MEET THE HANGOVERS

Full Metal Jacket Age: 28
Full Metal Jacket
Age: 28

Height:  5’8
Profession:  Lifetime Marine, PTSD Veteran and police officer in training
Drama Year:  2010
Regretted Meeting Place:  Match.com
Offenses:  Suffered from post-traumatic stress disorder, pathological liar, possessive, controlling, manipulative, demanding, needy, childish, introverted, violent tendencies.  Probably would have slashed my throat during an argument.
Consideration for Reunion:  I would rather amputate my own leg.

 

M.I.T. Age: 36
M.I.T.
Age: 36

Height: 5’11
Profession:  Longshoreman
Drama Year:  2005
Regretted Meeting Place:  A hook up from a mutual friend
Offenses:  Ditzy, unable to make rational decisions, smoked too much green, controlled and manipulated by a 5 year-old little demon woman child, often depressed, undecided on life purpose/direction,  unable to handle major events, forever remembered for my damaged fallopian tube.
Consideration for Reunion:  Unless he’s gained brain cells, trained his daughter and manned up to the baby mama by demanding a DNA test, not a chance.

 

Sybil's Brother Age: 35
Sybil’s Brother
Age: 35

Height:  Don’t remember what he wrote and NEVER met
Profession:  Unemployed
Drama Year:  2011
Regretted Meeting Place:  Plenty of Fish
Offenses:  Borderline religious fanatic, control freak, stalker-like tendencies, just plain weird.
Consideration for Reunion:  He lost the race before even getting out of the starting gate.

 

Ghetto 2Pac Age: 35
Ghetto 2Pac
Age: 35

Height:  5’Nothing (okay, maybe about 5’5)
Profession:  Painter
Drama Year:  2011
Regretted Meeting Place:  A birthday party
Offenses:  Won the award for demonstrating the WORST first date behavior to date, absolutely no etiquette or class, a little too hood by trying to “keep it 100”.
Consideration for Reunion:  None

 

 

The Black Russian Age: 37
The Black Russian
Age: 37

Height:  6’4
Profession:  Labor representative
Drama Year:  2011
Regretted Meeting Place:  Plenty of Fish
Offenses: None really, he was a nice guy but we only had a connection in the bedroom.  As much as I would have enjoyed keeping this one around for a little playtime, he was TOO well endowed to even enjoy.  Oh and that thing about being an atheist was a deal breaker too.
Consideration for Reunion:  Wouldn’t mind meeting up for drinks and casual conversation.

Comeback Charlie Age: 36
Comeback Charlie
Age: 36

Height:  6’3
Profession:  Marketing
Drama Year:  1998 (initial), 2009 (come back) and 2011 (last come back)
Regretted Meeting Place:  Work (initial), club (come back) and Plenty of Fish (last time)
Offenses:  Far too much drama with women and I had the misfortune of witnessing chocolate smeared walls and slashed tires.  This man obviously has women thinking they’re more than he’s telling them they are, plus the poor thing has LOTS of emotional baggage – being mixed and adopted is tough I imagine.  The second to the last time he contacted me ended in an argument because I wasn’t trustworthy for refusing his friendship on Facebook.  Seriously?
Consideration for Reunion:  None.  As of 2013, he finally gave up on me and every other So. Cal sista and move to the Bay area.

Out of Sight Age: 35
Out of Sight
Age: 35

Height:  5’11
Profession:  Auto Finance
Drama Year:  2013
Regretted Meeting Place:  Plenty of Fish (with ME being the one to reach out!)
Offenses:  This man is the prototype of what I envisioned as a good fit for me, but he is damaged goods.  Although he will deny, deny, deny he lied, lied, lied about his intentions when we first began communicating and it wasn’t until feelings were involved did he begin to back peddle and reveal his true intentions – nothing serious.  What a waste but I had to respect his position.
Consideration for Reunion:  As much as I hate to admit this, but there is no hope for anything with him.  I recently told him that he should be somewhere on the couch of a therapist BEFORE he meets and gets involved with the next woman.  Marriage and committed life did not suit him well at all so now, his focus is the single life.

Comments

  1. Esme says:

    This…is just awesome! I love that you can go back and check out the Hangovers!

  2. Glenn says:

    Hilarious

    1. Carmen says:

      Thanks Jasvinder! My dating woes equals entertainment for others. =)

  3. French_Konnection says:

    These are hilarious, but I need to see the dudes after 2013. I’m guessing they got worse, lol!!!!

    1. Carmen says:

      1000% worse! Pray for me.

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