Reappearing Act Gone Wrong

It’s amazing how men think they can just disappear and pop back into your life like it’s nothing.  But this hangover thought wrong and caught me on the sober end of taco Tuesday.

Grab your headphones and get ready to LISTEN to a raw and UNEDITED explanation of why I sent that venomous text in my last post.

This is my first time trying a podcast style post, so don’t judge me.

I was pissed.

https://drive.google.com/file/d/0B9Z8h58LxeVOWXFfSmRHWTNkazg/view?usp=drivesdk

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

And just like that…

My swirly stint with Jon B is over!

It became too confusing trying to decipher his mixed signals when he’s doing one thing but continuously tells me that he wants to “take things slow”

What the hell does that mean?!?!

Not once did I press him with one of those “what’s next” or “what are you looking for” conversations, not once.  While he’s repeating his mantra of wanting to take it slow, he should have just said he’s not interested in the seriously dating (or dating me) because I was getting a little confused.

Wanting to see me more than one day in a week, especially taking up my weekends isn’t necessary if you want to take it slow so again, how does that work?

It’s too soon to be having these kinds of conversations more than once.

The first time I asked him what was up with his delayed respond to text messages, he offered up some talk about business being crazy or some remodeling stress and the second time I mentioned it he told me he didn’t have to talk every day.

Which part did you want to take slow?

So when I told him I wasn’t really sure what he was trying to do here and that I figured he was trying to be my replacement fuck buddy, he would tell me again how he wanted to “take things slow”.

Did he want to take it slow when he was whispering naughty words in my ear while kissing me up and down my neck? Or maybe he wanted to take it slow when he had that sudden urge to follow me to the ladies bathroom, doing a body search to see if I was wearing any panties?

Could he have wanted to slow things down after our little bedroom tryst before that movie date?  Oh wait, I got it – he really needed to take things slow after that missing condom scare.

I am not a toy he can play with when bored, lonely or horny.

Here’s the bottom line:  I made the mistake of thinking I was dating someone, when he was just “hanging out” when he needed something to do.  His actions made this all perfectly clear because nearly every time we would get together, it would be on his terms and timeframe.  

In addition to all of this, not once did he ask me any of those questions that a man would normally wonder about if they were interested; he never asked if I was dating or seeing anyone else and never asked if I was sexually active with anyone. 

He never asked because it never mattered.

So after our last conversation this past Thursday night, I realized he was really beginning to act like a fuck boy, and then I started playing games. 

His texts were being ignored, I took my sweet time returning his calls and once he left a message saying “Hey stranger, give me a call back”, I was satisfied that he’d been given a taste of his own medicine.  Finally, I responded to him by text with a “Have a great weekend” and he replies “You do the same Carmen”, (deliberate use
of my name means fuck you) so I realized this gig was up.

I’m after that mutual attraction and connection.

If I meet someone and the feeling is mutual that we’re interested and wanting to know each other beyond a few outings, we will WANT to communicate and as often as we’re able.

I know this kind of man exists because I’ve had them before and since I’m really not trying to recruit a replacement for Papi (though there’s likely no such thing), why settle for being the woman that is just a time filler?

I tried it.

It was fun while it lasted and now this is yet another item I can check off on my bucket list, even though he is a watered down version of the swirling experience.  At least I can say I was open to an interracial experience and maybe willing to try it again because at the end of the day, the actions and intentions of the man make the difference.  

Not the ethnicity.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones 

When The Texts Stop Coming

2016-08-18_19.07.40I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been in a situation where we met someone new, exchanged numbers and after a few text messages, felt like things may be going in the right direction.  But then the communication starts changing a little bit or those texts stop altogether, leaving you wondering what went wrong and I’m sorry fellas – the men are normally on the receiving end of this confusion.

But have you ever wondered what you may have sent that may have turned a woman off?

