The Death of Dating

He didn’t have any standards,  so she kept lowering hers.

She stopped caring about making a good first impression, so he stopped taking a last look in the mirror before walking out the door.

She stopped requiring a phone call, and agreed to dares through a string of text messages .

We’re all guilty of ruining the dating scene- both men and women.

Interested in reading more about how we’ve gone from searching for the “right one” to someone “cool to hang with”, click here  to check out my guest post for Digital Romance.

Digital Romance is one of the best online resources for dating news and advice.

Carmen Jones

Respond, Ignore or Block?

You’re single and ready to mingle and haven’t had much luck meeting people the “regular” way, so off you go to the online dating site recommended by several friends.

The account is opened, you post your best photos and have a cleverly crafted “About Me” and now you wait for the messages.

What these well meaning friends failed to tell you is that not ALL messages warrant a response.

You can read my full post by heading over to Digital Romance.

Oh and in case you didn’t know, I’m a regular contributor to Digital Romance- one of the hottest digital sources for everything about dating and relationships.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

When The Texts Stop Coming

2016-08-18_19.07.40I think it’s fair to say that we’ve all been in a situation where we met someone new, exchanged numbers and after a few text messages, felt like things may be going in the right direction.  But then the communication starts changing a little bit or those texts stop altogether, leaving you wondering what went wrong and I’m sorry fellas – the men are normally on the receiving end of this confusion.

But have you ever wondered what you may have sent that may have turned a woman off?

I’ve got a couple of reasons to explain why we stop responding to text messages, so head on over to Digital Romance to check out my latest article.

Until there’s a cure for the hangovers…

Carmen Jones

Can Incompatibility Be The Problem?

He’s giving me that look again, rubbing on my leg and talking dirty to me.  I know what he wants and don’t know if I can stomach another round with him. In fact, the last time I almost reached towards the nightstand to get B.O.B. and this was while we were having sex.

I have been fortunate enough to have had some marvelous sexual conquests in my life. However just the same, there have been a few men who have fallen short (pun intended) in the bedroom and if this was just someone I was having a little fun with, I would chop it up as a loss and move on.  But when the sex isn’t so great with someone you really care for, in a relationship with or even married to, it’s a very big deal.

If you have ever found yourself being sexually frustrated or even repulsed at the thought of being intimate with someone, go on over to Digital Romance, Inc.* and check out my Guest Post about sexual compatibility:  https://digitalromanceinc.com/romance/sexual-incompatibility-putting-strain-relationship/

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

*Digital Romance, Inc., one of the best sites for dating and relationship advice.

The Undateable Woman – Guest Post for Cupid’s Library

Is it possible that some women will never be successful at dating or having a relationship because they are undateable?  Are there some who have so many negative traits or behaviors to the point that most men will likely disregard them, no matter how attractive?  Why is it that having a strong will, the desire to be successful or having expectations qualities that are acceptable for most, but black women are branded as being too demanding?

There isn’t enough time in blog world for me to touch on everything, but there is time for me to start addressing this issue outside of my inner circle which is why The Undateable Woman is a post that is long over due.

While this may not be of interest to all readers if you are not a part of this ethnic group, it should be of interest to you anyway for some insight on WHY many are still single.

For this post, you’ll need to take a little trip to an amazing web site called Cupid’ s Library or accessing by  http://www.cupidslibrary.com/blog/the-undateable-woman .

Cupid’s Library is the latest online dating review platform created solely for singles and non-singles worldwide. If you’re looking for online dating site reviews, tips and advice, I think you’ll enjoy what they have to offer.

 

Happy reading!

Carmen Jones
myhangovers@gmail.com

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Guest Post: Dishonest Men, Jaded Women

I’m ready to lay Special Agent’s story to rest in the archives. Thank you all for the text messages, BBM’s, emails and posts in response to “Dishonest Men, Jaded Women. Several of you who choose not to comment here on the blog seem to feel that my reaction was a little too nonchalant, not angry enough, no signs of “slash that fool’s tires”. Trust me when I say this, I was over dealing with him at 4am Saturday morning before all of this went down. The next woman who doesn’t understand his brush off, special assignments or mood swings and has to Google “how to date an asshole” can deal with him and SHE can snap.

