Respond, Ignore or Block?

You’re single and ready to mingle and haven’t had much luck meeting people the “regular” way, so off you go to the online dating site recommended by several friends.

The account is opened, you post your best photos and have a cleverly crafted “About Me” and now you wait for the messages.

What these well meaning friends failed to tell you is that not ALL messages warrant a response.

You can read my full post by heading over to Digital Romance.

Oh and in case you didn’t know, I’m a regular contributor to Digital Romance- one of the hottest digital sources for everything about dating and relationships.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Who Wants to Date a Jerk?

​I tried it, but Felonious Monk isn’t going to make the cut because he’s a jerk.

After our initial conversation, Felonious was really excited to meet me so he planned on us getting together for a jazz
brunch at one of my favorite local spots.  I liked the excitement he was showing but after several phone calls, I was convinced there wasn’t open mindedness in the world for me to deal with this dude.

In spite of him being able to appeal to my funny bone and carrying on a decent conversation, he still seemed a little too rough around the edges, too materialistic, too full of himself.  This was in addition to his past, so initially I’d given him the old “it’s me, not you” shutdown but he wasn’t accepting that.

Felonious put on the full court press telling me that in spite of his background, he was a solid guy with a vision and had a plan.  In fact, he went so far as to say how I may even regret not meeting him basically offering a guarantee that I would definitely like him once we met in person.  I can’t explain why I even entertained this notion, so don’t
even ask.

The meet up was set for Starbucks, 10am so I arrive at 9:30am to have the advantage of seeing who’s coming my way before they see me.  I’m sitting in the car dabbing on a little lipstick and suddenly here comes a convertible mustang with the music blaring flying through the parking lot and I just laughed thinking someone needs attention.

It’s 9:40 and while strolling through the lot noticed convertible dude was no longer in his car, but when I looked ahead saw the same guy sitting at one of the tables out front.  As soon as I made the connection I mumbled “oh shit” and here’s how the meeting went using a Q&A style transcript:

Question: Where is the best meeting place if you don’t drink coffee or tea?

Answer:  Starbucks coffee shop.  It’s a nice ice-breaker to tell someone you have no idea what to order because you don’t drink that shit and don’t look at menus ahead of time.

Question:  A man sitting at a table should do what when a woman approaches?

Answer:  Stay seated, look over your sunglasses while licking your lips and say “Damn you fine” then wait for her to finally sit down.

Question:  If you want to let a woman know how interested you are in her, what should you talk about?

Answer: Yourself.

Talk about how women say you look better in person, then talk about your expensive designer cologne and ask if she likes, then talk about how you put on a brand new pair of socks every day.  Then talk about yourself some more, throw out the name of your glasses and point out your name brand watch and don’t forget to remind her you’re the best thing since sliced bread.

Question: What’s a good example of budgeting you can share with your date?

Answer:  Tell her about that convertible Mustang explaining you have Nevada plates because that isn’t your car.  In fact, you tell her you don’t even own a car because it’s a total waste of money especially when you’re off running your carrier business.  It’s California, who needs a car.

Question:  If a man wants to sound impressive, what should he do?

Answer:  Embellish or flat out lie.  When she asks you to explain what kind of transportation business you own, respond by asking her if she’s heard of Uber then tell her your business is similar to that.  When she looks at you like she’s confused tell her you’re a carrier and your business is similar to Uber with how jobs are dispatched.

Then when she attempts to clarify the bullshit you’re trying to sell her, act like you’re offended when she asks if you meant to say you’re a courier and justify why operating off of an app to make deliveries really makes you a business owner.

Question:  What things do you tell her to show how generous of a person you are?

Answer: Tell her you don’t believe in discrimination.  Let her know your last baby mama was a Latina, the second to the last was Dominican and please– don’t forget to tell her how you took one for the team since your first child’s mom was black.

Question: What’s the best way to really seal the deal of a first time meeting?

Answer:  Insult her. Repeatedly.  Tell her she’s sexy as fuck but remind her she doesn’t have any ass and you’re an ass man.

