Reappearing Act Gone Wrong

It’s amazing how men think they can just disappear and pop back into your life like it’s nothing.  But this hangover thought wrong and caught me on the sober end of taco Tuesday.

Grab your headphones and get ready to LISTEN to a raw and UNEDITED explanation of why I sent that venomous text in my last post.

This is my first time trying a podcast style post, so don’t judge me.

I was pissed.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

And just like that…

My swirly stint with Jon B is over!

It became too confusing trying to decipher his mixed signals when he’s doing one thing but continuously tells me that he wants to “take things slow”

What the hell does that mean?!?!

Not once did I press him with one of those “what’s next” or “what are you looking for” conversations, not once.  While he’s repeating his mantra of wanting to take it slow, he should have just said he’s not interested in the seriously dating (or dating me) because I was getting a little confused.

Wanting to see me more than one day in a week, especially taking up my weekends isn’t necessary if you want to take it slow so again, how does that work?

It’s too soon to be having these kinds of conversations more than once.

The first time I asked him what was up with his delayed respond to text messages, he offered up some talk about business being crazy or some remodeling stress and the second time I mentioned it he told me he didn’t have to talk every day.

Which part did you want to take slow?

So when I told him I wasn’t really sure what he was trying to do here and that I figured he was trying to be my replacement fuck buddy, he would tell me again how he wanted to “take things slow”.

Did he want to take it slow when he was whispering naughty words in my ear while kissing me up and down my neck? Or maybe he wanted to take it slow when he had that sudden urge to follow me to the ladies bathroom, doing a body search to see if I was wearing any panties?

Could he have wanted to slow things down after our little bedroom tryst before that movie date?  Oh wait, I got it – he really needed to take things slow after that missing condom scare.

I am not a toy he can play with when bored, lonely or horny.

Here’s the bottom line:  I made the mistake of thinking I was dating someone, when he was just “hanging out” when he needed something to do.  His actions made this all perfectly clear because nearly every time we would get together, it would be on his terms and timeframe.  

In addition to all of this, not once did he ask me any of those questions that a man would normally wonder about if they were interested; he never asked if I was dating or seeing anyone else and never asked if I was sexually active with anyone. 

He never asked because it never mattered.

So after our last conversation this past Thursday night, I realized he was really beginning to act like a fuck boy, and then I started playing games. 

His texts were being ignored, I took my sweet time returning his calls and once he left a message saying “Hey stranger, give me a call back”, I was satisfied that he’d been given a taste of his own medicine.  Finally, I responded to him by text with a “Have a great weekend” and he replies “You do the same Carmen”, (deliberate use
of my name means fuck you) so I realized this gig was up.

I’m after that mutual attraction and connection.

If I meet someone and the feeling is mutual that we’re interested and wanting to know each other beyond a few outings, we will WANT to communicate and as often as we’re able.

I know this kind of man exists because I’ve had them before and since I’m really not trying to recruit a replacement for Papi (though there’s likely no such thing), why settle for being the woman that is just a time filler?

I tried it.

It was fun while it lasted and now this is yet another item I can check off on my bucket list, even though he is a watered down version of the swirling experience.  At least I can say I was open to an interracial experience and maybe willing to try it again because at the end of the day, the actions and intentions of the man make the difference.  

Not the ethnicity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones 

Program Change 

While contemplating my next move with Jon B, I’m realizing that aside from him being cute and seemingly good on paper, we really don’t have that much in common or at least nothing else that I can tell because he doesn’t talk about much.  

Sure, we both enjoy eating and indulging in cocktails, but other than that I only know that he’s hustling to expand his business, takes a lot of naps and feels slighted that his daughter isn’t too interested in his Skyping calls. That’s it – just the surface and superficial stuff.

So as I’m telling a friend about his latest radio silent act like, she silence me the most perfect suggestion:

“You need to take him off the boyfriend program and put him on the fuck boy program.  Treat him like he’s here to pass the time.”

This dude will consume several days in a row if I allowed him to and as much as I’m enjoying his company, everything seems to be on his terms and timeline which isn’t cool and another friend says I need to stop making myself so available.  