I’ve got a couple of reasons to explain why we stop responding to text messages, so head on over to Digital Romance to check out my latest article.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Profile photos men shouldn’t share

On and off, hide and reveal, resign and restart.  The vicious cycle known as online dating and for the life of me, I just don’t understand how men can continue to sabotage themselves by ruining the most important part of the process – the dating profile and specifically, the photos.

Do these men not realize that they can turn a woman all the way on by what he’s sharing in his profile and just the same, can turn us off completely by choosing the lazy, cheesy and sleazy photos like this debonair fella right here:

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Yes, this is an actual photo from someone’s profile and yes – he looks like a teenager and made me feel like a pedophile for viewing it and yes – you’re welcome for the red box editing to spare you the unruly hairs and extreme shrinkage.

If only I could be the fairy godmother of dating and tell these clueless gents what NOT to do but for now, you can check out my post written for Digital Romance, Inc.,  5 Photos Men Need to Stop Posting Online.

Digital Romance, Inc is the premier source for using the power of technology to get the best dating advice articles, podcasts and videos delivered at the tap of a button.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

 

A Message for The Older Woman

One of my hangovers (USBC) was obviously feeling himself this morning when he decided to post this message:
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In short, he’s us (yeah you, women 40 and over) that guys like HIM are now the hottest commodities around.  The ones who have been constantly jammed into that friend zone by women who just weren’t into him.

So today he decided to be the spokesperson for all of the men who just never made the cut and pound on his chest while basically yelling out “Now you lonely bitches want ME!”.

Oddly enough, I found this to be pretty funny because he’s not the only one who’s made comments like this in recent weeks.
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Several of the men stuck in a woman’s friend zone feel like their singlehood is because of our refusal to do one thing – settle.

Do you want to know what may happen if we do end up going for the one would just doesn’t do it for us?  I could ask the dozen or so friends of mine who have done it and one word sums it up – cheat.

So on behalf of the single and over 40 club, I would like to thank you for this morning’s PSA.  And oh- not all single women over 40 make the mad dash to adopt a cat.  We like dogs as well.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

I Can Work with Men

  • The funny thing about dating is that there are so many different types of men and situations out there so you really are placed in a position of picking your poison.

My last date from a few months ago really had it together.

He owned a couple of properties, had a stable career with no debt and only one child and was just as eager as myself to find someone special and settle down.

That same man was also a self-centered, controlling, condescending asshole who believed he was the crème de la crème and couldn’t understand why or how any woman could reject him.  But like the others he’d complained to me about who found a man with his life in order, I just wasn’t interested in him.

Two weeks ago I met up “47” who is the polar opposite.

He’s newly single, rooming in a small apartment with a relative, has two different baby mamas who are still giving him grief almost ten years later, is transitioning into a new career as a financial advisor, trying to get himself out of a boatload of debt and sheepishly volunteered that he “only made $47,000 last year and it’s been really hard”.  By no means am I judging the man based on his income, but these were his words about struggling, not mine.

“You just don’t make enough money to be able to date me”.

When I asked 47 about some of the women he’d dated recently and why things didn’t work out, he replied that most of them had catfished him and were all grossly obese, but it was that comment above that really stood out.

Initially I thought to myself “what a rude bitch and no wonder she’s still single”, until he provided more details about her.  She was a successful attorney who enjoyed weekend trips to wineries up north, traveling abroad and the opera and as single as she was, that woman was looking for someone who could at least come up with his portion and travel with her.

In the end, this woman and the two before her found 47 useful for nothing more than a quick lay and as he openly admitted, none of them were cool with his current financial and living situation.  He wanted a relationship, not just being looked at as a piece of meat and the fact that they’ve not come back for seconds?  Well, I guess that’s another story because if the sex is that good…

So how did our first meet-up go?

For the sake of brevity (something I really know nothing about), I’ll try to be brief about our Barnes & Nobles meet up and try to avoid two different posts but let me just say this – first impressions are a motherfucker.