Then tell her the side of her right foot is a little ashy, but brush it off as a joke while telling her you would love to suck each toe to smooth things out.  Don’t forget to add she’s talking like a white girl and needs to stop acting so bougie but then add, you really like classy women and ask her again if she wants to attend the jazz brunch with you.

This is real life.  No dramatizations, but real life.

After about 15 minutes, I abruptly stood up saying I was late for my appointment and commented it had been an
enlightening experience and do you know this egotistical clown murmured something about us having a great connection?

Ummm that’s a no and I thought to myself everything about you is a no and it isn’t because of your felonious past, but it’s because you’re an asshole.

Why God, why???

Is this because I cheated on my then-boyfriend in ’96?  Is this karma from having dumped my kid’s father during college because I wanted to turn up a bit?  Is this punishment because I lost my virginity in my parent’s bathroom to Derrick Miller?

This can’t be my life.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Could this be the LONGEST one EVER?

There are always two extremes online: the master of minimalism type dude who is lazy or unimaginative and writes “Just ask”.  Then there’s this type that treats his dating profile like an autobiographical novel.

He lost me as soon as I saw all of THE CAPS and my scroll bar disappear.  Can someone read all of this shit and let me know if he’s a solid catch or something ? 

IM ______, AN INVENTOR FROM _______ NOW LIVING IN _______/_, CA. I’M A VERY ARTISTIC, OLD FASHIONED TYPE GUY WHO’S ALSO THE INVENTOR OF THE… (insert a whole paragraph HERE)

I LIVE BY STRICT RULES AND MORALS. I’M A VERY STRAIGHT FORWARD, COMPASSIONATE, LOVING AND MOODY GUY. CATCH ME ON A GOOD DAY YOU’LL GET AN ANGEL, ON BAD DAYS…YOU’LL GET A HELL RAISER. I’M JUST BEING REAL..LOL

I DON’T BELIEVE IN TRYING TO SELL MYSELF TO A BUNCH OF WEIRDOS ON A DATING SITE. I’M NOT TALKING ABOUT EVERYBODY, THERE,S A SELECT FEW ON HERE WHO KNOWS WHO I’M TALKING ABOUT…ANYWAY, BACK TO MY LIKES AND DISLIKES. I LOVE MUSIC, SPORTS AND ART. THE OLD SCHOOL MUSIC IS MY FAVORITE.

LADIES STOP ASSUMING THAT THE ATTRACTIVE GUYS ARE ALL PLAYAS. AND THE GUYS HAVE TO STOP ASSUMING THE HOT CHIX ARE LOOSE BOOTIES WITH A TON OF MEN. I JUDGE A PERSON BY THE WAY THEY DRESS. IF A WOMAN DRESSES LIKE A SLUT, SHOWING TOO MUCH SKIN IN HER PROFILE, SHE’S EITHER INSECURE (WANTING ATTENTION) OR SHE’S FAST. ALL OF MY PIX ARE DECENT, I’M NOT TRYING TO SELL SEX.

IN TRUTH THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE ARE THE LONELIEST. THE MOST ATTRACTIVE PEOPLE CAN GET LAID A LITTLE EASIER THAN THE REST BUT THEY ARE USUALLY ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS..LOL IN THE HEIGHT OF MY PLAYA DAYS WHILE IN MY 20’S I ONLY SPENT CHRISTMAS WITH A FEMALE ONCE! BUT ALL YEAR ROUND I HAD A BLAST….GO FIGURE. PLAYAS ARE NOT TAKEN SERIOUSLY, THEY’RE CONSIDERED “PRETENDERS NOT CONTENDERS” THAT’S WHY THEY’RE ALWAYS ALONE ON THE HOLIDAYS WONDERING WHY NOBODY WANTS THEM. LADIES, IF YOU WANT MORE SUCCESS MEETING SERIOUS GUYS, CHANGE THAT “LONG TERM” TO “DATING, OR HANGING OUT” ALL SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS STARTS FROM TRUE FRIENDSHIP FIRST.