No, he wasn’t anyone that I could ever really consider a friend because he wasn’t man enough to be up front me, so allowing him back into my life, I’ll take the fall for that.

However, I will NOT take the blame for having dealt with a man lying about his status- that is a character issue, not a Carmen issue.

Now, with that being said…I decided to take a particularly detailed comment from a subscriber named Ginger Ann. She’s a happily married woman who’s been through the bullshit, trials and tribulations before being blessed to have met a good man.

What I like about her is that she bounces these issues off of the mind of her man and tells it like it is (though sometimes she may go a little too hard). Still, Ginger genuinely expresses either extreme pity for me or sincere hope that the day comes when the hangovers are no more.

Ginger Ann, you’re on!

———————————–

Happy Monday Carmen,

I don’t know if your ears have been burning or not, but you have definitely been a topic of the day.

A couple of things to follow up on my last comments:

First of all, as women We Teach a Man How to Treat Us….

This is a part of me that feels sorry and embarrassed for you and these women; but at the same time we were not shocked by what happened, just HOW it happened.

You asked the rhetorical question: “Why his words didn’t line up with his actions?”

I ask you the same question- If you and Special Agent kept using the words “Friends” and “No expectations”, then why were you making a 2 hr drive and I quote to “Get your back blown out” and “Give award winning head” to a “friend.”?

What were you expecting to happen?

I honestly do think on some level Special Agent considered you a friend but you were never going to be upgraded.

When reading back to your first post about him and then a few posts before this one, the man knew you for 2 years and at no time past your initial encounter did he ever pursue you for a relationship. That is unless I’ve missed something.

So tell me this – why waste your time even being friends especially with the way he handled you just a few months prior? I mean just really; just because a man sends you a few text messages, emails or makes a few telephone calls from time to time does not make him good.

For you and any other women, we have to be smarter than that.

Regardless of the fact you found out about this supposed main woman and any others, Special Agent let you know that his respect level for you is minimal if existent at all. When he told you “You’re right, I don’t know what I want” you finally got it right which is code for “It definitely ain’t you”.

How about adding another sting to this equation?

While you are laying in his bed he then talks about any men you have been dating or involved with sexually, and adds that he has no problems with it. Yes, another code for “I don’t give a shit who you’re with”.

Finally, to stomp the grave and he wanted you to drive to him to continue “Friendly fuck*ing”.

Talk about a low-down, dirty mothfuc*er.

I’m just shocked you didn’t leave right then and there.

Carmen, this man gave you all the signs.

He liked you at a basic level, may have even enjoyed your company, but at the end of the day, your “friend” felt like you were nothing more than (as you put it), something to do.

You settled.

Listen, I’m sure that you will probably say it was your choice and you are exactly right. So again, look at the character of this slimy dude who, not to be out done when you texted him, had the nerve to use your own words against you by replying about having no expectations.

Chile – I would have Snapped and THEN smoked a cigarette.

I know that was a long first point, but I also have another…

Women set your standards and make a man meet them, not the other way around.

Finally, as for Miss on again/off again, I don’t care if he mentioned marriage and her in the same sentence in front of “God himself”- he is not and will not be marrying this woman.

She is an a relationship with him.

Period.

After sixteen long years and now all of sudden he realizes SHE is the one? He has 2 kids and I’m going to go out on a limb and that she isn’t the mother. I’m wondering if he has more than 1 baby mama; wouldn’t surprise me.

Add in the live in girlfriend who moved on just 2 months ago, and now Miss on again is just Googling how to handle him? Why? Well, because he was probably telling her the same things he was telling you.

Sounds like a pretty smart woman to me (insert sarcasm here). Just so I’m getting this straight, instead of talking to her future husband about their issues she is on the internet. So like I said before someone needs more People.

I can’t help but go back to him trying to set up regular visits with you, so where does this woman live that he would even think like that? Or maybe he just knows that she is a fool and wants him bad. Hell, she stayed around for that long, she IS a Dumb Broad (Yeah, I said it even if she is reading-No pity).