Impessions-Quotes.001Whenever I’m going to meet someone whether it be from online dating or after our initial encounter, I make sure everything is on point.  Clothing, hair, scent, nails, shoes, teeth and my personal favorite – lotion.  They’re either going to like me or not but I most certainly am not offering any ammunition to be accused of looking a hot mess.

47 didn’t think things through too carefully or maybe was thrown off because he was rushing to meet me from the Inland Empire, because I was not impressed.

Even if I was to have “worked with a brother” and try setting aside my disdain for his roommate and overall situation, he pretty much set the stage for a not-so-positive evening by showing up:  late, shirt screaming for an iron, about two weeks past that last barber edge up, long dirty fingernails and breathe that was two clicks from being vile.

This is the first meeting, the impression meeting, the let me decide if I would even consider seeing you again meeting yet this is how he arrived.

I just don’t get these men, I really don’t BUT… I think I just may give him a chance to redeem himself.  Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Stay Away From This Guy

The short version of my recent meet up:

He messaged me, I responded.  He responded, then I responded and we exchanged numbers and he then texted to me and I responded and he said let’s get together later, and I said okay to a meet up at Starbucks which I hate for meet ups, we meet and he looks different (older) and I know I don’t like him, so we chat for a while, he’s asking questions like I’m interviewing for a job, he gets comfortable and starts dropping F bombs, then he gets really comfortable and asks how old does he look and says he’s really 49 and not 40, and I think I rolled my eyes when he said he puts “whatever” on profiles since no one reads them anyway, then he says he arranges meet ups right away to avoid wasting time, then he tells me online dating is a fluke and he’s there because a friend got lucky with a beautiful woman, now I know I REALLY don’t like him and start getting restless because I’m ready to go, so he suggests we get drinks and chill, and I say “Cool, which restaurant are we going to”, then he says he meant get drinks and just “chill” at his place, and then I said no thanks to his fabulous offer of Netflix and chill, so he seems surprised I said no even though he says he has a really nice place, then I said let’s wrap it up and he offers to be my new real estate agent, so I said no thanks and he said let’s hang again soon as I’m closing my car door ready to drive back home.

This kind of guy is the worst – he’s a lazy dater hoping for instant gratification and along with a quick hook up.

For him, it’s a numbers game. He’s only looking to score as many women as he can, quickly so the online dating scene is the perfect playground for these types of men. Having been on the dating scene for so long, I should know better than anything than to deal with them.

Yet in the moments where I wonder if my hard-nosed approach to so many situations with dating, I’m sometimes willing to give someone the benefit of the doubt.  Then end up regretting it, just like I did with the guy I met tonight.  He’s not online to date but to meet any woman he can squeeze into his schedule until he has enough in his collection to start weeding them out.

The signs were all there that he was just looking for a quickie, in every meaning of the word.

Recognizing the lazy dater

The lazy dater makes himself pretty easy to identify by how his profile is set up or his messages.  If he’s sharing just tidbits in his profile in the “About Me” section, has one too many “Just ask” responses or the number of photos posted are scarce, this is your guy.

You’ll be able to recognize this type because he’s either going to shoot you one or two basic “How are you”, “Nice photos” or “How was your day” kind of messages then quickly offer up his number or ask for yours.

Worse, there are the types who won’t even try the dialogue and will be pimping their digits in the first message along with how much he “Would love to get to know you”.

In my case, his profile was fairly decent and didn’t have any glaring indicators, but once we got to the messaging and signs of his laziness surfaced is when I should have followed my usual discretions and kept it pushing.

Why you shouldn’t exchange numbers too soon

The tricky part about online dating is how much messaging is enough before two people should exchange numbers and of course, there are always two different extremes.

You have the guy who will message you every day with the same boring stuff and you’ll either get bored with him or turned off, then there’s the one who is a little too eager or just plain lazy.  I think it’s safe to say that three or four messages should be good before getting each other’s numbers and these should include a few questions to gauge each other’s level of interest.

