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What Happens in Vegas Stays in Vegas!

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I’m on my second cup of coffee and it isn’t even 8am as the recovery from one of the best weekend getaways all year continues – Oh yes, Las Vegas will do that to you every time if you really had a good time.

Plenty of drinking to send a jolt and maybe a little shock to the liver, eating those types of meals that might leave your foot feeling like a gout attack is on the way, late night partying, trying your luck at the Roulette table and of course, great sex is certainly the standard if you’re all about that life in the city of sin.  Nothing out of the ordinary here except the person I was there on this last minute, unexpected trip even more interesting- Out of Sight was my companion for the weekend and I have to say that every minute with him was enjoyable, fun and entertaining.

There has never been any reason to doubt whether or not he would be a good travel partner, not at all.  From initial onset of our dealings with each other we always had great chemistry, so it was just a matter of what kind of chemistry we would have outside of our normal habitats.  Fortunately, we only experienced pleasant surprises and noticed that we didn’t skip a beat.  It is interesting and surprising how this trip came to be, especially since the two of us had not communicated since the first week of September until about a week or so ago.  There hasn’t been any contact, not a call, text mesage, nada, zilch.

Still, when he did reach out to me with a message saying “I know this is a little last minute,  but….” I gladly accepted the invite.  All in spite of what had transpired between the two of us over a month ago.

I never got back here to post the second part of how he became an official inductee into the Hangover Wall of Shame because I was pretty busy – trying to get beyond the feelings of having been duped and having the audacity to continue trying to date. Whoever says it is a good idea to try getting over someone by meeting someone new is an idiot because to me that advice just seems like a recipe for disaster, but that topic is a completely different post. The gist of how things arrived at a state of ugliness was based on some random ass extended testimonial via text message from Out of Sight, where he revealed exactly what I had suspected all along– that he was another man who was good on paper but was nothing more than damaged goods.

Some of the things that were shared with me were certainly endearing and heart-felt omissions from a man who is being guided down life based on feelings of fear, telling me that he is really afraid to be with another woman because he expects that the relationship will end up meeting the same ugly and hateful demise as his failed marriage.  I respect that he’s trying to convince himself that building a strong friendship first may be a foolproof recipe for his next successful relationship, really I do.  It’s just that he has failed to realize that blurring the lines between a real, platonic friendship and one that includes elements of dating and intimacy only causes confusion because women can’t necessarily remove the emotional aspects that comes with the latter.

We are just on two different pages because I think just has a different (more like warped) sense of reality or is simply in denial about a lot of things. Needless to say, he doesnt see what my problem was and swears he told me several times that he didn’t want  anything serious.  In his defense, he did but it was just five months or so after we had been communicating so suffice to say that the main portions of his narcissistic rant was him refusing to take any responsibility.  Instead,  all I heard was about his struggles, his past, his issues,  his headaches, his direction, his shit.

Blah,  blah blah.

I’m not a horrible person and certainly can express feelings of sympathy to anyone who has suffered h really didn’t care because hearing all of this made me reaffirm what I had been saying about some men all of these years – they need to stay single, not try meeting new women to date or anything of the sort until they have dealt with and resolved their issues.  Suffice to say that my callous reaction to what seemed like some sort of confessional only added salt to the wound, and at one point I even told him he should be sharing all of what he was saying to a pastor or anyone else who cared.

Damaged goods is what he is because he admitted that he had a LOT of trust issues from his past relationship and needed time alone so again – how was I the person in the wrong when he reveals this some six months after we had been carrying on?  A friend of mine said this a few days after I had a meltdown of my own:

“What’s sad is he doesn’t see the errors of his way and really had no business on a dating web site knowing he has all of this turmoil in his life.  He just keeps flying down the highway of life having collisions with every relationship.  It’s like he’s driving drunk.”

Like he’s driving drunk – what an analogy about how someone is traveling through life and after reading all of what he had sent, I somehow began feeling appreciative and almost relieved as if I had somehow saved myself from some horrible outcome.After a few shitty crossfires and a few low blows from him including a “Now I see why you’re still single” blow, the two of us agreed to just go our separate ways and end communication altogether.  What’s funny is that this man swore up and down that he would never contact me again, making it a point to share that all of my contact information was being deleted and yet here we are telling each other how great the three days we had together were in Las Vegas, as we parted ways.

The invite was last minute and after the last couple of stress-filled weeks I’ve had, there wasn’t even a split second hesitation to take him up on the offer.  I’m so glad that I did.

Ironically, the woman who was there to keep his friend “company” had shared that there was a lot of commonality between us and this Vegas trip.  She hadn’t been in contact with the friend for over 2 years after getting to the point of being fed up with the bullshit with him and he did the same thing as Out of Sight – reached out to her and extended the invite for the Vegas trip so in a way this ended up being a reunion of sorts for the both of us.  This woman and I are in the same places in life and we were in agreement that trying to get something meaningful and purposeful out of men who simply cannot deliver is nothing but a waste of time.

While we were headed back home we joked a little about how things might revert back to where they were with me despising him for another month or so before we see each other again and hey – there might be some truth to that.There’s no reason to ask what happens now because the answer is simple and that is nothing.

Out of Sight is still the same person and I am the same person as well so the fact remains it that nothing has changed.  I had an amazing time and enjoyed seeing how he functions in vacation mode, still being that same affectionate person who is complimenting and appreciative of being in the company of a smart and beautiful woman.  I enjoyed seeing how he makes sure that a woman has absolutely nothing to worry about while she’s with him, proving that he really knows the role of a man as a provider and protector.  Most of all, I adored being around someone who is fun and able to let loose without any inhibitions, able to somehow elevate his sex appeal without even trying enticing my libido to travel to ridiculously heightened levels.

The break from reality was much needed, the release from the day-to-day stressors was much welcomed and I will leave what happened in Vegas in Vegas.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

5 Comments

  • Matt79

    Glad you had a great time! I’ve only been to Las Vegas once and thought it was a crazy place, in an interesting way, but it sounds more fun with a kind-of-dating-interest to share it with! (Even if he’s back on the substitute bench again now it’s over.)

    • Carmen

      Back on the substitute bench?? That’s fricking hilarious but it’s so true.

      You know what Matt? I’m actually okay with things this way, or at least I’m lying really good to myself.

      I don’t care if we don’t talk that often, see each other or make plans because I’ve pretty much resolved some things aren’t meant to be.

      Vegas is one of those places where you can let go, get loose and be free.

      I think we served each other’s purpose by being in good company, and expect nothing in return.

      It’s always great hearing from you, be well!

  • Shenelle Lewis

    You know what, I’m glad you are able to maintain some semblance of a relationship (not literally) with this guy because while he sounds like someone you shouldn’t go any further with until he gets over his shit, he sounds like a good man who cares about you. If you can do it and expect nothing more, so be it. Besides that, these kinds of carefree trips are always worth it. Enjoy it girl!

  • Helovesmenot

    I don’t think there’s anything wrong with having a good time with an old fling as long as you realize that’s really all it is. If you aren’t seeing anyone else and if you don’t think you’ll get caught up, it’s just fun. I think most people just have that “one” who can always creep back for another round so it happens more often than we will admit. Just think of it as a one night stand so of it turns out you see each other again, it can be another ooh good to see you good time.

    Cheers!

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