off limits so far as what we share with one another, absolutely nothing and I like how he cares enough to ask if something he asked was too intrusive or if a comment was going too far. Being able to enjoy getting to know about a person with words flowing so effortlessly is rare and reminds me of the good old days when meeting someone great wasn’t like mission impossible.
I have to say, it’s been a long time since this type of interaction with a man was so enjoyable and while it is refreshing, it just as scary. Only time will tell how things play out with the one I’m calling Out of Sight.
Why refer to my dealings with a man who is physically attractive (at least on photos), intellectually stimulating (converses well, speaks with tons of sense), can make me laugh (when he’s really riled up, has me cracking up with his unintentional, Eddie Murphy laugh) seemingly stable life (divorced, 1 child and over that failed relationship) and sexually liberated as scary?
For one, Out of Sight is a male version of me and perhaps that’s why it was ME reaching out to him after perusing his profile. In case no one has figured this out yet, online dating is truly special and can be frustrating as hell, so every and then I get this though in my head to go searching for my own destiny. I’m so damn tired of the abundance of messages from the twenty-something men wanting to “prove age ain’t nothing but a number”, ridiculously obese and unattractive, the desperate and persistent who often write the longest messages that require translation from the urban dictionary, former hangovers looking for a second chance, and of course the rainbow coalition of men looking to fulfill their fantasy for a little blackberry juice. Hell, there have been a couple of Ellen DeGeneres-type women (for my colored folks who don’t get it, think Queen Lateefah in the role of Cleo) who are looking to “break me in”.
So when I came across my guy’s profile I was happy to have stumbled on a suitable potential. When looking at his photograph the first thing that came to my mind? He is probably an amazing lover. Yes, you read right and don’t try to judge me because it is a well known fact that women in my age group (if they’ve ever been exposed to really good d____), are in the phase of their sexual peak. As such, we are likely thinking about sex as much if not more than men. There was just something about his expression in the photo and his stance, that depicted a handsome specimen that was well-groomed, goatee included, tall and confident – I gathered all of this just from a picture and it made me want to know more.
The second thing that came to my mind was that Out of Sight was my kind of guy, because he writes like me (very direct, words dripping with sarcasm) and thinks like me (no bullshit allowed, come correct or stay away). The possibility of encountering a person you suspect is exactly on your level, and then speaking with him on a regular basis proving your suspicions is scary. If you’re not sure what I mean by this just ask how you would handle dating yourself.
A determined, career-minded and focused free-thinker with a zero tolerance level for bullshit has good reason to be cocky, and is a great catch in my eyes. He’s interested in knowing me, and not just on the surface which is enhances the fluidity of our discussions that are all over the place.
We talk about everything from what we hate about dating, stalker stories, how many times to reach out to someone, sexual experiences and voyeurism, raising children and everything in between. I’ve even explained why so many women go bat shit crazy when a man changes his pattern. Whether its going from two calls a day to one, visiting one day every two weeks instead of one or taking a shower before and after sex when he just dived in before. Patterns are real, change without communicating causes real problems.
The last time the can’t-wait-to-talk-to-him feelings were experienced was years ago – back in 2007 to be exact when I first started dating Mr. Jekyll. I have yet to share how that emotional roller coaster of a relationship finally jumped off the tracks.
The problem is that I need to stop trying to answer the question a girlfriend posed yesterday – what’s wrong with him. I have two suspicions and am hoping they are wrong. It is still very early, too soon to expect anything or assume what will become of this situation which brings me to the second reason for any trepidation. How will we interact with each other when we finally meet? Finally because he lives in another state right now and will not be back in California for another two months. You have read about my catfish experiences with the men who are a stone throw away, so realizing that I’m enjoying myself this much with someone who could look possibly like a leprechaun on crack or an 80 year-old transvestite in person is scary as hell (see my write-up on Critter for a visual on first dates gone wrong).
He’s likely thinking the same way because we both keep asking each other “WHY are you single?” I’ve got 28 pages of blog material to explain my situation, where’s your proof?
That infamous too good to be true effect, first mentioned to me a few years ago by USBC is what we are both trying to use as an excuse not to believe that the paths of two people who seem to be equally yoked and normal can actually cross. This isn’t necessarily a bad way of thinking after you’ve been in so many disappointing situations and relationships BUT it can sabotage new friendships preventing them from leading to anything else.
If you can’t fathom someone really being good in so many ways, you’ll end up questioning them far too often then trying to find the bad. You start coming up with excuses or maybe even pulling back a bit because you’re afraid you’ll end up regretting decisions made to move forward. So when Out of Sight jokingly stated a few days ago “I’m afraid to deal with you because you’re too much like me and you might be that one woman that makes me go crazy or lose my mind…”, I laughed but then realized this type of thinking may be telling me about a man whose intentions ultimately may not be the same as mine.
I really hate dating. There is too much thinking, too much wondering and far too much disappointment.
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers,
Carmen Jones —
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