My Dating Hangovers

We Aren’t Friends Like That

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I have never really understood why people feel the need to hold on after the relationship has gone bust or the dating situation has ended, so this “Let’s be friends” idea has always been pointless in my eyes.  Unless you have children together and obviously need to be cordial,  you need to get along until changes in living arrangements are finalized or maybe in the case of someone getting close to the ex’s children as step-parent extraordinaire, what are other valid reasons and why not just cut ties and move on?  Just as I tried explaining to Out of Sight when I saw him last week, I really don’t want to be around when that he or one of the other hangovers thinks we’re in a comfortable place for them to share details about some new chick.  Sorry, I don’t care to know and if I’ve still got feelings for them (whether good OR bad) it only makes matters worse.  Admittedly, some of my ways of dealing with the men in my past may seem a bit extreme but if it didn’t work out between us I would much rather have a clean slate and keep it moving so rarely will I deviate from this position.  Say what you want, but it works for me because the last thing I want is to have some man from the past dredging up old feelings when the goal is to move on to something new and better.

Case in point is Hope who really had me going at one point in time and although I chose to sever ties with him when learning we were on two separate paths, I deviated from how these men are normally handled; I have continued to accept texts and telephone calls from the hangover who was quite enjoyable to hang around, quite affectionate and was always showing what I thought was a sincere interest due to the amount of my time he was consuming.You can go back and read up about him from the beginning here to the point of me calling him out on his confusing actions, to how I decided to leave that situation alone.  Several months went by with him respecting my wishes that he cease any contact with me but then slowly and quietly, he started up with the random messaging and calling.  For the most part, we’ve engaged in nothing but light-hearted, menial conversations although from time to time there might have been talks about hanging out sometime but that was about it, but recently I noticed that he’s been reaching out a little more often for whatever reason.  Every time we spoke and Hope asked what’s new with me and whether I was with anyone new my answer was no, so I would reciprocate and inquire if anything new was going on with him and his answer was the same.  It seems that his life has taken another turn downward and an old injury from bike riding has placed him off of his day job indefinitely, but it’s no skin off his back since still back at his parent’s home even though he’s pushing 44 years-old.   At no time had he ever mentioned anything about being involved with anyone and other than some innocent flirting, didn’t cross any boundaries that might have led to a booty call or a hook up.

Let’s fast forward to last evening when Hope called…

The same type of conversation ensues where he’s quizzing me on what’s been going on since we last spoke and I’m thinking to myself like damn dude– we just danced this dance two weeks so not much has developed since then.Nevertheless, we chatted it up  like usual as I shared my excitement about my upcoming trip to Europe, mentioned a few tidbits about the world of dating then asked him what was new with him.Normally he responds by saying nothing much before adding the lackluster developments in his world but this time he paused and says “What’s new with me? Uh…. Don’t you remember what I told you the last time we spoke?”  Stupid ass question of course and I replied to that same effect and Hope then responds with this strangely animated tone saying “I’m having a baby!!!”

Before I continue let me say that I DID mumble a congratulations because this was going to be his first child but because this was so unexpected from the man who told me he had been “involved” with several women at the same time with me only because he wasn’t interested in settling down for anything serious, which was the main reason I backed away.  If Hope considered seeing the same person several times a week, exchanging heated kisses, moments with his Flesh Light (you might want to click this link from your cell!) of course, his unforgettable skills at performing fellatio, and I can’t leave out my crymax experience as being insignificant – this told me he wasn’t very discriminant and was probably nasty enough to be doing the same thing with the other women concurrently.

Okay, the initial shock that he was expecting a child with another baby mama was over and I then asked if this was with one of the ex’s he had dipped back to a few times or one of the women he was “involved” with from his past and he replied “No, someone pretty new actually.”  Pretty new?? What the fuck? So I guess this latest baby mama isn’t a girlfriend or anyone worthy of mention because if you scroll back up to the top, the dude has never mentioned anything about her and even now, nothing and now the first thing I’m thinking to myself is how his nasty ass has been bare backing it with someone he barely even knows.   The second thing I’m wondering is whether or not THIS baby is really his because if you missed it, I presented you with two contradictions above – his first child, then another baby mama.  I may have mentioned way back when that he was a nice guy with a kind heart who was just as emotionally jacked up as the other hangovers, but I never mentioned why.  Hope has been engaged once and in several serious relationships with him becoming a father twice and then learning after months of anticipation, celebration, exciting baby showers and joyous birthing celebrations that he was NOT the father.

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Yep, twice.  Two women he was madly in love with and each of them having cheated at some point in their relationship, having him thinking he was destined for a life as a father.   You have to be completely gullible or have incredibly horrid luck to have experienced this type of deceitfulness twice in life but oh well; this has nothing to do with me.   Within a few minutes, Hope found himself quite confused when my last response ended up being “Congratulations again to you and good luck with your new family, but I’m pretty much done with this conversation” before I ended the call.

This is why I don’t agree with being friends after you have dated someone unless it was a very, very casual situation that just didn’t work or a good period of time has gone by since you last dealt with each other.  Why does Hope think he’s going to have a cheerleader in me at the thought of him having banged it out a few good times with some random woman and what type of response was he expecting from me?  Not once did he ever say he was planning things with his woman/girlfriend/partner nothing.  Obviously, he was downplaying the situation or perhaps putting out the feelers because this morning he sent me the following and as you can see from my reply, it’s pretty much a wrap jack:

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Tell me again why I need to keep an old fling in my life.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

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