I KNOW SOME OF THE THINGS I WROTE IN THIS PROFILE MAY TURN SOME FEMALES OFF. BUT I’M NOT A MR. ROGERS TYPE GUY. I’M A TOTALLY HONEST REAL GUY. IT REALLY DOESN’T MATTER WHAT A PERSON WRITE IN THEIR PROFILE, IT ALL BOILS DOWN TO CHEMISTRY IN PERSON. EVERYBODY ON HERE BASE THEIR INTEREST ON LOOKS FIRST, PROFILE SECOND, IF THEY HAVE CHEMISTRY IN PERSON IT’S ON! THAT’S WHY I PUT MORE EMPHASIS ON DISPLAYING ATTRACTIVE PIX. 

DO YOU KNOW HOW MANY FEMALES RESPONDED BACK TO ME WITH “I’M SORRY I’M NOT FEELING A CONNECTION” HOW DO YOU FEEL A CONNECTION BY READING A PROFILE? LOL WHAT THEY’RE REALLY SAYING IS “I DON’T DATE BLACKS OR I JUST DON’T LIKE YOUR LOOK”(BLACK) I CONSIDER MYSELF AN INTELLIGENT GUY WITH A GREAT PERSONALITY AND SENSE OF HUMOR. MY POINT IS…LOOKS, MATTER TO EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE INITIALLY. I ASKED EVERY FEMALE WHO I’VE MET OR CONVERSATED WITH WHY THEY RESPONDED TO ME, THEY ALL SAID “I THOUGHT YOU WERE GOOD LOOKING AND FUNNY” NOT ONE SAID “OH, I WANTED TO MEET YOU BECAUSE I LOVE THE WAY YOU TYPE OR BECAUSE OF YOUR BRAIN OR PERSONALITY…LOL

ONE THING I CAN’T STAND ARE THE FEMALES WHO ASK “ARE YOU LOOKING FOR ONLY SEX?” MY RESPONSE TO THAT IS “IF YOU DON’T HAVE A BRAIN WITH ZERO CONVERSATION, WHAT ELSE IS THEIR TO DO OTHER THAN HAVE SEX?” EVERYBODY ON THIS SITE WANTS TO GET LAID, EVEN ANIMALS WANNA GET LAID…LOL IF YOU DON’T WANT SEX PLEASE RAISE YOUR HANDS.

I’M SURE YOU LADIES MET PLENTY OF GUYS WHO WERE GOOD LOOKING AND SEXY BUT WERE DUMB AS HELL. MALES AND FEMALES WANT THE SAME THING, A PERSON WHO’S INTERESTED IN YOU MENTALLY AND PHYSICALLY.

ANOTHER THING I CAN’T STAND IS A WOMAN WHO SAYS “I NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND” REALLY? LET’S EXPLORE THIS SHALL WE… IF YOU NEVER HAD A ONE NIGHT STAND THAT MEANS ALL OF YOUR RELATIONSHIPS WERE SUCCESSFUL..MEANING YOU WOULDN’T BE HERE. THE “ONE NIGHT STAND” GET SUCH A BAD RAP, THE “ONE NIGHT STAND” IS ACTUALLY GOOD IF YOU HAVE COMMON SENSE AND GOOD JUDGEMENT. IF YOU MET A NICE GUY, DECIDED TO HAVE SEX THE FIRST NIGHT, AND WHILE HAVING SEX YOU NOTICE HIS WEENIE WAS TERRIBLY SMALL, WOULD YOU CONTINUE DATING THIS GUY? MY GUESS IS “HELL NO!”

THE MEN OF COURSE HAD MANY BAD EXPERIENCES WITH FEMALES WHO WE THOUGHT WERE THE ONE, BUT LATER FOUND OUT SHE WAS TERRIBLE IN BED OR GOD FORBID, HAD A TERRIBLE FOUL ODOR, OF COURSE WE WOULDN’T CALL HER BACK FOR A SECOND DATE.