I’ve had far too many instances where I should have taken more time to learn a few tidbits about someone, so I wouldn’t be regretting each time they tried to text or call me.

Here’s the deal with the lazy dater and swapping numbers too soon – his motives are often pretty shady.  If he’s in a hurry to call you he’s either doing his last tour of duty because he’s probably already has a potential in mind and needs a back-up or, is trying to collect as many prospects as possible before shutting down his account.

Either way, if he isn’t taking the time to show you that he’s actually interested in getting to know you with a few messages, this means he’s not willing to invest anything in you and more than likely will end up being a  total waste of time.

Why it’s good to have a few conversations before meeting

How does he talk?  Is he way too hood or whitewashed?  Is he able to articulate well?  Do I like the sound of his voice?  Does he prefer dressing up or is he a velour suit kind of guy?  Is this normally how he prefers to meet and does he have a limited time-frame?

Call them Ice Breakers or whatever, but some kind of dialogue before meeting is always a good thing because otherwise it may end up turning into an inquisition of sorts.

Besides that, you’re clueless on what he likes and even if you were detailed with your profile on what turns you on, the lazy dater wouldn’t have read that shit anyway, so you’re just clueless all the way around.

When I was on my way to meet this hangover, he sends me a text message asking that I send him a couple more photos because the ones he had were blurry.

The issue I had with this is applies to any man asking for photos and if you don’t believe me, go ahead and do a Google search on “guys asking for pictures” and you’ll see what I mean.  I replied that I was already going against the grain meeting up without having talked and told him it was a no for photos.

The bigger issue with this text is that Mr. Player clearly had me confused with someone else because I NEVER sent him any (blurry) photos in the first place.

I didn’t call him out on this but you better believe it was noted and this is yet another reason why it’s good to have a few conversations before agreeing to meet someone, because little slip ups like this always come out no matter how smooth the lazy dater may think he is.

Why you should avoid rushed requests to meet

If you haven’t had time to gauge his interest level and any inkling of compatibility by messaging, and you haven’t had a couple of conversations to see if his words match up with what he may have written then you’re only setting yourself up for failure.

The same reasons I shared above on why you should be leery of the guy who’s in a hurry to bypass the getting-to-know-you type questions and on to the telephone are some of the same reasons to be cautious of someone taking the term “spontaneous” to extreme levels.

What’s the big rush?  Is he leaving the country, wife returning from vacation or he’s slowly dying?

Instead of me questioning any of this, I guess my thought process was “you’re not doing anything else later on, so why the hell not”.

Another part of me accepted those instances where I followed all of the steps by spending enough time messaging and making sure a meeting was set within a week of our telephone conversations and we see how well those rules have worked for me.

Again, I didn’t give X-Man’s hastiness any further thought until I started thinking back to that “send me more photos” text and realized I was getting ready to meet someone that I wasn’t even excited about meeting.

How could I be excited when all there was to go on was his online profile and a few decent photos?

What you get when you don’t pay attention to any of the above

If you think a lazy dater is someone you should take a chance on, it’s quite possible that you’ll end up meeting someone at a Starbucks in a location that is a little too urban and crowded for your liking.  But he probably wouldn’t know this because you never had any conversations about any likes and dislikes.

If you’re willing to take a chance with a lazy dater, you may yourself sitting across from the table of someone who’s really a foul-mouthed, cocky know-it-all instead of the quiet I/T geek he presented himself to be.  But you wouldn’t have any clue of how his personality could switch up like this because your conversations didn’t extend beyond one “I’m running late, see you in a bit” telephone call.

If you agree to a quick meet up with a lazy dater who likely didn’t give two shits about what you wrote in your profile, you may find yourself turning up your nose when he asks you to “grab some drinks at his house and just chill”.

But again, he probably isn’t going to know this is a turn off for you because you never had any talks about how you weren’t looking for a new fuck boy.