Special Agent is bold….I give him this, and he deals with the insecure.

Honey, I don’t care how good his job may be, how cute he is or how good the dick is, with the way he slinging it …it will fall off soon enough.

I truly hope you meant it when you say that you are done with this man. No texting, phone calls, emails or Facebook friends. Be done with this loser.

Sidebar to this type of situation is something one girlfriend experienced. She was cheated on by her man and not only remained friends with the man, but kept him as a Facebook friend. This woman said she was scared to lose him and let go and even my husband told her that she NEVER had him, so why was she still hanging.

This comment is for Tania: You’re right, women do stay with cheating men or “try to stay” and guess what the men do?

Leave these women for one that has standards and won’t put up with his bullshit. At least that is exactly what my friend’s ex did and some of my husbands old friends did as well. Something to think about for women who want to stick it out and deal.

Here’s the sad part about all of this- Special Agent will commit to a woman, just not none of the ones that he is currently “involved” with or shall I say stringing/giving them enough to stay interested or think “Maybe”.

He seems to have an MO. That goes something like this…

.”I can’t date you right now, but lets be friends…act like we a together when I see you and maybe I will make you believe that from time to time just to get you off by back…if I kinda like you.”

Yeah, that’s the Asshole!

Its either the one that got away before this mess broke out or a new woman who holds him to standards that will get this “Gem” and I roll my eyes so hard!!!!!

We will never know the whole story but I hope you heal and are able to move on.

*Drops the mic*

Ginger Ann

Posted from WordPress for BlackBerry.

Featured Blog Post of the Week – “Toddler Man”

This Featured Blog Post of the week comes from a fairly new blogger named SingleInLA.  I consider her somewhat of a fallen angel because she was in a place where some of us would like to be – in a committed relationship, in love and engaged and ready to spend the rest of her life with her prince charming.  The problem?  Well…. that prince charming had a little bit of frog blood and things just didn’t work out.  So after 7 years of not having to worry about getting a date for that special event, catching a movie with your snuggle bunny or reliable nookie without strings, she’s back on the market.

Here’s the latest from SingleInLA’s blog called Me So Single:

Enjoy!

Carmen~

Toddler Man12 Apr 2011 1 Commentby SingleinLA in The One I Met Online

I had a day of firsts.  First date since the break up, first date with a guy I met online and my first white guy (cause I’m down with the swirl, I like a little cream in my coffee, or a little dulce de leche, or a little..whatever I can use to describe Asian guys). You get the point right?

Let’s go back to how this all started. I found this guy  on a dating website,  I read his profile and saw his pics, he seemed like fun, a little shorter than I prefer but that’s okay, he’s still taller than me. We started off chatting online then spent the next week chatting, texting and talking endlessly for 7 days. We had some pretty intimate conversations during that week and the thought of meeting him went from exciting to stressful! What if he wasn’t what I expected, what if I was wasn’t what he expected? It’s been a while since I’ve been out there in the singles market so it’s hard to gauge your hotness. So we set a date. I wasn’t really sure what to do. I’ve never been the type to sleep with a guy on a first date but who knows what kinda slut I may have turned into so I cleaned my apartment and even went to buy condoms! Ha! Let me back track and say I went to buy condoms and geez, I thought shopping for tampons was tricky. I’ve never seen that much variety…I was totally overwhelmed so I left empty handed and decided to just not be a slut.

This situation raised all sorts of self-doubt, am I too fat? What if I’m not that interesting? What if I’m not that attractive? Blah, blah, blah.  It’s been 7 years since I’ve been on a date so this is completely new territory for me. Stressful.

So as usual I’m late. We get to the designated location, I get out the car with my cute outfit and sexiest pair of boots.  He meets me at my car and be is short…not a little short, not kinda short. I’m talkin about put him in a baby sling and reast feed him SHORT!  I’m pretty sure there is still an Amber Alert with my car description and license plate because I abducted a kid SHORT!  Oh well, I wasn’t going to waste my hot outfit and free cocktails.