ALSO IT’S IRRITATING WHEN I TRY TO ASK A WOMAN CERTAIN QUESTIONS PERTAINING TO SEX AND ROMANCE IN OUR FIRST CONVERSATION AND SHE REPSONDS WITH “I DON’T TALK ABOUT SEX ON OUR FIRST DATE” REALLY? WHY WAIT DAYS AND WEEKS TO FIND OUT IF A PERSON YOU’RE ATRACTED TO LIKES TO KISS OR NOT? IT’S BEST TO TALK ABOUT THESE THINGS EARLY SO YOU’RE NOT SURPRISED BY SOME WEIRD ADMISSION LATER LIKE “I DON’T FRENCH KISS, I ONLY HAVE MISSIONARY SEX, I HATE ORAL SEX” ETC.

YOU KNOW WHAT I NOTICED, IF YOU REMEMBER A LOT OF WHAT YOUR DATE SAID WHILE OUT WITH THEM, YOU DEFINITELY INTERESTED IN THAT PERSON. I WAS OUT ON AN 8 HOUR DATE WITH THIS TALKATIVE HOTTIE, I SWEAR TO GOD I CAN’T REMEMBER MUCH OF WHAT SHE SAID. I THOUGHT I WAS INTO HER. 

BUT I HAD A HARD TIME RETAINING HER INFORMATION. BUT WITH OTHER FEMALES I COULD REMEMBER ALMOST EVERYTHING THEY SAID. JUST TODAY A WOMAN CALLED ME, WELL I THOUGHT SHE WAS CALLING ME, THE BIMBO HAD THE NERVE TO SAY “HEY, IS THIS JAMES?) I SAID “WHO IN THE HELL IS JAMES?) I IMMEDIATELY DELETED HER ASS. CALLING ME BY SOMEBODY ELSE’S NAME IS A DEFINITE NO! NO! BOTTOM LINE…RETAINING INFO=INTERESTED… NOT RETAINING INFO LIKE NAMES=NOT INTERESTED!

PEOPLE ARE SO FUNNY TO ME…I LIKE TO SIT OUT SOMEWHERE AND JUST WATCH PEOPLE IN ACTION, THAT’S THE FUNNIEST sh*tIN THE WORLD.

This dude wonders why women aren’t receptive to his profile or his messages, when he’s got 10,000 reasons right here.

I just can’t.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

The Lies Women Tell

A few weeks ago was my 5 year singleversary.  It’s been THAT long since my last relationship means one of two things: I’m just holding out for the right man OR there’s something really wrong with me.

I’d rather go with that first possibility.

Yet sometimes I wonder if my status is by design for a little while longer, because I sure as hell can’t see myself settling like so many others.

It’s just so hard dating nowadays  and when it comes to the competition and lack of available men, I think of ways to make myself stand out more from the crowd.

So when it comes to the dating buffet known as online dating, some of us women try getting creative with our profiles. You know, dressing them up a bit and for some, lying our asses off just to attract the type of man we’re after.

Luckily, I’ve still got a few ounces of dignity and ethics left and have yet to be dishonest with my photos or anything on my dating profile.  But other women?

Not so much.

To read about some of the most common things women are lying about on their profiles, check out my guest post on Digital Romance– one of the best resources for some of the best advice for dating and relationships.

https://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/dating-profiles-4-lies-women-tell/

Program Change 

While contemplating my next move with Jon B, I’m realizing that aside from him being cute and seemingly good on paper, we really don’t have that much in common or at least nothing else that I can tell because he doesn’t talk about much.  

Sure, we both enjoy eating and indulging in cocktails, but other than that I only know that he’s hustling to expand his business, takes a lot of naps and feels slighted that his daughter isn’t too interested in his Skyping calls. That’s it – just the surface and superficial stuff.

So as I’m telling a friend about his latest radio silent act like, she silence me the most perfect suggestion:

“You need to take him off the boyfriend program and put him on the fuck boy program.  Treat him like he’s here to pass the time.”

This dude will consume several days in a row if I allowed him to and as much as I’m enjoying his company, everything seems to be on his terms and timeline which isn’t cool and another friend says I need to stop making myself so available.  

