Sex/Romance, Slider Posts, Slider Posts, Uncategorized

Ignoring the Limpness

It’s late at night and the two of you either made plans for a happy ending or figured a hot and steamy make out session is what a 2am visit would eventually lead to.

An intense round of tongue wrestling ensues and next thing you know, any clothing you were wearing has been strewn throughout the room.

The kissing and touching gets pretty intense, nipples and other body parts are now out and ready for some action but there’s just one small problem – the man’s penis isn’t cooperating and not willing to participate in the fun.

This just happened to me last night and I’ll be damned if I start my new year off with yet another dysfunctional penis.  Remember my last experience with the two minute man who swore the type of alcohol he drank caused his premature happy ending?

What the hell is going on with these men and why are they putting themselves in situations knowing there’s a possibility they won’t be able to follow through on the foreplay?

Fortunately, these are experiences with men I’ve not dated regularly and thank goodness, am not in a relationship with because I hear far too many stories about these broken penises.

Friends who adore their boyfriends and love their husbands complain all of the time about how the sex is just unbearable because his morning wood is more like stale string cheese or his inability to get beyond 5 struggle pumps.

Too drunk, medications, too tired, nervousness or any other reasons that may exist, you (men) will be embarrassed and we (women) will be pissed, so I’m really curious about the best way to handle this.

Are we supposed to gently tap little Willy on the head and murmur “There, there… it’s okay” or try to ignore the elephant in the room.

What say you?

Until there’s a cure (for dating hangovers and penis problems)…

Carmen Jones

6 thoughts on “Ignoring the Limpness

    1. For the life of me, I’ve got to figure out why I’m not receiving my notifications so my I suck with the delays.

      Questions you say?

      We treated his situation like the elephant in the room. Once I realized all the grinding and kissing wasn’t helping to get thickie Willie back to normal, I just stopped. I told him we had enough of the foreplay, complained that I was tired and said it was probably time for him to go. He stuffed his broken soldier back in his pants, gave me a hug and that was that.

      What’s so funny is I wasn’t going to have sex with him and though he tried, killed his dreams of a blow job too. The bumping and grinding was just an interlude to see how he functioned but after about 20 minutes and two times I felt like he came in my hand (he denied), he was done.

      I can’t deal, just can’t!

  1. The photo is hilarious and sadly, this is my reality. I’ve been dating a guy for about three months now and out of the umpteen times we’ve had sex, his shit has NOT worked. He can’t blame it on being nervous and I sure as hell don’t smell and none of the other excuses apply either. It just doesn’t work like a broken toothpick. So I think there needs to be a category to reply with “again?”.

  2. That photo though! I’ve had a few of these episodes when a guy’s junk wouldn’t work, so I just acted like nothing happened and never called him again.

    1. I know baby_jess – the photo says a whole lot but it was the most perfect picture of what I experienced. Maybe he needed a little water or something like a wilted plant? Or not.

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