So our first destination was a trendy little bar in Culver City and by the time we got there seating was limited so we left and headed to something a little more divey. The mojitos were excellent, we had some good laughs and all was fine, it was like hanging out with a friend. His small statue totally disarmed my insecurity and self-doubt so I was able to just be me. At the end of the night there was a kiss, less out of attraction and more out of curiosity and it was nothing to write home about. He had tiny lips, that was weird for me. I’m chalking that up to all past kisses being with guys that were either black or latino…Viva La Luscious Lips!

I already knew this wouldn’t workout, he was way to tiny, and did I forget to mention balding? Yep, double whammy. Besides, I can’t date a guy that is small enough for me to beat up plus there was no physical attraction on my end. Being the nice person that I am I didn’t want to just stop calling the guy altogether, that would hurt my feelings if someone did that to me, so I decided to play it cool and steer this thing into friend mode. Over the next few days our contact was kinda limited and I sent him a text message joking saying something about not hearing from him after we met. He replied “I’m not interested in dating you”. I nearly fell out of my seat. Ummmmm, excuse me I’M THE HOT ONE! YOU ARE TODDLER MAN! I’M TRYING TO BE NICE! After the shock and laughter simmered down I replied “me either, just trying to be friendly” and that was the end of that.

HA!

By the way, about a month later Tiny Tim messaged me again and told me that the reason that he said that he was not interested in dating me was because he thought I was not interested in him. I guess it was the ole, let me say it first so I feel better about myself situation. We have since talked a bit off and on but no more dates.

Here’s what I learned from this experience:

1. I’m smokin hot!

2. We are all a little f’ed up and insecure

3. Women lie about their weight and guys lie about their height, be sure to have cute flats on hand for any dates with guys under 6 feet

3. There is a great divey bar near my house that makes FABULOUS mojitos

I’ve had a couple more dates since this one so hold tight for more stories! I’ll try to update more frequently.

I’m not the only one!!!!

I’m not the only one!  Sadly, women having bad experiences with men and men having their hearts ripped to pieces by women is like an epidemic of sorts.  So I’ve decided to share a post from a fellow blogger on My Dating Hangovers each week.   

I mentioned in my very first post that the reason for me starting this venture (item # 12 on my bucket list) was to use it as a form of release, therapy if you will.  But the part I love the most?  Is having come across so many other blogs from some pretty talented people spanning from LA to Canada.  Saying this, I’m able to read their struggles from failed relationships and the dating scene and can not only relate, but learn.  I am a great woman and I deserve to be #1 in someone’s life.

Take a read of this repost from Single in My 30’s, fitting especially after I’d recently had my come to Jesus moment when ridding myself of GOP.  

Carmen ~

A Letter to A Love Lost & A Lesson Learned

January 23, 2011 by Solo @ 30Dear Mr. Etiquette:

 
 Sometimes in my weaker moments—like when I am watching a romantic movie with my family instead of the man who is supposed to be the one I am dating, or in those minutes when I am trying to fall asleep, or like today, in the shower when I have too much time to think—I find my mind falling on you. I wonder why I pushed you away and wonder if it’s part of my pattern. If it really is true that I push away the good men in my life…or if it’s true that I recognize the crazy and know when to break away to preserve my own sanity.

But today, in the shower, I remembered The Girl of Your Dreams. You remember her—the one you were secretly still in love with while we were dating and who you were ready to throw me under the bus for as soon as she said when. Even after I played host to your friends from Germany for over two weeks. Even after I spent five weeks with your children, both alone and with you, when they were here from Germany—when they made predictions I would be with you for years and years to come. Even after all that, as soon as GOYD, with her big breasts and her big purse that she spent on you out of guilt, like you were her gigolo, you pushed me away so you could “figure things out.”

 

You would still be “with her,” figuring things out if it weren’t for the big reveal. Wondering why she never had time for you on the weekends. Wondering why she only had a couple hours every few weeks for you, if you were lucky. Wondering why she spent time together with you texting and taking calls from everyone else. Wondering why you never met any of her friends or family.  Wondering why your relationship never felt like a relationship over the last almost two years—how only three to four months felt like magic. Yet you clung because she was young, the sex was fabulous after an intimacy-free marriage, she had the curves and you were flattered that she chased after you at first.