But isn’t that kind of like playing games?  If you are available and have nothing else to do, you should say no every once in a while so the other person thinks you’ve got other things going on?

Here’s what I don’t like: he responds to text messages and phone calls when he’s good and damn ready and if I’m trying to plan something in advance, he doesn’t get back until the last minute with a counteroffer. 

I don’t like being ignored because actions like this remind me of one or two hangovers from my past.  Seeing as how the average person is staring at their phone countless hours a day, it’s inconceivable that ten seconds can’t be taken to tap out a reply.  

I know this for a fact because I just did the same thing to another guy.  

He texted me at 10:29am and I saw my phone light up within a few minutes and could have replied with a simple “Hey, good
morning…Already working but we’ll chat later”, but I didn’t want to.  He’s nice and but I’m not feeling him at and figured responding too quickly would give him false hopes, so I would just respond later.  I didn’t respond until this afternoon.

See how this shit works?

Dealing with another one of those super busy and forgetful guys isn’t an appealing option, and neither is the possibility that he’s curving me so I asked him again if he wanted to become a fuck buddy and he’s saying no.  

His actions are telling me otherwise so I’ll give him a week or so, if that.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

 

 

 

Types of Men to Avoid When Dating 

Years ago when people actually read email forwards, I remember one that had been circulated quite a few times.  It was called the 12 types of men and while it was really targeted a more”urban” audience with its references to thugs and baby daddies, but still had a few on there that everyone could relate to.

Having become a seasoned dater, I can honestly say that I’ve probably dated every type of man there is – both  good and bad.  

While it’s true there’s no such thing as perfection with anyone,  there are definitely certain types that can drive you bat shit crazy or close to it.

You’ve read about many of them here from Special Agent, to Good on Paper and if course there are the nondescript types like Papi. 

For more on the types of men women should avoid, head on over to Digital Romance and check out the full article!

https://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/5-types-of-men-avoid-like-plague/

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones 

Down with the Swirl

Everything about this latest situation is different. 

I woke up this morning to both dogs at the foot of the bed; Thelma on his side and Louise on my side.  Every now and then, feeling each one turning around head as if to make sure we’re in our spot.

After snapping the photo of our guardians, I turned over to study the intricate design of his tatted back.  I love the way his olive skin tone allows each detail to pop.

Oh yes, I said olive.

I said this was different; it’s my first time swirling while dating and I like it.

We all know I’ve had plenty of success stories and this blog tells you how those all ended.

No expectations here, but can I at least hope for no more disappointments?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

First Conversations with Someone New

Last night’s conversation with July Guy was GREAT, but it almost didn’t happen because after I had given him my number for him to (per his words, have a chat), all he did was fire off a flurry of text messages and not one was asking when I was free to talk.

I hate that shit!  Hate it, hate it, HATE it.

Even if we’re talking about a regular encounter outside of online dating, why do people use text messaging as a way of getting to know someone?  If we make it past the first couple of calls and like each other when meeting, we’ll have plenty of time for the filler of text discussions but not right out the gate.

I guess if texting is your thing and you don’t care about hearing an actual voice, then go with the flow but it isn’t for me and I let him know after about ten minutes of back and forth when sending this:

“It seems as if texting is your thing which is cool, but I would like to put a voice to the man behind the photos and messages.  How about you call me or let me know when you’re free to actually talk otherwise, have a good evening”.

Shut that down real quick and shortly after he gave me a call.

Our talk ended up being hilariously entertaining and enlightening and we touched on everything We chatted about work life, living situations (no roommate, yay!!), dating experiences, our children and the desire to procreate with better choices and even politics. After a while, July Guy comments how glad he was to have called since he wouldn’t have learned so much without talking.

Duh.

Of course you wouldn’t have so just imagine how many women you’ve likely turned off if that series of Q&A by text messaging is your modus operandi.

