When Your Past…


Last week there was a short quote that was shared on Facebook that said “If your past calls, don’t answer because it rarely has anything new to say” and wouldn’t you know, within one hour I received a random text from one hangover and a telephone/text message from another.  The moons and the stars must have been in perfect alignment because there is no desire to deal with either Good on Paper or Out of Sight yet for some reason, my responses were a little inconsistent with the two.  For the latter who had been told many months ago that it’s just something about my dealings with him that makes the idea of trying to be friends nonsensical, and that is exactly how I replied.  No hard feelings against the man who had me in a vulnerable position because my heart was invested, but no thanks – I’m not interested and wished him well.  Good on Paper? Call me a hypocrite, but I handled him a little differently.

Good on Paper is definitely a hangover but he’s a bit of an anomaly because there may have been moments of no contact, we never got too carried away in our dealings with each other to have caused us to cut off communication completely. Things with him just came to a head when I finally got to the point of no longer needing him to satisfy my voracious sexual appetite and if you’re looking for a little background, you can go here and here.  You know how it goes; things just get old after a while so it was time to move on and once he realized his advances were going ignore, he kind of drifted away. Until his text which was nothing more than a simple question asking how things have been meant to test the waters.  The response back was pretty dry until he responds again and the dialogue went as follows:

GOP:  “It’s that time again”.


ME:  “Time for what?”

GOP: “Time for us to meet and deal with us”

ME:  “Ah…. No dear, I don’t think so. I’m pretty far beyond the random booty sessions.”

GOP:  “Me too.  We need to have lunch and talk.”

Confession # 1 – in the 7 years that this man and I have dealing with each other, about 99.5% of the conversations we have had (yes, even the deep discussions) have always been AFTER an immensely sexual adventure.  I know how this would go starting with us making a plan for a meet up, something coming up in our busy lives and us settling on him stopping.  It’s pretty much a wrap after that for anything platonic because the chemistry is crazy.

Confession # 2 –  Good on Paper has always and I mean always, been one of the most easy-going individuals I have ever dealt with but at the same time, has always been one of those men not easily read or able to figure out.  At this point in my life, there’s really no interest to even try to understand what his angle is when we reconnect and to be quite honest, there is no need.  Back tracking to any man from the past is like digging that slice of bread that was dropped on the floor out of the trash- I already know it’s tainted and I should just get another piece so why bother.  There is no “us” to talk about but what the hell, I decided to call his bluff and accept a dinner invite for Friday night. 

I like a man who takes control. He chose the restaurant, made sure cocktails were on the way and was the perfect gentleman by coming out to greet me at the door and since it has been well over a year since we have seen each other, the man welcomed me with one of the tightest, longest, boob smashing hugs.  I’ll admit that there was a momentary flutter in my stomach as I stared up at him and damn – this man is still sexy as hell.  Dinner was delicious (went with his recommendation), conversation flowed perfectly and there weren’t any indications of any ulterior motives afterwards but then he bluntly asks “So how is your love life?”  My reply was completely honest when I said that it was nonexistent and since he’s come out of nowhere with all of this I asked him what’s going on with him and why is he reaching out.  He responds by telling me how he always wants to reach out and connect but is afraid of me being involved with someone and giving him the cold shoulder.  Okay, fair enough but it’s what he said afterwards that really clued me in which was plain and simple – he’s lonely. 

I’ve known that over the past few years Good on Paper been steadily climbing the corporate ladder and one of the things that impresses me about him is that he is educated, extremely smart, has an ambition to succeed that is out of this world and still maintains street smarts and a hustle mentality.  So he shared that he’s now reached an executive level, loves his career and added that he might have something here and there but really has no time for anything serious because he has to travel– correction, he does atremendous amount of traveling. He’s noticing how the other executives are all married and has been feeling like the single odd man out and misses not having someone to communicate with consistently, doesn’t have a woman to come home to after being on the road and most importantly, is welcoming the idea of having a partner once again.  It was an interesting get together indeed and after a few hours at that table, managed to talk about everything from wanting to strangle our teenagers to him becoming buddies with Willie Nelson to his latest venture at creating a competitive new app.

It would be an understatement if I simply said I had a nice time and afterwards, we walk through the parking lot to our cars and after a final hug went our separate ways.

He’s got brains, good looks, is a great father and provider, is artistic and has phenomenal sex.  It’s a shame that nothing ever seems to come out of “us”.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones


One thought on “When Your Past…

  1. Hmmm…you’ve known him for quite a while. Is it possible he’s fallen into the friend zone because you mentally eliminated him as a potential mate when he wasn’t ready to settle down? Sounds like one of those situations where some real honesty (yep…from an emotional perspective) has to take place or the connection you two have will remain mainly physical.

    1. Mel, you got it sister- he’s in that zone. Come to think of it, he’s always been in every place for quite some time except “I want to be with him”. It’s been years since we met quite casually, exchanged numbers, went out a few times and we both kind of fell off. A year later after my relationship went bus and his did as well, that’s when I put him in fu!# buddy zone. We talked about trying to date years later, but he was playing and did the silly shit men in that zone do- missed calls, canceled dates and even one no show. From there, back to buddy zone. An interesting rollercoaster indeed but still, I have NEVER fully expelled him from my life like I have with the others. Crazy.

  2. Don’t you just hate these kinds of situations, but it sounds like you already have your mind made up that once again there is nothing to it. Men who come out of the woodworks like this, especially off and on always seem suspect. Then when he does crawl out from whatever rock he’s been under with some key words that sound good and then what happens? It sounds like nothing so the question is what has happened since then (assuming this date was recent)?

    1. Lol at “….whichever rock” because I said the same thing. I wonder why people just contact an old flame out of the blue, you know? I’m such a hard ass, I just have never been the reach out and call someone type. If things got to a place of us not talking regularly, it was for a reason. Oh and to answer the then what happens? Easy- nothing outside of a text or two has taken place since then.

  3. Okay, so once again you have someone who is either confused or playing games. I can’t and won’t do the off and on rollercoaster no matter how good he seems so while you’re probably right to take the stance that this was just a good time with an old friend and nothing else. Hopefully that isn’t the case but nowadays it seems to be nothing but action less talk.

    1. Liza,

      There’s always something, right? The confused or the player and in this instance, I’m not sure which is the case. Good on Paper has never struck me as an opportunist so to me, it’s more of a nesting feeling. The problem is that those are normally to fill a void and may be temporary.

      No matter what, it was a good outing and should be left at that.

      Thanks for stopping by.

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