For those of you who have not had the pleasure of trying out the online dating experience, this may be news to you – it sucks.
For the others like me who have tried everything from eHarmony to Black People Meet to Match and a few rounds on the ultimate cesspool known as Plenty of Fish, you will certainly agree that there are certain types of (special) people who call themselves dating.
On your quest to find love and happiness with a good man or woman who wants the same, you might come across the Socially Retarded, Really Unavailable, or Down to F@ck (DTF’s) types instead. I’m thinking nearly every type including the ones above have frequented my inbox, assaulted my ears by telephone and maybe even my sugar walls, but here are the 4 main types of online daters that come to mind and they are:
Coming across the man that usually seems to be the complete package is a blessing and a curse all at the same time. He’s typically going to be very good looking, have a stable and high paying career (not just a job), likely doesn’t have too much baggage (never married/no children), educated and smart, owns one or more homes, and in his mildly or incredibly high arrogance, WILL constantly remind you that he is basically the bomb.com.
GGTW’s may or may not show their true colors in the beginning and even if you find they’re showing traits you dislike or straight up treat you like shit, it’s hard to leave them alone because of the many qualities they possess.
Example hangovers: Special Agent, The Calm, Asshole.
It seems like the main ones flocking to the dating scene are the same ones who have absolutely no business trying to date. They’re not ready.
Wondering if you’ve met a TP? His profile or conversations may include statements like “I’m starting over and…” or “I’m trying to get back into the groove of things after…” and even “I’ve got one foot out the door…” and maybe even “I’m just seeing what’s here”.
This man has unfinished business with a relationship, may be in between jobs, recovering from some health or financial crisis, looking for a place to live, or is still bitter from the last relationship that went wrong. He’ll try to convince you to just be a little more understanding since he’s just a little down on his luck.
The TP has no conscious or guilt about dragging you into his world of instability and turmoil, and the crazy fact is that he’s likely to be very good looking AND may be putting it down in bed better than the GGTW types. Perhaps this is why in spite of his deficiencies; so many women get caught up with him.
Example hangovers: Good on Paper, Rescue 911, Enron, Full Metal Jacket, countless hangovers who never made it to the blog.
The title is obvious for the type who thinks that meeting women online is THE best way to go, you know, because he rarely is away from a computer. He’s quite similar to the TP man and because he’s probably dealing with all of the same issues, he is always working so you’ll rarely get to speak to him and will have grown gray hairs waiting to meet him.
He has a demanding job, travels often and rarely says no to overtime. Fortunately, a woman will have a clue about his hectic life and schedule because workaholics will tell you in a profile that reads like this:
“I’m a hard-working man who puts in 60 hours a week…”
“I work a lot and don’t have much time for…”
“I travel a lot and would like an activity partner…”
Believe me- I’ve got plenty to say about this one because this type has drifted in and out of my life often. He really either has no time OR more aptly put, refuses to make any woman a high enough priority to make time. This man is really looking for fillers for any downtime he may have; someone to exchange a few texts with to make sure he’s not lost his touch, someone to call on those long commutes home, or a bed warmer after a long days work.
Women, beware because the workaholic may be confused with the GGTW. Also, he knows how to bait and reel you in by initially showing you plenty of attention and seemingly available to date and work on a relationship. Girl please! If you are lucky enough to see this side of him, it’s probably because he’s on vacation or realizes what it takes to get a woman’s attention.
Dating this type of dude only works for a certain type of woman.
Any women looking for the Friday date night, someone to join you at the kid’s soccer practice, or anything remotely close to consistency, this is NOT the one for you.
Don’t get me wrong – having a financially strapped man is no good, but trying to date one who doesn’t care to balance a career and significant other is just as bad. One word this type is missing -BALANCE.
Example hangovers: Rescue 911, Special Agent(technically, he probably doesn’t fit here since his hard work was more outside the office, managing his harem of women), The Calm, and Jersey Boy.
Yes, I used the feminine term because these are the men who act like little girls- they’re the mitches. These types are needy as hell, likely to be damaged emotionally, have crazy from mood swings, and involvement with them will surely lead to the most stressful times of your life.
Damsels are the polar opposites of The Workaholics and what’s odd is they may be just as busy but will make time for you but will want
ALL of your time, energy and attention. You may experience his PMS moments, argue over insignificant things because he’s a drama queen, and may even witness an emotional breakdown or two.
The profile of a Damsel seems too good to be true and for the most part, they treat you well. Advice if you meet one? RUN.
Example hangovers: Full Metal Jacket, Sybil, Jekyll, Enron.
What else can I say about this type other than telling you to get ready for some really confusing times. I think he’s a smorgasbord of all of the above, and is probably a pretty good catch.
The downside of dating this one is that you will never figure out what he wants with you or life in general. He’s hot then cold, off then on and basically all over the place. I think it’s far better to know if you’re dealing with someone who just wants a buddy or just wants sex, but when he acts like he wants marriage one day then falls off the radar the next? I just can’t deal.
Examples: Too many to name.
This is exhausting just thinking back on this list, and I don’t think anyone can ever say I haven’t given different types of men with different situations a chance. I’m just tired of meeting the wrong ones faking like they’re the right ones.
I’m just tired of the dating hangovers.
Until there’s a cure…