I can’t explain how refreshing it is to have even a sliver of interest popping into my head.  So far, everything he’s written in his profile was coming through over the phone without any red flags waving around.  He has a fairly quiet and reserved demeanor for the most part, but is still down to earth, extremely relatable and more than anything – had a great sense of humor.

20160729_124932What was meant to be a brief intro conversation was going so well, we were talking well into the night and just like the old Whoodini song goes, the freaks come out at night.

Listen folks, I’ve been on this self-imposed sex hiatus for SEVEN months, twenty days and 29 hours so I’m pretty ripe which likely explains my mild temperament nowadays so when the conversation suddenly ventured into adult zone – we rolled with it.  The next thing I know, July Guy’s voice suddenly becomes midnight love radio personality as he’s telling me all of the dirty things he would like to do to me as I’m lying in my bed touching myself in certain places.

Considering the drought mentioned above, I won’t lie – when checking out some of these dating profiles I’m torn between considering the next great dating potential OR the next replacement for Papi and after having a phone session like last night?  If his actions are as tough as his talking, this guy could certainly be used as a great substitute.

Don’t judge me.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Profile photos men shouldn’t share

On and off, hide and reveal, resign and restart.  The vicious cycle known as online dating and for the life of me, I just don’t understand how men can continue to sabotage themselves by ruining the most important part of the process – the dating profile and specifically, the photos.

Do these men not realize that they can turn a woman all the way on by what he’s sharing in his profile and just the same, can turn us off completely by choosing the lazy, cheesy and sleazy photos like this debonair fella right here:

20160620_213255

Yes, this is an actual photo from someone’s profile and yes – he looks like a teenager and made me feel like a pedophile for viewing it and yes – you’re welcome for the red box editing to spare you the unruly hairs and extreme shrinkage.

If only I could be the fairy godmother of dating and tell these clueless gents what NOT to do but for now, you can check out my post written for Digital Romance, Inc.,  5 Photos Men Need to Stop Posting Online.

Digital Romance, Inc is the premier source for using the power of technology to get the best dating advice articles, podcasts and videos delivered at the tap of a button.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones

 

5 Things Women Want in a Man

what women want

Someone new reached out to me over the weekend online and sent this:

I know there’s  less than a snowball chance in hell that you will even respond to this message, but sending it anyway.

Your profile is well written and you’re photos are great,  depicting a woman who’s  at the tip of her game. Yet you’re  single (presumably) and online.

This might be out of line, but I’m guessing you’re still single because you’re looking for that perfect guy  on your carefully crafted list of about 101 different things.

But maybe… just maybe I’m wrong and if so, you’ll respond and we’ll end up riding off into the sunset.

Just hoping I’m  at least I’m the top 10.  Hope to hear from you soon.

Interesting opening message and I’m case you’re wondering what in the world I’m saying in my profile, let me assure you – nothing that prompts this kind of reply.

In fact, it’s been edited to just the basics: I’m single, have a cat, enjoy photography and blogging and looking to date.

That’s all.

But the strikes a chord with me. There are so many people (women included) who believe there’s this ridiculously long complex list of requirements singles require.  Not true, not even  a little bit so I put together 5 things a woman really wants in a man.

You can check it out on Digitalromance!

https://digitalromanceinc.com/dating/women-want-in-a-man-5-things-simple/

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

About Digital Romance:

Digital Romance, Inc., is the premier resource offering some of the best advice on dating and relationships.

I Can Work with Men

  • The funny thing about dating is that there are so many different types of men and situations out there so you really are placed in a position of picking your poison.

My last date from a few months ago really had it together.

He owned a couple of properties, had a stable career with no debt and only one child and was just as eager as myself to find someone special and settle down.

That same man was also a self-centered, controlling, condescending asshole who believed he was the crème de la crème and couldn’t understand why or how any woman could reject him.  But like the others he’d complained to me about who found a man with his life in order, I just wasn’t interested in him.

Two weeks ago I met up “47” who is the polar opposite.

