How many of you can relate to that title? One simple word that basically means you are involved in one of those situations that really should NOT exist.You’re dealing with a man or woman, but there is no commitment, no relationship exists. He or she is more than a friend, but more significant than a friends with benefits. The two of you have a real connection, strong feelings and passion. Yet still, you’re undefined and technically unattached to each other.
It’s funny how many people, especially men seem to think that a commitment is all about a title when it is so much more. So instead of moving on to something new there are many of us that find ourselves settling (whether we call it that or something else) which leads us to these horribly confusing dwellings called Situationville.
A good friend of mine just introduced me to the term during a discussion as I was trying to convince her not to do the one thing she doesn’t need right now – an online dating experience. For some strange reason once we’ve ended a situation or had a particularly messy break-up, we run to the nearest dating web site in hopes of meeting that pain killer, some poor man or woman unknowingly about to step into a pile of emotional shit. All because we are looking for someone to “keep us busy” or “take our mind off things”. This girlfriend has had more than her fair share of disappointing dealings with men, but this recent one? All bad and the poor thing is crazy in love creating even more of a cluster fuck of a situation, one of the messiest love octagons (triangle doesn’t seem descriptive enough). She knows good and damn well that her feelings are very strong, emotions raw and that the man could send one text message alluding to some hope for a change, and in a matter of minutes he would be at her doorstep. Yet she wants to date again even with me saying “Wait a little while, make sure that it is over” until I’m blue in the face. The first guy out the gate has already began experiencing the aftermath of unfinished business and doesn’t even know it, so for now – since he’s admitted having come from Situationville as well, they figure it’s okay for them to start dating again.
Hmm…. I’m not so sure about that but who am I to talk because although my situation with Out of Sight is nowhere near as convoluted and messy as my dear friend’s, I haven’t exactly been preparing myself to be in the best position for dating someone new either.
It’s been about two weeks since I took him out to celebrate his birthday and what can I say – the night was absolutely wonderful but then again, whenever we get together, we always have a good time. He arrived on time, dressed impeccably and greeted me at the door bearing a grin and some beautiful flowers; how nice is that to bring something for me even though it was his special day. A few finishing touches on my outfit and we were out the door for dinner and a little dancing.
Chemistry, we have a ton of great chemistry and it isn’t just sexual which I’m thankful for. I mean remember there were several months of us just talking and texting before we met each other, so we have had plenty of time to get to know each other without being in each other’s presence. Quite naturally, when we are together the physical chemistry is off the charts. Someone asked me what was so different about this one that allowed me to step outside of my boundaries for dealing with men and I couldn’t answer specifically, but there are a couple of things that come to mind.
Out of Sight is quite the charmer, and is the type of man who can converse with ease around anyone, from the dinner conversation with the adorable older couple sitting to my left sharing their tales of travel from New York to the youngsters on his right visiting L.A. from Tennessee. I could go on and on, but while he certainly has his flaws, there are plenty of good qualities that allow me to adore him so. I mean, have you ever been around someone whose very presence and the simple things they can do such as laughing, can turn you on like no other?
Yes, that’s him so while I resisted the urge to cross my self-imposed boundaries of “just friends” that night, the next morning it was a wrap. There’s just something about someone waking you up by kissing you softly on your neck, slowly down your back and working their mouth all the way down, using the tongue to dance with your erogenous zones. Morning wood meets morning wetness and it’s a perfect union.
But…. at the end of the day, nothing has changed. I’m still at a point in life where the only way thing missing is a companion and he is at a point in life where everything else seems to be needed excepta companion. What’s the problem with my love life? Bad timing or the wrong man. Finally, I meet a man who seems to do it for me in so many areas but he doesn’t want to invest the time and energy for anything more; at least not anytime soon or the harsh possibility that perhaps it just will not be with me. He tells me I’m spoiled and since I can’t have things when I want and how I want, I start acting out. Okay, whatever because it sounds like double talk or more of a diversion to me.
The bigger problem is that on Monday night, we complicated things even more. He was pissed that his placement in the friend zone was so aloof, and so cold with minimal contact from me and felt that wasn’t something he could handle. I was accused of treating him like shit and eventually we nearly got to the point of writing each other off. What doesn’t he understand here because I would be a fool to continue carrying on with him as if we were lovers getting myself all caught up in a man who tells me right now he’s rebuilding life, so he needs to be in the place he’s been given. Soon, the tone of the conversation became one of feigned indifference and the call ended.
Less than thirty minutes later, there’s a knock on my door and we stood face to face and we again arrived at the point where he tells me that he hated being emotionally attached and could not nor would he deal with my version of “friends”, which was about to end with him walking out of the door pissed off.Instead, we talked some more and he adds to this mess by saying “I love you, I love you I love you” and I only added to this mess by saying “I love you.”
In case you’re wondering what happens next? Nothing, not a damn thing because as much as this man can tell me how he feels, I will not be put in a position of having to take him by the hand to lead him on what should happen next. If he needs time to work on himself, that’s cool – he can take all of the time needed and may end up finding someone else in the meantime but me? I won’t settle and will not continue to blur the lines based on my own emotional attachment because it certainly isn’t fair to anyone I may meet in the meantime.
Welcome to my Situationville until there’s a cure…