If you hadn’t accidentally found out she was engaged and set to marry someone else, you would still be pining, waiting, and keeping me pining, waiting on the side, while you tried to figure things out. You would still be calling me to spend time with on the weekends when GOYD didn’t show.

You claim that you never would have stayed so long, wasting your life if you had known GOYD had gone back to her boyfriend. But where were your self-respect, your dignity and your character?  You knew something was wrong for over a year and when she stopped sleeping with you and dropping you a check once a month six months earlier, surely you sensed the tides had changed. Yet you still wasted months lovesick waiting for her.

You recognized I made you feel special, you saw my great qualities and you were deeply attracted to me. Even when you were supposed to be “back together” with her, you came to me. Your kids loved me and you allowed them to feel like I was a part of family when they were here. Your friends welcomed me with open arms. My family welcomed you and your kids like family, which is what you always wanted. Yet you gave that up so easily for her. I don’t know why, except that a part of you was so broken, is still so broken.

You wondered why I gave up on us? I didn’t give up on us. You never allowed there to be an “us”—truly—the entire time we were together. When you finally found out GOYD was engaged and then, wife to someone else, then I became the one you punished for all GOYD’s sins. I had a life of my own, not GOYD’s, to live. 

nataliedee.com 

Maybe one day you’ll see that I am GOYD. Maybe one day you’ll see that not every woman is GOYD. Notice I used the word woman, not girl. Maybe one day you’ll realize you are a man who deserves more than someone who would use and abuse for two years of your precious life. I know I deserve more. 

I deserve to be someone’s #1. I deserve to be more than someone’s afterthought or one’s part-time girlfriend. I deserve to be able to live 100 percent of my life and be admired and praised for that.I thank you for helping to remind me of that.

Yours truly, SingleInMy30s

What is a Dating Hangover?

Hang·over • \hang-ô-ver\ •noun

  1. A person or thing left over from or influenced by a past age; Something remaining from a previous time or state.
  2. A let down, after a period of excitement

Symptoms:
–          Fatigue, weakness, pain, headache, nausea and vomiting
–          Depression, anxiety
–          Irritability

Now surely, everyone at some point (some more than others) in their lives has experienced these types of feelings and I’ll be the first to admit – it sucks!  My hangovers have left me feeling like crap to the point where I couldn’t function for a couple of hours, feeling as if I was shutting down physically, emotionally and mentally.  Yes, these types of feelings are what remain from a crappy date or a relationship gone terribly wrong.

Ah… yes, the dating experience.  Go ahead, take another look at the meaning and symptoms above and tell me the funky feeling from being drunk isn’t JUST like getting over that someone who wasn’t quite “the one”.

I’ve talked about it, joked about it, been asked when I was finally doing it, obsessed over how to do it and finally – I’m here.   Welcome to My Dating Hangovers.

The time is long overdue for me to start writing about these misadventures.  I know, I know – you’re probably thinking “great, another blog about dating”.   Well….yes – why not?  These types of blogs never get old because there is a wonderful experience or absolute nightmare occurring as often as a car is stolen in South LA.

I’m single, AGAIN, as of Friday, September 10, 2010, slightly overcast, sharing my latest tales with a dear friend,  after dumping the one known as Full Metal Jacket via cell phone at 7:32pm (not that I can remember or anything).   But don’t worry; this will not be the type of blog that is filled with sob stories and “why me” questions, unrealistic dreams and expectations or any of that fluff stuff.  Just real stories about my experiences and how I moved on from the hangovers which will either make you chuckle, appreciate, or HATE the art of dating.

Emotionally challenged, impotent, stalkers, bipolar, adulterers, fiscally handicapped, imposters, cheaters, alcoholic, obsessive, ADHD, porn-addicted, face-licking, cyber-cheaters, down low, and grammatically challenged men have truly been a lot to stomach.

I’m considering this blog a means of therapy as I rid myself of the toxins of the past creating my own hangover remedies, one post at a time.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones