My Dating Hangovers, Plenty of Fail, Red Flags, The Non Committal Man or Woman

The Representative

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Sometimes I really wished my levels of perception were dialed down from a level 10 to maybe a 2. Maybe if my instincts about certain situations with these hangovers weren’t so on point, then perhaps I wouldn’t be struggling so much in trying to find my guy.  Translation – I should either ignore a lot of shit and be as naïve as a lot of women and just suck it up.  

The problem is that the thought of doing this aches me to the core of my soul, because it just isn’t in me to ignore the obvious. I guess th is all means the man I’m supposed to be with is being tucked away somewhere until my mid-50’s or something but for now, any possibility with Out of Sight is OUT OF SIGHT.

It’s a done deal and thankfully it only took me six months to realize that the person he portrayed himself to be was nothing more than a façade of who he really was.  I had been dealing with the representative who in a series of rants by text message and even a comment right here on my blog, had shown me that he was definitely not my guy.    

Just shameful I tell you because he was a great person who was fun to be around and all that jazz BUT everything goes to hell if you’re a woman who gets involved romantically with him.  I’ve said time and time again that there are some people that should not date and Out of Sight is definitely one of them but because he’ll meet woman after woman after woman who finds the same traits that he possesses so appealing as I had. This man will continue the revolving door of misery until he fixes himself.  

I don’t just say these things to put myself in the light of glory, but seriously – when people say “It’s not you, it’s me”, there is a 99.99999999% chance, it really is them.

The bottom line after months of involvement I learned that the representative had finally turned control over to him when he revealed that he was a cluster-fuck of emotional baggage that have been ongoing for many years before his marriage and divorce, dating back to what he witnessed and experienced with family and other relationships. The real Out of Sight finally admitted that he had been leading me on from day one, telling me that his intentions were never right.

Just as I had suspected and what’s so sad with all of this coming out he still thought that my disappointment stemmed from him NOT wanting to rush into a relationship, when in reality he wasn’t capable of realizing that (1) having an online dating profile that says “Serious Relationship” means just that to the reader and (2) half of a year isn’t rushing a damn thing.  Oh yes, definitely all his issues and it feels good to get it in writing that Carmen isn’t the problem here and you’ll see why I’m saying this in just a moment.

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The cracks in this man’s foundation began slowly and subtly before he arrived here in California which then turned into pieces of plaster falling off the wall, and even with the numerous outs I gave him to just tell me what he doesn’t want or where he wasn’t interested in going, he never took them. So you know what happens then, right?  A resolution that the two people who aren’t on the same page that could end peacefully without any hard feelings ends with messages like “Fine Carmen, I have granted your request and deleted all of your contact information.  I won’t contact you again….”  

Narcissistic indeed because I don’t understood why he felt the need to send a message that he had finally accepted I wanted nothing to do with him.

There is plenty to tell about how things all went down and if I put everything all in the same post, it would make for an incredibly long scroll bar while reading. Our situation quickly escalated from good during a mid-week lunch meet up at his job, to mass confusion and not-so-good when he overreacted to something I said as I was leaving and finally, to straight up ugly after he felt the need to post a public service announcement on my blog.  In what really seemed like more of an appeal for sympathy of his situation instead of simply sharing his feelings with me, here is what Out of Sight posted* on the last blog entry (*Original and actual content with grammar edits):

Out Of Sight says:28 August, 2013 at 8:36 pm

Carmen, I find it hard to understand how you could walk away from someone you claim to care deeply for just because the pace that CARMEN wants things done in are different from his.

For a person who’s never been married, has dated for a few years and has pretty much everything in line with her life, how could you not possibly understand a man that’s been divorced for barely 2 years, decided to make a life changing move to a totally different state all to start a new life less than 90 days ago.

How could I not possibly be ready to jump right into a relationship? Riiight!

Why not take time to figure out if this is right for me on so many levels. I mean California is the land of the hustle and the home of the barely hanging on. Why would I want to possibly take the time and make sure that I have a stable foundation in a city and state where most people are one check away from losing everything they have ever attained?

Now as far as other prospects being compared to me? Maybe that’s because I’m the most open and honest guy to date. I have never lied to you about anything and I’m always open about my feelings. Maybe it’s because you and I have a lot in common and I don’t put up with BS from you or anyone.

Maybe it’s because family is important to a man like me and all the things that has happened to me in the past 90 days would be rough on anyone.

How about because I have a good heart and believe in a strong foundation in any relationship. Yes, I could jump into a relationship half ass but what would that accomplish? I mean really!!!

Look… For those who haven’t figured out this post, I AM Out of Sight and I love Carmen.

I think she is the most amazing woman I’ve ever met, but as a man I will take my time and not be rushed into any situation.

So rebound guy (who’s probably has never had a relationship longer than 5 years and has never been married) needs to know that Carmen should be were your search for the perfect woman ends.

She deserves someone who is willing to fit into her life like a puzzle and not come with a lot of baggage. She’s ready for the next step in her life and where she’s trying to go, I’ve already been.

So as much as I’m ready to be back in a situation, it has to be right on both ends. I will not go through struggles, fights, displacement, arguing, or even divorce again. That’s all the bull crap that comes with RUSHING into a relationship without becoming friends first. Trust me; the next relationship will last until death do us part.  So…

Until there’s a cure!~Out Of Sight

After he sends me a text message letting me know he had just finished posting something on my blog and figuring I was some kind of pansy not willing to approve it, I read it and was likely the most annoyed that he would use my moniker of “Until there’s a cure” which really seemed like he was taking a jab.  

The nerve of this dude and if I wasn’t already seeing red because of the manner in which he decided to say all of this, it became painfully clear that he takes absolutely no responsibility for his own actions and was trying to paint me as the woman trying to force or rush things.

Perhaps he should have gone back through his text message or even voicemail log to refresh his memory that I wasn’t trying to rush anything but merely wanted him to be up front about his intentions with me, that’s it.  Why is it so hard for a person to understand that if you start out saying one thing, acting a certain way only to change direction is confusing and frustrating to the other person?

You better believe there was dialogue about all of this and finally, it seemed as if the two of us were on the same page and in agreement that being friends without any actions that even resembled dating was the extent of what we needed.  That is until a day later, I receive a text message that begins with “I want to apologize to you…”  I have to admit that even now, some three weeks later, I’m still in amazement of how someone could go from one extreme to the next while bringing religious hypocrisy to a whole new level.

Somehow I’m going to share what happens next without giving a word for word account but hey – at least Out of Sight knows that I’m a blogger and since he was ballsy enough to have posted something for the readers to see, he better believe the “other” side of him might be shared as well.  It’s shame that I can now say the reason for my singledom is because of men JUST LIKE HIM.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones
www.mydatinghangovers.com
Email: myhangovers@gmail.com

7 thoughts on “The Representative

  1. I’m sorry to hear that this happened – that sounds really sucky. I hope that rosier times are ahead, with a new contender – let’s leave all of the old ones way back in the past!

    1. Ooh Matt, I’m soooo tired- really. I go through moments where I say to hell with men completely and this might last for a few months.

      Sometimes I wished it was ME because it’s tough knowing your worth, meeting men that know your worth and yet still, not being able to meet someone I’m into that appreciates my worth.

      Le sigh.

  2. Carmen, I don’t know why this happens so often because for every man who has told me he was real, different or genuine each has been WORSE than the rest. I felt nothing from this clown’s attention seeking antics. It’s at least nice that he was so complimenting of you which only puts you in a better light.

    Ugh. *waves arms in the air*

  3. As a man, I can understand where he is coming from which basically all boils down to fear. About a lot of things and circumstances that have yet to be played out. However… I agree with those who feel he was never in a good position to meet anyone new for the purpose of dating. Maybe making new friends since he was moving but not to date so instead like the comment above someone else is being expected to deal with his hang ups. Not cool at all because to me he was fully aware of what he was and was not capable of being to you. I would be pissed because I’ve been down this road a few times so I hope this doesn’t create another bitter or crazy woman.

    1. Thanks Kendall but don’t worry, I have this uncanny ability of letting go before my emotions get so out of control that I turn into the crazy woman. It’s been a lot of work trying not to become bitter because I gave this man so many opportunities to walk away. So many.

      He knew if he was straight up during our first couple of talks and said “Carmen, I’m emotionally damaged goods, let’s just be friends” I would have said no thanks and good luck.

      BUT, had he been up front weeks ago, we probably could have.

  4. I’m sorry things turned out this way but it makes you wonder about people. I could spend a lifetime trying to figure out why people can’t be honest but there’s no point really, I know the answer. Frustrating for sure.

    1. Thanks Marie and don’t waste your time trying to figure people out. Plenty out there are like rubics cubes with too many pieces of red or green, making it impossible to ever solve the puzzle.

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