He’s newly single, rooming in a small apartment with a relative, has two different baby mamas who are still giving him grief almost ten years later, is transitioning into a new career as a financial advisor, trying to get himself out of a boatload of debt and sheepishly volunteered that he “only made $47,000 last year and it’s been really hard”.  By no means am I judging the man based on his income, but these were his words about struggling, not mine.

“You just don’t make enough money to be able to date me”.

When I asked 47 about some of the women he’d dated recently and why things didn’t work out, he replied that most of them had catfished him and were all grossly obese, but it was that comment above that really stood out.

Initially I thought to myself “what a rude bitch and no wonder she’s still single”, until he provided more details about her.  She was a successful attorney who enjoyed weekend trips to wineries up north, traveling abroad and the opera and as single as she was, that woman was looking for someone who could at least come up with his portion and travel with her.

In the end, this woman and the two before her found 47 useful for nothing more than a quick lay and as he openly admitted, none of them were cool with his current financial and living situation.  He wanted a relationship, not just being looked at as a piece of meat and the fact that they’ve not come back for seconds?  Well, I guess that’s another story because if the sex is that good…

So how did our first meet-up go?

For the sake of brevity (something I really know nothing about), I’ll try to be brief about our Barnes & Nobles meet up and try to avoid two different posts but let me just say this – first impressions are a motherfucker.

Impessions-Quotes.001Whenever I’m going to meet someone whether it be from online dating or after our initial encounter, I make sure everything is on point.  Clothing, hair, scent, nails, shoes, teeth and my personal favorite – lotion.  They’re either going to like me or not but I most certainly am not offering any ammunition to be accused of looking a hot mess.

47 didn’t think things through too carefully or maybe was thrown off because he was rushing to meet me from the Inland Empire, because I was not impressed.

Even if I was to have “worked with a brother” and try setting aside my disdain for his roommate and overall situation, he pretty much set the stage for a not-so-positive evening by showing up:  late, shirt screaming for an iron, about two weeks past that last barber edge up, long dirty fingernails and breathe that was two clicks from being vile.

This is the first meeting, the impression meeting, the let me decide if I would even consider seeing you again meeting yet this is how he arrived.

I just don’t get these men, I really don’t BUT… I think I just may give him a chance to redeem himself.  Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Too Soon?

EXCLUSIVITY
Related to exclusivity: Mutual exclusivity
ex·clu·sive  (ĭk-sklo͞o′sĭv)
adj.
1. Excluding or tending to exclude: exclusive barriers.
2. Not allowing something else; incompatible: mutually exclusive conditions.
3. Not divided or shared with others: exclusive publishing rights.
4. Not accompanied by others; single or sole.

It’s late and as I’m ready to call it a night, he sends me a text asking if we are now dating exclusively.

I don’t respond and in the morning will use the excuse that I’d fallen asleep.

We’ve had two outings together and the first didn’t leave a very favorable impression.  Hell, I haven’t even had a chance to share what went wrong with that first impression and here we are at the junction of exclusivity.

This IS  what I’ve been waiting for, right?  To meet a man who realizes pretty damn fast that I’m the rarest cut of a precious diamond.

Yes, this is a request to go put profiles to sleep and focus on getting to know each other, not an actual relationship.   But is it too soon?

So far he IS talking a good talk, even though my nose is turned in the air at a few things that are either concerning or deal breakers.

He’s not even programmed into my phone by name but only as “Maybe” with a smiley face.  Yet again, we’re broaching the subject of being exclusive.   Already.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Some Men Are Clueless

image

They’re pretty much all the same.

I really don’t think it matters which dating site you’re using because as long as a man can use the Internet,  he can sign up on ALL of them.

This genius has followed me from Black People Meet to Plenty of Fish and now this latest site.

STILL dumb as hell so why not mess with him and have a little fun.

Perhaps if I made it easy for him and said I was Caitlyn ‘ s number one fan he would have got it.

Maybe.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

Posted from WordPress for Android

We broke up, but I’m back…

I’m caught up in this vicious cycle where the levels of frustration are so bad that I say to hell with it all.  I take down all of my decorations and pretty pictures, and might even leave some threatening note before finally ending things for good.

