It’s always hard to let someone know there’s something major missing in the likeness department when they are really nice, because no one wants to get their feelings hurt for I’ve been trying to decide how to handle this situation with Showtime. There hasn’t been much shared about him here since our initial meet-up and the planning of our first date but we’ve actually seen each other several times since.
There always seems to be some issue when it comes to dating, right?
For me, it’s either been the player who wants to have his cake and eat it, me and three other women too, the life changer with no job/car/place of their own or the workaholic and fortunately, only about three or four instances where physical attraction was the issue.
I’ve been enjoying getting to know Showtime, though in my mind had silently been trying to convince myself that so many things about him were doable and not necessarily deal-breakers such as the baggage (divorced with 4 children including one in college, a teenage diva headache in training and one with special needs), the distance (lives about 35 miles away), and the non-option of more kids (thanks to his snipped vas deferens).
I realized that there is no perfect situation a long time ago, but there’s always a but and I mean literally his butt and just about everything else from the neck down. I can’t even downplay the magnitude of this situation because Showtime is LARGE and is probably about 50lbs overweight. The man is nice looking in the face and has one of those pear shapes that accentuate the stomach in all the wrong ways, and strangely enough it isn’t the top part of his body that seems to gross me out. I’m nowhere near rocking P90X abs myself but it’s the lower part that stopped me in my tracks especially when I got a glance when walking behind him – his butt, hips and thighs are out of control!!!
Making matters even worse on the scale of unattractiveness is that he is short and in my mind and quite a few other people as well, think I could be a little more accepting of a person I’m seeing being overweight if they’re taller because it just seems to lay a little differently and clothing can be a little more forgiving if the limbs are longer to be somewhat more flattering. Did he lie about his height on his profile? Nope, not at all- his dating specs stated he was 5’7 (which in online terms really means he’s only about 5’6 or 5’5) but once again here I was trying to step outside of the box, setting height aside. Why? Well, a part of it is because it seems like all of the men who have to work a little harder because of their physical deficiencies are a lot more appreciative of finding a good woman and focus more on making her happy.
Forget the “it’s not all about looks” people out there because I was trying, seriously. Short stature, huge body and ill-fitting clothing on a man just doesn’t do it for me and when I think of him I start wondering things. Does he try to work out or eat better? How high is his cholesterol? Will he ever want to do a canyong hike together? Is this the biggest he’s ever been OR if this is down a couple of pounds from something bigger?
The ultimate test of me having some type of physical attraction to a man is the desire and willingness to kiss him which is a huge turn on and after five dates, two quick “courtesy” pecks on the lips is all he’s had. Guilt is beginning to takeover me because I don’t want to string him along or continue to waste his time, so each time the conversation of when we’re getting together again has come up in the last week, I always seem to have something going on for the date he has suggested. I really wish there was a way to tell him the main reason (though the ones listed above are certainly valid) things don’t look promising, but is there such a thing as not hurting someone’s feelings? The issue of not being physically attracted to someone will come up again and again, so for those of us who can’t put on blinders and just like a person for who they are, it’s just a matter of preference.
Just a few of my girlfriends say that I should be looking beyond Showtime’s physical stature because weight is something you can lose, but is that right for me to continue dating someone when again, that ittle voice in the back of my mind gets going and wondering if he would skip that deep-fried meal if we go out again, lay off the beers for a while or join me in doing this 3-day detox next week. I think not because it’s a set up anytime you go into a situation thinking you can change someone.
Do you think I’m alone with this weight thing? Just Google “great guy but he’s too fat” or “percentage of women who won’t date an overweight man” and see how many conversations come up on this very issue. The largest number of issues are from women who say an overweight AND short man is even worse, and there are also postings from men who say the sight of a woman with “a few extra pounds” is repulsive. Yes, repulsive and just as I had nice things to say about this guy, there were comments from men in these situations wondering how they can improve their changes with women and avoid continued rejection from women like this guy:”I’m fat it’s not like I enjoy being fat, but every time I try to have a relationship with a girl, they tell me that “You are a really great guy, but you are just too big for me to like”. What is it not to like? I’m a very respectful person, I’m smart, I’m funny and I’m an artist… Is there a way for me to be more appealing?”The responses ranged from telling him he needed to lose weight to finding another large person to simply finding someone who was happy with his physical appearance the way it is, so at the end of the day he or she may not be your cup of tea, just as you may not be their cup of tea. It’s a fact of life that needs to be accepted to save a lot of wasted time.
I recall during our first or second date I had asked Showtime what happened with women he had dated in the past and his response was: one didn’t want to deal with a man that had so many kids and refused to deal with him being unavailable every other weekend, another he said they just “didn’t click” and a third just kind of fizzled away after a couple of dates. I wonder if the real reason those women didn’t work out is the same as mine, because I’m feeling myself needing to have the “You are a really great guy, but…” conversation just as the poor guy in one of those threads said. Better sooner than later, right?
Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…