But isn’t that kind of like playing games?  If you are available and have nothing else to do, you should say no every once in a while so the other person thinks you’ve got other things going on?

Here’s what I don’t like: he responds to text messages and phone calls when he’s good and damn ready and if I’m trying to plan something in advance, he doesn’t get back until the last minute with a counteroffer. 

I don’t like being ignored because actions like this remind me of one or two hangovers from my past.  Seeing as how the average person is staring at their phone countless hours a day, it’s inconceivable that ten seconds can’t be taken to tap out a reply.  

I know this for a fact because I just did the same thing to another guy.  

He texted me at 10:29am and I saw my phone light up within a few minutes and could have replied with a simple “Hey, good
morning…Already working but we’ll chat later”, but I didn’t want to.  He’s nice and but I’m not feeling him at and figured responding too quickly would give him false hopes, so I would just respond later.  I didn’t respond until this afternoon.

See how this shit works?

Dealing with another one of those super busy and forgetful guys isn’t an appealing option, and neither is the possibility that he’s curving me so I asked him again if he wanted to become a fuck buddy and he’s saying no.  

His actions are telling me otherwise so I’ll give him a week or so, if that.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones




Down with the Swirl- Part 2

So it’s been a few weeks of this swirling dating adventure with Jon B and I have a few observations to report.

No, not THE actual  R&B crooner hottie himself but as much as the new guy hates being told, that’s exactly who he favors.


The Look a Like and I met on a Wednesday, went out that Friday, Saturday AND again that Sunday.  Repeat the following week and again.  What does this mean? Hell, I don’t know. We’re either mildly interested in each other OR we’re just looking for time fillers.

I haven’t been able to get a solid reading on the Look a Like, but I’m guessing he may be nothing more than another fuck boy.  He doesn’t ask any questions about my dating habits, so I’m not going there either.

Okay, now my observations in no particular order, and absence of any real logic:

1.  I’m happy to be stepping outside of my norm and comfort zone.

2.  Guys with an eclectic and artsy flair are so damn hot, especially if they are musicians.

3.  I’m elated and surprised to have met a non-black man who can make my panties moist just by kissing me on my neck.

4.  Most men are the same, regardless of race.

5.  Music is everything and sharing a common interest and passion is amazing.

6.  Most men are the same, regardless of race and do the same stupid shit.

7.  I’ve felt awkward on more than one  occasion when receiving the “look” from black men and women while out with my new friend.

8.  He is very comfortable dating black women, I’m the one feeling like a traitor.

9.  All men have a certain amount of communication blockage, regardless of race.

10.  Not every non-black man has a pink tip.

11.  I still feel strongly about pets in or near beds.

12. A man with his life together is everything!!!!!!!!

This story is still developing and can have a different update next week, or you’ll see me posting this:


Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Down with the Swirl

Everything about this latest situation is different. 

I woke up this morning to both dogs at the foot of the bed; Thelma on his side and Louise on my side.  Every now and then, feeling each one turning around head as if to make sure we’re in our spot.

After snapping the photo of our guardians, I turned over to study the intricate design of his tatted back.  I love the way his olive skin tone allows each detail to pop.

Oh yes, I said olive.

I said this was different; it’s my first time swirling while dating and I like it.

We all know I’ve had plenty of success stories and this blog tells you how those all ended.

No expectations here, but can I at least hope for no more disappointments?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

First Conversations with Someone New

Last night’s conversation with July Guy was GREAT, but it almost didn’t happen because after I had given him my number for him to (per his words, have a chat), all he did was fire off a flurry of text messages and not one was asking when I was free to talk.

I hate that shit!  Hate it, hate it, HATE it.

Even if we’re talking about a regular encounter outside of online dating, why do people use text messaging as a way of getting to know someone?  If we make it past the first couple of calls and like each other when meeting, we’ll have plenty of time for the filler of text discussions but not right out the gate.

