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At Least it Was a Good One

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No news isn’t necessarily good news when it comes to following up after a date, although I’m not sure what The Bully and I had was actually meant to be a real date.  The crazy thing about men and women is the ability to send and receive mixed messages, so I’m not sure how this guy went from all eyes on me to…..nothing.

Before we met up for dinner at a local spot, he seemed completely interested in redeeming himself from his immature antics way back when, trying to convince me that I had stumbled on a diamond in the rough of the OC.  Our exchanges were pretty light-hearted yet still, The Bully let it be known that he was interested in knowing more about me outside of the corporate facade.

In fact,  the day of our outing he fires off a text message about “being excited” and how he couldn’t wait to see me, yet from that evening- not much else has transpired.  So do I assume that’s all it was – a nice outing and he really just wanted to clear his name and simply was not (gasp!!) impressed with me? Maybe he was over it all since I kept steering him back into the safe zone with a few of those risque comments in between his messages? Hell, did I fart at the table and not realize it?  I don’t know.

It’s obvious if nearly a week has passed and there’s been nothing from my end inquiring further and the same from him, that it was just an outing and nothing more.  Admittedly, my ego  isn’t willing to accept the chance happening that someone could go out with me and not find me appealing but then again, there’s a part of me that could care less about this guy.  I’m not too keen on dipping my pen into the company ink because getting involved with a coworker is always risky and when things get ugly – they get UGLY.

I still remember a situation from many years ago when me and a coworker were doing a different type of “socializing” after hours, and things seemed to be going well.  That is until his girlfriend made one of those phone calls to that went a little something like “This is Chanel and I found your number in Jay’s phone; who the hell are you and did you know he had a girlfriend?” Needless to say I became quite catty and shared all of the intimate details with Ms. Chanel and the day at work things were a little rocky between me and Mr. Player Player.  Sitting directly across from him made life a living hell as he tried whispering his explanations over the wall in between work.  Bad memories of dating in the workplace for sure, but I digressed since this unlikely encounter doesn’t appear to be a glimmer of hope as suspected.

The date itself went pretty well and just as The Bully had mentioned in previous texts, he was certainly from the old school and was quite the gentleman.  He was on time, dressed appropriately and took on the role of the man accordingly,  so it was obvious that he had certainly progressed beyond those early school bus days and is quite intelligent and well versed.

What I particularly liked about him was how at ease he was in general and while we were waiting to be seated, he struck up a conversation with a family and jokingly heckled the son for wearing the rival of his college’s football team.  Next thing I know this kid looks down at his hand and looks as if he’s going to faint when he sees The Bully is wearing an actual NFL Super Bowl ring from his favorite team. It was an interesting experience being out and the person you’re with is being asked for photographs and career details, and perhaps I would have learned a little more about him before agreeing to go out ahead of time but I didn’t.

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During our meal we chatted a bit more about our upbringing, careers, child-rearing, dating (he’s also online) and quite honestly – I had an enjoyable time but when the conversation veered into the realm of sexual experiences, I kept trying to steer the discussion back into that we-work-together friends zone.  Something I did learn is that he’s someone with a high sex drive and has his “it didn’t work out but…” fling he deals with from time to time like my situation with the now defunct Out of Sight.  As we walked out of the restaurant, what a coincidence – there was a naughty novelty store right in front of us so you know we had to go inside and poke around a little just for kicks.  It’s always good to find out if someone is too extreme in either direction by either being a prude or nympho so him asking me methods of bondage were acceptable as we strolled down the Christian Grey inspired aisle and me asking him if he was okay with a butt plug or any other objects back there, we got a clear impression of each other’s limitations.

About two hours on this outing had passed he walks me my car and bids me farewell with the biggest, longest hug ever and we soon part ways. The next morning The Bully made a trip over to my office to shoot the breeze, I think there was some random text the following day and that was it.  Like literally, that’s it.  As you can tell this definitely was not one of those hell dates and although I’m turned completely off by the fact that ALL he does is text and concerned about that extra 50lbs or so he’s lugging around, he seems like a decent guy.  There is just a gross curiosity about what happened – did I chastise him too much for making jokes about being hung like a horse or was he just not into me?  Shit like this does not happen to me so now the question is do I leave it alone or just casually ask what’s the deal?

Hmm.

Oh and about that Super Bowl ring?  You KNOW I checked it out thoroughly and it did have his name with the year and “Coach”but for some reason when I tried to Google him, nothing came up.  Hmm again.

Oh well, unexpected experience with no expectations so there isn’t much of a letdown but still…

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Hangover - a let down following great excitement or excess. Wow. This one sentence describes nearly all of my dating and relationship experiences! I'm a 30 year-old woman muddling through the Los Angeles dating scene and yes - Believe all that you've heard about the screwed up men and women in La-La Land. This blog is of my actual experiences that will either make you chuckle, laugh out loud or maybe say "aw.....". If your dating hangovers seem worse than the next person's, read on, post a comment and enjoy! Carmen

12 Comments

  • Marie

    A part of me would say too bad, so sad and forget him because he might have been looking to dip his pen in YOUR ink. I don’t think it’s even worth the after thought, just my two cents. By the way, thanks for the email feedback- it worked like a charm!!!

  • 1_Silver Fox

    Well if you want an old man’s opinion this is an easy one- think back on how many first dates you’ve had where you fell off with the guy afterwards. Now simply plug your pudgy fella in your place and there’s your answer. It happens to even the fine ones like you, so just keep it pushing.

    • Carmen

      Pudgy fella? Haha!!! You’re absolutely right because while I try to be up front and send that “sorry, but..” text after a meet up or date, I don’t always do it. There have been a lot of men I’ve really connected with over the phone, but in person? Failed. There was just no attraction or connection so I guess that is why I was curious- this wasn’t an online encounter. The Bully had seen me and was contacting me, not the other way around. Moot point now, the moment has passed.

  • Liza

    Why not just ask him? It doesn’t sound like there’s anything to lose here. He’s either going to be up front and say “pass” or give you some lame-o reason so pick your poison.

  • daniel

    Nothing to lose, ask him what’s the deal. This has happened to me more times than I care to admit but once I stopped having a fear of rejection (hell, the rejection was the moment she stopped calling) I said to hell with it and started asking. The response levelwas a little low but some women ddid and just said I wasn’t their type.

    • Carmen

      Here’s the update- I put on my big girl panties and sent Bully a brief text message that said “Hey there…. after your text interaction, request for dinner and the outing, has your interest waned already?”

      I think someone commented below that I might get a bullshit answer and bullshit answer is what I received.

      His reply?

      “No, not at all. They’ve been working me like a slave down here.”

      That’s it.

      I didn’t respond and he has been deleted.

      Next.

  • PlsSizediva

    Really, really lame response, like he doesn’t have a cell phone that can send the same messages he used to get you outside the office. Whatever!

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