After a couple of weeks or so, boredom usually sets in and a little sliver of hope pops into my mind that maybe – just maybe things will be different this time.  Aren’t these the types of thoughts that makes a person want to have some reflective moments to re-evaluate their purpose and goals?  Hell yeah, it certainly is so after much thought and consideration I’m back.

Online.

Trying to meet someone normal, for the umpteenth time.

So maybe… there won’t be so many men this go round who are suspiciously suspect like this fella right here whose pose screams “DIVA”: Screenshot_2015-03-18-21-01-20-1

and maybe, just maybe there won’t be so many desperate men who repeatedly send messages without having received one solitary response like this winner:

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Or better yet, those whose mailing address begins with  “U.S. Penitentiary…” have been placed on yard duty only and can stop wasting my time like this oratory genius:

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I’ve heard that if you get stuck while doing something, it’s best to take a break and regroup.  So with that being said, I’m going back in.  Again.

Until there’s a cure for the dating hangovers…

Carmen Jones
Web: www.mydatinghangovers.com
Email: myhangovers@gmail.com

 
(Photo Credits:  oochoo.blogspot.com)

He Didn’t Wear Heels

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Last week’s date marked the first time I’ve gone out with a non-black man and while one “quick” meet up will never allow me to claim an interracial dating experience, at least I was open coerced enough to have tried it.

During that excruciating hour and eleven minutes with the hangover I’ll call Guido, a few things became perfectly clear to me:  (1) nearly every man lies about at least one thing on his dating profile, (2) broken English and improper verb tense isn’t something I’ll ever be able to stomach, and (3) being told how beautiful I am repeatedly in one sitting is a little creepy.

That being said, to say that I was turned off by Guido is an understatement and while he was planning on making the night last even longer by moving from drinks to dinner, I politely declined saying I wasn’t hungry even though my stomach was growling like it hadn’t been fed in weeks.  The second and third realizations can certainly be annoying, but it’s that first one that kills me about men just like Guido who lie, lie, lie when it comes to their profiles and according to scientific research, 81% of the people out there are lying about something. 

Height, age and weight tend to be areas where the deception is the highest.

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While Guido still looked a little bit like the profile photos posted he was just a shorter, bigger and more ethnic version of himself in real life.  Obviously I’m not very good at hiding my reaction to this actual version because he asked me why I seemed to flinch when he walked into the restaurant where we met. 

It wasn’t really a flinch but more like me silently asking who the fuck is this when seeing he was about 5’7 (profile said 5’11), chubby with stubby fingers wearing a jacket his body was screaming to get out of (profile said “athletic”) and while it didn’t matter either way, appeared to look more Latino (profile said mixed race). 

Of course if he’s going to ask what I thought about his appearance, I’m going to explain how different he looks and do you know this fat bastard even had the nerve to joke about the height discrepancy by saying “I’m not wearing my heels today” before quickly changing the subject. 

After he began the lengthy sales presentation about himself, I soon learned a few other things he lied about in his profile including his profession and ethnicity. 

Guido isn’t really in executive management but is a financial analyst who probably thinks he’s the big cheese because of the travel perks he received and pimps out to the ladies.  Also, when asking if his family still lived in Puerto Rico since he’s always traveling there (must have forgot he told me that’s where he’s from) I was confused when he shook his head like I said something offensive, before replying that he was from Chile.   This little tidbit explained realization number two.

Once again, there’s another fraud in my presence who ironically,  complained about having met WOMEN who weren’t what they depicted in their profiles.   I guess he decided to pay it forward thinking there was nothing wrong with little white lies.

Dating in general is already pretentious and risky enough without having to worry about the “little things” people aren’t truthful about either directly or indirectly.  Here’s the thing about lying when it comes to your appearance – unless you’re able to make some miraculous physical transformation before we meet all you’re doing is setting yourself up for failure, while eliminating yourself from ever having a chance at a second date.

Someone needs to tell these ass clowns to just be up front so they can stop wasting precious time, energy and gas.

Until there’s a cure…

Carmen Jones

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