Initially, I looked at this encounter as a sign of growth for having stepped outside of my barrier of rules but then realized if something doesn’t make sense, then it just doesn’t make sense.

Men who don’t take the time to ask any questions or show that he’s even remotely interested in seeing if the two of you have anything in common is your chance to politely decline any further communication and keep it moving.

Lesson learned – if a man seems really eager to meet right away this doesn’t necessarily mean he thinks you’re the catch of the day and can’t wait to see you, but it can mean that he’s lazy as hell and is treating online dating like a round of speed dating or more like speed fucking.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Some Men Are Clueless

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They’re pretty much all the same.

I really don’t think it matters which dating site you’re using because as long as a man can use the Internet,  he can sign up on ALL of them.

This genius has followed me from Black People Meet to Plenty of Fish and now this latest site.

STILL dumb as hell so why not mess with him and have a little fun.

Perhaps if I made it easy for him and said I was Caitlyn ‘ s number one fan he would have got it.

Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for Android

Black Like Me

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We are not all alike.

Just as a man will tell a woman that he’s not like all the rest, I find myself having to show and prove to someone that isn’t black that I’m not like all the rest.

We are not all ghetto, loud mouthed, neck rolling mammies who grew up fatherless in the hood, with Ebonics being used regularly.  So again, we are not the same and are definitely cut from a different cloth but sadly, when it comes to dating and even the most innocent of interactions with men from different ethnic groups.

For anyone wearing their rose colored glasses believing race really doesn’t matter when it comes to dating I’m here to tell you that in most cases, it probably does and after this Saturday’s random encounter, I was reminded that the act of stereotyping is still pretty common.

We often hear that we’re too sensitive or may be taking things “too seriously”, but after sitting through a session with someone who was fascinated at even the smallest of things relating to blacks was entertaining at times but soon after, became increasingly annoying as the number of negative associations were thrown my way.

The afternoon scene included two girlfriends enjoying lunch and tossing back a couple of drinks on the west side of LA and after a little shit talking with some guys about sports, one of them asks if he could join our table.  We figured there was no harm here and welcomed his company, noticing this white man in his 50’s was either tipsy or just a little off.

As soon as he sits down he seems curiously interested by our interaction before chiming in and asking if we had any children followed by our age, which is when things started to get interesting. I thought he was going to keel over right there at the table when my friend said she was 44 and I responded that I was 40 so then he starts stumbling over his words before saying:

“Wow, you ladies look great because I never would have guessed you were older than about thirty five and damn- I don’t know how to say this without sounding silly and there’s no way of being politically correct here so…”  I told him to stop being so dramatic and just spit it out and he says “I have a black girlfriend and she’s aging well just like you.  I don’t understand how black people can look so young, what’s the secret?”

Does the fact that he’s with a black woman grant him a temporary ghetto pass to ask this kind of ridiculous question or continue using the phrase “black people”?  We just laughed at his awkward compliment and I responded that it was simply because we had more melanin and left it at that.

This man was so proud of the fact that he had a sista and probably mentions this quite often, as if she’s some type of prized collector’s item.  I bet he keeps count of how many black friends he has as well.  We tend to hear comments about looking so much younger than our years all of the time, so a pass was given but this dude’s behavior was only going to get worse.

“So what about the fathers of your children – are they around?”  I have to admit this question threw both me and my friend for a loop because we looked at each other before answering.  When she started her reply with “my ex-husband is…” once again, he seemed shocked and replied “Oh, you’ve been married before” and then he’s stammering again about not wanting to say something that comes out the wrong way.

Suddenly, he’s this conscious concerned citizen asking why more black men weren’t present in the lives of their children and while I certainly won’t deny the statistics, I was struggling to understand when this went from a casual lunch with two ladies and a random gentleman had turned into some sort of social enlightenment.

A second pass is given and while his comments could be brushed off as pure curiosity, he was beginning to work our nerves and soon after we started phasing him out of the conversation.