I guess if texting is your thing and you don’t care about hearing an actual voice, then go with the flow but it isn’t for me and I let him know after about ten minutes of back and forth when sending this:

“It seems as if texting is your thing which is cool, but I would like to put a voice to the man behind the photos and messages.  How about you call me or let me know when you’re free to actually talk otherwise, have a good evening”.

Shut that down real quick and shortly after he gave me a call.

Our talk ended up being hilariously entertaining and enlightening and we touched on everything We chatted about work life, living situations (no roommate, yay!!), dating experiences, our children and the desire to procreate with better choices and even politics. After a while, July Guy comments how glad he was to have called since he wouldn’t have learned so much without talking.


Of course you wouldn’t have so just imagine how many women you’ve likely turned off if that series of Q&A by text messaging is your modus operandi.

I can’t explain how refreshing it is to have even a sliver of interest popping into my head.  So far, everything he’s written in his profile was coming through over the phone without any red flags waving around.  He has a fairly quiet and reserved demeanor for the most part, but is still down to earth, extremely relatable and more than anything – had a great sense of humor.

20160729_124932What was meant to be a brief intro conversation was going so well, we were talking well into the night and just like the old Whoodini song goes, the freaks come out at night.

Listen folks, I’ve been on this self-imposed sex hiatus for SEVEN months, twenty days and 29 hours so I’m pretty ripe which likely explains my mild temperament nowadays so when the conversation suddenly ventured into adult zone – we rolled with it.  The next thing I know, July Guy’s voice suddenly becomes midnight love radio personality as he’s telling me all of the dirty things he would like to do to me as I’m lying in my bed touching myself in certain places.

Considering the drought mentioned above, I won’t lie – when checking out some of these dating profiles I’m torn between considering the next great dating potential OR the next replacement for Papi and after having a phone session like last night?  If his actions are as tough as his talking, this guy could certainly be used as a great substitute.

Don’t judge me.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

5 Things Women Want in a Man

what women want

Someone new reached out to me over the weekend online and sent this:

I know there’s  less than a snowball chance in hell that you will even respond to this message, but sending it anyway.

Your profile is well written and you’re photos are great,  depicting a woman who’s  at the tip of her game. Yet you’re  single (presumably) and online.

This might be out of line, but I’m guessing you’re still single because you’re looking for that perfect guy  on your carefully crafted list of about 101 different things.

But maybe… just maybe I’m wrong and if so, you’ll respond and we’ll end up riding off into the sunset.

Just hoping I’m  at least I’m the top 10.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Interesting opening message and I’m case you’re wondering what in the world I’m saying in my profile, let me assure you – nothing that prompts this kind of reply.

In fact, it’s been edited to just the basics: I’m single, have a cat, enjoy photography and blogging and looking to date.

That’s all.

But the strikes a chord with me. There are so many people (women included) who believe there’s this ridiculously long complex list of requirements singles require.  Not true, not even  a little bit so I put together 5 things a woman really wants in a man.

You can check it out on Digitalromance!

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

About Digital Romance:

Digital Romance, Inc., is the premier resource offering some of the best advice on dating and relationships.

A Message for The Older Woman

One of my hangovers (USBC) was obviously feeling himself this morning when he decided to post this message:

In short, he’s us (yeah you, women 40 and over) that guys like HIM are now the hottest commodities around.  The ones who have been constantly jammed into that friend zone by women who just weren’t into him.

So today he decided to be the spokesperson for all of the men who just never made the cut and pound on his chest while basically yelling out “Now you lonely bitches want ME!”.

Oddly enough, I found this to be pretty funny because he’s not the only one who’s made comments like this in recent weeks.

Several of the men stuck in a woman’s friend zone feel like their singlehood is because of our refusal to do one thing – settle.

Do you want to know what may happen if we do end up going for the one would just doesn’t do it for us?  I could ask the dozen or so friends of mine who have done it and one word sums it up – cheat.

So on behalf of the single and over 40 club, I would like to thank you for this morning’s PSA.  And oh- not all single women over 40 make the mad dash to adopt a cat.  We like dogs as well.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones