Wikipedia defines a rebound in terms of basketball as the act of successfully gaining possession of the basketball after a missed field goal or free throw.Rebounds in basketball are a routine part in the game, as all possessions change after a shot is successfully made.
Now what if I took that same meaning and applied my own little touches to it might apply to dating:
A rebound in dating is the act of successfully gaining possession of the emotions, thoughts and sometimes your heart after a failed relationship or prospect of one. Rebounds in dating are a routine part in the dating game, as many men and women believe those strong feelings change after a few interactions with someone new are a success.
Whoever says the best way to get over a failed situation is by meeting and dating someone new are completely wrong, so my apologies to all of my readers, friends and family members who believe this to be the case. Unless you are truly over someone, who no matter how much we try to deny it really only comes with time, any poor sap that crosses your path is going to end up becoming a third string alternate. Nothing but a rebound.
I know I’m getting a little ahead of myself because I haven’t posted the last update from my dealings with Out of Sight, but let’s just say things are quite different after my last interaction with the man. Situationville is an awful place and as one of the readers commented a few days ago, someone in this confusing place is going to get to the point of having had enough and pull the trigger. After having had what was likely the third or fourth discussion over the same issue (his inconsistent communication), it was clear that if you have to tell someone the same thing repeatedly they either are stupid or simply don’t care.
Whichever the case, I had been over things for a while and finally told Out of Sight he didn’t have to try anything with me and reiterated the fact that leaving things in a friendly state and nothing is more is what we should have stuck to.That was about two weeks ago and there has been no further communication between the two of us since then which is actually a good thing; I felt so relaxed not even having to think about possibilities and what could be with him or wonder why he does the stupid shit he knows gets under my skin. I completely let go and even decided to take down the dating profile, even if just for a little while. That was until I started considering the feedback of those who were saying not to give up on anything just because this was such a big disappointment and to get out and have some fun with someone new.
What happened next was that any of the men I had already exchanged numbers with weeks prior and had either been ignoring them altogether or simply stalling were taken off the bench and given positions as part of my starting line-up. Each of the four or maybe even five men (yes, I’ve lost count) that I’ve been dealing with have some appealing qualities in one or more ways, but at the same time they each have things I either am leery about or flat out don’t want to deal with. Since I haven’t really spent a whole lot of time interacting or being with any of them, there isn’t a single one who has really captured my attention but each and every one is READY.
Meaning they have expressed the readiness to find someone and someone to marry in the very near future, raise a family (blended and all) or start a family and for someone like me who wants the same thing, I should be jumping all over any prospect who seems to be on the exact same page.Yet for the life of me, I can’t seem to figure out why I’m not acting right and while each is certainly physically attractive with the exception of one that I have yet to meet, there aren’t any thoughts or feelings that any single man in this group has the ability to sweep me off my feet.
There’s even a slight twinge of guilt building up inside because I’ve caught myself doing a few things people do if they’re using someone as a rebound, be it unintentional or not. I often find myself comparing the new contenders in terms of differences, be it good or bad and wonder if when things progress, could I ever be as attracted to one of these men in so many ways.Most importantly, in my mind it seems like it’s too soon, whether Out of Sight and I were in a relationship or not; we definitely were in something so in return of these rebound-like thoughts, there have been moments where these men have called me out on my actions.
Case in point – over the last week or so I’ve actually been exhibiting some of the same types of inconsistent behaviors that that I had bitched about to Out of Sight and doing them to one of the sweetest guys, so early this morning he sent this:
“You told me you would call me back after you got in, and you didn’t. So that told me that I’m more of an option instead of a priority which is cool. I know where I stand and know where to place US. We both have work to do; I need to work on being with you more and YOU need to figure out if you want to be with me…”
This is from a man I’ve nicknamed Johnny Appleseed,for obvious reasons so just wait for the details, and in the last couple of days alone, we have had some pretty intense discussions. He clearly wants me, is ready to cancel dating accounts and as he told me Monday night, cultivate a quality relationship. So for the love of God, why the hell am I not running into his arms and wanting to do the same? Is it because I think he’s the rebound because Out of Sight wasn’t in the right state of mind or had something else going on where he didn’t want the same, am I on the fence now and one of those confused women who is full of shit and really doesn’t know what she wants or even better – is it that the timing is just too soon? Granted, you would have to know the details behind any reluctance with Johnny or the others but still.
This is supposed to be the type of talk and action from a man that so many of us are waiting for. Too many questions, not enough answers.
Until there’s a cure….