Soon after, we’re talking and laughing about a story I was telling when suddenly our guy sits straight up and says “Wow, did you really just used that kind of word – did you say morphed?” I’m a little confused at first wondering if I had somehow misused the word but he was just staring at me saying how amazing of a word I had used.

Now he’s starting to annoy the shit out of me because he is really sitting across the table staring at me as if I had magically turned into a princess by using words that were beyond a third grade level.

By the time he finally got around to asking if I was interested in white men my patience was pretty damn thin and since he was so entertained at hearing our responses to everything else, why not go for that added shock value.  I told him that aside from an encounter at a swinger’s event, I couldn’t really offer an opinion about white men other than his ability to relate was really important.

Next thing I know, he stood up and is walking towards me saying he wanted to find out and grabbed my face as if he was ready to plant a kiss!!!!

Okay, we’re done here – game over.

The mood at our table suddenly became quite icy and in a matter of minutes had settled the bill and stood up to leave before commenting his “presence was no longer needed” and thank goodness, because my patience with him was nonexistent at this point.

Here’s the moral to this story – this type of interaction is exactly what I’m afraid of when I think about possibility of dating white men or other ethnic groups.

Who wants to be in the position of having to explain things that most wouldn’t dare ask about to our faces or worse, finding myself having to prove that we all may not fit the stereotypes engrained in their minds.

Most of the time the same people saying we need to stop making it about race are doing just that – making it about race and even though what happened with this dude could simply be brushed off as a curious fella, we know it was more than that.

I’ve heard some of the dumbest things from men on these dating sites such as “I’m normally not attracted to black girls but…” or “You are a gorgeous black woman – are you mixed or something” and my personal favorite “I just love your skin”.  So it makes me wonder if the reason they’re contacting me is legit or solely to fulfill some kind of fantasy.

I promise if others stop making it about race, we’ll stop making it about race.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

www.mydatinghangovers.com
myhangovers@gmail.com

He Didn’t Wear Heels

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Last week’s date marked the first time I’ve gone out with a non-black man and while one “quick” meet up will never allow me to claim an interracial dating experience, at least I was open coerced enough to have tried it.

During that excruciating hour and eleven minutes with the hangover I’ll call Guido, a few things became perfectly clear to me:  (1) nearly every man lies about at least one thing on his dating profile, (2) broken English and improper verb tense isn’t something I’ll ever be able to stomach, and (3) being told how beautiful I am repeatedly in one sitting is a little creepy.

That being said, to say that I was turned off by Guido is an understatement and while he was planning on making the night last even longer by moving from drinks to dinner, I politely declined saying I wasn’t hungry even though my stomach was growling like it hadn’t been fed in weeks.  The second and third realizations can certainly be annoying, but it’s that first one that kills me about men just like Guido who lie, lie, lie when it comes to their profiles and according to scientific research, 81% of the people out there are lying about something. 

Height, age and weight tend to be areas where the deception is the highest.

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While Guido still looked a little bit like the profile photos posted he was just a shorter, bigger and more ethnic version of himself in real life.  Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my reaction to this actual version because he asked me why I seemed to flinch when he walked into the restaurant where we met. 

It wasn’t really a flinch but more like me silently asking who the fuck is this when seeing he was about 5’7 (profile said 5’11), chubby with stubby fingers wearing a jacket his body was screaming to get out of (profile said “athletic”) and while it didn’t matter either way, appeared to look more Latino (profile said mixed race). 

Of course if he’s going to ask what I thought about his appearance, I’m going to explain how different he looks and do you know this fat bastard even had the nerve to joke about the height discrepancy by saying “I’m not wearing my heels today” before quickly changing the subject. 

After he began the lengthy sales presentation about himself, I soon learned a few other things he lied about in his profile including his profession and ethnicity. 

Guido isn’t really in executive management but is a financial analyst who probably thinks he’s the big cheese because of the travel perks he received and pimps out to the ladies.  Also, when asking if his family still lived in Puerto Rico since he’s always traveling there (must have forgot he told me that’s where he’s from) I was confused when he shook his head like I said something offensive, before replying that he was from Chile.   This little tidbit explained realization number two.

Once again, there’s another fraud in my presence who ironically,  complained about having met WOMEN who weren’t what they depicted in their profiles.   I guess he decided to pay it forward thinking there was nothing wrong with little white lies.

Dating in general is already pretentious and risky enough without having to worry about the “little things” people aren’t truthful about either directly or indirectly.  Here’s the thing about lying when it comes to your appearance – unless you’re able to make some miraculous physical transformation before we meet all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure, while eliminating yourself from ever having a chance at a second date.

Someone needs to tell these ass clowns to just be up front so they can stop wasting precious time, energy and gas.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

P.S. If you’re reading this post via email and wonder why you’re only seeing the first couple of sentences, have no fear – simply click on the post title link and off you go to the web site!

Older Isn’t Necessarily Better

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This week in online dating fuckery….

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“Grab my attention,  huh?   Well I’m certainly interested in being locked from top to bottom.  I just need to get rid of these cold sores and finish this prescription for this HPV…”

Okay, so I really didn’t say this but it sure would have been a hoot to see what Mister Carmel had to say.

FUCKERY.

Most of the time these foolish tyoes of messages are simply ignored but every now and then, I’ll reply.  I know this is a little odd, but sometimes I just want to pass the time being entertained by these idiots.

I’m realizing more and more that the number of “special” man in the universe seems to have reached epidemic proportions.   Here we have one that is stupid enough to think that my response was a great thing and, is so slow he didn’t catch an iota of that sarcasm.

This is the kind of mess you might expect from a youngster but oh no little grasshoppers, they come in all ranges.  It’s funny how some people like my mother keeps suggesting that I get out of my age range, go for the older and more seasoned  but it doesn’t seem to matter.

Here we have a man who’s knocking on 50’s door and probably thought his message was THE cleverest ever.  I never responded after that but since then, he’s reached out THREE other times wondering if we could make a date.  You know, because his lines are just so damn smooth.

Buh bye fool.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

The Retards of Online Dating

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How do you respond to a dude who’s photos shows a money struggle between bills, weed and women and if you think this photo is bad, just imagine what his dating profile says.

I normally ignore messages from ingrates like this (using the Urban Dictionary meaning here), but sometimes I really want to message EXACT what I am thinking and feel.

The Inland Empire (San Bernardino,  Riverside) area seems to be breeding a special kind of loser  because this happens to be the fourth of his kind that has reached out to me this week.

Sometimes I really wonder if breaking up with any of my ex’s was such a good idea because for anyone thinking the single life is fun and dating is “cool”, I’ve got about 20 pages on this blog that might  encourage you to think about working that shit out with the man or woman you’re with.  Damn, it seems like they’re getting worse.

Until there’s a cure….

Carmen Jones

Men and Their Photo Requests

I realize that some of the experiences shared about online dating may be foreign to some of my readers because you’re either married or involved with someone or quite possibly, have never used this method of meeting people.  For those of us out here in the trenches fighting this uphill battle, you’ll be able to look at this textversation above and immediately see why I’m so annoyed:

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Why are these men always asking for more photos?

I get requests like this all the time and not just from the ones encountered online, so for the life of me, I just don’t get why they keep asking.  Unless a woman’s profile only has blurry, dark or face shots only and he wants to make sure a woman isnt looking like the Kool-Aid man, what’s the deal with always asking for more more more?

My profile has a total of SIX photos – a well-lit bathroom mirror shot, another head shot, two full body shots from both the front and side angles, one of me sitting with a little leg exposed and one sitting at my desk.  None of them are poor in quality and it isn’t like I posted some group photo where I was unidentifiable.

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Are they asking for risqué shots with boobs and ass hanging out, or do they simply want one to use while storing contacts? The latter is usually the fall back excuse when I call them on it,   but  why do you need “a few”? My guess is men are only looking to browse throughout the day while rubbing on some wood or show you off as a trophy to their buddies.

Come on fellas, it’s a turn off so you would be better off working the screenshots with your phone until we’ve at least met. Besides, there’s a good possibility that we may not make it to the point of storing each other as a contact. Just saying.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Throwback Dating

Photo Credit: realpointerswithdhane.com
Photo Credit: realpointerswithdhane.com

Nothing is constant but change and this concept most certainly applies to dating.

Over the last ten years or so, the rules of the game have changed drastically and this isn’t just because online dating is now one of the most popular ways to try finding that special someone but our society is now a lot more screwed up.   Simple interactions we used to take for granted such as talking on the telephone or simply saying hello to someone you’re interested in have gone away and the likelihood of sharing an intelligible conversation is slim to none. Some of the ridiculous experiences I’ve had with men from both online contact and the good old-fashioned face-to-face contact and dating are both pathetic and embarrassing but sadly some of the women are not beyond reproach other. I just wish we could rewind the clock to those throwback styles of dating.

Remember when…

A man would see a woman he was interested in, ask for a number to call her and within a day or maybe even less, a telephone call was made and the voices of two interested people went to.

Then…

During that initial telephone call, the two people are either having a brief discussion with a few awkward pauses or may be lucky enough to have one of those marathon calls when chores, homework and even food is being ignored and no one wants to be the first to hang up. It may be with this first call or maybe a couple more, but soon after an actual date is planned where typically it is the man who is asking the woman out for dinner, a movie or maybe even dancing.

Next…

The man just needs her address and he’s on his way to her house and wait for it – gets out of the car. He’s dressed nicely for the date leaving his baseball cap and flip flops for another day and walks up to knock on the door (calling her to come out was unacceptable and honking was criminal). He might have a little something for the woman since it is their first date and soon after she greets him, they’re headed back to the car and on their way.

Then…

As they’re driving to their destination with some “safe” music playing, conversation ensues and…

I think you’re getting the idea where I’m going with this fairytale of sorts. What’s funny and sad at the same time is that anyone younger than 30 or has been meeting the same types as myself and many others, has no recognition of what I’ve described above. Things nowadays are so ridiculously twisted when it comes to dating that THIS has become the norm:

If someone interested in you he or she will ask if you’re on Facebook, ask for your Instagram name, Twitter handle, or Snap Chat name and just maybe you’ll be asked for a phone number text you sometime. After several days or maybe even a week, contact is made using one of the sources above which mostly likely is a text message with something like “HYD”, “WYD” or “Hey” or my personal favorite “Hi Sexy”. It is quite possible that you will NEVER receive an actual telephone call and if allowed, a man or woman will continue to text you, add you to their group distribution lists for jokes and chain letters along with countless requests for photos.

Should the moons and stars are properly aligned, a call might be placed for one of those “in traffic, just called to say hi” conversations and since it’s likely the person on the other end is socially retarded, you’ll end up wishing they had really Facebook’d or texted instead. Depending on how things might be going in a person’s life (as in they’re having problems in a relationship, just been dumped or are really bored), there’s a unique substitution that may be offered. It’s either presented in the form of you “meeting up” somewhere if they suddenly remembered your name and location, “hanging out” at some crowded space with other random people or another personal favorite – asking you to “come through” which is really morse code for getting fu@ked.

Photo Credit: Brian Ward via Twitter
Photo Credit: Brian Ward via Twitter

I could go on and on but again,  you get where I’m going with this and many of us can readily admit how screwed up the dating scene is.  As if dealing with another person’s baggage, lifestyle challenges and everything else isn’t enough, now we have a generation of lazy daters.  I just wish we could bring back that old school type of dating.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones