I’m addicted to him.
I realize this addiction after my latest encounter with Papi just a while ago, and while we have been at the sexual affair for almost 20 years, the unthinkable seems to be happening.
It just keeps getting better and this feeling is what frightens me the most.
Incredibly sensual and the chemistry is always intense. The kind of interactions that most people will never experience in a life time.
We continue to explore and no take each other’s bodies to another level. So tonight, it was my turn to be the dominant as I talked and nanny instructed him through each and every touch, kiss and stroke.
This man is truly my 50 Shades of Grey and this isn’t quite a sexual addiction, but an addiction to intimacy with him.
Oh, and what about dating? Nope, nada, zilch.
I’m not even interested in trying to date and would be lying if I said it was solely due to the lack of quality men. Instead, my real issue is the “what if”.
What happens if I meet someone that I like? That would force me to do exactly what I’ve done for years- pack him up and store him like some old discarded toy that had no use. It’s like dating would be an unwelcome distraction or something.
Scary yet again, this all we have been for each other over the years and we know it is what it is, though each of us have done a few things outside of our boundaries as of late.
Him, with an invite to see him and enjoy a little music threw me for such a loop, I totally missed that he wanted to see me OUTSIDE the bedroom. It never happened. Totally out of character for him.
But I also stepped outside of my boundary a few days ago. Texting him, saying how I couldn’t wait to see him when he returned from a trip. Totally out of character for me.
Still….this isn’t us.
We know why I’m single and slowly but surely, I’m figuring out why he’s divorced and single and may likely have that status for the rest of his life.
Messed up situation that literally feels so good and so right.
I guess the cure I’m waiting for isn’t from the dating hangovers- maybe the cure is for him.