There’s something that happens when a woman is feeling really sexy and it could be something as simple as that dress fitting just right around her hips, those new stilettos or that new red lipstick.
We feel as if we need to be seen by everyone and it could mean a night out with the girls or a night in with a man. This evening it was just the thought of him and since I was feeling particularly frisky before getting dressed, the bad girl in me decided to take a photo or two. It wasn’t anything sleazy or something I would be ashamed of if that text message I was sending to him ended up in the wrong hands, but it was just enough.
A simple message was attached asking “What time are we off work tonight” and when he replied “Damn, not soon enough but on time tonight without any curve balls. I can’t wait to bathe in your hormones”.
Papi always comes back with the right answer and as he reminded me several days ago his “moves are usually in synergy” with what I like, hence the reason we have never had a falling out or disagreement in our 18 year history.
We have been consistently inconsistent with one another and while it doesn’t seem as if it’s been that long, I remember our first encounter right after graduating from college in 1998. I was the young and mouthy chick who thought she was pretty experienced, but he quickly and effortlessly showed me that I was a glorified amateur. Whatever it took to satisfy ME when it came to intimacy has been this man’s goal from day one and when I say he has never failed me between the sheets, I mean never.
How many people can honestly say they’ve been with someone who can satisfy you with mind blowing sex each and every time? Go ahead and think about it, I’ll wait.So while I’m telling my girlfriend over drinks about my needing to sneak away from the group a little early she asks the same thing several others have asked – why haven’t we tried anything else besides the fucking?
She could tell how much respect I have for him and knew I had to care for this man in some way, but couldn’t understand how he could seem like the completed package and we haven’t progressed to anything else. I replied that we gave it a shot at something else during a daytime outing (and only once) many years ago, and it was one of the most awkward dates ever. Uncomfortable silence among two great conversationalists is just mind blowing but that’s what happened. We just stared across the table at each other and finally started laughing before “we tried, back to business as usual” and that we.
After hearing all of this she just shakes her head in amazement and tells me “That’s your husband; you guys are in a sexual marriage”.
Hearing someone clearly define this situation using words other than friend with benefits or fuck buddy was pretty damn amazing to me. I would have never thought of it that way but realizing the extent of history (and not just the sexual exploration over the years) I’ve had with Papi I realized she’s right and at the same time, remembered that NO other man will ever be able to do the one thing he has done – he was involved with me before I had a child (flawless body), while I was with child (it was over with the father sooner than later) and now after my child (stretch marks and some extra pounds).
Throughout all of the life experiences he has never wavered or broken his pattern of consistency with me when it came to the intimate moments.
Now we can fast forward to the last two months and now Papi and I have been more on than off, mainly because I haven’t really had any interest in finding someone for anything more meaningful. Sure, there’s the occasional date here and there but these men just don’t seem to do it for me so the desire and effort is minimal at best. While this seems as if my existence in the online world is nothing more than something to do, the bigger concern I have is whether I’m just really messed up and confused about what I really want and may have turned into one of those women who doesn’t care about anything else or I’m in denial.
Is it possible for you to have relations with someone for this long of a time without having any desire for anything more or better yet – not have strong feelings or even be in love?
What’s wrong with me or what’s wrong with him?
Guess I’m going to need to let those thoughts marinate a bit but just a little because we all know that once a woman starts thinking about things, she normally changes the dynamics from stable to chaotic.
Until there’s a cure…
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