I went through this with Showtime, then Johnny Appleseed and a few other men who never made it to becoming a blog entry. They have too many kids!!!!!
Being a single parent myself makes this statement sound hypocritical at best and maybe even a little unreasonable, but to date someone who is doing is full-time is a task. Or how about this- dating a single parent that doesn’t have a support system or resources, is a task and most of the time, I just don’t want to deal with it. It sounds bad and of course, we all have a past that involved the procreation of children with someone, and no one can predict the outcome of a relationship or it’s future demise. Which means we didn’t all stop at ONE child once we saw the other parent was crazy, a loser, deadbeat, unstable or just an asshole.
The result is people finding themselves single again and trying to date with an average number of two children, or an eyebrow raising three and anything beyond acts more like a dating repellent for most people.
Let’s not forget the stakes are raised when you start getting into how many different mothers or fathers involved. Different situations, personalities and a varying set of circumstances called DRAMA.
Showtime wasn’t so bad, but his four children drained him emotionally, financially and I’m pretty sure mentally. Johnny’s first trio of kids are 17 and older, but his second set out of six are young, dependent and he’s with them all of the time. Johnny may have been doable since finances seemed stable but he hadn’t learned nor was he willing to juggle life with children and women. In fact, he hadn’t had a date or any kind of adult-only activity in so long that I had to sound the buzzer as he tried to recall how long it had been. So now we have Daddy Day Care.
Believe it or not, I’m trying to work with some of these men through their situations or baggage, but it really feels like I’m settling. Why? Because these men seem to be so serious (or maybe desperate) to settle down with me, looking for marriage and the white picket fence. Maybe it’s just my warped perception, but it seems as if the men with the most to run away FROM seem so sincere and willing to offer and do anything to draw me TO them. This latest one is no different and just like Johnny, has the gift of gab and is ready for something sustaining.
Daddy seemed like a decent enough guy in a difficult situation, who not only worked long hours but had a few side jobs as well (remember my point about finances?). Suffice to say that his long work hours, then straight to daycare to play daddy leaves no time for him, let alone a woman. These were his words, not mine and he readily admitted during our first conversation that women typically run once he reveals his situation. He even said he’s considered lying about how many he actually had. I felt a little sorry for him because even though I only have one child, a semi-functional father and an amazing support system, there are men who refuse to date women with children.
I was considering how to “work with a brother” and even asked him what was his dating plan. Long silence meant he had no clue and had never really thought about HOW to date, unless each outing was at Chuck E Cheese. Seriously, everyone (parent or not) should have a dating plan. From the time you’re able to allocate to budgeting to child care to logistics. You need a plan and he didn’t and planned on winging it.
Well….. Daddy didn’t make the cut; in fact, he didn’t even get a chance to meet me because he failed after his futile attempts at securing childcare for the two of his four who live with him. Once we had the “Where’s the other parent” discussion I learned that his situation was pretty rough. The mother of these two is uh- how can I say this? Let’s just say she would be great for the sequel to the movie “Losing Isaiah”. She’s the type who might call when there’s a full moon and the Power Ball is over $400 million, asking to spend time with their children. Talk about a winner.
But guess what? The moon and lottery aligned somehow and in the eleventh hour on a Tuesday night, he suddenly became available for Wednesday night. One days notice, in the middle of the week? Really, is that my only option? So I tried to counter with ANY other night since I already had a meeting that day and judging from this conversation, you can see that answer:
The tone got a little shitty here as he snapped back a reply to my Friday night suggestion. I thought about it and knew right then, he needed to know this was a dead situation. But just to be sure that this wasn’t overreacting or being inconsiderate, I asked two good friends who were involved with men dealing with the same situation and was told “Hell no”, “Run”, “Don’t settle, that’s too much” and even “He’s looking for a mommy, not a woman”. Not that the input of these ladies and gent made my decision for me, it certainly supported it.
AND. ….here’s how it went down:
Yep,that’s a wrap with Daddy Daycare and do you know he sent a text a few days later saying how he lucked up and the kids are gone two days in a row. Was that one of those “you’re missing out” snubs?
Psssh, who cares. There’s an explicit reason for his singleness and it is NOT be choice, but by design. Of his situation.
Until there’s a cure…