In a perfect world, we would do everything in sequence such as getting to know each other as friends before you start dating someone but nothing is perfect and sometimes doing things out of order ends up being a good thing. When it comes to men, I’m finding this to be an advantage and in most cases can thank my lucky stars that my spidey senses about a hangover kicked in before it was too late. My talk with one that I’ve known for a few years now was quite enlightening when he revealed why he never pursued anything with me after several outings.
While the story doesn’t quite go the way he remembers since it was me who told him I wasn’t interested, I’ll let USBC believe things were under his control. During one of those conversations with someone of the opposite sex the question of who I’m involved with almost always comes up, and when I responded there wasn’t anyone right now who was appealing, USBC says he tells me the reason he wasn’t interested in pursuing anything serious is because didn’t want to do that much work and was afraid of me.
Too much work and afraid, huh?
I knew this talk was about to get interesting and he begins explaining how afraid he was that I would be that one woman to do a number on him. Meaning, he’s so used to being the one in a situation/relationship causing the other grief and pain, the idea of someone doing the same to him wasn’t something he could contend with. Just like a few others, USBC couldn’t believe that he could have stumbled on someone who was sexy, smart, funny, adventurous, spirited and kinky like me could be kept by a man like him. As such, he figured it was best to go with a “safer option” and began dating some low maintenance chick not having to worry about doing any real work to keep her happy.
For some reason, this was so funny to me because a lot of my friends always wonder how the boring chick seems to score in relationships and marriages and it’s because they’re considered low maintenance or as he said – low maintenance. I think this Huff Post article gives the most accurate description of this type of woman saying she is “willing to repress her own needs in order to make no demands on her current or desired partner.”
Taking it a step further beyond her submissive ways, envision what she is typically going to look like. She is likely very basic if not frumpy, does minimal to keep up her exterior appearance (she would never rock a Ruby Woo lipstick and a stiletto is out of the question) and is likely sporting everything au natural. The type of woman who is low maintenance might be a loner or a homebody. Most importantly – just rolls with the ebbs and flows, accepting of all of the bullshit these men may send her way.
Almost always, she’s being cheated on for a woman like me and just as USBC explained to me – the very things that makes a man like him interested in being with her, are the same things that he ends up despising once he realizes she just doesn’t go it for him. In my eyes, these women aren’t winning a damn thing.
I’m totally stoked about this conversation for two reasons – the most obvious being able to figure after only three dates that we weren’t a good fit based on what I was hearing and now, this man being comfortable enough to actually divulge what I’ve suspected to be the problem with dating all along:
The insecurities of a man are most often the reason for all of the drama and headaches with dating and relationships.
Sorry fellas, I’m not the beat up Toyota Corolla with 200,000 miles that only needs the tires kicked every now and then. But I’m not the Phantom Rolls Royse running you $650 a pop for a basic oil change.
I AM a woman of substance who takes pride in her appearance and has enough self-respect to know my worth.
Accept it and love me or leave me alone.
Until there’s a cure…